r/BodyDysmorphia

I am really struggling today. I look at myself and I am so happy I survived cancer. I lost all my hair and put on 30 pounds. I don’t recognize myself 😢 I was feminine cute and fit. Now I’m pudgy, menopausal and super short haired and really more insecure than ever. It’s hard to even be in public. But then again I feel so ugly I’m almost invincible when I’m out. It’s very different feels than pre cancer life. I just need some encouraging words. How the heck do I accept myself and really be ok? I’m only 43!!! SOS

well i could go on about the myriad of ways in which my- (non diagnosed because the dr who did my psych evaluation was hesitant on slamming a bdd diagnosis on me instead choosing to diagnose me with “ocd with body dysmorphic features”. lol) bdd affects me- ill just say- it basically runs my life.

but lately its particularly been rearing its ugly head within this relationship/situationship/not-situationshipcuswesayweloveeachotherandifeelitidkifshedoes/dating/datey/thing/thingy/thing thing. the lady in question is an absolutely stunningly beautiful omgjust dont even get me started really. now while its great i guess that this super attractive girl supposedly likez me! or whatever, its also a seriously sickeningly gutwrenching situation for me. i often feel sick, and withdrawn, feeling so unworthy of even the slightest bit of attention from her. i feel as though im breaking some kind of “law of nature” thing by really even thinking for a single second that i deserve to be with this woman. i need constant reassurance, which means me making myself vulnerable and not being this “big strong man” that i “should” be- (not like i care that much about that whole ideology or whatever i mean to some extent you should protect your woman and make sure she feels safe.) i feel ideally you should hold your woman in high esteem but maintain a balance of, holding her in high esteem but also not putting her on some kind of pedastool as she’s someone who you are getting to know personally, and vice versa, therefore maintaining this perception of her as being this illusive figure so far out of your league and such will well fulfill that prophecy. so yeah im doing exactly what i shouldnt be, while also seeking constant reassurance, and then also somewhat being avoidant, but not for some kind of exploitative motive, simply just because when i feel so unworthy and as if i “dont deserve” her, i withdraw and avoid talking to her because i feel physically sick just thinking about her. that part is bizarre i know. somehow shes managed to more than put up with all of this, she swears she loves me, she swears im handsome, yaddie yadda, i just cant believe it. i feel like this whole thing is a ticking time bomb. either shes going to get tired of me, or, what i believe is more likely, is that shes going to finally realize how i ugly i am. all itll take is one photo, seeing me from a bad angle, or in terrible lighting to have her snap out of it. whats so horrible is i constantly imagine this scenario where i have to watch her realize the truth, id have to see the look in her eyes as she questions her feelings for me and comes to regret ever moving forward with things. and this makes me feel so sad not just because yknow i really like her, but also because i cant imagine how awful it must be to think you really like someone and direct so much energy and thought etc into the person trying to foster some kind of relationship, feeling you have a connection, only to realize theyre horribly ugly. id have to feel so sad upon witnessing her realization, but i’d also feel sorry for her, which is crushing because its not like she’d care that i do anyway after that point.

theres much more to this but im getting tired of typing and putting energy into making sure i “check all the boxes” with how i present this. its so exhausting for me to write because im a perfectionist AND i also have a million thoughts going on in my head and so its like i can formulate each sentence in so many different ways and present so many different points and its so exhausting trhing to funnel all these spread out thoughts into something coherent so id rather just not can anyone else relate

anyway so yeah im not sure what to do with this whole thing

i feel like i need to do something but idk what to do

It changes every second of the day I just want death for real

if im posting pics on Reddit it’s because im having a bdd episode. Its a compulsive behaviour for me but ppl continually say im lying then say “pp with real body dysmorphia wouldn’t want to kill themsekves bc somebody said they’re ugly”

I’ve felt intensely suicidal the past few days, I tried to do something, then ppl kept accusing me of lying or rage baiting. One person even told me to go ahead and do it, and another person was incredibly verbally abusive and made all sorts of horrible threats

I’m so upset. I feel horrible. People are so awful :( how do i deal with this? I’m going through a severe crisis right now and I still want to end my life

I think the first comment I ever remember receiving was when I first got braces, I had really crooked teeth and my baby teeth weren't falling out correctly, and then when my adult teeth started coming in I had bad overjet (buck teeth) and my stepmom would call me Bucky beaver :(

I got made fun of a lot for my weight in middle school and high school too... in middle school I got made fun of for having man boobs a lot, and then in high school it was just more stuff about my weight, like when I bleached my hair blonde to look like Eminem and then got called "Not So Slim Shady" :(

A few years ago when I lost 65 lbs, all my family kept telling me is how I looked too skinny and unhealthy, even when I asked them to stop.

I am unsure of how to move forward and was looking to see if I could get advice from people on here... I find it very hard to separate comments people have made about me from my mental illness.

Curious: do you guys believe you were unattractive as children as well? Today, I went down a rabbit hole of looking at pictures of myself when I was a child (like elementary school age). It was honestly depressing because of how much better I looked compared to now. I was actually very good looking as a child (not in a weird way) but, I guess as my face developed and I lost baby fat, my proportions and face structure became awful. It’s so sad to see because looking at younger photos, you would expect me to grow up to be conventionally attractive, which is unfortunately not the case. Everyone talks about “growing into features” as being a good thing but, for me, oddly enough, I grew into my features in a bad way. Does anyone relate?

I’ve decided I don’t want to go outside until I can get the necessary surgeries to fix my face :(

im cisf but i look like a man, i get continually transvestigated on here, i feel humiliated even going outside because of how awful i look

Idk if it’s dysmorphia when people are telling you that you look like exactly as bad as you think you do tbh

And it is not just my perception

I had more “sunken” look just a couple of months ago.

I have a pic from then and I look great - sharp jawline and all. A few weeks before that picture my face was all round and puffy, fast forward I looked “older”, fast forward again I look more babyfaced.

I have so many pictures of myself and everywhere I look different. Even people treat me different week to week.

What the hell is going on?

No matter what kind of stuff I get: good or bad, I STILL keep thinking about my appearance. No matter how good the compliment is i just keep on thinking about my face. Its terrible and it makes me feel tired. I dont know how to escape those thoughts. Every good comment or bad comment turns into spiral. I dont know what to do

(I've made an alt to post this)

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now, and I think we're getting to the point where we both want to have sex. The only issue for me is the way I look. I dont have an extreme outie, just a small bit can be seen, but to the point where I feel too insecure about it and reject his advances. It's also darker on the ends. So, I was wondering if this really is something men care about? Will he lose attraction to me after he sees it? Or, alternatively, is there any way I can minimise it? (without surgery)

I’m desperate,and seriously need help.18M,today’s my birthday,and I have never felt worse.I used to be active in the gym.I trained Muay Thai and I was addicted to weightlifting.But for the last 4-5 months,I fell into depression and my body dysmorphia got worse.I lost muscle,And hid inside because of my disgust.I didn’t leave my house for anything other than class and groceries for over 4 months.Then,I became skinnier.I liked the look.I felt chiseled and slim.So i ate less.And less,and less and less.To the point where if I am not completely drained of glycogen and water in my face,I feel disgusting.I was at 3,200 calories,now I barely break 200.My friends tried feeding me cake and snacks today.I denied.I denied cake on my own birthday.I was yelled at by family.They don’t know what’s wrong with me,and neither do I.I don’t see a point in living unless I’m beautiful,and I hate it so much.My world revolves around my looks.Today’s day 3 of eating practically nothing.I love the way I look,but at what cost? Validation? Attention? Feeling worthy? What have I done to deserve feeling this way? I wish I could eat and not care what I looked like after.

Tomorrow I have a date and it’s going to be hot - I want to wear a skirt or dress but I hate my legs sooo much they’re so thin and I’m 5’6 (ik I’m not super tall but I’m slightly above average where I live) plis don’t judge me this my body dysmorphia and I weight 100lbs I should be at 120 and I feel disgusting. I feel like he’s going to look at my legs and not want to talk to me again… we went out before but I’ve worn baggy jeans and I wore leggings once with sweats under so I looked fuller than I really am… guys what do I doooooo…. Should I wear a long dress or just get it over with and let him see my full body so he can leave me? 😞 he also goes the gym and has the body of warrior, he’s really sexy and next to him im like -> | LMAO. 😞😞😞😞 he’s also obviously not blind he goes to the gym he sees women w bigger glutes and im skinny asf. Also we met on a dating app, I didn’t have my body on there so he didn’t know before hand.

I complimented his body and he only said I had a nice waist and lips. So I took that as he wishes I had more but clearly I don’t :/

Can I get yalls perspective pls?

One time I made a big mistake as a minor, what really triggered my bdd back then was looksmaxxing during 2022. I was not toxic at all, well, toxic to myself for sure yes. But not to others, one time I met a guy online and he asked people to rate him so I said he looked good and blah blah blah, I asked him to rate me and showed him selfies and he said I have potential to be an 8/10 if I “lost weight” and that I’m 5/10 rn, and that my weakest feature was my nose. And my strongest features were my eyes

at the time, the selfies I sent I was 41k*g I suffered with anorexia, and people irl noticed how skinny I was. I looked sick. So sometimes, I still think about whats wrong w me. Ppl irl think I look better if I gained weight whilst ppl online already think im fat when im 41k*gwhen I was extremely skinny, if I gotten any skinnier than that I would’ve died.

also I have suffered with thinking of my nose as piggy looking for the longest time, it’s not necessarily big. Just not my perfect vision of a skinny nose. Mine was just gross to me.

I’m tired, I’m really tired to be honest. Ik it’s my fault even asking for that guy’s opinion, I was a stupid kid. but I still think about what he said, it lingers in my mind everytime. It feels like no matter how I try, I won’t rlly live up to the standard.

sometimes I just wanna rip off my face completely. I don’t wanna be in this body. Not one bit. Even if ppl do call me pretty sometimes I still don’t believe it, sometimes it actually drives me crazy cause I start overthinking and over analyzing them. Or even asking for reassurance from my family members only, constantly. I js wanna know how I look like, I feel miserable living this way

I hate myself I’m afraid to age I’m 22f and I’m afraid of looking bad no man with love me

Is there any way to stop? I’m constantly weighing evidence to try and figure out whether i’m ugly or not. Thinking well this person said I was attractive but they could’ve been lying, or if I was as ugly as I think this person wouldn’t have said this, or I’ll think if I was actually attractive X would have happened or be true. I’d have more friends, people would like me and want to be around me, i’d be in a relationship, people would say X about me, etc. Or maybe I just look mean or intimidating like I’ve been told so people stay away. Then I find a way to discount every positive/compliment, it was online they didn’t see me in a bad angle or lighting, if it was in real life I’ll be convinced it was an exaggeration, a full on lie or backhanded in some way. Always feel I get stared at my public facing job because of a real feature/deformity I have. But because of very nice compliments i’ve gotten I think maybe it’s because they think i’m really attractive cause i’ve been told that too. But if it wasn’t as bad as I think I wouldn’t have gotten made fun of for it every day or gotten told I should see a plastic surgeon.

Idk it’s just so exhausting, I was actually feeling pretty decent about myself and then I saw a new angle I’d never seen that’s so horrific and worse than I could’ve ever imagined. Seeing a new psychiatrist and going back on meds tomorrow so I guess that’s a good thing. Any way to stop these never ending thought loops/patterns?

Here you can find listed below general information on BDD and related foundations, the clinical classification and symptoms of BDD, advice for friends and family, as well as self-help and support groups, both in-person and online.

General information

The BDD Foundation

OCD UK

International OCD Foundation

Mind.org

Clinical classification

ICD & DSM Criterias

For friends and family

The BDD Foundation, Supporting a close one with BDD

Mind.org, How can friends and family help

Self-help

Body dysmorphia workbook by the CCI

Building self-compassion workbook by the CCI

Support groups

Online support and therapy groups

Support groups in the UK

it's not like a constant thing but every once in a while a girl who i either know or dont know will approach me and ask for my number/instagram or hit on me in some way. i feel like this should be "evidence" that maybe im not as hideous as i think but it's like nothing can convince me that im not disgusting.

and as time goes on it gets so much worse. i feel like im getting worse looking month-to-month even though im trying to look better. and it's not like im doing super drastic or insane things to improve my looks. basically just gaining/losing weight and cutting my hair. but i look at pictures from july or august last year and i feel like i look so much worse now somehow. every picture i take is worse even though i cant actually put my finger on what the differences in the pictures/my face are. but at the same time i know that my bar for what i deem to be a good picture of myself is has raised so much. i have a picture from a couple years ago that i took right after going on my first ever date and for a long time i thought it was such a good picture of myself and now i look at it and i think "i look like shit."

ive been trying to lose some weight and i feel really lean because ive been eating a lot less and i like how slim my face looks when i look in the mirror. but then i take some videos and photos of myself and i see how disgusting and fat my face still is and that just absolutely demolished my motivation to keep going. im gonna try but after taking some videos i just wanted to go and grab some pizza and eat a bunch of microwaved shit because it's like what is this even for. im 6'3 175 lbs and i feel like a fat shit with a huge, fat head.

a couple months ago i saw some videos of myself that someone else took and it actually ruined like the next two weeks. i almost started crying just from seeing my own face. and literally just a few years ago i really didn't care. like i used to be able to take pictures of myself where i knew i didn't look great that i thought were just funny or something. like i could take selfies where i looked stupid or my hair looked bad and it was fine. i havent done that in like 2 years. people used to take videos or photos of me and i didn't try to hide my face so i didn't have to potentially see myself.

at the end of the day i know that confidence doesn't necessarily come from compliments from others or anything like that and it comes from within or whatever. but i still feel like the "evidence" should point toward that maybe im not as unattractive as i think i am. it's just hard.