u/reet1881

I am in my early 20s and I feel trapped. Please correct me if I am wrong or if I am overthinking about my condition. Since I was a child I was terrified of everyone including teachers seniors and staff. Because of a physical disability I have I never had the confidence to speak so I didn't even talk to my own classmates. Staying silent became a heavy habit that has now turned into a personality trait.

​In senior school I finally tried to speak but my classmates mocked me and said Oh she actually talks. I even tried to confront them and asked why they thought I couldn't speak but their reactions pushed me right back into my bubble. When I started my three year Bachelor’s I hoped for a fresh start. I thought that since nobody knew me there as a shy student I could finally build a new personality. Instead I spent those years stuck in the same pattern.

​Now that I am in my Master’s I keep on motivating myself to speak every day but the cycle followed me here too. One day I went for a presentation and messed it up so badly that I am now skipping all upcoming presentations and failing my classes because the overthinking is so intense. I’ve realized this isn't just introversion it is something much more serious. I actually love making new friends but I am physically unable to speak in person. On messages or over calls I am totally fine. But face to face the moment someone says hi my mind forgets every motivation I give myself and goes blank. Only when someone asks How are you can I manage to say Good but I can never find the words to ask them back.

​I am seeking advice because I don't know how to break a 15 year habit when my mind won't let me. Is this more than just being an introvert? Has anyone else dealt with this physical block where you are fine online but mute in person? If I explain all these things to my professors will they accommodate my internal assessment marks or let me submit written assignments for my skill based courses? Any help or guidance would mean the world to me and I am wondering if good therapy can help me.

I am in my early 20s and I feel trapped. Please correct me if I am wrong or if I am overthinking about my condition. Since I was a child I was terrified of everyone including teachers seniors and staff. Because of a physical disability I have I never had the confidence to speak so I didn't even talk to my own classmates. Staying silent became a heavy habit that has now turned into a personality trait.

​In senior school I finally tried to speak but my classmates mocked me and said Oh she actually talks. I even tried to confront them and asked why they thought I couldn't speak but their reactions pushed me right back into my bubble. When I started my three year Bachelor’s I hoped for a fresh start. I thought that since nobody knew me there as a shy student I could finally build a new personality. Instead I spent those years stuck in the same pattern.

​Now that I am in my Master’s I keep on motivating myself to speak every day but the cycle followed me here too. One day I went for a presentation and messed it up so badly that I am now skipping all upcoming presentations and failing my classes because the overthinking is so intense. I’ve realized this isn't just introversion it is something much more serious. I actually love making new friends but I am physically unable to speak in person. On messages or over calls I am totally fine. But face to face the moment someone says hi my mind forgets every motivation I give myself and goes blank. Only when someone asks How are you can I manage to say Good but I can never find the words to ask them back.

​I am seeking advice because I don't know how to break a 15 year habit when my mind won't let me. Is this more than just being an introvert? Has anyone else dealt with this physical block where you are fine online but mute in person? If I explain all these things to my professors will they accommodate my internal assessment marks or let me submit written assignments for my skill based courses? Any help or guidance would mean the world to me and I am wondering if good therapy can help me.

I am in my early 20s and I feel trapped. Please correct me if I am wrong or if I am overthinking about my condition. Since I was a child I was terrified of everyone including teachers seniors and staff. Because of a physical disability I have I never had the confidence to speak so I didn't even talk to my own classmates. Staying silent became a heavy habit that has now turned into a personality trait.

​In senior school I finally tried to speak but my classmates mocked me and said Oh she actually talks. I even tried to confront them and asked why they thought I couldn't speak but their reactions pushed me right back into my bubble. When I started my three year Bachelor’s I hoped for a fresh start. I thought that since nobody knew me there as a shy student I could finally build a new personality. Instead I spent those years stuck in the same pattern.

​Now that I am in my Master’s I keep on motivating myself to speak every day but the cycle followed me here too. One day I went for a presentation and messed it up so badly that I am now skipping all upcoming presentations and failing my classes because the overthinking is so intense. I’ve realized this isn't just introversion it is something much more serious. I actually love making new friends but I am physically unable to speak in person. On messages or over calls I am totally fine. But face to face the moment someone says hi my mind forgets every motivation I give myself and goes blank. Only when someone asks How are you can I manage to say Good but I can never find the words to ask them back.

​I am seeking advice because I don't know how to break a 15 year habit when my mind won't let me. Is this more than just being an introvert? Has anyone else dealt with this physical block where you are fine online but mute in person? If I explain all these things to my professors will they accommodate my internal assessment marks or let me submit written assignments for my skill based courses? Any help or guidance would mean the world to me and I am wondering if good therapy can help me.