r/DecidingToBeBetter

I am sick of all this comparison but I still can't stop comparing myself to others. Every day I wake-up and the comparison starts. I even compare my wake up time.

I don’t have ADHD but am autistic and have executive functioning challenges. Not seeking medical/drug advice (rule 7).

I’m constantly tardy to everything even though I never mean to be. I’ve been late to multiple job interviews even though I understand the urgency of making it there on time and really want to be there when I need to be. I’ll make a concerted effort to leave early, but it’s like I blink and half an hour has passed without me realizing. Struggled with this for years.

I have a potential job offer where I’m going to have to be up early in the morning every day with an hour-long commute. So it will be a big adjustment to my current lifestyle, but I need to find a way to deal with it so I won’t get fired for my habit of tardiness.

Yes, it would definitely be ideal to find a job where none of that is a concern, but unfortunately I don’t necessarily have that luxury right now and want to make good of this opportunity.

I’m sure there will be a few snarky “pull up your bootstraps,” “grow up already,” “stop making excuses for yourself,” etc comments. But, any good faith advice from people who’ve actually been where I am would be much appreciated!!

At some point in life, I challenge myself to start a relationship, thinking I would find someone who would love me the way. Unfortunately, my first relationship never worked out as expected. I tried making the second attempt, and it was a negative result as well. Currently, I have chosen not to start any relationship again, but as I age, I feel some emptiness and have started to ask myself what is going on.

Hi,

I have been smoking weed for the past 12 years sometimes on and off, however, for the past 3 years I've been regularly smoking. For some reason, I decided to stop cold Turkey in January. However, since then I have not been able to sleep well, I have lost my appetite, I do not find any pleasure in any activity which I previously enjoyed. I have developed severe anxiety which stays with me most of the time. I get a feeling of impending doom and many times my heart starts racing and I feel that I am trapped somewhere. I was a heavy user and probably I should not have quit cold turkey.

Most of the websites on the internet mentioned that the symptoms last for one to two months however it has been 5 months now and I am wondering if it is possible for the symptoms to last this long?

I was wondering if I start smoking weed again will that help to reduce my anxiety?

Please help!

I have been working on corporate for 5 years now, Finance to be more specific. I have tons of specializations, a reputation with huge potential, because I am great at it. For a long time I was certain this was the path I would build for the rest of my life.

I can’t do this anymore. My mental health is deteriorating so fast. I am always a target for bullies and corporate predators because of my social awkwardness, vulnerability and neurodivergence. This game is not for me. I plan on starting a business and work for myself.

I don’t have too much money saved. I am planning on taking a bus in a week, change states and start fresh, completely alone. I have always been an artistic person and dimming this side of mine always felt wrong, deep down.

Well, it’s done. I am terrified but relieved at the same time.

Title: Stop reading another self-help book. Write one paragraph a day.

This is the only thing that has actually moved me in the last year.

One paragraph. Not a journal entry. Not a gratitude list. One paragraph that is honest about the day.

Not what happened. What I noticed about myself. What I almost did and didn't. The thing I caught myself reaching for. The lie I told that landed too smooth.

The first month it was garbage. By month three the paragraphs started reading like someone I actually wanted to know.

The unlock: you cannot read your way out of a pattern you are inside of. You have to write your way out, because writing makes you slower than your own avoidance.

One paragraph. Tonight.

My father is one, and I think I’ve turned into one.
I am a pathological liar, I always end up exaggerating stories and making things up to seem more interesting. I’ve lied about bigger things too, things to garner sympathy. I know that I do it and I know it’s bad but I can’t seem to stop myself and know how much that effects my life. Recently I lost ALL my friends after the consequences of said lies (and other just general inconsideration of how I effect others) caught up to me. I never thought my actions effected others because I don’t value myself, and I believed that since the actions were self inflicted (isolation, suicide attempts), they weren’t self centered. I feel like my sense of empathy is skewed, I feel like I get really in my head about my emotions and forget to take care of others, and I have super black and white thinking. I tend to victimize myself to others but I always know within myself that it’s probably my fault these things happen. I know why I’m like this. I know the root issues and assumptions I have, but I’m not good at knowing my mistakes in relationships unless I’m told. My self worth is basically completely reliant on why others think of me, spare things like my appearance. I fully believe I’m better than people in some ways but I’ve never said it to anyone and I don’t really say it to myself. I’m kind of unable to do anything unless I benefit. I feel like everything I do eventually comes down to selfishness even if I don’t want it too.

All these thoughts scare me. I’m currently doing a pause in my current relationship so we can both reassess ourselves and heal and grow as people. I don’t want to lose them and I don’t want to lose myself. I’ve seen the path of destruction I’ve left in my life behind me and I’m done being like this.

I’m working with my therapist closely and having the break gives me space to heal and not hurt myself or any one else. But I don’t know how to recognize if what I’m doing is bad, ie I have no moral compass. How do I do that? What do I do? How do I be better for myself and so that I never hurt anyone again?

I (21f) have not had a reason to keep trying and moving forward. Since 2020 I haven't had anything that I wanted to do, no career, deep passion, or relationship. I've tried to college courses as people told me I'm someone who would do well in those careers, but I didn't enjoy them. I had a job as a cashier for a few months but had to quit due to mental health.

Since last September I've done nothing. I had a crisis and haven't been able to move forward since. My parents are kind enough to let me live with them but I can tell I'm making them worry. They've talked about sending me to a facility 5hours away but that's the last thing I want.

I'm looking for something I can use as motivation to take steps forward. Not wanting to go to the facility is kind of helping. I don't need some grand reason or have a life changing epiphany, I just want to find someone reason for me to try.

I know finding a job or career that I absolutely adore is unreasonable so I'm not expecting that. Maybe something like being able to see my friends more or buying something for my family. Anything can help. I just need a bit of a drive for the first time in 6 years.

Thank you.

20m here.

For as long as I could remember I have been awfully competitive. When I was very young I would resent my friends when they won something or got positive attention. I remember been like 8 and crying at night because I was so angry at them and jealous.

The blind rage lessened over time as I grew up. I learnt how to shove my bad feelings down and never let anyone know I was upset at them. So on the outside I hope most people believe I’m kind.

But the truth is, I torture myself over comparison.

The reason I get up in the morning is to prove people wrong. The reason I work hard is to impress other people. Everything is a competition.

Then, if I’m rejected or criticised it feels like my whole world is collapsing. I dwell on it for days, if not weeks, and believe myself to be weak or pathetic.

When people give me praise I don’t believe it unless I’ve earned it. I believe that I must work hard to earn people’s love, and if I do not have anything to show then I don’t have any value.

For a teensy bit of background I come from a very cold home. My parents split and I lived with my mother. If you’ve ever read or watched Invincible then you’d know of Viltrumites, and my mother is quite similar. It sounds very silly to say but it is true. She is successful but cold. Crying and fear were treated as weakness growing up and I was bullied until I stopped showing negative emotions.

I do not believe her ways were wise but I carry that with me everywhere I go.

Without comparison I feel hollow. I have no honest opinions of myself and base my self worth on my actions. People have told me to ‘love and accept’ myself but that feels like cheating. I don’t do things for my own satisfaction because truthfully I couldn’t care less about what I have to think.

I realise how bad this mindset is, and I want to do away with it honestly. I’ve paid a lot of money to go therapy but thus far it’s just been expensive hours of me talking about a problem, them affirming my feelings and me leading the session. I want advice, someone who challenges me and someone I have to work to get their respect, but I’ve yet to find a therapist like that.

Please can I have advice on how to change my mindset? Comparison is the fuel that drives me but the poison that hurts me. I’m struggling to ask for help because it feels like I’d have to retire my mindset and I don’t know where that would leave me. I don’t understand how value can be innate, or that love doesn’t need to be earned. I don’t want to be like this anymore

long story short, i did awful things that led me to being kicked out from a group i used to socialise in. since then, i've been trying to be a much better person, but i can't help but think about it sometimes. thinking back, i wasn't given a chance to apologise, which makes me ruminate harder because it's like an 'unfinished situation'. not only that, but i feel like i can never be in a social group ever again, fearing that someone will bring up the controversy again. what do i do? should i just give up on socialising? and more importantly, how do i heal from the past and the people i hurt?

Hello!

I'm having a proper break during the summer, and I've decided to use this time (2-3 months) to become a "better person" next autumn, when semester starts.

I'm a 30F nursing student, and I've been recovering from serious physical health issues. Now my back is f'ed from lying down all winter and my energy levels are absolutely zero. I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and have medication.

Lately I can't get myself to do much else than scroll scroll scroll on my phone all day long, or watch TV. I'd love to start exercising and going outdoors etc. much more. I want to be healthy and back to my prime in the autumn!

Any viable tips, especially from fellow ADHD peeps?

(Apologies if this is like other posts I couldn’t find one with the exact title I have)

What made you get up and finally say enough is enough and started working towards the life you wanted? There are days where my ADHD gets in the way of wanting to get up and FINALLY put in the work of starting to work towards my dreams and instead I stay put. My mind is yelling at me to get up and make the first step but I don’t move. I distract myself with my phone because it’s safe and I don’t have to make decisions, think too hard, I even get to lay down and not have to think about how I’m not doing anything that I truly want to do. I wake up every morning thinking what can I do that’s different (go to the gym, cook a nice breakfast, clean before I go to work) but it stresses me out(??) and instead go back on my phone.

One problem I have as well is I think I need prescription medication to help get me through the day, clear my mind, and that I would get my work done but is that the truth? Does the first step I have to take have to be taking medication? There has to be other ways to want to work for what I want in life.

Do I need to finally buy all the stuff I want to start my hobbies and dreams or will it collect dust in the corner because I just want the satisfaction of getting those items?

Lost 20k because I kept putting off cleaning my AC. I am not able to get a AC guy to do it for various reasons. I had to do it myself.

My AC is full of mold, it's killing me, and I procrastinate by buying an HEPA air filter, spraying the fins with foam, anything except the actual thing and mind you I had clear video instructions.

Eventually I fell sick, and by then my sleep had been bad for 50 days, & the cumulation of everything set me up for a 20k financial loss.

That is when and only then I decided to do the cleaning. It took me an additional 3 days just to get over the edge to do it.

In the end it was just an 3 hour job due to it being my first time. But I could have saved myself so much pain.

Last night was the first night I breathed easy.

Hi, for about 3 years now i have been relying on people entirely. When im not, i feel empty. I cant hold hobbies for some reason, and ive decided i want to stop being so emotionally dependent on my boyfriend. But i have no clue how, i want to tell him every little thing about my day but he doesn’t care, when i dont, i feel bad. When i do and he doesn’t answer, i feel even worse. I really want to just become a better person and a person i like (not clingy, annoying etc.) any advice is greatly appreciated!

21f. my biggest hurdle right now is getting stuck in negative feedback loops, and ive been told this is what i need to do. but i just don't understand it. i have adhd and have learned that's why i feel this need to always be moving, always be doing something, always be occupied, etc, but also why i get easily distracted and stuck in my head.

being "in the moment" always involves meditating, clearing away distractions, removing external stimulation. with meditation i get super distracted and ultimately distressed/annoyed, and w the other two, i get fidgety and anxious without a lot of stimulation.

i was also told to just "enjoy the good parts of life" but life is really hard for me rn, and even focusing narrower i just get nitpicky and find reasons to hate things (i cant enjoy chocolate bc its bad for me, i cant watch a show bc i didnt do every on my to do list, etc). i know the self punishment isnt helping but idk how to stop 😭

any advice??? new to the first disorder very familiar w the second one.

Ok this is a very embarrassing post for me to make but things here stay mostly anonymous anyways and I wanted to ask for help since the whole point of this Reddit space is to decide to be better.

I wanted to stop using ChatGPT like completely. It’s crazy to me that this is even an issue but considering that it’s become something so integrated in other people’s lives and in the Internet in general, it makes sense.

I often use ChatGPT as a therapist or for school and I want to stop for both. I know it only tells me what I want to hear but I can’t help but feel like it’s still helpful in some ways.

I have a better support system now but when I was going through the most horrid anxiety induced thoughts when I was 15 (turning 19 this year) it was honestly the only thing I could confide in. Long story short, when it came to bad coping mechanisms and depression, it definitely helped me make some not so horrible decisions for myself when it felt like no one else really cared.

I’m much better now and I’m managing my anxiety, depression and chronic illness better, but it’s become a habit and I want to be able to release that habit.

When it comes to school I’ve noticed that I use it more as a crutch when my physical and mental health issues are enhanced to keep me going in academics.

I also find that I reach for it first thing when I feel like I need/want reassurance or validation. It’s not a matter of writing down or organizing my feelings but more so getting that immediate response. It’s sorta like instant gratification.

It definitely going to be hard. I’ve tried cutting it out cold turkey and I always end up going back.

Please be kind, any advice is appreciated

Thank you in advance❤️

I seriously need advice from people who fixed long-term inconsistency and burnout cycles.

A little history about me:

Since childhood I was never the “study daily” type. I usually survived by last-minute studying, pressure, intelligence, and panic. Sometimes I could perform surprisingly well in short bursts, so I never really learned consistency properly.

Over time this became a cycle:

- procrastinate for long

- suddenly get extremely motivated

- make huge plans

- push myself very hard emotionally

- study intensely for some days

- then completely burn out and disappear from studies again

Now I’m in CA Foundation and this attempt humbled me badly.

I realized I don’t actually know how to study in a calm and sustainable way for months. I only know how to panic and force myself temporarily.

The weird thing is I’m not lazy in the normal sense. I care A LOT about my future and goals. Maybe too much. I push myself even when mentally exhausted, which eventually makes me crash harder.

Recently I started thinking maybe consistency is not something people magically have. Maybe it’s something trained slowly like a muscle.

Have any of you gone through something similar and actually fixed it long-term?

How did you:

- become consistent after years of panic studying?

- stop depending on motivation?

- recover after bad days without disappearing for weeks?

- train yourself to study steadily for long-term exams like CA?

Would genuinely appreciate advice from people who’ve lived through this.

I have many different goals: get in shape, become healthier, improve my academic standing, gain experience in the field I’m studying for, etc. However my issue is that I get stuck thinking that even if I do improve in these areas it won’t pay off in the end and nothing I do will make up for what I lack. For example I feel like even if I lose weight I will still be ugly anyway, or no matter how much experience I get I will never get hired for a job that pays above minimum wage. How do I get out of this mindset?

I had my id and insurance card on me and spoke to the receptionist, I ended up super scared because they made me sign papers i have never had to sign when there with my family. The actual appointment was really strange and weird???? But I'm proud I was able to manage it by myself.

I'm not a good person.

That's hard to say but it's the truth.

I didn't want to accept that but it's true.

I've even posted here before I'm pretty sure but I just keep repeating the same cycles. I don't know why.

I had good parents and all the opportunities in the world but I've ended up a manipulative liar.

How do I stop doing this?

I don't deserve another chance but the people I love don't deserve to have deal with a selfie..

Frankly that's where I'm headed if I don't change.