Can we finally kill the myth that ugly guys = nice guys?

I've met countless self-proclaimed 'nice guys' and they never actually are. The common denominator is always the same: they aren’t attractive, so they use the 'Nice Guy' label to overcompensate for their looks. It’s a strategy to mitigate the social disadvantage of being unattractive, but in reality, it just masks the same entitlement you find everywhere else. Self-identifying as a 'Nice Guy' is the biggest red flag there is.

These YouTube dermatologists build a platform on 'science,' then pivot to shilling overpriced or ineffective tech. Take Dr. Dray, for example. She aggressively recommended the Omnilux Contour, a device I found to be a total waste of money and one that is currently facing a pending lawsuit. I bought the Omnilux and used it religiously and it's trash. Now Dr Dray is very aggressivly pushing AmLactin. It makes you wonder if she’s following the science or just following the next contract.

Then there’s Dr. Rajani. He’s mastered the art of the clickbait 'medical reveal' to funnel people toward his own RajaniMD line. He’ll pull up studies to back his claims, but as anyone in research knows, you can find a cherry-picked study to support almost anything if there's a financial incentive involved.

These doctors have lost all credibility in my eyes. They express 'scientific skepticism' toward highly effective, medical-grade treatments (likely because those manufacturers don't offer them a kickback), yet they expect us to ignore the blatant conflict of interest in their own recommendations.

Is it really effective?

Everyone raves about them, but I’m starting to doubt if the hype is just about the price point. I’ve tried several products because I really wanted to love the brand, but everything has been trash for me so far.

The absolute worst was the Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5. It leaves this awful white patina/film on my skin—just horrible. I’m considering trying the NIOD Copper Peptide serum (since they’re both Deciem), but I’m hesitant. Is NIOD actually a step up, or is it just more of the same?

I have a large frame and look physically strong, but in reality, I’m not strong at all. I attribute a lot of this to my autism—specifically a lack of coordination, slow reflexes, and poor proprioception.

Can anyone else relate? Do you feel like you could actually defend yourself in a fight?

Personally, I feel incredibly vulnerable. In dangerous situations, my processing time is much slower than it needs to be. I don’t even know how to throw a punch, and I’d likely miss the target anyway. Even after several years of martial arts, I feel like I haven't developed the skills to actually stand my ground in a real-life confrontation.

Bodily fluids, in general, and semen, in particular, are beyond disgusting. Imagine how fucked up in the head you must be to let semen contaminate you, let a dirty dick cum in you, and get ravaged by childbirth. And I don't care that most people do that, when you think about it, it's beyond horrifying. Yuck. I've always been disgusted by semen. I have to admit that when I talk to other married women, when they open up, they admit that they're more or less disgusted by their dirty husbands' penises.

Two days ago, a transgender actually walked into our store. I’m so incredibly relieved we have high-def security cameras, because every time there’s a sighting, skepticals claim the footage is fake.

I’m still literally shaking, but also so brave for being there. The staff is in total shock. Please, for the love of God, do not ask for specific details or the shop's location. We’ve been instructed by local authorities not to divulge further information for public safety reasons. Just know that they are out there.

My friend, an older trans woman with decades of real-life experience, recently told me something that hit home. She argued that, at a subconscious level, cis men do not view us as legitimate women and, consequently, we don’t trigger the same protective instincts that cis women do. Her theory is that while cis men feel an instinctual drive to protect cis women, they feel no such obligation toward us.

Is she right? Is your boyfriend or husband a "wuss"? Would he actually protect you? I’ve noticed that many partners of trans women are physically smaller than them, which adds another layer to the dynamic. I remember going out with a trans-attracted man once who was a total wuss; he was even afraid to stop at a gas station at night. He made me angry and gave me dysphoria.

I went online to see if there was any data or discourse on this, and what I found was chilling. I saw cis men claiming they would go to war and die to protect "real" women, but if they saw a trans woman dying on the side of the road, they’d sooner run her over than help.

One guy was fiercely protective of me, until I disclosed. After my disclosure, all of his protection instincts was gone. He had put me in another category in his mind.

Thoughts?

Seeing trans women act like jesters, engaging in self-deprecating humor just to gain a shred of superficial acceptance, angers me. This is a universal pattern I’ve observed across cultures: trans women who misgender themselves, make themselves the punchline, and build entire personas around being undignified buffoons.

They do this to elicit "cis laughter," but the root is much darker. Deep down, many of these women don't believe they are worthy of dignity or respect. They act like jesters because they are carrying an internalized shame they can’t shake. They behave this way because, in their heart of hearts, they are desperately seeking to be forgiven for existing. They treat their transition like a crime they must apologize for, using comedy as a way to say, "I know I’m a joke, please don't hurt me."

We see this everywhere. There are entire channels dedicated to trans women answering the question, "What is your name?" They start with a soft, feminine voice, only to "drop" their registers into a deep, masculine tone for the shock value. It’s a cheap trick that trades our collective dignity for a few viral likes. One that went viral is Diana/Roberto.

The impact of this "clownishness" is real. When I first came out at work, the HR manager* actually asked me if I intended to "do shows." Shows? As if my identity were a cabaret act. People are consistently shocked that I carry myself with professionalism, that I refuse to make fun of my own existence, and that I simply will not be a clown for their entertainment.

I don’t need to be forgiven for being a woman, and I certainly won’t perform like a circus animal to make cis people feel more comfortable with my presence.

*This is a totally different topic, but I've dealt with HR managers who were secretly homophobic, transphobic, and racist. Lots of you expect HR people to be impartial. I remember one HR lady once slipped up and said she refused to hire "one of those people" (referring to a particular ethnicity) because they are loud and problematic.

I would NEVER trade places with a cis woman. My transition was excruciatingly difficult; I am a survivor of that process, and I’ve reached a point where I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else's.

Why am I expected to worship cis womanhood as something sacred and inviolable? As a paragon of perfection? Cis womanhood is legitimate, but trans womanhood is equally so. I respect cis women, but they are not the "ideal" I am striving to be, and for some reason, that realization angers people to no end. I recognize that I was lucky to end up looking very good.

I’ve noticed a specific dynamic with cis women who feel marginalized or "trampled on" by society’s beauty standards. They often seem to want trans women around as a benchmark, a way to remind themselves that they are "still better than" us. They cannot fathom that a trans woman could be a genuine object of desire.

Case in point: I once overheard two objectively unattractive cis women talking. One said, "Can you imagine? Even a 'trans' gets more attention than me!" The other replied, "I might be ugly, but I’m still a woman. No trans can compete with me."

When cis women realize a trans woman doesn’t actually want to be them (that I don't want periods, I don't care about XX chromosomes, and I am not mourning the lack of ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, yeast infection, polyps) they get upset.

For me, it’s about what is visible to the naked eye. I have zero dysphoria over my chromosomes.

I’ve noticed a pattern in myself and others on the spectrum: we are often intelligent but incredibly naive. In other threads, I see people saying, "I’ve been told many times I’m smart," without realizing that "smart" can be a backhanded compliment.

Because we struggle with Theory of Mind, it’s hard to grasp that people lie or offer "bless your heart" style fake praise. I’ve seen so many Aspies, myself included, believe they were loved by their colleagues, only to find out they were actually despised.

How can we become less naive? Even though I’ve trained myself to assume everything is a lie, I still get scammed. I’m now trying to make "detecting deception" my new autistic special interest. Any tips?

I honestly hate the push for 'acceptance' over raw attraction. I want a visceral spark, not just someone who 'accepts' me or sees me as a consolation prize.

Has anyone else dealt with a guy who supposedly accepted you, but the attraction just wasn't there? I feel like I see so many trans women forcing themselves to be into guys who aren't their type just because the guy is 'accepting.' But is that acceptance even real, or is it just a tactic to get what they want?

I learned this the hard way. I have a corporate job where I’ve been incredibly successful because the work is my special interest. I never miss a deadline and I’m hyper-productive. I also have advanced degrees in my area of expertise including a post-doctoral fellowship. Despite this, they are removing my role and refusing to let me transition into a different one.

The feeling I’ve gotten over the years is that, contrary to popular belief, neurotypicals don’t actually think we are smart. They only see being on the spectrum as an impediment. My experience seems consistent with what many other Aspies in the corporate world face.

At a different company, I once witnessed a coworker on the spectrum who was brilliant at her job. When a management position opened up, I suggested her for the role. Everyone looked at me in total shock, as if I’d screamed a profanity or was high on crack. The idea of her in leadership was unfathomable to them.

People constantly tell me I shouldn't mask, that I shouldn't care, "yada yada yada." But the truth is, I want to become better at masking because my livelihood depends on it. I refuse to be perceived as unintelligent by recruiters or managers. The last few years have been exhausting because I’m constantly self-analyzing and self-editing.

What really triggers me is how totally innocuous things appear "strange" or "disturbing" to neurotypicals. I once gave a coworker a ride and she saw a small handheld vacuum in my car. The news spread like wildfire. They started saying I might be a serial killer for having that small vacuum in my vehicle. I was treated like a psychopath for something as simple as wanting a clean car.

What has also helped me a lot (and has also caused me a lot of distress) was observing other people on the spectrum. Most of them believe they are well liked at their job when they are not. I was guilty of that too.

I’ve stopped joking entirely. My colleagues make the most inappropriate jokes, and everything is fine, but the moment I try to lighten the mood, I’m looked at like I'm the problem. I’m just trying to survive in a world that wasn't built for the way my brain works.

He is lying.

I read a post by someone who hooked up with a guy and this guy had erectile dysfunction. Instead of saying he had erectile dysfunction, he claimed that it was the trans woman's fault for not having pheromones oozing out of her vagina. When will you understand that guys use those excuses to make you feel worthless? Why are you still falling for those lies? If you give them an opening, they will hurt you. They enjoy making you feel self-conscious. Remember that it's all premeditated. Guys will lovebomb you just to experiment with you once, then discard you claiming it's because you can't get pregnant. It is never because you can't shit out children. It's a lame, old, trite, unoriginal, predictable excuse and you're still falling for it. There's nothing easier than discarding you and blaming it on your inability to shit out children.

And he went into great detail about why microneedling doesn't deliver the results we want. I wish I had met him sooner.

I really wanted microneedling to work. Everyone raves about it, and the science makes sense: controlled injury should trigger collagen production and growth factors. But in my experience, that’s only true in theory.

I had 5 professional sessions done, and the result was absolutely nothing. Zero. To be fair, the med spa was honest enough to offer me free laser services once they saw I had no results, but I want to warn others about the "fake" results. Immediately after a session, the redness (erythema) and swelling (edema) can trick you into thinking your skin is plumper or scars are fading. It’s an illusion.

I think we gaslight ourselves because we’ve invested so much money and gone through a painful treatment—we want to believe it worked. For context, this did absolutely nothing to plump my skin or improve my linear scars. Nothing for the wrinkles. Nothing nothing nothing. I'm angry because I was certain it was going to work. Don't let the post-treatment swelling fool you.

So many RealSelf threads are hijacked by hordes of doctors answering questions with "ask your doctor", "consult your physician" or a variation thereof.

We know RealSelf is not a substitute for an in-person exam, but dismissing every question with that line completely defeats the purpose of the platform. The point of RealSelf is to gather diverse opinions and information. If I post photos of a scar, it’s highly probable I’ve already seen several doctors and am looking for more insight because techniques and expertise vary so much. Telling someone to "ask their doctor" when they are clearly crowdsourcing professional opinions is such a useless, lazy response. Why even have an Q&A section at that point?

I really want to understand the logic behind doctors answering RealSelf questions with "ask your doctor." It’s a total non-answer.

The value of the site is in the nuance—different surgeons use different techniques, and what one doctor dismisses as "normal healing," another might recognize as a complication. When we post photos and ask for opinions, we are looking for that specific expertise, not a reminder that medical consultations exist. It feels like they’re just farming for profile views without providing any actual value to the community.

Recruiters and hiring managers are trained to make you think the interview is going well. They smile, they agree, and, the biggest red flag of all, they nod. I see so many people posting about how their 9 or 10 rounds of interviews went "perfectly," only to get a generic rejection later. Don't trust the body language; it's just corporate theater to keep the process moving.

I expected this to be a safe place to vent, commiserate, acknowledge the atrocities of aging, and hopefully talk about new technologies to cure aging, but all I see is toxic positivity and empty platitudes on how noble aging is, what a privilege, how it beats the alternative...