r/hoarding

Genuine question. Do all hoarders know they’re hoarders? My in laws are hoarders but they don’t seem to care or even be embarrassed by it. They don’t throw anything out. Their house is a mess. Garbage everywhere, just random shit everywhere. It’s crazy. I have a 2 year old and I don’t bring him there and they make comments that they don’t see him. But I truly feel like it’s unsafe and I don’t want my son in that environment.

Are some people just not aware? They’ve never asked why we don’t come over. The odd time we’ve gone there they don’t seem phased that people are there with their house in that condition. It genuinely confuses me.

Okay so this might still be a little long and disorganized, sorry. I’m in a hoarding situation. The last time I had people at my house was New Year’s 2020. Before that I was messy, but it never got this bad. I had people over from time to time. Then covid happened, nobody could come over, and things just spiraled. I thankfully have a small bungalow (907 sq ft), but it’s still clearly hoarding.

I have so much shame around it. Most of the stories I read are about people’s elderly parents hoarding. I’m only in my 30s. Nobody I know my age is living like this. My friends know they can’t come over because it’s messy but they have no idea how bad it actually is. Nothing is piled to the ceiling or anything, but stuff is everywhere. Garbage, clothes, dishes, random things. Some areas are almost calf high. I can’t seem to clean any of it. The bathroom is bad. The tub, toilet, sink, and ceiling have mould. The kitchen is full of mouldy dishes. I haven’t opened my main fridge in over a year because I’m scared of how bad it is. I only use the separate fridge drawer now. I don’t cook anymore, just microwave stuff sometimes.

I also haven’t thrown out clothes in over a decade. I keep telling myself I’ll wear them again, donate them once I wash them, fix them, remove stains, whatever. I never do. Clothes are covering the bedrooms and hallway. I don’t even sleep in my bed anymore, just the couch. I used to get mice every fall before I fixed my roof. Since then I’ve only had one, thankfully, but I know the place needs a deep clean. Last summer I also had gnats and I’m terrified they’ll come back.

I actually contacted a hoarding cleanup service once, but when they asked for pictures I couldn’t do it. I was too ashamed. If they come here, my neighbours will know from their truck and the garbage bags. Right now nobody does. My mom is also a hoarder, but my dad never let it get this bad. Growing up I had a dirty room, but eventually pressure and consequences forced me to clean it. Now there’s nobody to do that, and I also don’t want anyone to know. I genuinely feel like I would die from the embarrassment.

I told my doctor I think I’m a hoarder. He referred me to a therapist, but I couldn’t even bring myself to look for one. I feel pathetic because I can’t seem to do anything on my own. I keep telling myself I’ll clean enough first to let someone help me, but I can’t even start. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. We also thought maybe ADHD, but the medication just made me sleep constantly instead of helping.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for here. I almost didn’t post because I’m scared someone will give me good advice and I still won’t be able to do it. I do at least have some kind of plan afterward. I’ve stopped bringing unnecessary stuff into the house. I’m thinking of putting garbage cans all around the house, using disposable dishes for now, and hiring a weekly cleaning service once it looks normal. But even getting from where I am now to that point feels overwhelming.

Hi all

Today I heard a woman say that "my mom is a hoarder, so we keep our home with the minimal and everything is clear".

I'm used to hearing that hoarding runs in families, and I can relate to that myself.

It was a bit hard to hear what she said, as I had just admitted to her that I am a hoarder in recovery. She didn't say anything more, but it sunk in me as it felt like an analogy to when people break the cycle of abuse or substance use.

If you are a child of a hoarder, did you become a hoarder too? And if not, did you go to minimalism as a response? Does it feel like you are breaking a cycle, in the same way one might feel if breaking a cycle of addiction?

EDIT: I just want to thank everyone for their kind words and suggestions, the alarm suggestion really helped. I did 2 blocks of 15 minutes and ended up with 2 big bags of rubbish and a bag of clothes to donate to charity. I can walk to my bedroom door again, and the weight off of my chest is huge. In a weird way Im kind of looking forward to doing more tomorrow. Thank you all so much.

I have a small bedroom and it has been steadily filling with collectibles clothes plushies and rubbish etc. I suffered a huge trauma 3 years ago when my partner cheated on me and I turned to collecting things and buying to make me happy. Now I have a room that I cant even walk through, its a struggle to get out of the door. Ive been informed by my landlord that he is performing a house inspection on monday and Im freaking out. Ive been doing a bit of cleaning and sorting every day, but the room is so small and theres so much stuff I just panic and leave. Im on the bus home from work now to do more and I feel like Im going to vomit from the stress. What is wrong with me?

We all knew it was coming, but now it's here and I *didn't* "rise to the bait."

It had to be done. Mom requires 24/7 care. With Dad in the hospital/rehab, his in-home services were paused. That took the people with institutional knowledge of such things as "we can't use that pouch of instant potatoes, they're three years out of date" out of the rotation, so the potatoes et al got tossed and the kitchen set up like someone who lives there would set it up, instead of trying to navigate the mess made by dementia + eight years of every caregiver being allowed to do their own thing + Dad's pig-headedness.

He says they don't have anything to eat. They do. The fridge, cupboards, and pantry are what most people would consider very full. What they don't have are multiple open packages of the ready-to-eat snacks his doctor has told him to not eat.

He says that he can't eat any of the fruit they have. There were several varieties of fruit on hand, including a ready-to-eat fruit plate the caregivers bought when they did the shopping. He can't eat two of the berry varieties included in the fruit plate because the seeds get stuck in his dental work. Mom likes them and they're not an issue for her.

He says all of his candy was thrown away. It was eaten. The container was 3/4 empty. He was gone for two months and Mom likes that candy, too. It is not a seasonal item and can easily be replaced.

He says that he doesn't know where anything is. Although some things were moved when the kitchen was reset, most things are in exactly the same place. The things that were moved, were moved to a location that was so obvious, most people could readily find it by opening one or two drawers/cupboards.

That was followed by a few rounds of the inevitable game of, "Do you know where ___ is?" No, Dad, I don't. Sibling took care of those things.

...and for the "you don't have the right" crowd: sibling has PoA and Dad was incapacitated. Sibling gave the go-ahead to reset the kitchen. It needed to be done.

I’m the child of a hoarder. She moved out, into assisted living and handed the house to me. It’s not free though there is less than $80,000 left to pay off then it will be mine so I started off motivated to clean it and make it my own.
I’m in the process of cleaning it. I’ve had such a hard time getting rid of most of the junk as much of it is dirty, broken moldy etc that not even donation centers will take it. I already paid $1000 for a lot to be hauled away. I’m exhausted. I’ve got zero energy left but I’m starting the clean up.
The bathroom reeks of urine. Weirdly enough it didn’t before I started the cleaning.
Now im reading those smells can lay doormat until you “reactivate them”…by cleaning the dirt on top of the urine.
It’s tile and I’ve used every cleaner you can imagine: bleach, peroxide, vinegar, live enzymes , a grout cleaner tool, a heavy duty steam mop.
I’ve spent days and days on it and my back is literally broken. It could be the exhaustion but I’m ready to give up. It literally smells like a nursing home in here. I think it’s just too much and I’m out of money to throw at this.
Thinking of getting together a few hundred more dollars and having the toilet removed, cleaned underneath it and reattached.
For context: it’s an adobe house and I don’t think there’s really any sub flooring which is why I’m confused about where the smell could be coming from.
Any advice? I’m at my wits end!

Bonjour, je tenais à vous faire un point sur ma situation presque un an après. Ci-dessous le lien :

https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/s/OSZTv1ix7w

Alors, j'ai essayé de partir pour protéger mes enfants et les rendre heureux. Nous avons visité plusieurs appartements mais je me sentais mal, vraiment très mal pendant cette période. Je savais que ce serait compliqué et risqué financièrement et je culpabilisais de laisser derrière moi leur père handicapé. Je sentais que je n'allais pas partir pour un mieux. Ce n'était peut-être juste pas le bon moment.

J'ai eu une discussion avec les enfants et ils ont compris. Donc ils sont d'accord pour rester si je continue à débarrasser. Ils ont plein de projets que j'essaie de suivre : je débarrasse et je rénove les pièces (nouvelle peinture, nouveaux meubles...). C'est épuisant mais je m'accroche et y mets tout mon temps libre pour avancer à un bon rythme.

C'est frustrant parce que je débarrasse plusieurs endroits à la fois et ça ne fait pas un vide net. Là, je trie (ou plutôt je fais trier à mon conjoint) des choses de la maison (cuisine, couloir...) et j'ai attaqué au niveau des caves. Il a 2 caves pleines jusqu'à rabord. Si on les vide, on peut basculer ses outils, ses pots de peinture... qui sont à l'intérieur de la maison alors qu'ils ne devraient pas y être. Ça ferait un sacré vide.

Voilà, les idées sont là mais c'est lent 😅. Avez-vous ce sentiment parfois ? Vouloir avancer mais se heurter au temps que ça prend ? Vous sentez-vous parfois découragé ? Moi c'est parfois le cas, puis je me dis que chaque jour on jette, on range, on fait quelque chose. Que chaque acte même petit compte. Que nos efforts vont payer.

On a également fait venir un technicien pour l'humidité. On va peut-être faire installer un appareil pour améliorer la circulation de l'air et limiter les moisissures.

Niveau relation avec ma belle-mère, ça s'est amélioré. On se parle de nouveau sans s'envahir.

Merci de m'avoir lue.

I am decluttering. I have too much stuff. More than I can manage. It's exhausting to go through thing and make decisions. The things I have not let go of still feel overwhelming. I want to be done with this. I want it to be over. I want to live a normal life.

I guess I'm just looking for some kind of support because I'm feeling sad and extremely misunderstood.

Unfortunately I developed a hoarding pattern.

I wasn't always like that, but it happened over time. I know the reasons behind that disorder or rather how I think a symptom of something deeper.

I feel very alone in this pattern and I also feel lost.

There is so much clutter. I'm constantly getting distracted. I think that how your apartment or housing looks says a lot about your inner world and I guess I'm surprised and shocked what has happened.

that’s it that’s all. That’s all I have to report on.

I reached out to Hoarding Rescue (hoarding rescue dot com) today to get an estimate for a relative, and it was a disaster. The person I spoke with, Anthony, came across as condescending. He categorized the job as a Level 5 (highest level), but when I pointed out that their own website describes Level 5 as involving unsanitary conditions and structural damage—neither of which applied—he got irritated. He then offered to call it a Level 4, as if that were a reasonable concession, even though the criteria I was reading suggested it was actually a Level 2. I let it go just to get a number, and he came back with $5,000! Having worked in property management and overseen post-eviction cleanouts, I know that price is outrageously high. When I asked what level he used to calculate that quote, he got defensive, started talking rapidly, and flat-out wouldn't answer. After I asked him again just to clarify the level, he hung up on me. I tried calling back to speak with a manager, and he said he doesn't have one. For comparison, the next company quoted $725—not $5,000. Several facebook commenters confirmed that they were ripped off by this company too. They quote the customer double what they pay the crew to remove junk and they promise extra cleaning services which aren't actually provided. The company was just formed a year ago and has no physical location or ownership information anywhere online. Typical of scammers. You've been warned!

My sister (40+) and I (30F) are going to visit my parents (70+) soon to try and assist with emptying their storage unit. I would say my mom is a level 2/3 hoarder. The house is not full of garbage or dirt but most rooms are unusable due to the clutter and excess of items. My mom has difficulty getting rid of any item, especially anything that has any memory attached. It has been this way pretty much all of my life, but has gotten worse since all of us children moved out.

I am trying to come up with some mental exercises/questions she can ask herself to prepare emotionally for us coming to help her. She is receptive to this. What challenges or questions do you think would be most impactful in helping her let go of the items that are overpowering her life?

Any advice is appreciated.

My mother (74) and sister (57) live together in South Georgia and both suffer from mental illness (adhd, depression, anxiety, bipolar). My sister had a double stroke about 2 weeks ago and has been hospitalized since. She was just moved to rehab and is expected to be discharged in 2 - 3 weeks.

My mother is not well enough mentally to take care of herself, much less my sister. Their home is very unsafe and I am honestly surprised it has not already been condemned. It is my belief (as well as my mother’s brother (78) that we need to contact APS and loop in my sister’s medically assigned social worker. I am awaiting the SW to call me back.

My relationship with both of them is very complicated and I cannot offer my home to them for mine and my own family’s mental well-being. I have begun researching what options there are for long term care for them both, and because they are on SSI/Medicaid and SSDI/Medicare with no other income it is not looking great.

On top of this, they have 35 cats in the house. I am working on getting rescue groups involved, but this is where my mother is stuck. She has said she would rather suffer the consequences than sending the cats “to certain death”. I do not want that either, and am doing my best to find the right operation.

My plea goes out to all of you, whether you are struggling or have dealt with helping loved ones in a similar situation. It is life or death for them and I really need my mom to commit to this. How can I help her without her calling everything off (again)? Is there an approach or type of plan that has worked best?

Not sure if I'm allowed to post but ima try. I was going to move to another city and was doing pretty well packing and pitching. As of about 10 days ago, the move is off and I'm very depressed about having to stay in this city that I cannot stand. Even more depressed that without the deadline, the cleanup has come to a screeching halt. I've been on the sofa watching YouTube for days now. How to get back on track?? I must practice radical acceptance about this city and I desperately want to live in something vaguely resembling a normal home. But I'm paralyzed. Just checked out the accountability resources - will try something from there tomorrow. TIA for any encouragement.

So I have two storage units of stuff from my family home, I can't afford both, only one, yet I feel like I'm going through a death or loss of sports with the fact one has to go and that's mostly my stuff. Though my core of my possessions is in the one I'm keeping with the family photos. Is it natural for it to feel like your dying inside.

I’m very new to this community, facing a cleanout and sale of a family member’s home. First post, so please go easy on me. I just read a hoarding chart for the first time, and this situation feels different, but I think it fits here. The problem is not just trash. The hoarder (the husband) collected things like tools, lumber, machinery, coins, several specialty hobbies with expensive gear. It’s probably on scale of a 2K square feet full of stuff (aside from the house), and more clutter outside. A lot of is probably trash in the sense that it’s decades old or broken, but it’s an overwhelming scale. It seems that some items could carry value in their niches, but I don’t know where to start when the time comes. I can’t imagine that any one company could get good prices for the wide range of stuff that few people want. I fear the bills would be insane if we had to dispose of too much of it as trash. Or do I just need to calm down because the companies will know what to do?

Thankfully my family is willing to hire work out and pay for an estate sale company. I have a lot of anger that we’re stuck with this, and am dreading it. I’m looking for ideas to offload as much of the work as possible, and all the emotional advice.

I am getting rid of stuff, it's a mess. My relationships are a mess.

I hate it, when you finally have the energy to decluter and throw stuff away.

Everyone encourages you to just let go amd forces you to go through the pain of letting go and throwing stuff away, but no one is there for you when you fucking need a thing you threw away.

I'm searching for a bill. I do not even need it. But having it handy would have helped me as there were contact informations I had to google when I could have just looked at the bill.

I know its nothing serious. But still it's a pain. I do not wanna go go the bin amd search for the bill. Yet it feels like I could "save" something I needed earlier.

It happens everytime I decluter that I will need an item right after it and it makes me so angry.