u/Bibliblo

Am with a girl for 2 years M(26), F(22). I am her first relationship, she is my 4th.First year was perfect, second year we ended the distance. We lived 50-60 minutes away by subway. I lived with my parents and she lived alone. I told her I will visit her every other weekend, weekdays I work 2-8 so no and i want one weekend to be at home. She said seeing each other for 2 days every 10 days is little. Some weekends I didn't have anyone to drive me to her house and told her that I won't visit because i can't take the subway it drains me and want to rest and she would get upset, telling me it's weird that i don't visit if i don't have anyone to drive me and i can rest at her home.

She started visiting as well, and I told her if she feels uncomfortable with my parents she doesn't have to, it's ok if we don't meet sometimes, we don't have to push ourselves. She would visit during the weekend and sometimes she was pushing herself because she wanted to see me. During summer, she was mostly at my house because her house contract ended. She struggled with giving me space. I would want to spend some days 3-4 hours with my friends playing games and she would think, if i am here for you, with your parents around why spend time with them now? She realized she was wrong and started giving me space.

After summer, I told her to move in together but she declined because she didn't have savings and thought we need money first.I accepted that. So now I am with my parents and she lives at a friend's house to save money. I work 3-6 and 6-8 I have a master's 4 days per week which needs studying. I told her I won't be able to visit more than one weekend per month because I don't feel comfortable with a third person around. And since she is uncomfortable being at my house she doesn't have to come and we might spend a week or two apart it's ok. She says she will visit each weekend and I told her thank you but some weekends I want to spend them apart because i might want to be alone. I feel like she doesn't understand and is impatient.

One weekend i told her I don't want her to visit i want to be alone and she called me asking if everything between is ok, i told her that I don't feel like she understands me and that my week has been very tiring. And that I didn't tell her about it because I don't feel like she understands. She asked if i want to meet at least for a few hours to talk because last weekend i was upset with her and she misses me and cried.

I couldn't understand why taking two days off was such a big deal. I told her if she had given me space none of this would have happened. And she started talking about things she did wrong during summer. I told her we are not communicating and that she continues talking when i told her i don't have the strength to talk. She drove me crazy saying things that werent related. I couldn't eat or sleep because she was pushing me, apologising and wanting to talk and solve smth. I felt like i don't recognise her, that she doesnt respect how unwell I was. I told her that i love her, i had so many dreams about us why did she have to do this ? Push me to the point I was feeling like that.

We met she told me she cried during the phonecall because she thought i was pushing her away because i was still upset from last weekend and she got scared that she was losing me. Next day, I told her that if i was well emotionally i would break up to set her free from this because she is hurting a lot. She said "oh, so you want to break up?" I felt despair. She told me sorry that she understands what I mean but didn't process it correctly out of fear that she is not an idiot. I told her that i don't want us to talk for the rest of the day and this is the best i can do right now , i am not doing well. She started asking what she did wrong and when i told her she said she doesn't try to sound the logical one, that's is not her intention at all, pushed this narrative on me she just doesn't want me to misunderstand. I felt pushed and had a panic attack, couldn't breath.

Later found she was talking about unrelated things is because she misread one of the messages and thought I wasn't talking only about the phone call incident but also the issues we had during summer and felt the need to apologise and talk them through. In her mind she was trying to talk to clear the situation when there wasn't a situation to begin with just her mind being anxious.Still, how can i be with someone who assumes 4 different things out of a single message?

Am with a girl for 2 years M(26), F(22). First year was perfect, second year we ended the distance. We lived 50-60 minutes away by subway. I lived with my parents and she lived alone. I told her I will visit her every other weekend, weekdays I work 2-8 so no and i want one weekend to be at home. She said seeing each other for 2 days every 10 days is little. Some weekends I didn't have anyone to drive me to her house and told her that I won't visit because i am tired to take the subway it drains me and want to rest and she would get upset, telling me it's unacceptable that i don't visit if i don't have anyone to drive me and i can rest at her home.

She started visiting as well, and I told her if she feels uncomfortable with my parents she doesn't have to visit and it's ok if we don't meet sometimes, we don't have to push ourselves. She would visit during the weekend and I could see that sometimes she was pushing herself because she wanted to see me. During summer, she was mostly at my house because her house contract ended. She struggled with giving me space. I would want to spend some days 3-4 hours with my friends playing games and she would think, if i am here for you, with your parents around why spend time with them now? She realized she was wrong and started giving me space.

After summer, I told her to move in together but she declined because she didn't have savings and thought we need money first.I accepted that. So now I am with my parents and she lives at a friend's house to save money. I told her I won't be able to visit more than one weekend per month because I don't feel comfortable with a third person around, it's awkward. And since she is uncomfortable being in my house all the time she doesn't have to come and sometimes we might spend a week or two apart it's ok. She says she will visit each weekend and I told her thank you but some weekends I want to spend them apart because i might want to be alone after the tiring week. I feel like she doesn't understand and is impatient.

One weekend i told her I don't want her to visit i want to be alone and she called me asking if everything between is ok, i told her that I don't feel like she understands me and that my week has been very tiring. And that I didn't tell her about it because I don't feel like she understands. She asked if i want to meet at least for a few hours to talk because last weekend i was upset with her and she misses me and cried.

I couldn't understand why taking two days off was such a big deal. I told her if she had given me the space i asked none of this would have happened. And she started talking about things she did wrong during summer and. I told her we are not communicating at all and that she continues talking when i told her i don't have the strength to talk. She drove me crazy saying things that werent related. I couldn't eat or sleep because she was pushing me, apologising and wanting to talk and solve smth. I felt like i don't recognise her at all, that she doesnt respect at all how not well I was. I told her that i love her, i had so many dreams about us why did she have to do this ? Push me to the point I was feeling like that.

We met she told me she cried during the phonecall because she thought i was pushing her away because i was still upset from last weekend and she got scared that she was losing me, she didn't know i wanted space solely because i was tired because she didn't know how my week had gone. Next day, I told her that if i was well emotionally i would break up to set her free from this because she is hurting a lot. She said "oh, so you want to break up?" I felt despair. She told me sorry that she understands what I mean but didn't process it correctly out of fear that she is not an idiot. I told her that i don't want us to talk for the rest of the day and this is the best i can do right now , i am not doing well. She started asking what she did wrong and when i told her she said she doesn't try to sound the logical one, that's is not her intention at all, pushed this narrative on me she just doesn't want me to misunderstand. I felt pushed and had a panic attack, couldn't breath.

Later found she was talking about unrelated things is because she misread one of the messages and thought I wasn't talking only about the phone call incident but also the issues we had during summer and felt the need to apologise and talk them through. In her mind she was trying to talk to clear the situation when there wasn't a situation to begin with just her mind being anxious.Still, how can i be with someone who assumes 4 different things out of a single message?

Was with a girl for 2 years. First year was perfect, second year we ended the distance. We lived 50-60 minutes away by subway. I lived with my parents and she lived alone. I told her I will visit her every other weekend, weekdays I work 2-8 so no and i want one weekend to be at home. She said seeing each other for 2 days every 10 days is little. Some weekends I didn't have anyone to drive me to her house and told her that I won't visit because i am tired to take the subway it drains me and want to rest and she would get upset, telling me it's unacceptable that i don't visit if i don't have anyone to drive me and i can rest at her home.

She started visiting as well, and I told her if she feels uncomfortable with my parents she doesn't have to visit and it's ok if we don't meet sometimes, we don't have to push ourselves. She would visit during the weekend and I could see that sometimes she was pushing herself because she wanted to see me. During summer, she was mostly at my house because her house contract ended. She struggled with giving me space. I would want to spend some days 3-4 hours with my friends playing games and she would think, if i am here for you, with your parents around why spend time with them now? She realized she was wrong and started giving me space.

After summer, I told her to move in together but she declined because she didn't have savings and thought we need money first.I accepted that. So now I was with my parents and she lived at a friend's house to save money. I told her I won't be able to visit more than one weekend per month because I don't feel comfortable with a third person around, it's awkward. And since she is uncomfortable being in my house all the time she doesn't have to come and sometimes we might spend a week or two apart it's ok. She said she will visit each weekend and I told her thank you but some weekends I want to spend them apart because i might want to be alone after the tiring week. I felt like she doesn't understand and is impatient.

One weekend i told her I don't want her to visit i want to be alone and she called me asking if everything between is ok, i told her that I don't feel like she understands me and that my week has been very tiring. And that I didn't tell her about it because I don't feel like she understands. She asked if i want to meet at least for a few hours to talk because last weekend i was upset with her and she misses me and cried.

I couldn't understand why taking two days off was such a big deal. I told her if she had given me the space i asked none of this would have happened. And she started talking about things she did wrong during summer and. I told her we are not communicating at all and that she continues talking when i told her i don't have the strength to talk. She drove me crazy saying things that werent related. I couldn't eat or sleep because she was pushing me, apologising and wanting to talk and solve smth. I felt like i don't recognise her at all, that she doesnt respect at all how not well I was. I told her that i love her, i had so many dreams about us why did she have to do this ? Push me to the point I was feeling like that.

We met she told me she cried during the phonecall because she thought i was pushing her away because i was still upset from last weekend and she got scared that she was losing me, she didn't know i wanted space solely because i was tired because she didn't know how my week had gone. Next day, I told her that if i was well emotionally i would break up to set her free from this because she is hurting a lot. She said "oh, so you want to break up?" I felt despair. She told me sorry that she understands what I mean but didn't process it correctly out of fear that she is not an idiot. I told her that i don't want us to talk for the rest of the day and this is the best i can do right now , i am not doing well. She started asking what she did wrong and when i told her she said she doesn't try to sound the logical one, that's is not her intention at all, pushed this narrative on me she just doesn't want me to misunderstand. I felt pushed and had a panic attack, couldn't breath. Broke up with her the next day.

Later found she was talking about unrelated things is because she misread one of the messages and thought I wasn't talking only about the phone call incident but also the issues we had during summer and felt the need to apologise and talk them through. In her mind she was trying to talk to clear the situation when there wasn't a situation to begin with just her mind being anxious.Still, how can i be with someone who assumes 4 different things out of a single message.

My bf broke up with me a few months ago. He is happily in a new relationship and enjoys life. And that's what everyone is supposed to do. Move on, find someone new, enjoy your life. And here I am not being able to get over him because it was mostly my fault for the break up. Even when i try i can't take him out of my head. It's pointless because he ain't coming back but i can't move on. I miss him, i really wanted to be with him. And now that i see my mistakes,i keep thinking how well we would be if i didn't do them....

And it gets into a loope where i am hurt by him being with someone else, feeling pathetic for not being over him and move on like everyone does and can't focus on anyone new because i am in this depressed state. It's so pathetic and I can't take it anymore really. The only way i can describe it is i am tired. I wake up and look forward to going to work to relax. At night i dream of him all the time. I am tired. I had him and then lost him and now he is happy and i wish him that really but it hurts so bad. And it's been months. Why can't my stupid heart be happy ? Why do i keep hurting myself?

Even when something good happens to me he pops up in my head. I can't let him go from my mind. To accept that now he has to mean nothing to me. That feeling makes me feel sick to my stomach. I get this nauseous feeling. But at the same time i feel so pathetic for thinking like this. Why can't i be like him, accept that for whatever reason he is gone and that's it. I am creating trouble for myself. It sucks, it really does. I am tired. I want all of this to stop. And it's been months already and i am not better. I am feeling like this for someone who moved on, lives his life and wouldn't give a shit about me anymore. Why can't i let go? What am i even holding onto? There is nothing there.

So, my bf ( 2 years together)and I have an issue. We live in the same town, 50 minutes away with subway. He lives alone and I live with a friend. During the week we both work so we can't go to the other person's place easily. He says he will visit me once per month because he doesn't feel comfortable with my friend around. And I don't have to visit either if I don't feel comfortable with his parents and we will have to deal with distance for a while. I told him it's ok I will visit him each weekend. Then, he told me some weekends, once in a while, he doesn't want to meet at all not even me come to his place because he wants to spend it alone.

I recommended that instead of not meeting at all some weekends that he lets me visit and we can spend the days doing separate things and just be in eachothers presence and sleep together or spend all Friday and Saturday alone and Sunday together and even during Sunday he can spend some of the day doing separate things but he said I can't offer him alone time by being in the same room with him. Then i recommend during the weekends he doesn't want to visit let's plan an outing during the week, for example go for a coffee for 2 hours before or after work but he said he can't promise that.

I recommended that when he doesn't want to meet during the weekend to let me visit him one weekday and spend the night together and he agreed to that, so we found a solution.

Now i realize that it's normal to want once in a while a weekend to yourself and it's not the end of the world if you don't meet for a week.

But one thing happened that complicated things and i caused it. One weekend he said he doesn't want us to meet I asked why, he said he wanted to be alone. Because that week he was a bit cold cause something happened between us I thought he had an issue with me and is keeping distance. I called and asked if everything between us is ok he said that things are a bit weird lately. And i took it as a sign that he has an issue. He said that this week has been awful and tiring on top of everything and he didn't want to meet last weekend either and did because i asked and we had smth planned with a friend. I asked why he didn't tell me about his week, he said it's because i don't understand him. I got emotional and asked if we could at least meet for one day during the weekend because last weekend we weren't doing well and i miss us and i am very happy every time the weekend starts because i get to see him but since he doesn't want to I will wait till next weekend.

Turns out he didn't have an issue with me just wanted rest and I thought he had an issue with me and that's why he didn't want to meet last weekend either. So, he believed that i was crying because i can't handle giving him space for one weekend or any weekend and he makes me cry and unhappy. Whereas, i was like that because i thought he is pushing me away because he has an issue with me. But realized the misunderstanding too late. So to him it came out as i just asked one weekend alone to rest and you can't give me that and cry. So, I make you unhappy when i was crying because i thought he was pushing me away. I misunderstood completely and at the same time I allowed him to keep believing that there was some sort of a problem...

He is stressed that i will be unhappy, that i want much closeness since i try to find a solution that much. That this how things are going to be and we destroy eachother .And i am trying to make him understand that just because I didn't like a specific set up it doesn't mean the whole relationship is doomed for me or that i am unhappy.

So, my bf and I have an issue. We live in the same town, 50 minutes away with subway. He lives alone and I live with a friend. During the week we both work so we can't go to the other person's place easily. He says he will visit me once per month because he doesn't feel comfortable with my friend around. And I don't have to visit either if I don't feel comfortable with his parents and we will have to deal with distance for a while. I told him it's ok I will visit him each weekend. Then, he told me some weekends he doesn't want to meet at all not even me come to his place because he wants to spend it alone.

I told him since we don't meet weekdays it's a shame not meet some weekends. I recommend that he lets me visit and we can spend the days doing separate things and just be in eachothers presence and sleep together. He said no. Then i recommended he lets me visit one day for example he spends all Friday and Saturday alone and Sunday together and even during Sunday he can spend some of the day doing separate things but he said I can't offer him alone time by being in the same room with him. Then i recommend during the weekends he doesn't want to visit let's plan an outing during the week, for example go for a coffee for 2 hours before or after work but he said he can't promise that.

I recommended that when he doesn't want to meet during the weekend to let me visit him one weekday and spend the night together and he agreed to that bit doesn't get it why go through all that.

We agreed on this and it feels ok for me but be still thinking that we are incompatible and can't make it. He is stressed that i will be unhappy, that i want much closeness since i try to find a solution that much. That this how things are going to be and we destroy eachother .And i am trying to make him understand that just because I didn't like a specific set up it doesn't mean the whole relationship is doomed for me or that i am unhappy. We talked, we found a solution that makes me happy as well.

So, my bf and I have an issue. We live in the same town, 50 minutes away with subway. He lives with his parents and I live with a friend. During the week we both work so we can't go to the other person's place easily. He says he will visit me once per month because he doesn't feel comfortable with my friend around. I understand that And I don't have to visit either if I don't feel comfortable with his parents and we will have to deal with distance for a while. I told him it's ok I will visit him each weekend. Then, he told me SOME weekends he doesn't want to meet at all not even me coming to his place because he wants to spend it alone.

I told him since we don't meet during the weekdays either it's a shame to not meet some weekends either. I recommend that he lets me visit and we can spend the days doing separate things and just be in eachothers presence and sleep together. He said no. Then i recommended he lets me visit one day for example he spends all Friday and Saturday alone and Sunday together and even during Sunday he can spend some of the day doing separate things but he said I can't offer him alone time by being in the same room with him. Then i recommended during the weekends he doesn't want to meet let's plan an outing during the week, for example go for a coffee for 2 hours before or after work but he said he can't promise that.

I recommended that when he doesn't want to meet during the weekend to let me visit him one weekday and spend the night together and he agreed to that even though he doesnt understand why cling so much.

We agreed on this and it feels ok for me as well but be still thinking that we are incompatible, that he doesn't make me happy and we can't make it. How can i save this?

Tldr; My boyfriend and I have an issue that is threating our relationship and i want to find a solution.

So, my bf and I have an issue. We live in the same town, 50 minutes away with subway. He lives alone and I live with a friend. During the week we both work so we can't go to the other person's place easily. He says he will visit me once per month because he doesn't feel comfortable with my friend around. And I don't have to visit either if I don't feel comfortable with his parents and we will have to deal with distance for a while. I told him it's ok I will visit him each weekend. Then, he told me some weekends he doesn't want to meet at all not even me come to his place because he wants to spend it alone.

I told him since we don't meet during the weekdays either it's a shame to not meet SOME weekends either. I recommend that he lets me visit and we can spend the days doing separate things and just be in eachothers presence and sleep together. He said no. Then i recommended he lets me visit one day for example he spends all Friday and Saturday alone and Sunday together and even during Sunday he can spend some of the day doing separate things but he said I can't offer him alone time by being in the same room with him. Then i recommend during the weekends he doesn't want to visit let's plan an outing during the week, for example go for a coffee for 2 hours before or after work but he said he can't promise that.

I recommended that when he doesn't want to meet during the weekend to let me visit him one weekday and spend the night together and he agreed to that bit doesn't get it why go through all that.

We agreed on this and it feels ok for me as well but be still thinking that we are incompatible and can't make it. How can i save this? Yes we had a difference, we talked it through and reached a solution, so what is the problem, what should i do?

Tldr; My boyfriend and I have an issue that is threating our relationship and i want to find a solution.

So, my bf and I have an issue. We live in the same town, 50 minutes away with subway. He lives alone and I live with a friend. During the week we both work so we can't go to the other person's place easily. He says he will visit me once per month because he doesn't feel comfortable with my friend around. And I don't have to visit either if I don't feel comfortable with his parents and we will have to deal with distance for a while. I told him it's ok I will visit him each weekend. Then, he told me some weekends he doesn't want to meet at all not even me come to his place because he wants to spend it alone.

I told him since we don't meet during the weekdays either it's a shame to not meet some weekends either. I recommend that he lets me visit and we can spend the days doing separate things and just be in eachothers presence and sleep together. He said no. Then i recommended he lets me visit one day for example he spends all Friday and Saturday alone and Sunday together and even during Sunday he can spend some of the day doing separate things but he said I can't offer him alone time by being in the same room with him. Then i recommend during the weekends he doesn't want to visit let's plan an outing during the week, for example go for a coffee for 2 hours before or after work but he said he can't promise that.

I recommended that when he doesn't want to meet during the weekend to let me visit him one weekday and spend the night together and he agreed to that bit doesn't get it why go through all that.

We agreed on this and it feels ok for me as well but be still thinking about maybe breaking up and that we can't make it. How can i save this? Yes we had a difference, we talked it through and reached a solution, so what is the problem, what should i do?