I no longer wanna be here and deal with my daughter‘s condition. I know that sounds heartless. I’ve tried everything. I know how to do the helper and none of it has worked, and I don’t want to phase a life of what I know her life is going to look like I’m done. Community wasn’t very helpful. Either only made me feel worse about my feelings so thanks for that.
Hello my daughter has selective mutism at school. I’m learning that it’s worse than I thought.
She doesn’t like speaking to her friends so its pretty stressful for her. She wants friends but the demand to speak is great and it’s overwhelming . A lot of her friends have given up and all others try not to interact with her due to her being different or odd socially. I feel like this is my fault. I need to prepare her better for socializing.
She is fully functioning on the spectrum. She doesn’t look like it which causes confusion with her classmates as they are not as patient or compassionate. Most of her classmates want nothing to do with her since they view her as odd.
I’d appreciate your ideas on best to help her at school.
Also what is the best way to help her outside of school (speech therapy?). I think once she understands socializing this will get better but the groups we have found are very low functioning so its uncomfortable for her. She’s not wanting to do any therapy or get help really which is another hurdle.
Thanks in advance for helping our family!
My daughter will be starting kindergarten in the fall. She has SM and has definitely come a long way with therapy and good community. However, she still struggles a lot talking in a school setting.
Long story short, we are very concerned about her going to a public school or a charter school and being over looked with larger class sizes, etc. We fear she won’t speak up if she needs help or even be able to stand up for herself if another student isn’t nice. But I also fear that we could be hurting her chance to develop the skills on her own.
Anyone have any experience with homeschooling their kids with SM in the early years?
this might sound like a stupid question, but, for me, the reason i don't often speak or didn't really speak in school is a form of self-repression. i'm wondering if this is similar the way you experience challenges with speaking? for me, i have this extreme, extreme shame. and i don't let myself express myself. can you relate to this?
Every time a new school year starts, my parents and older siblings always tell me, “You can just talk,” or “You’re not disabled.” But even when I want to speak, I still can’t.
I’ve had selective mutism since I started school. I only understood what it was after researching it online in my late teens. Even after explaining it to them, they still think I can just force myself to talk whenever I want, but it’s not that simple. I am now in college still struggling 😓
I just saw a vent TikTok about this poor girl with selective mutism, and all the comments were like 'that's just shyness' or 'people are just making up disorders nowadays' or 'just talk'.
What? Just... What??
Hi everyone,
So I had a question for those who struggled (or still struggle) with selective mutism. I found out that selective mutism was a thing when I was working at a school a few years ago. I ran into a kid that didn't talk and the teacher told me that she has selective mutism. It was in that moment that I realized that I grew up with selective mutism as a kit, even though I was never diagnosed. I went on YouTube and watched other people talked about their experiences with the disorder and the were exactly what I felt as a kid. For me when I was a kid, it felt like I had two distinct worlds; my home life and the life I had at school. It felt like those worlds had to remain separate. Did anyone else feel that way as a kid?
i feel like a huge disappointment to my family and my very few friends. i can’t talk to them even a little bit im completely mute at this point and haven’t talked in years. i’m recently 18 and got a job and ive been trying to talk at work but my voice is so degraded and quiet from years of not using it that nobody can hardly even hear me and i hate hearing myself when i do have to use it. im also a transgender and hate my voice because of that too so im sure that probably makes my perception of my voice worse. i hate how people think i am mentally stunted and treating me as such. because i pick up on every subtle jab at me and every amount of babying like im less-than. i cant even talk to my own parents and sister and im just so ashamed all of the time. i don’t have one friend i vocalize to even a little bit. i can usually talk to complete strangers which makes me feel better but even then, my social skills are extremely lacking and my voice is too quiet. i dont know how ill ever transition in talking to my family again. i feel stupid sometimes even though i am not and i hate it. i hate feeling helpless and trapped in my own body and thoughts. i want to have friends and a good career and feel happy with other people but i just can’t. i cant bring myself to rip off the bandaid that is talking to my family. my therapist wont see me anymore and i dont know why, he hasn’t replied to my text asking to schedule in for a month. maybe im unfixable to him or something and he doesnt want anything to do with me for that. i’m trying to get in with someone else but idek if they can help me either. it does feel good to talk to at least someone after not talking to anyone for weeks but i just wish i was normal. i wish i could live a normal life and not feel so trapped. has anyone else gone through total mutism with their own immediate family? how did you get to talking to them again? i feel so trapped and awkward. they want me to talk to them so bad but i don’t even know how to start and i don’t want to either. but i also do. advice?
I have a one classmate/seatmate who befriended me, and at first I was really happy because I don’t make friends easily since I’m selectively mute and very quiet. But after a few weeks, they started constantly chatting me to ask favors, especially about homework and projects.
What bothers me is the way they ask sometimes feels more like commands than actual requests. Instead of saying “can you help me?” they’ll just message things like “do help me do this” or “make this.” I feel like because I’m quiet, they assume I’ll always agree and won’t say no.
I kept helping for months because I didn’t want conflict or awkwardness, but now it’s honestly becoming exhausting. Sometimes I wonder if they actually value me as a friend or if they mostly like me because I help them.
I don’t know how to set boundaries without making things uncomfortable since we’re classmates and seatmates.
What should I do? Should I block them?
I went mute at age 10 and didn't speak at all for a whole year not at home not at school not in clubs i just didn't speak it felt like to much i preferred being quiet and in rare moments were i wanted to i felt a ball in my throat that made me unable to speak i went to doctors nothing was physically wring with me i went to school psychiatrists it was never called SM to me i was always told i went mute not selectively mute now as a psychology student im trying to find research articles and its all about Selective mutism and the term just sounds gross to me I didn't choose that who would choose that! I didn't select to not speak for a whole year!
Earlier i go up to my teacher because I'm doing a developmental study on myself so i don't have to talk to anybody and the first thing i hear out of her is "your not mute you have selective mutism" WHAT who are you to tell me what i can or cant call myself i lost the ability to speak for a YEAR and struggles with it for many years after hell i still struggle with it so why do we call it such a insulting thing?
Now I'm trying to find articles about it and am insulted every time. Was mine different to selective mutism is that why it was never called that to me or was the term just not used around me?
I’m talkative at home. I can order food and handle work emails. But at family gatherings, my throat closes up. Everyone thinks I'm rude or strange because I go completely silent around certain relatives. It’s not a choice—it’s like my vocal cords freeze. Does anyone else have "safe people" and "freeze people"? How do you explain this to the people you love without them taking it personally?
I am in my early 20s and I feel trapped. Please correct me if I am wrong or if I am overthinking about my condition. Since I was a child I was terrified of everyone including teachers seniors and staff. Because of a physical disability I have I never had the confidence to speak so I didn't even talk to my own classmates. Staying silent became a heavy habit that has now turned into a personality trait.
In senior school I finally tried to speak but my classmates mocked me and said Oh she actually talks. I even tried to confront them and asked why they thought I couldn't speak but their reactions pushed me right back into my bubble. When I started my three year Bachelor’s I hoped for a fresh start. I thought that since nobody knew me there as a shy student I could finally build a new personality. Instead I spent those years stuck in the same pattern.
Now that I am in my Master’s I keep on motivating myself to speak every day but the cycle followed me here too. One day I went for a presentation and messed it up so badly that I am now skipping all upcoming presentations and failing my classes because the overthinking is so intense. I’ve realized this isn't just introversion it is something much more serious. I actually love making new friends but I am physically unable to speak in person. On messages or over calls I am totally fine. But face to face the moment someone says hi my mind forgets every motivation I give myself and goes blank. Only when someone asks How are you can I manage to say Good but I can never find the words to ask them back.
I am seeking advice because I don't know how to break a 15 year habit when my mind won't let me. Is this more than just being an introvert? Has anyone else dealt with this physical block where you are fine online but mute in person? If I explain all these things to my professors will they accommodate my internal assessment marks or let me submit written assignments for my skill based courses? Any help or guidance would mean the world to me and I am wondering if good therapy can help me.
"Failure to Launch where young adults struggle to achieve developmental milestones like moving out, finding employment, or completing education, often remaining dependent on parents well into their twenties or thirties".
I was diagnosed with SM when I was a kid and struggled with it until I was about 14 and I'm 23 now. I was never good with academics and struggled with it greatly so I'm not keen on going to college. Don't like school. I worked a job shortly after graduating high school but only worked there for a year because they gave me short hours and haven't worked a job ever since.
I have friends but never had a relationship. I'm not very fond of life. Idk how to move forward in life. I don’t really have any goals. No career prospects or anything. I just wish I was never born. All I know is struggle. I also struggled with Social Anxiety even though I wasn't diagnosed with it for some reason and heavily believe that I'm autistic also.
Just quick and short, but tuesday night i sent a self-referal to NHS Speach & Language Therapy. I filled out the young persons form and emailed it to them, stating my experiences and symptoms.
Just wondering if anyone else has done this and if so, roughly how did it go? Timeline wise especially?
Im 17, 18 in October, will this affect me negatively?
I have sm since I was 6 years old. I never had a friend in my life. I want to have friends but no one wants to be my friend.
I have seen many Psychologists and Psychiatrists and they give up on trying to help me. They put me in mental hospital for several months for having sm. It made my sm worse. I was given many medicines to try to help me. The medicines made my sm worse.
Teachers think I choose not to talk but that is not true. They always punish me for not talking. They make me write lines, make me stand in front of the class, make me sit beside the most talkative person. They make my sm worse.
I was told that sm will go away after I'm an adult. But that is not true. I still have it. I graduated from university. But no one wants to hire me because I have sm.
I don't know what to do.
I have had selective mutism since around age 5. It wasn't really ever diagnosed. I didn't have many friends when I was younger as my parents moved to another country when I was very young. I basically just got hooked up on the laptop for basically all of entertainment. My parents didn't have any friends and mostly just watched TV. When they told me to get off the laptop I basically just went to watch TV with them.
Initially, I was always selectively mute around adults. At school, if a teacher was with us, I wouldn't take to my peers. When I got older during puberty, I stopped talking to my peers as well and then eventually my own parents too. I'm not really upset with my parents, my childhood was alright, but they did kind of just let me rot on the computer all day and after school. My parents didn't really know what other kids did because they had no reference beside myself (as I had no friends I talked about around them), so they thought sitting on the computer all day was normal for my age. In my final year of school I basically just hid myself in the toilet to eat lunch/recess.
Unfortunately, the issue is that it still persists. In fact, it has gotten worse and I am 20 years old. I can't talk to my parents besides nodding or speaking bare minimum one worded answers.
My dad (who I have the most SM towards) had a stroke 2 yrs ago. When he had his stroke, it was so awkward, I couldn't even ask my mom (who was exhausted) if she was okay or if my dad was okay at hospital. This got really bad as my parents effectively think I am now a monster. It's very hard to disprove this bcoz one I can't talk for jack sh** and I couldn't really find a logical reason to prove my innocence bcoz it seems likely I'm upholding my silly little emotions over my dad's life-changing stroke where he literally ALMOST DIED. It got so bad my parents wanted to kick me out of the house once and honestly I was ready to go, at the time, because I honestly feel fucking terrible and thought I deserved it.
To prove I'm not a monster, I try to self-sabotage myself by ruining my grades on purpose, etc or to like eat less or look devastated to show I care. The issue is, I always have a poker face, so I look like I'm an absolute selfish asshole who just cares about his own work and success. My mother does the dishes and I can't even help her. I literally cannot I genuinely mean this because I'm also partly scared of my dad for some reason always (he's kind of quick to judge). My dad is permanently disabled and I feel so desensitised.
What's worse is that I had to move back to my country of origin because my grandparents were getting sick. In front of all my relatives, I could not even go to my grandfather and ask if he was okay in hospital. I just sat there like an absolute selfish piece of sh** who has an attitude and thinks he's immortal. I had to stare at the ground to look sad.
I feel stuck in life. I sometimes wish to just run away and abandon all connections and live alone, but it seems scary, and the truth is I am also worried about my parents. I hate my life.
Sorry if some of this story doesn't make sense, but I feel completely lost. Btw my parents are not bad people, even I couldn't figure out I had SM until very recently and it is a rare disorder and challenging to spot. I'm just in a spot where my relatives think I'm an asshole, my parents misunderstand me. I'm stuck in a cycle of anger/sadness with no way out.
I’ve been struggling with quite severe selective mutism for the last decade, unable to speak with anyone at school—even my parents while they dropped me off. But the last 9 days I’ve spoken to 8 different people at school! Even if some of them were just an one word answer it was better than I ever would’ve thought I’d be able to do just a year or two ago so I’m quite happy about that 🙂
I grew up with selective mutism, and I also have a dissociative disorder (OSDD or DID). I am not yet diagnosed, but all the symptoms are present, as well as dissociated identity states.
I have noticed this intense dissociation linked with a disconnect between my mind / thoughts and body awareness in my present day life. Let me explain,
Sometimes when I heavily dissociate, and especially with internal talking / awareness or focus / and-or maladaptive daydreaming — I will notice that noise will come from my throat. It’s almost like trying to talk with your mouth closed. But I am very dissociated from it. It’s almost like it has a mind of its own, or just a deep disconnection from mind & body.
This makes me think about how I grew up with selective mutism, and what happened with that disorder is that oftentimes your throat will get tight, and it’s like your voice gets trapped in your throat. I wonder if there’s an association there?
I think mutism really broke me.
I am not even aware of it when it happens. One day I somehow remained aware and caught a glimpse of that. I was mortified! I said to myself, do I make noises like this all the time when I am immersed in thought (usually “vocal” thoughts lol🤦♀️). I talk a lot in my head because of years of not having a voice, I still have no one to talk to. But I guess I dissociate when I do this, and it gets so immersive, and I suppose my body responds to the intense vivid idea of talking that it triggers my throat muscles?? all I know is, that it was LOUD, and I never EVER >**hear**< it when it happens (leading me to realize I dissociative when it happen). Others around me have responded to this! 😳 one day I was watching a cute video and I say “aweee” in my mind, and apparently a LOUD squeal came out of me and I had NO IDEA! It had to have been loud because the TV was blasting! But *I* never heard it! My mom was right there and was like “did you just squeal?” … — I don’t just dissociate noises, I also say words and speak (but I now know those are dissociative parts coming forward).
I also realized that you can apparently dissociative from your different senses. Because I realized that when this happens I remain conscious but I cannot even FEEL the vibration from noise coming through my throat, I don’t HEAR anything … it’s crazy. How can it be so loud and yet I don’t hear it? But even my dog has responded to it! That’s how I know it’s happening.
I know a lot of my dissociation is as actually due to the selective mutism. Being in school like that was so deeply tormenting to me, the somatic sensation, the fear, the freeze, it was all so intense for me it was actually a very significant component in dissociating so intensely as a child and developing a dissociative disorder. There were other factors of course, but I switched the most in school because it was so distressing to me. My home was abusive and horrible, but school was almost worse. I still also heavily dissociate in social situations.
I’m curious if there’s anyone else here who has a dissociative disorder as well, and if you’ve noticed any interesting parallels? I have noticed lots of interesting parallels between dissociative and SM for me. Experiencing SM as a child with no support, was very traumatic for me. On top of all the other trauma I was also experiencing at the time.
I still remember when I was in 7th grade and struggling with selective mutism. One day, a teacher approached my father after school and told him that I wasn’t speaking in class, asking if I had any illness that might be causing it. My father said no and explained that I could talk at home, just that I was shy. The teacher agreed and assumed that since I could talk at home, I should be able to talk at school too.
When we got home, my father scolded me, saying, “You can talk, so why can’t you talk at school?” He then told my mom what happened, and she also scolded me. She said, “Don’t be a hypocrite, don’t act like a two-faced person who shows one side to the world and another at home.” She added that she was tired of telling me the same thing again and again.
People around me kept saying that I would just grow out of it and it's just shyness.
The next day, my teacher made me stand in front of the class to speak. I stood up, but I couldn’t talk, it felt like my throat was paralyzed. It was extremely hard. Then my teacher humiliated me in front of everyone, saying, “You’re already old and still can’t talk? I can’t believe this.”
Now, years later, I’m still struggling because I never received proper treatment. I want to get help in the future and receive proper treatment from a professional, I think no one can help me more than I can help myself, especially since my family still doesn’t understand or take selective mutism seriously, even after I’ve tried to explain it to them.
I only learned about selective mutism in my late teens, when I was searching online, trying to understand what was happening to me. It was such a relief to discover that it’s a real condition and I'm not alone, that what I experienced had a name. I relate deeply to it.
Selective mutism is very difficult and misunderstood. People often think you’re being stubborn or choosing not to talk, and they assume you’ll just grow out of it, but it’s not that simple. It’s not just shyness that you can “warm up” from, selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that often requires proper understanding and professional treatment.