r/intrusivethoughts

i have been thinking about scenarios involving me cutting my chest off and stabbing myself in the uterus I have always wanted a masculine body but i still wanna be a girl

The thoughts involve me as some character with no chest or uterus just a plain human body leaning towards masculine with broad shoulders it's so weird I don't think I'm trans i might just like looking masculine..

If i describe it it always goes something along with me cutting my breasts off stabbing my self on the lower stomach region wrapping my top with bandages as a story line it's almost as if I am fantasizing about it craving it

I'm easily being attracted to females, and most disturbingly I'm thinking about them sexually, I start thinking like a pervert full of lust

After a while when I realise, I feel belittled morally and as a human

This is harming me, affecting the way I think

I know it's disgusting

I don't want to look at women the way I'm looking, If I don't change the situation might become out of control

I fear that I might turn into a monster

I want to look at them with the dignity they deserve, I want to look at them as a fellow human being

Most importantly I want to get rid of this vile sight & filfth thoughts about women

Hey I just wanted to ask does anyone else think about hurting people in their class/at all.i don’t know why but I vividly think about hurting or beating people that make fun of me, I also think about who would try step in and how I would react/how I would use chairs and knives to hurt them.I also think about just hurting people that I don’t even know/my family. I just wanted to ask does anyone else think about it? Of course I’d never hurt my family but I think about how I would,I think it may come from my early upbringing Im 14 right now but every partner my mother has had has either been a PDF or a rapist one of my mothers partners were both every partner my mother has had would also beat me and my siblings me and my siblings have only told my mother about one of her partners because she probably won’t believe us about the others.so can anyone give me some advice?

Every morning I wake up, my intrusive thoughts are pounding in my head and my mind won’t shut up. It feels severe and I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

I'm the most depressed I've ever been, and it turns out my solution is lets end my marriage so I can just sleep through my negative feelings and hope it gets better eventually. I feel like no one has ever recovered from this, but I know that feeling is stupid. Can y'all let me know which treatment plan helped you recover from blaming your safe space for all the ills in your world?

So say you’re scared of or very very much don’t want to think about a certain topic / thing, do you then think about it?

I get intrusive thoughts about the things I’d LEAST like to think about. Sometimes they start with ‘I hope I don’t think about X’ after reading something triggering, or ‘I wouldn’t want that to happen’ and then bam a little quick flash of the thing.

I’m at a point where my intrusive thoughts are essentially fears of having thoughts! Like the actual thoughts / images haven’t even happened yet…but I fear them happening…and then as a result, bam.

Always latch on to things I love / care about too! And yes I have OCD.

Just venting I guess…I’m not really sure. For the record I do NOT support anything in the second paragraph and find it absolutely disgusting and absurd that this is happening.

It’s come out online and on CNN that there is a website where men are posting content about 🍇ing their partners and talking online to people about it.

I keep having intrusive thoughts about “what if I’m somehow on the list of people that have visited this website” “what if I visited this website and didnt know that I did” even though I know for a FACT I would NEVER engage in these types of activities as they go against all of my morals. And I am a SA survivor as are many people I’m surrounded by. Like I feel like my brain just keeps circling back to those what ifs and I can’t get them out of my mind.

Idk what to do.

Every time I’m out anywhere I cannot help but notice every single taller slender man with full salt and pepper with the blue eyes 40-50. The more salt the better. That combination drives me wild and I get so excited inside every time I see them. Mind you they probably have no idea what I’m thinking inside as I don’t reveal to them I’m checking them out. My intrusive thoughts takeover me and I try to tell myself to stop, but I simply cannot.

TW: Mentions of Violence & Sexual Assault

Recently I’ve been having a lot of intrusive thoughts of people harming me in different ways. These range from physically harming me, or even sexually assaulting me. I have them all the time and I can’t block them out because even though I know it’s unlikely, there’s still a chance of it happening.

It’s also started affecting me at home as well. I can’t bring myself to leave my room when nobody is home in fear of something happening. It doesn’t matter if I need to do the laundry, eat, or even go to the bathroom. I cannot get myself through that door no matter how desperate I am because my head is filled with all these thoughts. It’s getting so bad that I have to get my boyfriend to come with me at night time if I need the toilet because I can’t go on my own.

I just don’t know what to do or how to handle these thoughts at all. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you in advance.

Recentlx my friend told me my tics could be part of ocd. I thought about it. Hypersexuality is often found in ocd. The „perfectionism“, the uncomfortable and stressed feelings when i didnt check something 5 times, the stressed part when something isnt oerfectly aligned or how i want it to stand, intrusive thoughts, violent desires, the sensitivity with bodily fluids, SPECIFICALLY saliva. Ive talked to a few diagnosed people. Soon im getting a therapist anyway but idk if im ready tot alk about it yet face to face. My mother would be in denial anyway. What if the therapist thinks im weird? Plus i can never tell anyone my intrusive thoughts or fantasies

I thought my tics were a tic disorder or anxiety tics but my friend, who suffers from the same tics, mentioned that i could have ocd so i decided to educate myself a bit about it. See what symptoms i can relate to, talk to people with diagnosed ocd. And eventually tell my therapist.

I just needed to vent a little because i have no one i can tell this. Im way too ashamed to talk about it.

CW: Mentions of P*dophilia

Firstly, yes i am aware reddit is not a substitute for therapy. We are working on it but it seems like i am not going to get a Spot for months at least and this has consumed my mind, so i thought i would ask for advice on reddit.

I (17m) do not know what to do. Everyone i have Opened up to in real life (my mom, dad, aunt and my 2 best friends) have told me that i'm just not and it couldn't be, but that didn't reassure me much since they don't know what my head is like.

Let me start with some context and preface this by saying i have a bad memory bc of fetal alcohol syndrome (the mom and dad i speak of are actually my grandparents who adopted me but are for All intents and purposes my parents.) My childhood wasn't always easy but i am not sure i could describe it as "bad". My parents fought a lot (they are divorced now) and i struggled to maintain friendships since i also have autism.

I don't know if that is the actual cause but puberty plus unrestricted Internet access and no actual deep friendships was not good for me, i would guess. I started watching fetishy content at all way too young age, maybe 9 and started to masturbate to it sometime after.

Around the time i finished elementary, i lost all of my meaningful friendships up to that point and that of course, wasn't good to me. I started imagining them in fetishy scenarios and i started asking them weird uncomfortable questions because nobody ever told me to knock it tf off, which i assume is the reason we eventually stopped talking entirely. This is a recurring thing, i got too good at hiding things, preventing me from getting help earlier.

Eventually, the thoughts fantasies about my friends devolved into me looking up similar stuff on the internet, which long Story short led to me getting into and indulging in sh*ta stuff. Around the same time, i started getting into erp on reddit, lying about my age to just indulge in my bullshit further.

But yea, eventually i started doing things with the thought of "if nobody will know i did it, i cannot hurt anyone."

I started having these thoughts about pretty much anyone in my life who was willing to talk to me, shamefully even family friends who were much younger than me while playing with them. (I did nothing specifically innapropriate, but the thoughts were there. I don't want to elaborate since i know there is nasty people on reddit)

I am not proud of it but i indulged in these thoughts for way too long and it makes me feel disgusting now.

I did this for years, doing a bunch of bad shit because no one ever told me to stop or prevented me or ever asked. I don't wanna shift all of the blame away from myself, but i feel guilty since i keep telling myself this could have been avoided.

I eventually did this so much i stopped thinking about it, just getting off and then not thinking about it much. I did eventually manage to make genuine friendships that have lasted until now (whom i have treated badly in the past in other ways which i also feel very guilty for but that is not the point of the post.)

Anyways, this all hit a wall about a week ago. I basically became paranoid that i could get into genuine trouble, which snowballed into me rethinking large Parts of my life and realizing how messed up how messed up i genuinely have been the last 9 years of my life, and genuine ethical fear about being a horrific person. At that point, i started catching these thoughts whenever they popped up and stopped myself from thinking about them, but they became very intrusive. I just knew i should stop thinking about it.

I felt terrible and didn't sleep well for a few days until i got sleep meds and i opened up to the ppl close to me and this made me feel better for a little bit, until the next friday i had a consultation with a child and youth therapist, who after 50 minutes diagnosed me with a suspicion of p*dophilia, before telling me she cannot take me back for a second appointment which made me have a massive mental breakdown at home because i felt so disgusting.

Anyways this morning i woke up feeling terrible again. I just know that i don't want to hurt anyone or see anybody in an oversexualised Light anymore, but i'm so scared that i will fall back in old habits or that this whole thing hasn't made me change at all. I keep overthinking if i am not actually a disgusting freak bc of the intrusive thoughts, or if they're even intrusive thoughts at all. I just know i don't want to hurt anyone, i know i am capable of not hurting anyone now that i understand what i was doing, but i am driving myself insane about what all of this means about me. I am trying to get help but it seems so far away right now.

So, reddit, can anyone offer advice or offer some insight into what is wrong with me, any help is appreciated. I am also ok with making clarifications if it's not asking for graphic Detail (obv)

My husband (25m) and I (24f) have been together for almost 7 and a half years. He confessed to me last night that he has these intrusive thoughts that he doesn’t want to have. Like he sees some one and wants to have sex with them. Or randomly thinks about cheating. My mind is telling me to divorce him (there are other reasons) while my heart wants to hold on but idk how to get past this specifically. I really need some advice. I’m sick to my stomach and I can’t move on.

Ps. I’m not sure if this is relevant but I am also 3 months postpartum with our first baby.

There was a point in my last relationship where I just kept feeling this heavy disappointment. Not anger, not sadness exactly just this quiet, exhausting feeling that things weren't what I thought they'd be. Writing it down didn't help. Talking about it didn't help. It was just... there. So I tried something weird. I imagined that feeling as an actual object something dull and heavy, like a stone that had been worn down by water. And then I mentally put it somewhere. On a shelf. Out of my chest. Sounds unhinged but it genuinely made it feel smaller. Does anyone else do this?

I have been suffering with horrid intrusive thoughts. The most recent is a childhood memory which is honestly nothing to even stress over. However, my dad’s wedding is this week and I have been looping since January that I’m going to stand up mid wedding ceremony and say the most unhinged things or announce all my childhood traumas. I have Valium and propranalol but I feel so sick and there is no way I can escape attending the ceremony. I have the same fears around team meetings etc and recently just quit my job for another that doesn’t involve team meetings. I also sat in the toilet at my best friends wedding during her ceremony for the same fear.

What can I do I’m petrified - it’s like I get a huge adrenaline surge and feel I’m going to do it (I never have in the past).

Had anyone else experienced this before - surely there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.

I'm not an attention seeker, but I'm desperate for comments and to listen to what you people have to say since I'm currently in a crisis.

I wanted to post this on r/OCD, but the mods don't allow newly created throwaway accounts, which I find stupid because most redditors wouldn't wanna use their main accounts to confess something they're not proud of.

I (19M, hetero) have loved animals since I was a kid, and I get happy whenever I get to pet one.

Shortly after my 19th birthday, I was watching petting videos, and then I noticed I felt slightly aroused with worried me. Regardless, I dismissed the feeling as "just a feeling."

Next month, I argued with a zoophile on Twitter. At first, I told him that he should get therapy for it, but he argued that he isn't doing anything wrong since he only feels attraction and wouldn't harm an animal. But slowly, he started to argue that animals could, in fact, consent, showing me videos of a deer trying to fuck a woman as proof that animals don't mind having sex with humans. He even showed me a video of a guide to animal consent, which is ironic because the person who made the video is against zoophilia. I got pissed and started resorting to insults and death threats (like kys). In a twisted way, this made me more interested in animals. I started visiting farms, borrowing dogs, and going to cat cafes. I'd even start watching videos of animals being rescued because I see animals being vulnerable, "adorable" and then having a good ending, more "adorable." I even met someone who could borrow a dog for a walk.

Btw, in all of these instances (except for before turning 19 and arguing with a zoo), the unwanted arousals did creep in, but I dismissed them as "unwanted feelings".

Then yesterday, I realized something shocking. Am I a zoophile? Am I fueling my attractions? Are the videos I look at because "they're adorable," knowing unwanted arousal creeps in, just an excuse to fulfill my sexual urges? What makes me more shocked is that whenever I see videos of animals being rescued, where they're broken, I fantasize about hugging them, which worries me because it proves that it may also be a zoosadist. Also, remember when I was arguing with a zoophile earlier on Twitter, I checked his page and found that he was posting (and retweeting) images and videos of foxes, which made me more interested in foxes, and in my head, I started obsessing with them because the zoophile was attracted to them and that they should be protected from the "monster"

I used Grok to see if it's true, and it said yes, that it does "cross into zoophilic territory." You can read the full convo here: https://x.com/i/grok/share/0bf2e4fd64dd455b8baa43f22286c076

I'm currently disgusted, upset, nauseated, and devastated. I never wanted to be a fucking zoophile; I didn't choose this fucking attraction. I'm worried that I have been subconsciously feeding it and acting on it. This is fucking terrifying. I've done bad things before, like shoplifting and being a dick to an old woman trying to be helpful, but at least with these two instances, I can still live with myself, unlike this. Also, since the chat with Grok, I now get disgusted whenever I see an animal, and I feel like I wanna stay away from them, and I don't know if I should stop borrowing the dog for walks. I'm feeling like I'm suffocating, and my chest hurts.

What should I do?

Edit: I don't listen to or follow Andrew Tate. I was trying to make the character seem masculine.

Not legally yet, but essentially might as well be. Also have a kid together and I love my wife and family very much. I get inappropriate thoughts about wanting to be with other women all the time. Prior I was doing pretty well in the dating department and having a lot of fun. For context my wife is also a smokeshow 10 so its not a physical thing. I have tried to bury these thoughts and stop myself from thinking about it but it only gets more intense. I have been offered the opportunity to stray a few times but I never took it. I have toyed with the idea of toeing the line to indulge in some fantasies but not physically cross the line, not that I know how I would find a willing participant. Ive developed some weird things that I never thought about before wanting, an example would be to hang out naked for a little bit, we casually talk and or have coffee while I rub one out... I dont understand why I want these things and I feel like a shitty person... i dont even know what I'm expecting out of posting this here, hopefully someone has some perspective, I guess.

I'll try to keep it succinct. I'm 18m, and I am struggling with my sexual identity - I am not sure whether I have POCD or something else... I would consider myself bisexual, and when it comes to my attractions to guys, I wouldn't call it a kink, but a preference to me is blond curly hair and wavy brown hair. All my fantasies have been with people aged around 16-19, although there have been times where I have felt a strange attraction to up to 24 year olds with certain traits that interest me. Curly hair is something that really does it for me, I even casted my mind towards my 60 year old tutor, but I wouldn't say it was sexual.. just a theme i guess.

The POCD stated when I was 17 - every once in a while I would see a 15 year old with similar traits that I find attractive to people my age, and would feel a strange mix of attraction but guilt. I felt like I was a p***. This stopped when I found out that being a p*** was attraction to prepubescent children and to have weird feelings is generally alright.

This stopped, then it came up again but with another theme. Very occasionally I would see a 12 year old with similar traits, sometimes in blurred backgrounds of movies of maybe instagram, and feel that weird sense of attraction, and guilt at the same time. This is mainly because I keep on checking to see if I am attracted. However, I noticed that if I keep looking at them at a whole (short stature, etc) I am not attracted to them at all. I believe that these 12 year olds appear to be in puberty, and this feeling has never happened to anyone below that age and/or clearly prepubescent.

I can confidently say I have never felt this feeling with clearly prepubescent children.

Is there potential that I don't find those 12 year olds attractive, but the potential pubescent traits that they have remind me of teens? The vast majority of 12 year olds I can confidently say I'm not attracted to, it's just these once in a blue moon occurrences.

I have never in my life had fantasies about 12 year olds and have never had the urge to look up illegal content. I don't spy on their profiles, I don't know anyone that age, I don't wish to know anyone that age, and I don't even care for what they do. I do not have any desire to be in a relationship with them, and in general for me, the act of actually having sex with anyone is not that exciting to me - i might even have a touch of asexuality. There was even a time last year when i was 17 we had to do a volunteering activities with 11-12 year olds. Felt 0 attraction to them - however that's when I wasn't worried about this. I do not want to work in a field with children... this terrifies me. At the same time if there was a way to erase all 12 year olds from my vision I would 100% do so and I can confidently say it will not affect my sex drive one bit.

Please help me... does this sound like POCD or am I a p***?

I am grateful for any responses.

Edit: as you can see in one of my posts 6 months ago to r/ROCD i was not worried about this.

My(17) sister(5) is absolutely gorgeous. She looks like a doll. She has the cutest voice and laugh, she's playful.

I'm scared that when I move out, someone might hurt her. Not family, I trust them with my soul that they'd never do that.

But, the chance that it could happen is overwhelmingly large, and I'm scared that it'll happen to her after I move out. I won't be there to protect her.

Is this a realistic thought or is it my OCD?

Sorry for the lengthy post

I recently went through a break up with my ex-fiance of 6 years in December. Since then I’ve had a significant amount of life changes and stress, including a severe almost life-ending depression that led to a bipolar 2 diagnosis, and several other things surrounding trauma. I started to get these images in my head again (that have happened before) of graphic and dark/disgusting things. This time it had been severe self-h***. I want to note that I am not sui**dal but I have coped with these thoughts in other than healthy ways. In the past these images were surrounding brutal deaths of my family and loved ones, sometimes by my hands sometimes not. It was horrible and I felt disgusting and like an awful person.

I brought these things up to my friend who has ocd and she mentioned that she gets it because that’s similar to something that’s experienced in harm ocd. Since then I have absolutely been spiraling and I feel like im losing my mind. I can’t stop googling about ocd and I think I’m faking it but can relate to so much, but I can’t get myself to believe it. A few days ago I started making a list of things throughout my life that seem like they could be related. This is the list:

OCD

-Extremely dark and gory intrusive thoughts when i’m stressed, very distressing

-Triggers=Need to check things multiple times/count & anxiety + persistent worry

-Perfectionism

-Feeling that people don’t do it right so i have to do it

-Last minute changes or changes to the way i expected something to be that’s not within my control is distressing

-Struggle with big picture, focus on details and getting everything correct or i’m hyper critical of myself

-Overly hyper critical of self and have unrealistic expectations for myself and others (feeling like i HAVE to be perfect, i don’t WANT to)

-example: i spend an hour doing my makeup every day because if it’s not perfect i get very frustrated and upset, even though it’s small things nobody else would bother to notice; symmetry

-certain things have to be done a very specific way or it doesn’t feel right and can cause anxiety

-disorganization is distressing

-Patterns from childhood like sidewalks (I could only do two steps on one square)

-Feeling the need to “even things out” example touching one side of something and needing to touch the other side or it’s not right

-had periods where i constantly felt the need to check over something over and over again even when i know i just did it

-had periods where i had severe stress over germs and i would get the “ick” and feel the need to be clean, excessive hand washing and disgust about anything i touched

-consistently having body movement sensation issues, like having to “even out my blinks” or hyper awareness of my eyelids (feeling like they don’t feel right)

-very bothered by unevenness and i have to hyper examen things that i think aren’t even

-self harm intrusive thoughts

-need excessive reassurance and constantly anxious that I did something wrong and the reassurance is never enough

-obsessive googling, never feeling satisfied, I HAVE to do it. I googled things about ocd 109 times in 3 days. Realized that I have ALWAYS obsessed over things and felt like I needed to google it a million times to reassure myself or reaffirm

-compulsive checking (door locks, garage door, CAR)

-needing constant reassurance and when I do get it, it never feels like enough

-Rumination

-feeling like I’m always doing something wrong or anxiety about saying/doing the wrong thing. Feeling like when I send messages or am talking that I’m saying the wrong thing and I need to say it perfectly or whomever will hate me

-From childhood up until even highschool I would have these thoughts that if I didn’t do something or do something a specific way somebody I loved would die or something bad would happen

-When I used to close at my old job I would have to check that the door was actually locked 5-10 times before I could actually get myself to walk okay, then usually when I would be driving home I would get anxious that I didn’t lock the door

-When I was younger I used to have intrusive thoughts that were sexual in nature. Towards both people and unfortunately animals. I would feel extremely disgusted and ashamed with myself and wonder if I was an awful disgusting person. Sometimes it will happen again but only with people, usually friends or coworkers

-I have always had to have numbers in multiples of 5, or even. Odd numbers feel wrong to me and make me uncomfortable

-Recently have had intrusive thoughts of throwing myself down stairs or shoving someone down stairs when I do not have any desire to do so

I’ve been getting triggered by certain things and remembering more things I used to do and writing them down. I had an appt with my psychiatrist but I just need some fucking help. I can’t stop thinking and asking for reassurance from friends and NONE OF IT HELPS. I’m struggling and I want to know if I’m right to be concerned. I’m so stressed out about this