u/GratefulCloud

Hello my daughter has selective mutism at school. I’m learning that it’s worse than I thought.

She doesn’t like speaking to her friends so its pretty stressful for her. She wants friends but the demand to speak is great and it’s overwhelming . A lot of her friends have given up and all others try not to interact with her due to her being different or odd socially. I feel like this is my fault. I need to prepare her better for socializing.

She is fully functioning on the spectrum. She doesn’t look like it which causes confusion with her classmates as they are not as patient or compassionate. Most of her classmates want nothing to do with her since they view her as odd.

I’d appreciate your ideas on best to help her at school.

Also what is the best way to help her outside of school (speech therapy?). I think once she understands socializing this will get better but the groups we have found are very low functioning so its uncomfortable for her. She’s not wanting to do any therapy or get help really which is another hurdle.

Thanks in advance for helping our family!

I have an elementary child. She has been sent to the best place around to help with ARFID. A team of speech therapists watch her eat and encourage her that she can do this. We also have a nutritionist and psychologist. It works for them but not at home.

This program is telling us that it’s not working for my child cuz we are enabling her. She has access to sugar and chips at her own discretion so now we have to lock it away and get stricter. I’m okay with that but it’s the tone of we’re doing it wrong therefore the program won’t work.

They say she is not losing weight so she’s getting her calories somewhere. They say we need to follow protocol better otherwise it wont work. Protocol is consequences when she doesn’t eat (i.e. no screens, etc. until she has her bites). She needs more consequences they say in order for her to eat the right foods. Lock up the sugar and don’t let her snack much. Let her go hungry and she will eat; ummmm she’s already going hungry!

It’s true she does gravitate towards chips and sugar (I have other reddit posts about this). But the issue is she is stuck in a pattern of no to food. It’s her brain refusing every time. It’s more than what’s available to her imo.

To me ARFID feels more than her parents not following the rules. I do understand you have to be firm yet gentle but this is not a one and done issue. We have been in the program for about a year. But a year doesn’t seem much to me. This takes time and it’s not easy for her.

This is all SO very sad to me that this is how they are approaching her hardships with food. It’s our fault vs working together and not blaming anyone. I’m upset about it cuz I don’t feel like she is being understood for her genuine struggles. I guess it’s because they get others who leave being successful but I wonder if that’s true??? What is the success rate ? Is my child the outlier? How about those who are neurodiverse? We need to test this success rate long term. I’m glad they have a good success rate and I”m sticking with it of course. But I wish it was more of an understanding approach. Sorry to rant! TIA for your support and encouragemen!