r/self

Like holy shit guys, what a life for both my cousin AND her daughter. The daughter is 2 and half, can’t walk or crawl, can’t talk in any way or form, not even partial words, is mostly deaf without her hearing aides, doesn’t respond to the presence of people/faces/most outside stimuli, hates all touch, throws constant tantrums, and is basically at the doctor’s or some specialist’s nearly every day for some problem or brand new issue, requiring some form of therapy or treatment. She’s probably been to the hospital in 1 month than I have been my whole life, and I’m not some paragon of health either, lol! It’s just a really REALLY tortured fucking existence for her, and like…she’s not even at its worst stage yet. It’s going to get just SO much incredibly worse.

Meanwhile, my cousin is now full time caretaker and is spending tens of thousands of dollars she doesn’t have to get the best care she can for her baby. She’s a fantastic mother, and we help out where we can, but it obviously consumes most of her life caring for her. Where’s dad? Oh, he’s a hopeless fucking drunk who emotionally blackmailed my cousin for years, convincing her having a child together would fix everything! I’m 90% convinced his alcoholic, diseased sperm is what damaged that poor child to begin with, given most birth defects come from the male side of the equation. That’s neither here nor there though, but back to that loser’s absence, she left him, and he’s back living at mommy’s because he’s been lying about being employed the last 5 months, and would just go out day-drinking off their savings every day. So yeah, dear old dad isn’t really part of the picture.

What kind of life is it for those two though? I would never choose to eliminate anyone who is currently viable, but if I knew this life was awaiting my child and I? I’d terminate without a second thought. If MY parents knew, I would pray to sweet baby Jesus they’d schloop me out and flush me like a dead goldfish! Fuck, if *I* became irreparably brain damaged, and I lost my sense of self and needed 24/7 care, I would want literally ANY of you to come and euthanize me in person. So I know my stance sounds harsh, but it’s nothing I wouldn’t take as a judgement on myself either.

Random, I know. But the more you know ✨.

I started doing it after a really bad breakup. I was sitting in the public library because I couldn't stand being in my apartment anymore, and I found a sticky note tucked inside a copy of Normal People. It said "you'll be okay. I promise." in this scratchy handwriting. And I don't know. Something about a stranger taking the time to write that and leave it for whoever found it next. It cracked something open in me.

So I started doing it too.

Nothing profound. Just small things. "This chapter made me cry the first time too." Or "you have good taste." Or sometimes just a smiley face on the inside cover. I've done it in probably 200 books at this point. Fiction mostly. The ones on the sad shelf. The ones about grief and starting over and being alone in a new city.

I have no idea if anyone's ever found one. I have no idea if it made someone's day or if they just peeled it off and threw it away. That's the whole point I think. You put something kind into the world and you don't get to know what happens next.

My friends think I go to the library because I'm a big reader. I am. But mostly I go because it's the one place where I feel like I'm doing something good that nobody needs to thank me for.

If you've ever found a sticky note in a book at the SF public library with a little heart drawn in the corner, that was probably me. And I hope it caught you on a day when you needed it.

You think you can't to advanced calculus or trigonometry? You think your little short bus brain would crap out 15 minutes into a physics 101 class?

Try throwing a ball at a moving target. Whether you hit it or got even close, you just did some graduate exam level calculations in less than a second. Your brain took into account the speed of the object, it's relative distance to you, it's direction of travel, the speed of the ball in the air, the arc of travel of the ball from the effect of gravity, and combined those to estimate the place the target will be when the ball is also occupying that 3D space. Not only that, but your brain also did the math on which way to move your arm to create the leverage and force to achieve the specific speed and arc of the ball you were estimating during the throw. All of that in a matter of seconds or less and you didn't even realize you did it.

Be proud of yourself for even being able to attempt this. Your mind is an incredible thing.

Last year I discovered ChatGPT and became enamored with it. I made my first python code, I chatted with it about history, and used it for cooking recipes.

Then last month I decided to unsubscribe to see if the free version is adequate enough: it is.

I still use it for cooking recipes. People online say I'm a bad cook whwn I do mention I use AI but everyone who has tried my AI assisted recipes love them and most of my upvotes come from posting pictures of things I've cooked on cooking subreddits... though I don't mention I used AI for the recipe as that's how you get shunned in those places. It is still good for this use.

But man its so bad at like everything else.

I was listening to a Stan Rogers cover of the old 19th century English sea shanty called Leave Her Johnny Leave Her... it is perhaps the most famous sea shanty of all time; at least before the internet exposed everyone to shantys.

So I went to ChatGPT, in a new window, and asked it a simple question that is a matter of fact:

"Did Stan Rogers cover any traditional sea shantys?"

Its a question I partially know the answer to. I know he does Leave Her Johnny and Rolling Down to Old Maui.

What does ChatGPT say? No, he doesn't do any covers. I was listening to Leave Her Johnny when I asked and it gave me its classic: "you're right for calling me out on that" and it says yes he does Leave Her Johnny...

but what about Old Maui... it didn't mention that at all and now as a result I can't trust anything it has to say on this topic.

wtf is up with Chatgpt? I recommend unsubbing... the free model is just as good as the paid one.

it started in college when my roommate moved out. she was my best friend and we just grew apart after she transferred. i made a playlist of all the songs that reminded me of her and i'd listen to it on walks when i missed her.

now i have like twelve of them. one for my first boyfriend. one for my mom. one for the girl i worked with at a bookstore who taught me that not every friendship has to last forever to matter. one for my therapist, honestly, which sounds weird but some songs just remind me of breakthroughs.

the thing is none of these people know the playlist exists. it's not something i'd ever share because the songs aren't always obvious. like the playlist for my dad has a lot of 90s hip hop on it because he used to play it in the car when he picked me up from school and that's the happiest version of him i remember.

i was listening to one today for a friend who passed away a few years ago and it hit me that this is kind of my version of a photo album. except it's not what people looked like, it's what they felt like.

does anyone else do something like this or am i just a weirdo who organizes her emotions into spotify folders

I turned 30 today. I hated having to celebrate most of my birthdays as a kid. when I was 5, my cousin was born the day after my birthday. I stopped having my own birthday after that. she was younger, so every birthday was on the 11th, she was the focus, the cake was her favorite, etc. 5 is young to lose the one day thats supposed to be about you.

On my 10th birthday, my aunt had her baby shower for her second, everyone forgot it was my birthday, and I got strep throat. I wanted a milestone party and instead got to attend a party that wasnt for me, then sent home sick before I could even eat the baby shower cake.

On my 16th birthday, I finally said I wanted to have my own party. my parents agreed. I wanted a Chuck E. Cheese party. a farewell to my childhood, a day of fun and games with friends. No one came. None of my friends came. People I had spent years hanging out with, had built friendships with, talked to all the time. Not a one showed up.

Even by my 16th, undiagnosed and therefore untreated mental health issues had taken their toll on me, and I already was not doing well. I didnt even have the confidence to confront any of them about it. I just pretended it never even happened. Assumed it was a punishment for wanting my own party instead of sharing.

My 21st birthday, I had to work. All my friends were on spring break, but I couldnt afford to miss any hours, so I bought a 6 pack of mikes hard lemonade, walked the 3 miles home to my apartment, and drank them alone in the dark watching cars pass out the window.

Now I'm 30. Im happily married, have 3 wonderful kids, mental health issues at least diagnosed, if not entirely treated. its been the best birthday I've had in a while. The first one that didnt feel like a slap in the face or a horrific reminder of how "behind" I am in life. My wife got me gifts I liked, didnt make a big deal out of the day, and just let it happen with little fanfare.

Maybe someday I'll trust birthdays enough to have a party again, but for now, I'll happily take my day at home.

– They do not say “you look nice,” they say “hmm, this color suits you.”

– They do not say “I missed you,” they say “how long can you stay here?”

– They do not say “I worry about you,” they text “let me know when you get there.”

– They do not say “I notice you,” they bring home your favorite snack without asking.

– They do not say “I listen to you,” but later they remember some tiny detail you mentioned once.

– They do not say “I want to help,” they just quietly fix something for you.

– They do not say “I care how you feel,” they notice your mood and start acting softer around you.

– They do not say “I’m proud of you,” they tell other people about what you did.

– They do not say “I love spending time with you,” they randomly ask you to come with them somewhere.

– They do not say “I think about you,” they randomly send you a photo, article, or video they know you’d like.

– They do not say “I respect your opinion,” they ask what you think before buying/deciding something.

– They do not say “I want you to feel comfortable,” they save you the better piece of food or the better seat.

– They do not say “I notice when you are struggling,” they suddenly ask weirdly specific questions when you seem off.

– They do not say “I enjoy your company,” they linger and keep the conversation going even when they have to leave.

– They do not say “I want the best for you,” they keep pushing you toward opportunities they think would fit you.

– They do not say “I admire you,” they copy your recommendations, habits, or taste.

– They do not say “I trust you,” they give you responsibility in the family.

– They do not say “I want to protect you,” they get strangely intense about people who treat you badly.

What are some other ways parents show love without saying it directly?🥰

First of all , if you have something mean to say please save it bc typing this and posting it is already embarrassing enough even if it’s just a reddit post

Anyway , I’m a teenage girl that has always struggled with hygiene stuff such as brushing my teeth twice a day and showering every day or at least every other day

As for brushing my teeth I’d say that most of the time I do brush twice a day but I haven’t been doing so for about a month now , maybe I did brush twice a day but only a few times for the past month

And for showering , I rlly struggle with it and sometimes I could go 1-2 weeks without taking one

One time I think I went for more than two weeks

Every single day I tell myself that I’ll take one today , and the day ends and the cycle repeats

Idk how to stop this and the thing is I don’t hate showering , I feel good after taking a shower but getting myself to take one regularly is a semi-impossible task not even trying to be funny .

I hate having greasy hair but this hate doesn’t always succeed in getting me to just shower

And I also do not like lotions , idk what this has to do with basic hygiene but this just popped in my head and I had to type it down

I do use deodorant almost always bc idk

As for smelling bad , I don’t think I got to that point bc I could be sitting alone at school and a friend of mine would ask to sit with me , even when other friends r there or there r empty seats and I receive hugs from my friends every now and then

I’d say that I shower more on school days honestly

And it’s not like I do things that cause me to sweat heavily but please don’t take this as a justification to not showering , bc I do not know why I can not bring myself to shower regularly

Idk what else to add to this honestly but I feel like I have no one to talk to about this , or maybe it’s just too embarrassing for me to bring up to anyone , I don’t like talking abt anything personal to friends or family

Posting here feels easier

So if you have any advice or have struggled with this , I’d really really appreciate any advice given .

thank you for reading this if you did and thank you if you left any advice , tips , or if you just left a comment bc you’re struggling too!

Just need to vent really, I’m so worried for our baby right now. She just turned 7 in February and I’m trying so hard not to cry right now.

She was diagnosed with Addison’s two years ago and has been doing really well with treatment, like most people would never know she has a disease just by looking at her. She’s a cattle dog mix so her homeostasis is being pretty high energy.

Last week my boyfriend started a new job and went from being home all the time, to at work most of the time. Luckily our schedules don’t always line up, so there’s some days where Disco, our dog, isn’t alone for more than an hour or two.

I think with her Addison’s disease and this new big change, it’s flared up some symptoms (shaking, diarrhea, throwing up, and the most alarming.. increasingly bloody stool).

She is seeing dogter Dan (our regular vet) right now after her not seeming to get any better, even after we tried all the things. We gave her proviable (probiotic meds) which made her “solidify” things a bit, but only for one poop, and then it went back to projectile liquid. We are almost thru the treatment.

Last night my partner and I debated on if we should wait until Monday to call the vet or go today.

With how fast she’s seemed to decline it was no question she needed to see the vet today. My partner took her in and now I’m at home typing this, I’m just so worried, I need to get ready for work soon but I need to get this off my mind.

It breaks my heart not seeing her playful, energetic self. Our poor girl. She barely wanted to eat her soft food with her meds this morning, that’s when I knew she’s having an Addison’s crisis or related to the disease… I’m just scared it’s something more. They mentioned if this continued to happen (this has been a regular occurrence every 3 months or so she would get distress for a week, usually after she got her zycortol shot).

I slept by her dog bed all last night, she got up once to go out, then later I guess she woke up and it didn’t wake me up - she NEVER pees in the house and is completely potty trained, but when she gets sick like this she hides it from us/wont let us know like she usually does when she needs to go out. Puppy pads have saved a lot of carpet scrubbing. Poor girl had a “big” accident last night with a bit of it all (barf and the double p’s). Bless her heart, I never scold her, she’s so good and always does her best to make it on the puppy pads, sometimes she misses but that’s what enzyme cleaner is for!

She gets embarrassed (almost scolds herself) then hides after accidents, she thinks she’s in trouble and it breaks my heart. I always give her tons of love and time outside after. It’s just been a rough week, neither my partner or I have slept more than 3 hours at a time. It’s like having a newborn lol.

Just wish she knew it’s ok and we aren’t ever mad at her. Accidents happen! I hope they don’t have to keep her overnight. Just want my best friend to be ok.

Please, in what ever you denomination you believe in, or none at all like me, please pray to the idea of a higher power, the power of all things good, pray for my Disco ball queen, she’s the best dog ever and doesn’t deserve this.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

When you call a kid smart, they start believing it.

Same with hardworking.

But when a kid is called a LOSER again and again, they start believing that too.

And the worst part is it doesn’t always show immediately.

They just slowly stop trying.

Stop speaking up.

Stop putting themselves out there.

Not because they can’t do things, but because they already think they’re not good enough.

I feel like a lot of AVERAGE kids are actually just kids who never had the right environment or encouragement.

Not everyone shines early.

Some people just take more time.

And honestly, sometimes all it takes is one person who believes in them to completely change their direction.

Just something I’ve been thinking about

Today my(20f) sister(19f) told me to come outside the dorm and her boyfriend drove up with her inside and he was driving up back home. Apparently my Dad(41) had hit my Mom(38) and choked my brother(16). I was shocked to hear that I mean him hitting mom is uncommon so while disturbing that isn’t entirely too surprising on its own but choking my brother I did not expect him to go that far. My Dad doesn’t really like my brother but I never actually expected him to hurt him like this.

It was worse than I expected when we came in because when I opened the door I saw 2 cops and my brother talking them. His ear was hurt there was dried blood and his eyes looked a little bloodshot. Apparently what happened was my brother bought a lift up bar for himself and my Dad hid it in my closet my mom confronted him about it telling him how his mom should aborted him and that was when my Dad got physical with her. My brother stepped in and when my Dad told him to leave he said no then he attacked my brother. They were punching each other, my Dad grabbed his hair and held him choking him my brother said he actually thought he was gonna die. He stopped when he heard my mom was calling the police.

I was so disturbed hearing this I can’t believe my Dad went this far. How are you such a pathetic childish piece of shit you act this way and do this to your own son?!! My mom says he’ll be in jail but just for a few days since she doesn’t have a job and after that brother will have to continue living with the man who hurt him until my mom figures something out. My sisters and I tried to be there for my brother and we gave him a group hug. He was saying he was fine just his head hurts then suddenly he cried saying something was wrong and his chest feels bad. My mom had to call an ambulance and my sister went with him to the ambulance. I am so scared honestly why did this have to happen?… I don’t want anything bad happening to my brother

When the industrial revolution first started, progress was quick because a bad product would literally kill you in the worst case scenario and likely maim you otherwise. Now that we don't have PHYSICAL health as a consequence, we've kind of become complacent. When we get sent a survey for a product we own we ignore it, when an annoying change is made we grumble for a bit then acquiesce after a few weeks.

It sucks.

It sucks being the vocal minority trying to fix glaring accessibility issues with everything ever because the layman thinks its "not a big deal." Yeah? So what? Everything doesn't need to be the end of the world to bother fixing. In the disabled community, there's an aphorism that "disabled design benefits everyone" and its true. How much easier is it to type on a keyboard without looking than it is on a touch screen? How many able bodied people have you seen that still prefer the automatic door or press the door open button?

This needs to extend to the software world too, so many companies go out of their way to either impair their mobile app or their website to drive traffic to the other. "Please navigate to our website on a desktop device to see this page", FUCK YOU, everyone doesn't have a phone, no one asked you to hire a bunch of javascript web-3 baccalaureates. "Please use our mobile app to see updates and talk to support", FUCK YOU, I don't have infinite space on my fucking phone! No one is asking these companies to hire billion dollar web dev teams, I just want the app and the website to have the same fucking features. I know many of you have faced this issue when your fuck-ass bank or internet provider begs you to download their app so you can get $10 off your monthly payments. I have 3 of these clutter apps. I had many more for reward programs, what happened to just having a punch card?

I don't know about you guys, but I fancy myself a gamer. It's harder and harder to keep doing so however. With all this technological progress, our UX design has barely improved since the 90s. Why do so many games choose to start on maximum graphics settings and blaring audio? I know having benchmark tools takes up a lot of dev time, so I'm not asking for that. what I am asking for is HAVING THE FUCKING SETTINGS APPEAR BEFORE THE GAME INTRO! I genuinely don't understand why this is so rare. At most you may see some brightness settings on launch...great, all you've done is give me time to alt+tab and open my volume mixer. Maybe in the next 2 minutes of lag I'll finally make it to the graphics settings to turn everything off of ultra.

It really all starts from the top I guess, in chasing the Apple coattails, every company has become obsessed with streamlining everything and offering "simple" experiences with walled gardens full of interconnecting hardware and software. The reality of life is that "one-size-fits-all" experiences aren't really "for everybody," a pair of one-size fits all pants are transparent on a fat person yet too damn stuffy for a skinny person. It would really be for everybody if you offered more settings, more immediately and with more explanation.

I was nauseous and now I'm not. I've tried it a bunch in the past and it seemed to work but I could never tell if it really was the ginger. But this time I'm convinced, it really does work, just takes about 40 minutes or so to kick in. has anyone else tried this?

I’m 19 and I’ve never had a girlfriend, never kissed and girl, still a virgin, have basically no real friends, and none of this is by choice, I would’ve lost my virginity years ago and would never be single by choice. I’ve tried improving my appearance but I’m still nothing special and below average, I’m just not very good to look at, so does this mean I’m a incel

Hope this is appropriate for this forum. I am in a lot of pain every day. I have been completely alone for many years. I have no friends at all, for over ten years but more generally all of my life. I have no contacts in my phone. No online friends. I can't seem to land a job for some reason after applying to over 1000 places the past few years, so I have no coworkers. I have no classmates as I'm not in school. I was abused constantly at medical school until I dropped out.

I try to work on content in my own time sometimes and I share it. It's hard when I have no money, job, or friends for so long. My mental health is severely bad. Despite that, I've worked on content that is meaningful to me, and have had zero interaction with it anywhere. I have volunteered over the years, joined clubs, and gone to meet ups. I do virtual support groups every day. There's no in-person ones in my area and I suppose they wouldn't be any different.

I'm especially disappointed that there's no good places to make friends online. In particular, serious people. I don't necessarily need people who are severely depressed like me, although it's a good place to start in terms of mutual understanding and support. These also happen to probably be the only people who would give me any time, and who would be serious. I can't find any.

There seem to be very few platforms for any friendship. There are dating and "friend" apps, which seem to inevitably revolve around horniness. That is why they have such short bios and emphasize pictures. Some people also just never get matches there, and most people using them are not necessarily lonely or have some of the same digital-based interests I have.

So when I try relevant platforms, they seem full of people who are inactive or inconsistent and often completely unserious. Their average internet use looks like maybe logging on for 30 minutes every day to post memes with each other. I've tried communities in my interests across medicine, music, philosophy, writing, gaming. Many of these groups are also really cliquey.

I've been spending several hours a day trying to make friends online or elsewhere, though with an emphasis on online due to my preference and the accessibility. I send messages to people to see if they want to get to know each other, or comment on other people's work, share mine, etc. I don't do so feeling any individual person is obligated to be my friend. But I think I deserve and am owed the good fortune of running into one person who would be my friend, like any other person. I don't know what a person is supposed to do to make friends.

Today is one bad day among at least 5,000 bad days in a row. Around 2,500 really bad days. Today was an average day. I submitted around 20 job applications. I received a few job rejections in my email. I posted several messages looking for connection, on several platforms. I went for a walk and tried to find gig work. Tried to focus on personal health. I am in a support group as I write this. I am currently living in a sort of storage room at my grandparents' house. I don't have a real bed just a small futon. The whole room is full of boxes. I have one bag of clothes. I only have enough money for toiletries and food, which is better than nothing.

Why is it so hard to find friends online, or find people to just respond to you?

Hi. I just wanted to share this here, hoping it might resonate with someone going through the same thing. For a long time, I was consumed by social anxiety and overthinking:

What did that person say about me? Why did they say that?

How did they look at me? What did they think?

What if they don't like me anymore?

It was a never-ending mental prison. I realized that I was my own executioner because I allowed other people's projections to dictate my life. I had exhausted myself so much physically and mentally trying to mold myself to fit everyone's expectations that my body and mind started to shut down. That's when I finally gave in and said, "Enough."

People can judge me however they want. They can say whatever they want. I have decided to stubbornly do only what feels right to me. As long as I am not hurting anyone, I have every right to live life by my own rules. At the end of the day, I am the only one living my own life. The universe gave me this life to live, not to waste it on external validation.

I am curious to hear your stories. How do you deal with the fear of judgment? Have you been able to detach yourself from what people think?

I've been observing this pattern lately... I feel like I act kinda different depending on who I'm around or who I'm talking to

Not exactly in a fake way, just small stuff like how I talk, what I joke about, how much I say, and even my tone sometimes

And I think I've gotten so used to adjusting like that all the time that I don't really know what I'm like when I'm not thinking about it

Like if you put me in a room with no expectations and no one to match to, I'm not sure how I'd naturally act... honestly picturing this situation feels awkward

It's a bit weird to realize because I genuinely don't feel like I'm pretending, but I also don't feel like I'm fully... consistent?

Maybe this is normal and everyone does this to some extent ig? But it's just been on my mind a lot recently