u/Lonely_Banana_Wana

I have many different goals: get in shape, become healthier, improve my academic standing, gain experience in the field I’m studying for, etc. However my issue is that I get stuck thinking that even if I do improve in these areas it won’t pay off in the end and nothing I do will make up for what I lack. For example I feel like even if I lose weight I will still be ugly anyway, or no matter how much experience I get I will never get hired for a job that pays above minimum wage. How do I get out of this mindset?

Beauty undeniably comes with many benefits, but I don't think dating a scrote is one of them. We know moids are extremely shallow with very little concern for anything else and unashamedly so. I mean would you be content with a man knowing he only likes you because of your looks and nothing else? I see posts on this site of men whining that the women they only married for looks turned out to be bad people lmao. This amount of shallowness inevitably comes with poor character so why would we want to be involved with them?

I think beautiful women are only happy in their relationships because they're blind to the reality that their partners only see them for their looks. Once beauty is taken from them they become disillusioned. After that there really is no going back. Men will be shit regardless so dating them isn't worth it whether you're beautiful or not. The other benefits would be great though and definitely worth it. Ignorance is bliss I guess. If I was beautiful and had this awareness I would definitely stay single and still reap the benefits of being beautiful.

What do you guys think? Am I cooking or totally off the mark?

For context, I (20F) am a college student, I have religious helicopter parents who are strictly against dating and premarital sex. They monitor my phone and track my location. I can't remove these features because they will inevitably find out and I will only get in serious trouble. There is a possibility that if they are suspicious enough they can recover any deleted messages between me and a partner.

I tried to make it work with a guy I met online for almost two years in secrecy. Long story short, it didn't work in the end and only left me with more insecurities and doubts.

I still have about 3 years left to study so it will be a long time before I can even gain independence, and moving out now simply isn't an option in this economy. The safest option is relying on my parents until I have the means to move out and finally try dating.

The issue is that I also have horrible self-esteem which makes me doubt I can even date in the first place.

Because of my restrictive situation I don't have many opportunities to get feedback so I'm just stuck assessing myself and comparing my attractiveness to that of other women. In my mind, no guy will choose me when he has so many better options. I know it isn't healthy at all. I want to break out of this loop.

How do I accept that I can't comfortably explore dating any time soon and sit with the uncertainty? How can I prepare for the worst outcome for when I do gain my independence and build myself up in the meantime?

I know the common advice is to focus on my studies but I really want a companion. I don't want to accept loneliness for another 3 or so years.

Saw a video made by a pretty girl about jealous people and one of the signs of jealousy she mentioned was completely absurd. She said if a girl only compliments your things (for example "your dress is cute") but never your appearance then she must be jealous. The amount of arrogance some attractive people have is insane. Any sort of beef they have with someone they just reduce it to jealousy.

Even when they don't have beef with someone if they're not having their ass kissed apparently that's jealousy too. Just enjoy your beauty for what it is, you don't need to project onto others and overanalyze their intentions. Even this post will be twisted into jealousy somehow lol. They think they're above everyone else and that they're also persecuted for being amazing. Just greedy, they want to have it all and think they deserve a perfect life separate from everyone else with no hardships just because they're pretty.

At the same time I feel like they also gloat in knowing that people envy them but won't outwardly admit it. I don't think they genuinely see being pretty as a struggle, it's just (not so) humble bragging.

As a disclaimer, no I'm not saying all beautiful people are like this, but a good chunk definitely seem to be. Some people just don't know what to do with the blessings they have.

I’m majoring in computer science and I want to gain real world experience, and getting a paid internship is likely going to be difficult, but I also heard that unpaid internships in computer science are less common than paid ones. Not sure how true that is so I want to know what it’s actually like out there.

People tend to assume that jealousy always leads to malicious behavior but that just isn’t true, most people keep their jealousy to themselves. It just looks like a majority because you don’t know about the ones who are quietly envious. Yes I know people get bullied out of jealousy but jealousy is just one reason out of many to be bullied, so why do we focus on it?

We also blame people for being jealous when often they’re jealous for a very understandable reason. Why is it so hard to understand that envy shows up because people want something so desperately that they can’t have? People laugh and scoff at people who express bitterness because of jealousy. And I cant help but feel like those who do that are punching down because they themselves have the privilege that those experiencing jealousy don’t. It’s very easy to demonize jealousy when you don’t have to deal with it.

I go to a college that is one of many colleges in my city where most students commute. It's not a good place to socialize and making friends is NOT possible. Everyone is busy and no one is interested in making friends, people just want to get stuff done and leave. These colleges even have a reputation for that so it's definitely not just me. Where can I look to make friends outside of college?

Everyone here is too busy to socialize and I'm not blaming anyone but damn it sucks. I'm going in with no friends from high school so I'm totally friendless and making new friends on a cuny campus seems impossible. Has anyone found success in making friends in places outside of cuny?

I’m trying very hard to accept myself as I am and be grateful for the features I do have, but it‘s never enough. I’m always comparing myself to more beautiful women. I’m not even that ugly, but I still wonder what is the point of being pretty if I’m not in the top 10% of women? There will always be a more beautiful woman to outshine me. And we know attractive people work less hard to get benefits. They’re liked automatically and confidence comes easy to them.

I know comparison is the thief of joy and all that but comparison is being imposed on me, I never chose this. I’m being forced to compete and every woman is a potential threat to me. To be clear, I don’t try to bring down women I‘m jealous of I keep my insecurities to myself, so I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. But it just feels impossible to escape this mindset.

I was obsessed with the size and shape of my nose for years, ever since middle school. I’m 20 years old now. I feel like recently it has only gotten worse. When I was in middle school I was exposed to subliminals; audios you listen to with subliminal messages that supposedly change the way you look. Ofc it was nonsense but I fell for it and it took me a while to get out of it. I also wanted to try nose exercises but ofc those don’t work either, so the only option I was left with was surgery. Ever since I realized that it wasn’t real I’ve had periods of despair over my nose. I hated the idea of getting surgery because it’s permanent, and if I don’t like the results, well too late there is no going back.

I posted my face on multiple subs to get an evaluation of my attractiveness and I was just left feeling worse. I’ve gotten confirmation that my nose is big and my lips are too thin. Now someone told me my eye shape is bad and my eye color is too, so yay a new insecurity. It just feels hopeless. And it doesn’t help that I’m always comparing. Even if I am relatively attractive it doesn’t matter. There will always be a more beautiful woman that outshines me. I’m not satisfied being slightly or moderately attractive, I want to be drop-dead gorgeous. I want to turn heads, and I know that no amount of surgery will give me that kind of beauty. It feels hopeless. Just constant despair and no way out.

I know it‘s but it just seems like beautiful women live much easier lives than us normal women. It isn’t just about disliking my face but not having access to the privileges beautiful women get. It’s just so not fair.

I want to ask if anyone has had this experience? I’m considering rhinoplasty and possibly a lip flip but I fear that it will just create a new problem for me. I’m afraid that I will just feel fake and that I’m still inferior to natural beauties. I hate my nose and I can’t stand to look in the mirror but a nose job is not reversible and I want to be sure it’s worth it before I go into it.

I was unfortunately cursed with the worst combination of thin lips and a big nose. A small nose could at least balance my thin lips and full lips would balance my big nose, but no I had just had to be born with the worst combination of these features. I know if not for them I would be easily a very attractive woman. If I had a small nose and plump lips I would never complain so I’m considering changing that.

But so much could go wrong and I’m hesitant to go through with it. I’m afraid of getting unexpected results or going into an identity crisis because I won’t look like myself anymore. What decision should I make?

Whenever someone complains about being unattractive a common response is “beauty fades so it doesn’t matter.” I just want to know how that is supposed to be comforting at all? Like yeah no shit I won’t be hot as a granny but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t want to be beautiful now. Health also doesn’t last forever but that doesn’t mean we should just overeat, smoke, and drink like there’s no tomorrow. When I get old I want to reminisce on my youth, not look back at it thinking of how much I missed out on. I just don’t understand this phrase. Yes some things can only be experienced in youth which actually is even more reason to want those things because the window is so limited. As long as I’m young I want to be beautiful. I don’t care to be attractive in old age but I do want to be attractive now.