r/leaves

I (26f) was hanging out with my friends who all party quite often. Me and my friends would dab all day every day.

I had another sober friend come hang out with all of us, and the sober friend made plans to come hiking and made dinner with me. This was something i was begging my stoner friends to do with me.

And then it clicked.

I realized who i was surrounding myself with. Being in this environment felt "low vibrational". Thats the best way i could describe it. Every time i wanted to do a healthier activity like hiking or even something as a simple as taking a walk, it would feel like i was asking the world of them. They would usually say no, and we'd spend the whole day just dabbing and smoking blunts and listening to music. Which i loved, but i love hiking more, i love cooking and not feeling lazy more, i love having real conversations that arent focused around how fucked up we got that one time, and being able to hold a conversation without forgetting what im saying half way through. My sober friend made me realize how much i missed what it felt like to have friends who prioritize other activities besides lazing around and smoking.

Its almost as if i gave myself the ick. But i forgive myself. And my friends. They are still great people. I think i outgrew the environment.

I love myself. So much, that it made me never want to lose myself again in weed. 11 years a stoner. She isnt me anymore.

I feel more lady like. I feel like an adult now. I dont have to smoke a bowl before i go grocery shopping now and waste an hour bopping around or losing myself in instagram bc im stoned and nervous about going in public. I dont feel nervous about visiting my parents anymore and wondering if they know im high bc of my eyes or bc of the way i smell.

Im involved. Im present. Im grounded. And most of all, im in control. And it feels really good :) thanks for reading

Inhaling hazy smoke in your lungs just to escape reality for a couple of hours. Overwhelming your brain with a daily overdose of dopamine. Risking getting cancer or a heart disease. Risking getting caught (if not legal). Risking your mental health. And lying to yourself that it’s all justified and not that bad. Wasting money, wasting time. Worrying when the supply goes out. Going through withdrawal symptoms. Anxiety, Paranoia, Anger, Shame, Mood Swings, Grogginess, Bad Sleep, Red Eyes, Dry Mouth, Bad smell, Binge Eating, Isolation, Laziness.

Is it really worth it?

It’s 100 days for me and I’ve been at this point a couple of times, still I always get sucked in in the circle of addiction.

I smoked heavily for 10 years, and on again off again for 5.

Im now 34 and 73 days sober. I feel like I'm just not as sharp and articulate as I once was, and like my knowledge is in there somewhere but I can't access it as easily, if that makes sense. I'm wondering for those of you who have a long using history and have been sober for longer than me, what brain functions return and what never comes back?

I’ve been smoking daily since I was 18. I immediately fell in love with weed the first time I smoked it, but I loved it too much. I started smoking daily not even a few months after my first time. I lied to my parents, and even though they still found out, I would lie about how much I used. I just thought, “They wouldn’t understand,” and I kept coping and finding every reason to justify my addiction. I even kept denying that it was an addiction in the first place, telling myself I could quit anytime and that it wasn’t affecting my life.

I was lying.

Then I left for university. My parents weren’t there to scold me when they smelled weed in my room, and I no longer had to worry about sneaking around them to smoke. So I smoked every single day, from the second I got out of class until my head hit the pillow. And I loved it. I had friends to smoke with and video games we would play together.

But then I started choosing smoking over hanging out with my non-smoking friends. I would only hang out with stoners. I started skipping class and stopped going to the gym. Weed became my life, my only source of enjoyment. And I pushed away everybody I loved just because I would rather smoke and play video games. Eventually, it was just me, gaming all day. I wasn’t even really enjoying it. I would just do it to fill the time and because I had cornered myself into this routine.

Then came my junior year. I met a beautiful girl, and she was super into me, with an intense love that I hadn’t felt from anyone I’d been with in the past. I lost my virginity to her, and things were going great. She was a stoner, and I couldn’t have asked for more.

But of course, reality had to set in.

It turns out she has borderline personality disorder and decided she’s not ready for a relationship right now because the feelings are too intense. I was left devastated. I visited my family for spring break, but I wasn’t even really there. I was just a husk, smoking and gaming until the time passed. My sister told me that I never spend time with her anymore, and I didn’t even know what to say.

So I came back to university. The only things that made me happy were Instagram reels, porn, weed, and video games. And I guess I just had enough. I quit watching reels first, and I felt like I genuinely gained a piece of myself back. I felt a little happier. So I decided to quit weed too.

I’m on day 4 now. The first 2 days were easy because I had all this self-improvement motivation, and I was so ready to get my life back. I started exercising and eating healthy, and it felt pretty good. But day 3 hit like a truck: anhedonia, loneliness, the whole nine yards. And today I was feeling pretty terrible too, but then I found this sub.

And let me tell you, you guys are some of the most inspirational people I’ve ever seen. Hearing stories of people smoking daily for 20 years and still being able to quit despite the challenges, or being 3 months sober and still feeling down and depressed but finding the strength to push through anyway, you guys are incredible. You give me the hope and strength I need to believe that I can come out the other side of this as a better, healthier person. So I want to thank you all deeply.

And if you’re reading this and haven’t quit yet, it’s going to suck, but it’s not going to suck as much as it would if you tried quitting a year from now, or a decade from now, or never. You’ve tried to quit before, just imagine where you would be if you had stuck with it until now.

And if you have quit but you’re struggling, make a post about it. Even just writing all this out made me feel so much better, knowing that there are other people out there going through the same struggles.

We got this.

Just a small PSA for anyone thinking they can go back and smoke after some time off. Don't do it.

I recently broke my sobriety but I was on vacation and just wanted to smoke for a day or two. I had no plans or desire to go back to being a daily smoker. Big mistake. I've been having sleeping issues ever since. I literally only smoked like two times each day for two days. I was a few days from reaching 3 months so I was surprised that even after this long my withdraw symptoms kicked in so easily. I wont be smoking during a vacation or party no matter what for at least another two years.

It's been a week and all my symptoms have come back. First I couldn't fall asleep until 2am+ no matter how tired I was and now I get one night of bad sleep followed by good sleep the next night. The only blessing is that once I do fall asleep it's normal sleep and not horrible sleep like my original symptoms were. This is just a warning for anyone else who had a similar idea to mine.

I just want to abort mission

Withdrawals whooping my ass. Bad.

Idk if this kind of post is allowed, but I've been trying to quit lately, I've had a lot of attempts at quitting but I always find myself back. These latest times I've been telling myself that I'll be done when I finish my vape, but I always panic and buy another one after. I'm high/(or, well, my tolerance is so high that "high" is a strong word for it) most of the time, and I know it's bad for me, but I'm so nervous to not have weed to rely on.

So I’ve quit last Sunday cold turkey and the journey has been insane. I’ve had trouble sleeping, eating, even pooping (sorry TMI😂) but everything is just completely off.

For dinner , i finally ate more than just 2 bites which I felt was accomplishment.

I also have been trying to stay hydrated and active with my body.

I feel like weed altered my life in such a way to where I feel I don’t know who I’am without it and I struggle with that thought daily. I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss it.

However, the reason I’m doing this is so much bigger than smoking and I’m trying to remember that.

I’m in the thick of it and I know some people in this group are currently on the same journey. I want to tell someone the way i have to tell myself to keep fighting.

I’ve thought about relapsing twice and cried when I realized I couldn’t do that to myself. I feel like it’s all a mental thing and right now , my mental is trying to find some normalcy.

My birthday is actually ON weed day lol so to miss out on the festivities this year is going to be a little hard but , I’m glad I’m taking this journey.

It shows me just how strong i really am and if I can do it, so can you. I honestly can’t wait to be able to say that I’m a month clean lol. Even if it takes a million breakdowns to get there. It will be worth it in the end.

Head up❤️

And god, I am terrified.

Really just looking for some comfort and advice.

I’m 27F, and have smoked almost daily since I was 19/20. I worry I have stunted myself in terms of emotional regulation, self understanding, and so much more.

I’m quitting. I made the decision for good yesterday and threw everything away. But I am so scared for who I will become without the crutch of weed. Will I still be fun to be around? Will I still make my partner laugh? Will I become a much more irritable, tense, anxious person?

I don’t know. I can’t know. But I want to make this change. I want to breathe easier, I want to be less phlegmy!! I want to not feel dependent on a substance that alters my state of being. I want my skin to clear up! I want to feel like a capable adult, not a teen getting high every night.

I guess I’m really just venting, but I would like to know- have any distractions helped you get through those first few weeks? I find myself thinking over and over about taking a hit as soon as I get home from work, whenever watching tv, whenever eating dinner. I am someone with OCD, so repeated behaviors are a major comfort to me, I miss the physical feeling of lighting a joint and taking a hit…. how do I offer my body an alternative way of soothing that desire?

I am 21 years old and have been using cannabis continuously for 7 years. Over the past year, I have become acutely aware of a significant decline in both my physical and mental health. When I don't smoke, I become easily stressed, agitated, and overwhelmed by negative thoughts. However, when I do smoke, I feel extremely guilty and end up overthinking even more. I can't focus on anything. Recently, I've even struggled to express myself normally and often find myself talking nonsense. This is truly exhausting. Whenever I don't smoke, I can't sleep soundly at night and constantly have nightmares. I have tried to quit hundreds of times but have never succeeded. I don't know what to do anymore.

I only started smoking ever last year when I was 20, half-way into this year I started seeing my addict genes pop up and it scared me so bad I quit for months.

Then I got into some trouble and went on a 6 day binge because it was the only thing I had. An old Dab pen from January.

I was genuinely sucking on it like a crack addict, It was mostly empty and I wasn't getting that high but I would sit there and inhale until SOMETHING came out. It definitely wasnt dab anymore, it left a terrible taste in my mouth and this gunk all over my lips. Id just wake up, hit it, dopamine farm for 8 hours, succumb to slumber, over and over.

Well five days ago i threw that sucker away. I was going to try to macgyver that shit, make it work with the tiny dab that was left. But it struck me as way too far.

I'm going to try to quit this and my other addiction in unison. The withdrawals from both are extremely mild which is amazing. But I was acting like a bitch for 3 days straight. I want my personality back.

Its not so much that I miss being high, I have this strange craving for fun/community all the time and when I smoke I start feeling like I'm surrounded by friends, when really I'm just watching videos of strangers doing stuff.. weird I know.

I’ve taken days off of smoking weed but this is the first time I’ve decided to try to quit it altogether. What I’m finding right now is how bored I am. I’m finding hobbies to do etc but I’m finding it hard to find anything to do that is fulfilling.

What have others done to help with this? I take walks, do puzzles, play with my cats, and am trying to learn the guitar. I did these while stoned before but now I’m finding it harder to enjoy those things.

I’m struggling :(

The one thing I was obsessed with was this asshole and there fricken bong!! I couldn’t shake it. Weeds illegal here, bad enough. I have tried for years to distance myself from heavy users, my house is pure and free of it. There was just this one thought in my mind all the time “gotta quit”-“dealer is just down the road” “focus”-“fuck it” .

They were the last of my tempters, now there gone. Gone!!! To be no more!!

The elation and freedom and relief is surreal!

I’ve been smoking weed pretty consistently for about 4 years now, almost daily, but usually just once a day at night after I’ve finished everything I need to do. I rarely ever smoke if I have responsibilities because I’m definitely not a functional stoner.

About 2.5 weeks ago I stopped, mostly because I was feeling kind of bored and burnt out/tired and also because I’m planning to study for the LSAT this summer, so I figured it was a good time to take a break.

The thing is, sometimes when I’m alone and have a few free hours at night, I still get the urge to smoke and just chill. I keep telling myself it wouldn’t turn back into a nightly habit, but I’m not 100% sure.

I’m also not sure how to categorize my usage, I don’t feel like I was a “heavy” user, but it was still pretty consistent. I only smoked during my last couple hours of the day, at like 8pm, in bed by life 11pm.

I guess I’m just curious if anyone’s been in a similar position. Did you notice any real differences after stopping? So far I honestly feel pretty much the same as before, nothing in my life has really changed.

Would appreciate hearing other people’s experiences.

I’m almost 4 months clean after everyday use for 15 years. It’s a big accomplishment for me but for some reason doesn’t feel like it. I’m pretty hard on myself just in general. I’ve been down a lot on myself and within my job as my job is social media and views have been super low lately. Because I can’t smoke I’ve been drinking a bit more, started with NA beers, to regular beers, and some wine. I’m not switching to alcohol just drinking way more than I used to when i smoked. Used to never drink.

I unfortunately tie my self worth to my job and when i feel like im failing i just get super down on myself. I need help not caving and reasons why i should stay clean. It’s been 4 months but im no more productive or anything. For the diet month i was because i was excited to be quitting and changing my life but now idk. Any help greatly appreciated

Wow!

I figured out how to live without medical cannabis to mask my issues.

I can go forward without something that numbs my emotions.

I can be within myself, and feel my feelings, and be at peace with them, myself, and the world around me; without the substance i previously needed!

I never thought this day would come!

Here we are!

It feels magical!

It feels better than when i was high; clarity is better than high!

I guess what i really sought by using medical cannabis was clarity.

Ahhhhh! :)

Thank you to whoever created this wonderful community where we can share out journey towards a better life! :)

I can’t help but stop and I barely feel it when I go half a day without it I feel very strong cravings.

I have been smoking tobacco and weed joints for 13 years, I quit six months ago nd I am just constantly thinking about it.

For about the past 4 days ive been having diarrhea and farting up a storm. I know this is gross AF. but is anybody else experiencing this or is this not part of the withdrawal process. M26 who has been using for about 2 years.

Hey,

just wanted to post this as a symbol of a significant achievement - something a few years ago I thought I'd never pull off. After a decade of almost daily use. Life has changed a lot since then for better. It's good to be in sync with my true self instead of being constantly covered in fog.

Let's keep going.