r/BPD

Just got changed out of the clothes I’ve been wearing 2 days, had a bath, took my trash out, stripped my bed and ate something.

I’ve had no motivation and no appetite for about a week and it came to head last night where I relapsed. I know I can do so much better than this and my partner deserves so much better than how I’ve been towards him the last few weeks.

If you can relate, today’s the day! Let’s sort our lives out together ❤️

having a very bad few days. I caved and finally had to ring the crisis team to be met with a very cold tone of voice say "I will not speak to you until you stop crying" which meant a very awkward 5 minutes of me crying and the crisis team worker just being completely silent. I don't understand the training behind mh workers and why alot of them are so cold as that approach just doesn't work.

already on meds and in therapy but i swear to god im so fucking exhausted from being so angry all the time. it's draining to feel so much rage literal rage at such small things i had to physically stop myself from hitting my group mate for asking dumb fucking questions today

any tips that aren't go to therapy/take meds/deep breaths? i'm doing all of that but i genuinely feel like i need a muzzle and to be locked up like hannibal

Hi everybody,

I got diagnosed with BPD last year after a psychotic break and being forced to stay in a mental hospital for a time. I was told I am also bipolar but I couldn’t pay for my medication or any therapy so there wasn’t really any followup on any of that after I basically got kicked out of the psych ward for having no insurance plan. Anyways… I just got fired on the spot because I’ve been rather abrasive and rude to my boss. She mistreats me and my coworkers (a fact that is affirmed by ALL of my coworkers, fyi), and I don‘t like her. They listed other reasons to fire me but honestly I didn’t care about their other criticism because I sincerely don’t think I was underperforming in any way other than interpersonal things (and my coworkers say similar things-- my performance was up to standard but they knew I was beefing with my boss). I know the company has been having financial issues so I honestly think they just picked their least favorite employee (which, of course, was me) and terminated them on the spot.

That context isn’t really all that important, honestly. You’re probably wondering why a post about me getting fired is labeled as a ”success story.” Well, that‘s because when they brought me to the office to tell me they were terminating me, I managed to keep my cool the whole time. I offered a few critiques on their management skills but otherwise I took it with grace, said bye to my coworkers, and walked out. This was like a perfect moment for me to split and I just didnt do it, even though I was really ready to. I felt like I wanted to tear my hair out and bash my head against the wall. I did do a bit of this when I got home… but in the moment, I didn’t. That‘s at least a little victory, right?

Another part of the victory is that a lot of my (now ex) coworkers texted me afterwards to tell me that they enjoyed working with me and that apparently the company has a history of blatant favoritism. I was even invited to hang out with a few of them who are thinking about quitting now. I felt kind of vindicated but I tried to view the situation objectively, so I didn’t really talk about it until a while after it happened. I kind of don’t know what to do with myself since I’ve never been terminated from a job before. I honestly didnt value this job much anyway… I’m only upset I have to find a new one. I feel like I need a plan before I start to get more upset about it.

Anyway… TLDR: I didnt freak out on anyone when I really could have and Im a little surprised with myself.

does anyone else find it hard to genuinely appreciate the relationships you have with people until really later?

one thing about me is that, i could have the best bond with someone but feel detached and just be like "eh yeah they're a part of my life, nothing crazy". but then one random day, after knowing them for quite a while, every moment i've spent with them suddenly slaps me and i'm left feeling weird, like all this time, i've known them in every sense, from the way they laugh to their humor to hugging them to everything, and it makes me realise how close i am to them, and then it takes me a few days to make sense of it and accept it.

i'm just wondering how many of you here feel this and if you'd like to add more about how it is for you

I read a post in here the other day that really resonated with me. About how I need to feel the intensity in which I love back. Like what do you mean you aren’t obsessed with me and would die if I left you?? I wish I didn’t want that. I wish I could be fine with a normal love. But I crave it. I want to be consumed by it and almost disgusted by how much someone loves me.

I hate feeling this way. I just want to be normal.

so I'm a person who lives alone I cut family and friends and so on and I had really big mood swings and fast like I literally want to kill myself and prepare for it then after that I became the greatest person alive if I'm not living who live and so on you get it

this repeats every single day and I can't work and so on so,

how do you guys deal with that because I'm getting worse and I have maladaptive daydreaming nowadays with these swings

Heeeey I'm just so fucking tired of always having to have someone romantically in my life or at least having someone in sight.

I just want to be fine being single and not always stressing so much with trying to find someone new and jumping from person to person.

It's just that I'm so scared to be single and being alone and feel so empty, bored and like my life has no point if I'm not dating someone.

ANY ADVICE ON HOW I CAN BE SINGLE AND WHAT HELPS TO FILL THE VOID WHEN I'M ALONE IS APPRECIATED<3

Ive started to notice after severe mental breakdowns. I suddenly gain a huge burst of energy that will last for days on end until I finally come crashing down and go back to being normal. Like I just have a bunch of motivation to clean to my room and start

Deeply cleaning all surfaces and I’m running around with this ringing sound In my ears with just the feeling of pure joy. Does anyone else get like this?

(Advice allowed)

I lost my entire social circle within the span of a month. Over ten people just left me including my gf of four years, my best friends of 7+ years and almost all of my brand new friends just completely abandoned me. I have nothing and no one except for my pets and it makes me feel so lonely.

I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask to be put here. I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted to belong. But all people do is hurt me. It's only when I try to kill myself where people start reaching out and being like "omg uwu im always here for you!!!" then fucking crickets when i want to talk.

I used to blame myself whenever people left me because of my splitting and anxious attachment but this time I genuinely did not deserve this. I gave them everything I had. I really did. I put them in front of me. I did everything in my power to make them feel loved and like they belonged but all they do is hurt me and it makes me sad. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I just want to be happy. I've given up my entire life/dream goals because I'm in survival mode just trying to stay alive so I can take care of my animals. that's literally it.

But really I'm already dead. I'm just a dead girl walking and rotting. I hate people. I hate how selfish and self centered everyone is. Everyone seems to fucking hate me for no actual reason and I'm so tired of it. And the people that don't are never there when I needed them. It's like a sick joke or something. What is the point in being a social species when I can't even socialize with anyone. Again I literally feel dead. It wasn't until I tried to kill myself where everyone started loving me and blowing my shit but THEY DON'T EVEN READ MY RESPONSES LET ALONE FOLLOW UP ON THEIR REASSURANCE THAT I CAN REACH OUT IF I NEED THEM.

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE PUT ON THIS EARTH. I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED. I HATE PEOPLE. HATE. FUCK ALL OF THEM. THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE COULD DIE AND I WOULD NOT CARE LESS.

i feel so alone watching everyone around me have someone to love. it really hurts everytime i give my all to someone and yet in the end they still leave. it is so painful watching someone change on you in the middle of the relationship. i watch them get tired of me and yet i stay because i know i don't know what to do if i leave. i wait until the very end and hear the terrible truths come out. my ex was tired of me and our relationship but still kept me. i am unsure what i am even born for. i have goals and dreams but it feels like having someone who truly chooses me isn't apart of that. i wonder how many times i'll tell someone i'll stay till my last breath, until i carry their last name, or even in other universes than this one. i don't get why it's so hard to just stay with me, to choose me, love me how i need. i wonder if i'm too much. i honestly just want to be alone now forever. i don't have the heart to be broken again. i wish i could ask for the letter i wrote my ex back. he doesn't get to keep something so intimate. but i feel i can never love someone like that again. i just want my person. what's wrong with me :"(

I struggle with BPD crash outs and afterwards I regret the things that I may have said or done in moments when I felt under attack or unsafe. More often than not, I actually have a valid reason for feeling upset, however my responses tend to be overblown for the situation since I feel my emotions so intensely.

I’m struggling with shame and the paranoia that maybe someday the people I’ve crashed out on will resurface later in life once I’m healed and they’ll still hate me. I also worry about my reputation being ruined through word of mouth. What has your personal experience been like years down the line when you’re finally healed and you bump into people you have hurt?

A week from today will mark one year since my life fell apart.

My old friends left me because of how I acted and my mental health. (They like to pretend they suffered the most from my own disorders) ive just learned they have a gc called "[my name] survivors (minus [ex friends name]). I feel like shit. My friend talked to my #1 enemy about me at some point, and they said there is nothing they are more terrified of than me.

Maybe I'm not a great person, but I feel so much like a caged wolf because of them; everyone is waiting for me to bite. If I do, I prove them right. If I don't, I go slowly insane.

I feel like a monster. My crying fits are horrific. People keep leaving me. I just want to know I'm not alone.

so me and this good friend and i met yesterday to hang out and catch up after exams. this friend, said she'll talk to me if she wants to invite me over to this other city she's going to just to visit, which i was fine with last night.

she specifically told me that she would tell me what her response was, if she was going or not, and we both have each other's location for safety purposes anyway (i don't check it tbf since i forget sometimes due to object permanence). this other friend, who hasn't talked to me all semester, i texted this morning (who is also friends with the friend i met up with yesterday) to ask if she was busy.

the friend i met yesterday told me that this other friend wouldn't be busy at all, and that she wasn't working or anything so if i wanted to i could talk to her. so tell me why i talk to this other friend, not only does she say that she's in the city that my good friend is going to, but also that the good friend NEVER reached out to me at all?

i had a suspicion, a hunch or so but i didn't think that they'd just up and not invite me. it's not even that which is messing with my head, it's the lying to me that one of the other friends isn't busy and that the friend that was going to invite me just straight up lied to me yesterday, saying that she was going by herself or if i wanted to come, she'd consider it.

i'd much rather she (the friend i met yesterday) have been honest with me, i would've appreciated it more. i just hate that i'm splitting on her rn thinking she's a bad friend when she isn't and she needs her space and time besides me.

EDIT: i think i need some advice on how not to let this upset me sm to the point where i sh or overspend to try and compensate

I would like to start with the fact that I do not have a BPD diagnosis yet, but my therapist and psychiatrist are working on it. I’m not old enough to get a diagnosis but I fit into the criteria (according my therapist said).

Yesterday, during therapy I was rambling about family stuff, when I brought up the topic of how I think my childhood was ruined by how fast I had to mature while being little, feeling like I skipped some chapters of my childhood, which led me to being emotionally unstable. Then my therapist validated that and explained that my childlike behavior and how I express my emotions are all results of growing up too fast. She also said that in order to get better I need to work with my inner child.

I started crying about it, that I could’ve ended up without any problems and wouldn’t need to suffer now, but unfortunately that’s not the case. Growing up normal could’ve prevented all this pain that I’ve been feeling in my adolescence. It just seems unfair that others could live their lives normally without being crushed by their feelings on an everyday basis and ruining relationships with their loved ones.

It honestly suck how people talk about it and the stigma surrounding it, BPD isn’t to blame for someone’s bad behaviors but lack of self awareness. A lot of people without BPD display such horrible self traits. Everyone is always talking about mental health awareness bullshit it’s more harmful now because they think they are helping by sharing it’s okay to be sad or wtv post … while actually doing nothing.

Sometimes I wish that I can be 100% honest with someone and that I do need external help sometimes too.

Like no I’m not going to to stab u so u don’t leave me???

I am 21/F and I just got diagnosed with BPD in January. I didn’t start taking my pills as I got diagnosed with bulimia right after and was given more pills. I have a stigma around them as i’m also a recovering alcoholic who binges. I was afraid of mixing. I moved back to my long distance bf house and when he left me alone I got wasted. Not just for one day, for three. The moment he left me alone. I binged. but I meant what I said when I said I was gonna be sober. He got us molly without telling me and I got off my pills and chose drugs with him which really scared me. After that I felt like the momentum shifted and I made an excuse. If I can do drugs I can drink? right? I know it’s a choice though. Before he got mad at me he used me sexually and I feel like the monster here but I also feel like there’s something more? I am desperate for advice. And I will take brutal honesty because I know I need to take accountability and stop making excuses. I know i’m most in the wrong but nobody in my family understands BPD and alcoholism. I don’t even.

Can you choose who your FP is? Is this a voluntary decision or at least could it be with some trick or something? I didn't realize that is what I was doing before and I need to change my FP, basically. Has anymore had experience with making/having your son/daughter as your FP? Not having one feels so weird and I feel like that could cause a tendency toward depression. My current FP is not good for me and I need to change that. No idea how. Please help. Thank you

for the past 2 years i’ve barely socialised, i struggle with social anxiety and 2 days ago i made friends. this girl in my class invited me to drink with her friend group, it went well, that was fun, although i was still anxious. yesterday she invited me to her house with that same friend group again, it went well, but i feel like i messed up, maybe i was too harsh sometimes, maybe i said things i shouldn’t have, maybe i tried to be included too much too quickly? i’m so scared, what if they hate me now, and i can’t see them tomorrow at uni and make sure they still like me, cuz it’s school break rn, i don’t know what to do, i’m sweating rn cuz i feel like they’re talking in my back, i feel like they’re rejecting me and are going to kick me out of the group chat. i haven’t made friends at all this year, i was so happy to finally make new friends again, but i feel like i messed up and that i’m not like she thought i was, maybe i should stop talking and isolate myself forever

what i’d like to know is, are some of you also living this? do you have this same stress post-socialising? is it because of my bpd or my social anxiety?

I came across a BPD subreddit for people who know people with BPD. Most of the posts are from people whose exes have BPD. I read a few posts and comments and only found hurtful things that people had to say, not only stating their opinions and experiences but being almost vindictive towards those who have BPD.

I’m all about people sharing their experiences and I was curious about reading these posts because I want to see and understand other peoples perspectives. The general vibe I got was just so negative and nasty compared to here, where it’s more of a safe space for everyone.

I was just curious if anyone else has come across these subreddits and how they feel about seeing these types of posts where you are not welcome to even try to give insight to issues.