r/aspergers

If you were in a position to do so, how would you help all of the asperger's/autists who are struggling? Primarily with social issues?

I hate being autistic. I know to some people it's like the best thing in the world but those are usually the people that have some kind of autistic superpower like they're amazing at math or they have unbelievable music ability or some other kind of amazing genius. But when you're just run-of-the-mill normal average everyday autistic person like me it's fucking sucks. There is nothing special about being autistic other than your superpower being able to alienate people with the greatest of ease. Are the other amazing superpower you were given with your autism where you can appear close enough to normal that when the glitches in The matrix make their appearance people blame you for them like you should have known no matter how many times you try to explain your social ignorance in blindness to people you still get blamed like you're the bad guy. Oh yeah autism is the fucking best.

It even makes it better when you have a family that leaves you over it. That would rather judge you and not have anything to do with you or support you because of your differences. Yeah autism is fucking great.

The best part is where you get to live in a world where you're basically a ghost with a pulse where you're always on the sidelines looking in at the party never get to participate.

Autism sucks. In the worst part is I get sad over the fact that I can't have relationships then I watch movies where people get to enjoy each other and make new friends and become close and share a bond and no one wants from me and I've tried in my socially awkward autistic way to have that with people. But no matter what I do relationships and people don't last in my life. I always thought about writing a biography called you have 5 minutes because after that you won't want any more of my time. And that's been the constant truth throughout my entire autistic life. It's hello followed by a goodbye and never call me again and sometimes even threats of being arrested if I do contact them again. Yeah being autistic is great.

You get to be close enough to normal to want the things that normal people have but far enough away from normal never to have them so you get to live in empty sad pathetic invisible life. But autism is great isn't it. we're so special that we're autistic right?

Autism fucking sucks

I think one reason making friends feels so hard is because most people approach socializing like a performance instead of a repetition game. We think every interaction has to be impressive, funny, deep, or instantly meaningful. In reality, most friendships are built from repeated low-pressure interactions over time.

Humans naturally trust familiarity. Psychology calls this the “mere exposure effect.” We tend to like people we see repeatedly, even if the interactions are tiny. Same coffee shop. Same gym class. Same coworker lunches. Same walking route. That’s why consistency matters way more than “being interesting.”

A few mindset shifts that genuinely helped me:

1. Stop trying to be impressive. Focus on making people feel comfortable.
2. Ask more follow-up questions. Harvard research found this is one of the biggest predictors of likability.
3. Repeated exposure matters more than perfect conversations. Most friendships form gradually.
4. Tiny “social anchors” help a LOT. Bringing snacks to work, wearing something recognizable, becoming “the tea person,” etc gives people easy conversation starters.
5. Most people are less focused on you than you think. There’s actually something called the “liking gap,” where we consistently underestimate how much people enjoyed talking to us.

Another thing I learned is that awkward moments usually do not kill social connection nearly as much as avoidance does. Most people bond through repeated imperfect interactions, not flawless charisma.

“Captivate” by Captivate was probably the first book that made social skills feel practical instead of random. Vanessa breaks down things like warmth cues, eye contact, conversation flow, and first impressions in a super actionable way. It stopped me from seeing charisma as some magical personality trait people are born with.

The Good Life completely changed how I think about happiness and relationships. It’s based on Harvard’s 80+ year study on human happiness, and one of the biggest conclusions is that strong relationships predict long-term happiness more than money, status, or career success. That honestly hit me hard.

I used to roll my eyes at How to Win Friends and Influence People because everyone recommends it, but it’s honestly timeless for a reason. Carnegie just understands human nature extremely well. Simple ideas like remembering names, showing genuine curiosity, and talking in terms of the other person’s interests sound obvious, but they genuinely work.

The Huberman Lab episodes on social bonding and loneliness also helped me understand the biology behind connection way better. Learning that our nervous system literally adapts to social exposure made me stop viewing awkwardness as a fixed personality flaw.

Charisma on Command was another huge rabbit hole for me. They break down celebrity interviews, conversations, body language, humor, and confidence in a really practical way. It helped me stop trying to “perform” socially and focus more on making other people feel comfortable. One of my favorite podcast hosts also recommended BeFreed, and honestly it helped me way more than I expected. It’s a personalized social intelligence learning app built by a Columbia team. Instead of throwing random self-improvement content at you, it asks about your actual situation, like social anxiety, awkwardness at work, trouble making friends, overthinking conversations, dating confidence, etc, then builds a learning roadmap around that from psychology books, expert interviews, research, podcasts, and real world examples. I liked that it felt more like a coach than passive content. The lessons are audio first and customizable, so I’d listen while commuting or walking instead of doomscrolling.

I also gave Meetup another shot. I used to think it was for boomers, but low-key hobby groups and recurring meetups genuinely help because they give you repeated exposure without the pressure of “networking.” Same with fitness classes, game nights, local concerts, volunteering, etc. The structure matters more than people think.

I don’t think I magically became “social.” I just stopped treating socializing like a talent test and started treating it like a habit I could build. The more I learned about people, the less afraid of them I became.

I'm not a fan of the white alien creature with the black eyes that is now the mascot of autism.

Who created it? What is the origin story?

And most importantly= Why did everyone so readily accept it?

I really do not like it! It looks too sad.

We deserve a cuter mascot!

So long story short , i was told at my last job i’ve ever had that my coworkers don’t interact with me much because they don’t know what to say due to “ body language “ this same person that said that said she could tell who i liked and disliked without even telling her and when i asked how ? I don’t ever remember telling you or anyone that i disliked said person and her response again was “ body language “ isn’t it common to stay far away from people that started drama with you for no reason and almost cost you your job ? Like i’m not going to be friendly to said person that started drama with me for no reason and was cold to me in the very beginning then almost cost me my job when i finally had enough of her and called her out. i’ve been told that neurotypicals don’t like people with aspergers like me since they think that we’re blind to non verbal cues and body language. What’s the best way to learn non verbal cues and body language ? I’m happy i don’t have to mask anymore since i’m currently unemployed but that’s pretty scary to me that someone can tell that i dislike someone without even telling them or anyone. She was a special education teacher too when she wasn’t delivery driving with us and claims to have a husband with aspergers. I’ve also been told that they can read me like a book. So with all of that being said , what are the best ways to learn all the non verbal cues and body language to blend in perfectly if i ever get back to working again ? Thanks in advance

I feel this is way because I constantly used to have low energy, live in my own world, and depression which interfered with my ability to help my mom with chores. My mom would sometimes get frustrated and would call me lazy. She constantly had to remind me to do stuff around the house. I feel like a bad daughter as someone who has autism and ADHD.

Before you comment “yes obviously there are other people who do” it’s just a post format to encourage people to discuss it with me, I don’t literally believe I am the only person like this

Like I hate “talking stages”, I hate flirting, I hate not knowing whether a man is attracted to me (especially because I was unattractive and isolated from boys for most of my life until I lost some weight and started wearing makeup), I hate the big song and dance and parade that is inter-gender interaction. I can happily be friends with and talk to men, I just hate any situation where attraction is expressed or implied. I feel so separate from this sexual world in which so many people seem to live, it’s like when you’re an immigrant among another culture. I can interact with it on a superficial level, I’m just never a true part of it (I know immigrants can adapt to another culture so the metaphor is imperfect, but in this scenario I’m like an immigrant who never adapts). I just don’t understand what it is about sex that drives and motivates people so strongly, that rules their lives, that gives them purpose. I have a couple male friends including one I had a romantic/sexual situation with and seeing the stuff he likes/reposts on ig (he’s not a misogynist he just spends a lot of time with girls) makes me feel insane because they’re pretty tame, I see other people talk like that as well so I know it’s not just him, and I almost feel disgusted by it. How do people enjoy this? How do people enjoy having “situationship drama”? Or the feeling of chasing someone else? Or walking into a room and deciding that they’re going to find someone to have sex with? How do people care so much about sex? I can’t comprehend it. The moment my thing with him started to fizzle out I realised I just wasn’t going to do it again because none of it was what I thought it was and ultimately he was very wise to the fact I cannot tell neither lies nor hyperbole from the truth. So I decided to separate myself from men because I don’t understand when they’re pretending they really like me as a person and when they actually do like me. I can have male friends and that’s it.

I genuinely feel like I’m missing the thing that makes you human the way everyone I talk to likes all of this and I don’t. Cause the worst part is I do enjoy being in a relationship and spending time with a man and being affectionate and doing stuff for each other. I just feel like as a woman with major deficits in understanding when someone is lying and being fucking terrible at interpreting body language I honestly just don’t want to try again. The small chance of a relationship is not worth the discomfort of having to remember how to make eye contact with a man who’s calculating the exact number of words he will have to say in order to see the ph bleaching on the lining of my thong.

I'm 22 years old, and I discovered a year and a half ago that I have autism spectrum disorder (type 1), ADHD, anxiety, and severe depressive disorder, and honestly, this greatly hinders my ability to live in society. I just want to be normal. Every day I start looking for a way to find a cure, a medicine, punishments, overdoses of medication, blows to the head, or even surgery that will rid me of this damn disease. Sensory overload gives me severe headaches and eye pain, always starting at times when there is zero stress and noise, after resting, after eating a good meal. Almost everything that's done to avoid a crisis or overload makes me wonder if a doctor would offer me something that would cure me overnight.

(Please ignore any spelling errors; English is not my native language.)

Been trying to brainstorm ideal jobs for aspies (people on the spectrum) and would like some help. Been thinking of being a bookkeeper or an accountant or even work as a landscaper/gardener. Some kind of job where it's a routine and you are basically left alone. Little to no social interaction with colleagues or people in general. Hopefully not much schooling or education required but am willing to go back to school to take some courses if needed. Doesn't have to be high paying but more than minimum wage.

Got officially diagnosed with aspergers/mild autism at 33, am 37 now and would like to work full time or even part time to help make ends meet. Cheers and thanks in advance.

Something that really makes you get through the day. My current passion is collecting diecast models of old cars.

I wish it was possible to post images because I'm in a bragging mood :D

>Since I was younger not like little little kid young but late elementary / early middle school, I always felt so in the middle, I can always get along with people who aren't autistic, but I feel different but not different enough??

But theres so many times that Im able to just vibe so much better with autistic people and Im so confused, because I just dont understand myself to be honest. Im not trying to come off like weird about it, I am just confused about it.

Like I feel with "typical" people I have to be much more aware of what I'm saying or how Im coming off, but with "neurodivergent" people, I feel so much more accepted and like so much easier to be myself without having to try and be "socially" correct. Idk

Is this something anybody else experiences? Am I just overthinking or idk.

I am over it. Everything is too difficult. Im lonely but surrounded by people. Im tired of trying, failing and trying again at relationships. I feel like I would check out but can't because of a duty to family. I hate myself.

Half joke half for real curious of opinions. I joke because there is a lot of overlap between ocd and asd that I don't expect a legit science backed answer. However people's experience and interpretation would be interesting.

I have been diagnosed (late) with aspergers and now a few years later OCD. yay. I often struggle to identify whats OCD (I should challenge) and ASD (I should be more flexible with myself) My wife gave me a hard time after all these years that she can't understand why I will open a new creamer, milk, mustard container, etc. rather than finish whats in the bottle. I told her I don't think it's ocd. I've done this since I was like 8.

I took it to my therapist who laughed. She also has Aspergers and she shared she does the same. Now that doesn't mean it's not OCD, just that it's kind of funny and she couldn't be helpful in this instance.

Anyone else not like drinking or eating what's left at the bottom? Anyone with OCD find they feel it's OCD related?

Edit: Jokingly told my wife not to give me such a hard time. Other folks on reddit share similar tendencies. She replied: "It drives me crazy that you do this, so I started dumping what was left in the old jug into the new jug and you never knew the difference."

Now I have a whole other set of problems. haha

(Just to clarify: this is an unpaid university project for a short HCI/design module - not a startup/commercial product.)

Hi, we’re university students researching how neurodivergent people experience navigating cities/public transport.

If you’re autistic or sensory-sensitive, what parts of travelling around cities (especially places like London) do you find most stressful or overwhelming?

For example:

• crowded stations
• noise
• unexpected delays
• confusing layouts
• crossing roads
• too many people/signs/etc

Would really appreciate hearing about any experiences or things current maps/navigation apps don’t account for.

Perdón por tanto texto, pero creo que enriquece más el post, léanlo en tranquilidad.

Hola, soy un joven con Asperger de 21 años, está edad ya es complicada de por sí imaginense para alguien que es tan sensible a todo como alguien con Asperger. Tacto, oído, estímulos ya sea de ocio o sexuales, y también emociones, soy una persona bastante emocional, y lo que otros superan en corto tiempo yo lo superó en muchísimo más tiempo, lo cuál se vuelve algo agotador a largo plazo, y volverme alguien egoísta por supervivencia no me parece personalmente una solución sana a nivel de salud mental.

Vivo únicamente con mi madre, no hay tíos ni abuelos ni hermanos que nos apoyen, es decir, si tengo hermanos pero es como si no los tuviera, hicieron su vida en otro lugar a temprana edad y son egoístas y avaros, no hablan con mi madre desde hace años y no le dan ni un centavo, y mi madre y yo somos los únicos con un pensamiento más "colaborativo".

Me rechazan de trabajos por mi condición, por mi dificultad para socializar, la gente es tan indiferente conmigo, a pesar de yo ser amable y cálido con ellos, y no quiero volverme como ellos solo por supervivencia, me da terror ir a la universidad puesto que ya había entrado a los 19 pero deserte a los 20 por el bullying y acoso que casi me hace suicidarme, no planeo volver a ninguna universidad en mi vida por el trauma.

Esto fue lo que más me afectó recientemente, hace 2 años también conocí a una chica con la cual salía de vez en cuando y la pasabamos increíblemente, ella decía que se sentía segura conmigo y que me adoraba, con el tiempo me enamoré perdidamente de ella, pero hace 2 meses nos sinceramos y ella me dijo que si gustaba de mi pero no con la misma intensidad con la cuál a mí me gustaba ella, así que nos separamos, otra caída depresiva y nunca había llorado tanto en mi vida, más pensamientos fatalistas vinieron a mi, le dije que me sentía mal pero lo único que recibí fue un visto, ahí fue cuando me di cuenta, nunca le importe demasiado, me pude haber suicidado y ella pasando su vida fantásticamente, me dieron 2 crisis hipertensivas por el estrés del trauma de las cuales casi no sobrevivo y nisiquiera recibí un "espero que te recuperes", eso no es para nada empático, desde ese momento le dejé de hablar por completo y ese mensaje aún sigue en visto a día de hoy, actualmente creo que he sanado y siento que no la necesito, pero de vez en cuando siento la necesidad de abrazarla y decirle que la quiero mucho, pero sé que me hace muchísimo daño así que mejor buscar por otros lados, o quedarme en soledad unos buenos años.

Actualmente me siento bastante más fresco y lúcido que hace 2 meses, pero sé que esa sombra volverá a mi algún día, estoy intentando construir una carrera sólida de desarrollador de software ya que es de los pocos campos que me interesan en los cuáles no hace falta un titulo universitario para ejercerlo y creo que voy bien, leyendo muchos libros y tutoriales y construyendo una que otra cosa me ha devuelto las ganas de vivir, y es lo único a lo que me aferro ahora, a parte de mi madre.

Mi madre es maestra de primaria y siempre les habla a sus alumnos sobre la empatía y el compañerismo y la frase "No le hagas a los demás lo que no te gustaría que te hicieran" les parece completamente ajena a los niños, no estoy seguro de que pueda ser el factor que causa esto pero estoy casi seguro de que uno de los factores cruciales pueden ser las redes sociales, esto lo único que me da es un terror enorme al futuro.

Sé que no soy el único, hay algo muy mal con la gente hoy día, y creo que ustedes también lo sienten, mi madre suele decir que antes la gente era más abierta y emocional, pero ahora se han vuelto máquinas de productividad, solo pensando en trabajar y estudiar, trabajar y estudiar, y cuando llegan a los 40 años viven arrepentidos pensando "quizás tuve que haber hecho más amigos a los 20", "quizás tuve que haber sido más valiente con este chico/a", "quizás tuve que haber sido más valiente con este viaje/trabajo", mi madre es una mujer muy sabia y sin sus consejos quizás yo no existiría ahora y nisiquiera estuviera escribiendo esto.

Luchen por un mundo más empático así como yo lo estoy haciendo ahora, si vale la pena, no hay nada más bonito como saber que alguien te está esperando, los quiero mucho.

Hi, parents are suspecting that my brother has aspergers and took him to a famous psychiatrists with me since I was a little I have misaphonia and my tutoring plus workshop teacher was suspicious of me being aspergers so I took some clinic tests that are between 240-0, 65 is normal and after 65 is suspicious and my point came 145 I didn't thought much of it when I learned there's social masking I took another test and my point came 159. I have social issues since I was a little I mostly copy others moves and jokes because I don't know what to do I never had friend group in my teens and I have a little friend group now that I cherish a lot. And if I should talk about the symptoms I can't handle textures, changes, I can't start a conversation, social clues are hard for me to understand and I avoid eye contact. So I wanted to be sure and not be self diagnose asked the doctor and told him the results of my test he said did I had a friend group and I said yes he immeadietly speak up then u can't be aspergers and told me to get out?

Like let me explain. Like as a person whose on the spectrum I can tell that someone is throwing shades at me even if they’re doing it in an indirect way and I can tell that a person secretly dislike me even if that person is being nice to me and I might be wrong but I feel like neurotypicals can’t pick up on energy the way that we do and instead they’re better at picking up on social cues while people on the spectrum are good at picking up on energy. What do you guys think

Another person wanted to punch me today because he got offended by my resting hostile face. I'm deeply affected by such situations each time it happens

I’m 27 and I never had a girlfriend. Socializing is so fucking hard for me. I feel like an alien in social situations. I only ever felt comfortable enough to ask one girl out on a date. And I got rejected. I can’t live like this anymore. I wish I was normal so bad.