r/whatdoIdo

I'm 47 years old, married with 3 kids, and have a mortgage - the whole nine yards. After working for 15 years as an IT project manager, I got a call this morning that my position has been eliminated. I'm literally on vacation with my family right now.

The company is restructuring and my entire team was let go. They offered me a "bonus" to stay on for another 10 weeks to help with the handover to the people who will be taking over.

I know I should be grateful for the extra money, but I'm sitting here in my hotel room absolutely terrified. My wife's job doesn't pay much, so almost the entire financial burden is on my shoulders. Honestly, I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'm so scared and have no idea what to do next. Any advice or perspective would be a great help.

Im so happy I finally got a job, but im starving. no churches, no food stamps, no pantrys, no first paycheck for two more whole weeks... im just starving..

My boyfriend (M28) and I (F29) have been together for almost 5 years. In all that time I have never told me he “couldn’t” do something because it makes me uncomfortable. I worked really hard to learn to trust him after an abusive and betrayal filled relationship. My sister (F26) just broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years and moved into her first apartment by herself and is living with a male roommate, whom she has been close friends with since high school. A close friend of her passed away and she is feeling the weight of her breakup and asked me to come see her. I haven’t seen her in almost 4 years due to moving out of state with my boyfriend to live in his hometown and now in another new state for his career. He told me he was uncomfortable with the situation because of her male roommate and thinks he might try to get me to hook up with him. I have been very loyal and honest our entire relationship and have never given him a reason not to trust me. This caused a huge fight because I tried to reassure him that nothing like that would happen because my sister and I have known him a very long time and he is trustworthy. He said the only way he’d be comfortable with me going is if I stay in a hotel alone while I visit, which I can not afford to do and frankly don’t want to when I would have a free place to stay with my sister. He keeps saying it’s not me he trusts, but that he doesn’t know my sister or her roommate well, which has me feeling like he doesn’t trust my judgement. What do I do?

EDIT: I also did ask him if he wanted to join me originally and he did not make a decision in time for me to get a house sitter for our pets.

Hi, for context I (27f) am pregnant currently 22 weeks 3 days. My sister (23 f ) also pregnant 32 weeks 4 days and my SIL (f26) was pregnant 20 weeks 5 days… this is important because we are VERY CLOSE in due dates AND this is my twin brothers and his wife. Also important because it was special to the three of us we were all pregnant at the same time.

long story short, my baby shower is Saturday April 11th , my SIL lost her baby Easter Sunday (yesterday as I’m writing this) so this is very fresh. Baby was lost due to complications and preterm labor. I was wondering if anyone had any idea what I can do special for them the day of my baby shower and NO I do not expect them to come. If they want to they can but I 100% understand they’re grieving. I just need ideas to know what would be good ideas to make this time a little more bearable for them. I can take up money, do gifts, cards, anything really but I just want it to be extra special. For additional context, she fortunately has pretty good insurance so her hospital stay was covered, the cremation was covered by the hospital, and the urn will be covered not only by me but my entire family is chipping in, financially there are no known issues.

Throw me some ideas please what do I do?

so yeh, last night was a tough one. turns out, she never been with me bcs she loved me. she said she tried to but couldn't but was with me out of pity bcs she knew she motivated me to work harder and she did. idk, she said she was afraid to break me or something but I honestly don't think she did.

Idk why but I don't feel anything, I remembered her today but not bcs I miss her but bcs i was used to text her when things happen to me good or bad. so when that happened today she was the first reflax in my brain.

I didn't cry, didn't feel anything but just said let's end this mutually and blocked her after she just replied with sorry.

I deleted everything related to her and really felt nothing doing so. no anger, no sadness, no happiness.

Just a normal photo deleted from my gallery.

she was my first love and honestly? i did love her more than anything so it wasn't bcs I didn't love her.

I just really don't know what's the next step. ik I should just move on and focus on building myself to a better version but how do you move on and what should I do to this emotional numbness like is it normal?

I (24M) moved in with my roommate (23F) about 6 months ago. At first everything was great, clean, respectful, we mostly stayed out of each other’s way.

But over time things started getting… weird. Not in an obvious “this is bad” way, just small things that keep piling up.

It started with her borrowing stuff without asking. At first it was harmless, like a phone charger or using my pan. Then it turned into clothes. I came home one day and she was wearing one of my hoodies. I didn’t even know how to react, so I just laughed it off.

Now it’s gotten to the point where she just walks into my room sometimes without knocking. Not often, but enough that I don’t feel comfortable anymore. I’ve tried casually mentioning it like “hey just knock next time,” and she’ll say sorry, but then a week later it happens again.

The part that’s really messing with me is that she’s super friendly about it. Like she acts like we’re way closer than we actually are. She’ll sit on my bed while we talk, grab my stuff mid-conversation, even make comments like “we basically share everything anyway.”

We don’t.

I don’t think she’s doing it to be malicious, which almost makes it harder. If she were being rude or aggressive, I’d just confront it directly. But this feels like she’s slowly normalizing it, and I’m the one who feels awkward for pushing back.

I don’t want to make the apartment tense or start conflict, but I’m also starting to feel like I don’t have my own space anymore.

How do I set clear boundaries here without turning this into a big confrontation? And at what point do I stop being “nice” about it?

It’s been a couple of hectic days but I wanted to post an update. Not sure why. Maybe this is some kind of journaling.

Tldr my (M34) girlfriend (F36) had a stroke and the family started to sideline me, dad even blamed me for her condition, and things started to look like I wasn’t going to be able to see her anymore.

A bit more context, we had been living together for three years, but took a “living situation break” a few months ago. This is because I couldn’t put up with her constant benders and lies and stealing, worrying where she was, as I was dealing with my own mental health struggles.

Anyways, back to the hospital and the current situation.

Things started to shift with the dad, who is like the main character in the family, not sure if for the best but I’ll count our blessings. I know he keeps me around because I turned out to be useful, not because he actually sees me as part of the family, but as I said, a little win is still a win.

My Gf needs help for moving around, and occasionally needs diapers. She’s also throwing tantrums and refuses to do PT or eat something that is not junk food. But I’m not cowering away from dealing with any of this. She’s told me that she’d rather have me helping her into the shower than The Aunt, who she despises. And when accidents happen, and she feels deeply embarrassed, I’m glad she trusts me to help her with that.

I really hope she puts in the work and maybe a year from now she’ll be dancing again. Neurologist said 6 months and she could very well be walking.

For now, she’s at her parents, and I’m basically living here with her, giving her of her meds, keeping her IV line when necessary, and taking deep, deep breaths every time she gets difficult.

Back in high school and college I did some training in first aid and minor procedures. And I grew up in between needles and gauze thanks to my mom and grandma. So that has come in handy, now I’m not just putting IVs for curing hangovers but actually helping.

And I know this is only the beginning, but we’re getting organized with the house staff: someone is fetching meds, the secretary is booking follow up docs appointments, I’ll be on PT duty later when she’s off the IV…

And most importantly, sometimes we laugh. Sometimes she jokes and teases. I know we’re gonna make it.

I’m 18 (literally just turned 18 like a week ago) and I have a 13 year old little sister. My parents have been fighting for a long time, but today it just… got worse. My mother packed some of her stuff (enough for about 8 days I think) and just left. I don’t even know where she went. Then my father also left and just said he’s going out. So now I’m home alone with my little sister and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. They’ve had problems for years. My father always says he’s open-minded but then also expects my mother to do everything at home because “she’s the mother”. They both get mad really fast and they never admit they did anything wrong. Since the start of this year they basically stopped talking after a fight and just avoided each other. We still did stuff like eating together or even my birthday, but you could always feel the tension. I’m really scared right now. My mother is kinda dependent on my father, he owns our house and also the house my grandparents live in, and I just don’t know what’s going to happen.

And I feel really bad for even thinking this but part of me just wants them to stay together… they’ve been married 20 years. I don’t know if that makes me selfish or childish but I just don’t want it to change. Also I’ve always been really dependent on them, especially my mother. I’m not used to making decisions on my own and now suddenly they’re both gone what do I do?? My sister doesn’t fully get what’s happening and I feel like I’m supposed to handle this but I don’t feel capable at all.

I feel really helpless right now. What do I do? am I selfish for wanting things to just stay the same?

I met a guy at a party and we got along well. We kissed, but I chose to stop things from going further. We didn’t speak for a while, then recently reconnected and went out again. It was genuinely nice, and he was the one who insisted on continuing the evening and invited me to dinner. He said he would quickly go home to shower and come back to pick me up, but then disappeared completely and only replied 17 hours later claiming he had been “sleeping,” which honestly felt disrespectful, especially since I never asked him to make those plans in the first place.

This is not the first time something similar has happened to me after a good date where the man initiates plans and then disappears or fails to follow through, but comes back days, weeks, or even months later after it’s too late.

What do I do from a long-term perspective, what is the better approach when someone behaves disrespectfully like this: calmly calling out the behaviour to create accountability, or simply disengaging silently and moving on? I sometimes feel people repeat this behaviour because no one tells them directly that it is not acceptable.

So yesterday was my birthday and lets just say it didnt end in the best way. Lets just begin to say that i have a toxic family and aswell my relationship with one of my younger sister is not the strongest now (she basically treats everyone around her like crap and has lost few siblings from that aswell). Yesterday was my 30th birthday and my husband went above and beyond to make the day very special but what got to both of us was the way my younger sister was behaving, didnt wish me until she was told to, complained at the dinner table, actually used a lighter to burn the side of the birthday cake and so on. She is 17 so i get that she has teenager problems but she disrespects adults and elders way too much without a discipline which her mother is afraid to do and lets her daughter walk all over her like she is the parent. All this behavior from my sister pissed me off during the family birthday dinner but i tried not letting it get to me and my husband noticed all this too and held his tongue for the sake of letting me enjoy my day. It got to the end of the day when we all decided to go somewhere to take family photos which was cancelled due to our mother being upset with my younger sister and was crying over her and my sisters boyfriends behavior. This really got to my husband who doesnt tolerate any disrespect towards your elders or parents for that matter either (he comes from different cultures than me and is shocked at the way my sister treats and talks to her own mother). The day ended with my husband who is 30 btw and my sister and her boyfriend who are 17 clashing together, he got extremely heated and scolded them for the way they acted, raised his voice at them and even went as far as to threaten them that if they disrespect our mother like that again he would rip their heads off. During this whole ordeal i was trying to tell him to calm down and be in between but he told me not to hold him back, this ended with him walking off to cool his head instead of wanting to punch them and my sister called the police on him. The police came took statements, told him that they werent arresting him because he didnt do any domestic violence but they did warn him that my sister might press charges for threatening. For me i felt that the whole day was ruined and im upset that this had to happen at all regardless of celebration and it left me im shock and going over in my mind why couldnt this all be handled calmly yes i know people are allowed to get angry and hurt but still regulate their feelings in my opinion. I told my husband that he needed to learn how to regulate his temper and he said he doesnt need to, he did apologize to me for how the day went and promised me to not listen to me next time when i am trying to calm him down because this could have led much worse. My thing right now is what was the best solution to this matter, was anyone in the right here, does my husband need help for his temper? Any suggestions or views on this would be fine at this point because im lost for words at this point.

I’m 31M and struggling with jealousy when I look at people I know on social media. Some mates and acquaintances seem to have everything, independent lifestyle, stable careers, travelling often, active social lives, relationships, always out doing something. It feels like everyone I know has moved on while I’m still in my hometown living with my parents due to setbacks in my life.

I’m currently doing my MSc online (Part time) and an internship online, hoping to land an entry level role soon. But it’s hard not to compare. There’s one girl from my hometown who moved out for a tech job and now has a very glamorous lifestyle. She’s always travelling to new places, going to work events, celebrating birthdays abroad, surrounded by friends, and just seems very confident and outgoing. I find myself checking her profile often, even looking at tagged posts and the people she’s with, and it’s turning into a fixation.

It’s getting out of hand and affecting my mindset and confidence. How do you stop feeling jealous and constantly comparing yourself to others?

ok for some context I am F21 and my best friend is F22 (we will call her Marie). im thinking about ending our friendship for a multitude of reasons, but just want honest opinions about if i am being dramatic or not. my best friend is extremely male centered, she cyber stalks my boyfriend and i, she copies me, she seeks attention and male validation, she is a liar, she’s a trump supporter, she disrespects my boundaries and manipulates everyone (not just me), and honestly she is borderline delusional.

1. anytime i have ever gone out with Marie to do anything, she goes out of her way to draw attention towards us. i do not like being the center of attention, so this has always been something that bugs me. for example, if we go to the beach she will make me walk with her past groups of men to try to get their attention, but plays it off like she just wants to walk around. also, Marie is probably the most male centered woman ive ever met in my life besides my own mother. marie has gone out of her way many times to embarrass me in public when she notices im getting more attention or praise than her. im also tired of having to bluntly tell her that the random guys she adds on snapchat ghost her and then come back because they just want one thing. i’ve had to tell her this many times (as well as pointing out love bombing or manipulation), she’s aware, she just cares more about her roster numbers i guess? i mean just last night she posted “time to catfish some mfs” directly after posting her “He is Risen” church posts for Easter Sunday. are we… deadass?

2. she cyber stalks me and copies me. anything i like/repost, she ends up doing the same. i see this because that’s how tiktok and instagram work, i can see when she likes and reposts the same stuff i do. i only notice because when i get notifications, it’s as if she goes onto my accounts and purposely looks at what i like and repost and then does the same in order (so usually it’s multiple notifications at once that say “marie liked a post you reposted” “marie reposted the same repost”). any time im having relationship problems or family problems and i tell her about them, she comes to me 24-48 hours later hysterical and telling me that she “just can’t do this with so and so anymore” or that she hates her family. literally. every. time. then, when i ask her what happened she is either the one instigating issues OR there is no issue at all and she can’t even explain herself. marie also has my location and has randomly “surprised” me by pulling up to my location without telling me she was going to do so. it catches me off guard, and i find it weird any time it’s ever happened. especially because she’s pulled up on me while i was on a date before. when i got mad, she got mad at me for being upset? so then i had to apologize for being rude.

3. Marie has gone behind my back multiple times and added my flings or boyfriends to her social media, and then proceeds to try and hit on them. i don’t get mad because i don’t see her as a threat, and i also live by the motto that if my man can be stolen then he was never mine in the first place. however, i refuse to leave this unacknowledged because it’s weird. i want to say she has done this with the last 3 guys, and my current boyfriend is the one who pointed out that it was weird she asked for his snap. then when i told him she’s done this before, he was even MORE weirded out. he’s right, it is weird. especially because 2/3 of the last guys i liked, she ended up telling me she matched with them on dating apps. when i brought it up to the guys, they told me about how they didn’t swipe on her but she went out of her way to hit them up on other platforms. one of the old guys i talked to even showed me, and showed me that she’s been stalking his accounts. i brushed it off because maybe she was just investigating? i don’t know. thinking on it now, it’s definitely odd behavior.

4. she oversteps my boundaries or straight up disrespects them. im not ugly by any means, however i do not like having my photo taken unless im in the mood. i have expressed this multiple times, and she still doesn’t care. Marie thinks the best time to take photos is when im driving her around, or when im going to be caught off guard. i swear she purposely goes out of her way to take unflattering photos of me, and then she will post them on her private story without my permission. it makes me upset and she doesn’t get it. if i snap at her for taking unprompted photos of me, she will hit me with a “ugh you hate me don’t you” or something along the lines of that. no, i don’t hate you, i dislike having my photo taken especially if im not in the mood or if i look busted. i don’t take bad photos of my friends, in fact i go out of my way to get the angles perfect (i love taking photos and being behind the camera, not on camera). i also do not really like FaceTime calls, or calls in general unless they’re quick or important. marie is aware of this, so she will lie to get me on the phone and then when i ask her what’s up she responds with “idk i just wanted to annoy you”, i just don’t get why overstepping someone’s boundaries is so normal to her. marie also lies to her parents about hanging out with me, and hasn’t even told them that i moved. whenever she goes out now, she tells them she’s with me which is a lie. her parents know that im a good person and that im a hard worker which is why she uses me as cover, im assuming.

5. marie has flirted and tried to get with multiple men in my abusive exes friend group. most of the guys she has mentioned from said friend group have physically and/or sexually harassed me while being in a relationship with my abusive ex boyfriend. i do not feel the need to further elaborate.

6. she’s a trump supporter. this didn’t used to be a deal breaker for me, and this alone probably wouldn’t be the end all be all, but it’s a contributing factor. i’ve tried to ask her about this a few times before, but she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about. her information is either outdated and from trumps first term as president, or it’s just straight up bullshit. there is no further research that is done on her end; im convinced at this point that she’s a trump supporter simply because she wants to fit in and wants men to like her more (she lives in SWFL which is highly conservative). she’s also been giving me misogynistic vibes lately. her stories on instagram consist of politicians saying that women were made by God to stay at home and do housework/take care of kids. ok bro. whatever.

all of this being said, i do love her and i wish her the best. i know this explanation may sound like i can’t stand her but that’s not the case. i think ive bottled up a lot of this, and now that i no longer live in the state ive had time to reflect on these behaviors. i just don’t know if im being dramatic when i say i want to end the friendship. i’ve tried to be blunt and tell her these things before, but it’s almost like she doesn’t even listen. if she did listen, then why do things like this continue to happen? i just want some honest advice. i dont think im the best friend, or the hottest girl, or the smartest, but i cannot continue to be friends with someone who refuses to grow as a person. i also dont think i want to be friends with someone that i feel like i have to parent. im younger than marie, but that has always been our dynamic. it’s frustrating.

I'm still replaying the in my head and feeling awful about it. My kid had been acting out all morning and I was already stressed, and when the teacher asked to speak with me about their behavior, I just lost my temper. I know I shouldn't have yelled, especially not in front of their teacher, and now I'm worried about the impact it m have on my kid's perception of me and our relationship. Has anyone else ever had a moment like this and if so, how did you bounce back?