r/beyondthebump

I have a 10 month old and a barely two year old. I have the flu. We live in a hot place. Our ac went out and it’s currently 84 degrees in my house. With the flu. With two babies. The ac repair guy came by and said he could fix it today but his friend who has the part he needs isn’t working today and is at a party so he couldn’t pick it up from him until tomorrow. I bribed his friend $400 to leave the party. Do I have an extra $400? Not really. But I am in the TRENCHES.

What’s the craziest thing you did while deep in the trenches?

forgive my ignorance as this is all new to me as a father of a two week old.

long story short our daughter will not sleep in the bassinet. she will sleep, however, in the baby lounger we have.

my wife and I have been doing shifts to get some sleep but it still feels unsustainable with the lack of sleep we are getting.

I’ve read a lot of takes from people who love cosleeping but it doesn’t make much sense to me how this is less of a suffocation risk than the lounger.

looking for advice and tips as the only “safe” place for our baby to sleep she will not sleep in!

Hey everyone, I’m 26 and currently breastfeeding my daughter, who is 8 months old. Before pregnancy and breastfeeding, I had quite perky, round, medium sized breasts that I honestly never worried about. I have breastfed my daughter exclusively since birth, no pumps or formula.

My boobs have changed a lot, they’re much bigger (including massive areolas) and definitely sit lower than before. They’re still kind of perky in their own way, but not like they used to be. I don’t mind the size as much, but I do notice the difference in shape.

I’m planning to stop breastfeeding when she turns 1, but I’m really anxious about what will happen after. I’ve heard so many things about breasts becoming deflated or saggy once you stop, and it’s making me nervous.

For those who’ve been through it, what actually happened to your boobs after you stopped breastfeeding? Did they go back to how they were before, or is the change permanent? Did they get smaller, lose fullness, or “deflate”?

Just looking for honest experiences so I know what to expect 😅

Our son is 8 months old. He’s driven down the road with him maybe once while I was napping..he doesn’t even know how to properly put him in the car seat. Has never done bath time. He read a book to him one time because we sat with him on the couch for story time. Doesn’t typically willingly hang out with him, it’s usually me asking him to ”watch” him while I shower or make dinner or get 15 mins to lay on the bed by myself. Once in awhile on the weekend he’ll watch him in the morning so I can get an extra hour of sleep. Half the time I get him back with poop in his diaper because SO doesn’t even know what it smells like he’s with him so little. I told him he should take him out for his errands around town today and he said no…maybe when he’s 3 or 4 and walking. Like are you kidding??? He’ll tell you he spends a lot of time with him because he counts seeing him throughout the day as “spending time.” Like in and out of his office while he’s working.

What he does do is play with him when I ask. Sometimes he’ll ask to hold him and hang with him for a few. He works remote and I’m a SAHM. He helps with chores around the house on the weekend. I’ve tried to bring it up and he just argues why I’m wrong.

We are traveling to see family over the summer. Baby will be 6 months old. Destination is in the same time zone as home!

If we drove, we would drive for ~6 hours each day, with an overnight halfway. We could stop whenever baby needs to. I think the day would end up being about 12 hours, but that’s based on the way she acts now at 3 months old.

If I fly with baby, it would be 2 flights over 4 hours. Flight one is ~1 hour, with a 1 hour layover, and then another 2 hour flight. Airport is about 5 minutes away from family, so that doesn’t add any travel time really.

So, what would you do? My husband is driving regardless due to his work schedule, I was thinking about driving with him and then flying back home with baby so that we could visit for longer. But, would we just be tortured with such a long drive? Or is flying torture because baby could have a meltdown on the flight?

Any advice is helpful!!

Does anyone else schedule their lives around their baby/toddlers nap? My son never napped well on the go, he was/is breastfed to sleep, so maybe that's why.

If he misses his nap, he is a B.E.A.R. a cranky, screeching, thrashing, tantrum-having bear. It makes my life A LOT easier to just do things after his nap, or before, but home by nap time.

I miss out on things with friends because of it, and I feel like a bad friend, but I also cant come home to a toddler who missed their nap, is overtired and pissed and my evening being crap because of it. Id rather miss something else, than miss nap time.

anyone else in the same boat?

My son just turned 2 weeks old today. To preface, my husband was the biggest support person during pregnancy. He cooked all of our meals, made store runs, went to every appointment, was there for me emotionally and physically. He did play video games, but not super excessively to a point where it bothered me.

He’s always been different than any other guy I’ve met in that he’s super empathetic and emotionally mature.

He’s a mental health counselor and I know for a fact that he sees women postpartum who complain about their husbands not doing enough. He’s told me this when I was pregnant and has said he wants to make sure that he does enough for me.

Due to empathy response, my husband gets faint when someone is in pain, needles, blood, all of that. Labor was definitely tricky and he looked pale as a ghost the whole time. I’m surprised he didn’t faint, but he definitely came close.

He didn’t do skin to skin with our son because even looking at the belly button freaked him out. Our son also had surgery right before we were discharged. Both of those things have prevented him from changing diapers.

Ive changed 100% of the diapers. I did the math and that’s roughly 70 diapers. I’m also breastfeeding. I only sleep in 2-3 hour increments (at the most). When the baby cries, I’m the only one who responds. I have to change and feed baby before handing him to my husband so I can poop or shower. Sometimes, I can hear baby screaming from the bathroom and feel rushed.

I had a 2nd degree tear, so even sitting to breastfeed was super hard on me and I had to get up to change our baby in the hospital and feel resentful that I didn’t have assistance during that.

To top things off, my husband is out on paternity leave for a month and I feel like it’s just a vacation for him. He just sits in front of the tv and plays video games for about 10 hours a day. He cooks breakfast and dinner and has ran to get groceries, but that’s about the extent of what he does. I’m doing all baby care and cleaning. OR I have to literally ask him to do things like rotating the laundry because I can’t get to it.

My son is super gassy and it NEVER lets up (maybe colic? Not sure what that is yet). He’s always in pain, spitting up, farting, arching his back, screaming. I met with a LC and my latch is great. My pediatrician gives vague advice of things I’m already doing. My son spent 3-4 hours straight screaming last night because he was constipated and my husband just sat there watching YouTube videos on his phone with the tv loud. At one point, I turned and looked at him and asked him to please turn the tv off. All of the noise was overstimulating me. When going to bed, he says “I just don’t know how to help”.

I honestly don’t even care for help at this point. I just want someone to be in the trenches with me and him playing games all day makes me feel alone in all of this.

I also want my son to have a relationship with his dad, but his dad is too occupied with other things and doesn’t pay attention to him. Even when he holds him while I go to the bathroom, he has a controller in his hand. I was worried about myself being on my phone too much, but I’m never on my phone since having him; I literally don’t have time to be. Lol. Literally typing this with him in my arms and it’s difficult.

I need to figure out a way to communicate all of this. I used to be horrible at communicating and have gotten better at it over the years. It’s still hard for me when I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t want him to feel like I’m attacking him as a father.

I know this all probably seems black and white, easy to say “Be a father and drop the games”. But I’m really having trouble finding the time to talk. He’s playing games and my baby is screaming. When I do get a moment, I’m sleep deprived and want a nap instead. Sleep, shower, pee, poop, brush teeth… all of those things still need to be done when I get a moment to myself.

Disclaimer: I know we're fortunate to have so many people willing to gift things to my son and us. we're fortunate to be loved and have a large community.... but

for the love of all the gods stop buying my kid stuff! he has so much that I'm overwhelmed with the clutter. between our things and his things my house is overflowing.

he's 14M old and he has so many things!!! more then me and my husband combined I'm sure. I still have things from Christmas and his birthday in February that we haven't even opened! THEN easter comes around and he got 5 EASTER BASKETS and none of them were from us, his parents!! his favorite toys are paper cups and a shoe horn and do you know what his favorite toys are after the random things in the Easter baskets? paper cups and a shoe horn.

I'm tired of taking things to donation and the work of putting things up for free on marketplace. I'm tired of dealing with all the crap. I'm tired of finding places for all the things. I already need to move all the adult/breakable things because the kid is a tornado, now I need to find a spot for the 100th car that we don't even use.

I keep telling people not to give him anything that he has enough stuff, but it keeps coming!!!

TW: prior baby loss mentioned briefly.

To be clear, This is a ME Problem, not a him problem.

We have different styles. Different approaches and thats totally valid and ok. He's a fantastic parent, and I'm feeling less than confident.

But also, I'm a complete softy and don't know how to handle crying except to pop the baby on the boob.

Well, every night for the past (who fucking knows? Im sleep deprived and exhausted) days, baby wants to contact nap/comfort suckle right when I have to go to bed. We still do shifts, and we're prepping for husband to start work again on Monday 😬 so I need to go to sleep from 7:30pm to midnight and then wake up and pump, and he can sleep from midnight to 6.

Well, every night for the past ? Nights, after I contact/comfort suckle with her for as long as I can, she screams and cries and wails and it's fucking heartbreaking. He's obviously just as bothered by it, but handles it so much better than me.

I was crying in my closet the past two days when it happens. I should be putting on my pj's but instead im silently sobbing because she's crying.

He comforts her in ways that I would/could not, and I want so badly to run in there and scoop her up and let her suckle and comfort her, but I can't. He's doing his thing and I need sleep!

So here I am feeling so insecure. It drives me up the wall that I can't handle it as good as he can. To be clear. I don't resent him or have any negative feelings towards him. I am so grateful for him, and he's amazing.

I think more than anything I have intrusive thoughts and feel insecure about being a not-great-momma, and I'm maybe even a little jealous that he doesn't break down sobbing every time she cries, and I also struggle with worries when she cries, because I have the worst horrible anxiety about her after her older sister died in utero last year. (Husband definitely also struggles with similar stuff, but he's not seeming like he's paralyzed by it, thank goodness one of us has thier shit together.

How do I stop crying when she cries? How do I stop thinking about running in and scooping her up, or just the urge to put her on the boob and comfort her forever? I put her down less than 30 minutes ago and I miss her so much already!!!

😭😭😭💔

My 8 month old is just not interested in eating solids. Whenever I try to feed her she completely turns her head to the side and presses her lips together.

She is breastfed and eats about every 3 hours. I have tried giving her food at different times of the day and at different intervals after she’s had breast milk like an hour after, two hours or three and every time it’s the same thing.

I tried thin purées, thicker cereals, and mashed up cooked foods. She refused to let me or anyone feed her. I try giving her the spoon and she just throws it around. She occasionally gets some in her mouth and normally gags a bit. If I put food on the tray she doesn’t grab it and bring it to her mouth to eat it.

Any advice on how to get her to eat?

I’m six months PP. The hardest six months of my life for real. It feels like each week/month there is a new challenge and it gets harder in a way.

My husband is in law-school so I take care of the baby all day while he’s gone and I have done the nights by myself since the start. I still get the nighttime scaries because it’s just been traumatic sometimes. My husband is a great guy, but he has to get some sleep for school so he’s not really able to help overnight. He is also a very deep sleeper and wouldn’t be that helpful anyway, like I would worry.

From months 3 up until now I’ve been bed-sharing which honestly saved my life because I was able to get some sleep.

My baby is rolling now and we want to get him back in the bassinet, which he doesn’t love, he wakes up every couple hours now and that’s if he even falls asleep. So I’m back to barely getting any sleep and struggling with the decision to either stay up almost all night trying to make my baby sleep in his bassinet or bring him in bed and worry it’s dangerous.

I don’t know what to do and I feel like no one else is struggling on the level that I am. I’m truly in a dark place and I’m not really looking to be told I have PPD because that may be true, but it’s mainly the sleep deprivation that is messing with me.

How do you do it? What should I do? Has anyone been here?

I talk to everyone I can…the dental hygienist, friends, family, neighbors and ask them how they did it and even had multiple children and I always get some vague answer. It’s making me sad because I’d like more than one child but no idea how I would manage.

Edit: just FYI we have been trying to sleep train, Ferber method, not full on but letting him cry 5-10 minutes. He’s a pretty light sleeper, wants his hand held for naps the entire time, that sort of thing.

I also find having the baby monitor next to me during the night gives me a lot of anxiety. Like a ticking time bomb.

Hi all! I’m looking for advice on how to deal with vaginal itchiness and dryness. I am 6 months pp and weaning the pump (I think I’ll be weaned in the next few weeks). Since dropping to 2 pumps per day, my hormones have been all out of whack. I’m so angry all the time, so fatigued, feeling similar to when I was freshly postpartum and now I’m experiencing intense vaginal itchiness. I get overstimulated easily so the itchiness is really taking a toll on me. I don’t have a UTI and I have none of the symptoms of a yeast infection, so I’m not sure if this is just related to the weaning which I’ve heard can happen??

Has anyone experienced this after weaning breastfeeding/pumping? I would love any advice you have because I feel like I’m losing my mind! Thank you so much!

I planned to go to work after a few months, but it's impossible. 4 months in and I'm drained day and night. My husband got a huge promotion, so we decided I stay home with the baby. Baby goes to daycare 4x half days, but I'm still exhausted (from not having routine and a new life probably)

I need tips, advice, resources on how to make the best of this. I always wanted to be a SAHM. but settled for the idea that I'll be working.

Baby is quite easy now and I have time to myself, but I feel lonely alot and lost in how to navigate my day, my life and everything in general. I really want to try and give it all a positive twist.

so other SAHM's tell me your secrets!

Edit: Open to tips for my husband as well!

How old were your kids when they stopped using a travel pack-and-play and just used the hotel bed?

Trying to plan a family trip and room configurations are involved (2 Queens vs. King).

Thanks!

Okay so my husband works in abroad and I was back home in Europe for the birth of our first baby. Due to some issues, he wasn’t able to come visit me and our baby and now 4 months later I’m finally with him and he’s finally enjoying his kid.

He’s a very caring and helpful person so honestly while away, I was relaxed when thinking about going back and not being home anymore with all the help.

The house is kinda a mess, like he did clean but nothing is organised or where it’s supposed to be. He knows I’m a clean freak yet he didn’t bother making sure cleaning wouldn’t be on my mind for a while. We’re out of alot of things and when I pointed it out he says « oh yeah I’m not good with cleaning supplies so I thought you can do the grocery list » and honestly this pisses me off because I already have to take care of our baby and she’s also latch on to me so I don’t get 3 mins to myself. Especially now that she’s away from what she was familiar with.

Everytime she’s asleep, he’s like « I’m gonna go gym » or « I’m gonna go sauna » and I told him that it’s not because she’s sleeping that he can just dip, he could choose to stay so then we could finally talk and relax together but it doesn’t seem to matter to him. Even now I was in the middle of unpacking, then she cried so I was putting her to sleep and he was like « okay good she’s sleeping so I’m quickly going sauna » and I was like bro the suitcase is all over the place, atleast help with that since I can’t move and he did. He unpacked a bit then got up and was like « okay now going sauna ». Then I was like fine just leave honestly I’m done and he was like « no no it’s fine I’ll stay and spend time with you » at this point I didn’t care and just wanted space so he’s off to sauna and I’m just sitting in the room with my daughter asleep in my arm and feeling sad.

I know I’m also sleep deprived and tired from the travel. I’m also sad because I don’t have the help I had back home so I’m keeping in mind that these things might affect my mood too but damn, why is he getting on my nerves all the time????

Long story short a family member lied about being sick so they could meet my baby. They got me and my toddler sick, and the baby had mild congestion. That congestion turned into a cough today with labored breathing so I took the baby in and he tested positive for Rsv (presumably my toddler and I also have it) they monitored him for hours and determined that even though he had occasional rib retractions and such that he would be okay to go home as long as we extensively monitored him and bring him back immediately if anything worsens. How worried should I be? I think we’re on day 3 or 4 from the congestion starting. Trying to make sure mucus is being removed frequently, giving lots of breast milk (mostly pumped, not a great latcher but I don’t know if that matters) he’s got a cool mist humidifier going and an owlet that I’m trying to figure out how to work

I thought I knew my mom before having a baby but seems I was wrong. we’ve never been super close but since I moved out when I got married, it was loads better.

My sister had a baby when she was 21, and has lived with my parents ever since, 17 years. My parents have basically been second parents to my nephew and did whatever they did with us, minus being strict because well, they wanted the fun grandparents role too. I’ve never agreed with the way he was raised or lack thereof but truly, it doesn’t affect me so after his best interests not being listened, I did what I could on the side like making and filling a savings account and left it at that.

I just had a baby in December. No terrible signs during pregnancy, it was fine, and actually I was most worried about in-laws, since they’re a big family and not really careful. However at delivery, we set up the rules of no kissing, washed hands, masks at the hospital, no visit while sick - literally super standard. They drove me insane post-C-section with having to remind them all the time, put your mask on, yes on the nose too, did you wash your hands etc. Surprisingly, my in-laws, all followed the rules and reminded each other. I’ve had other issues with specific members of my in law family but I can step away and make my own decisions and they’re not my MIL so less of a direct link.

No one ever comes to us, we go every Friday to my family and every Sunday to my partners. Note we are two moms, so dynamics of dads family vs moms doesn’t really work the same, I gave birth to baby, wife’s embryo. My MIL however works from our house, long story short, it works best for her and we also WFH so we have office space. She sees the baby daily through that yes, but honestly isn’t invasive at all. we reminded her once to not walk in to bedrooms etc because we need our space as a new parents family figuring things out and she applied it right away. We have different personalities so many things on that front I don’t get along with but they don’t interfere with mom life or regarding baby. She washes her hands without asking, updates us on who’s sick so we can skip a Sunday and doesn’t get offended when we deny her advice (Clarifying said advice isn’t asked in this case, and is outdated like telling us to feed rice cereal at 4 months).

My family has been a stress cause, unexpected. My mom is a nurse and I have to remind everyone to wash hands before holding the baby, no kissing And I even have to describe not putting lips or nose or mouth on the baby especially since he eats everything on himself now. No updates when someone is sick, we show up and either fight to make them wear a mask at least or just have to stay far and stress and then leave early.

Slowly every week I just kept hearing do this do that, why aren’t doing this or that. Being told oh grandma will save you etc. Unwanted « advice » and comments etc that even called out keep coming. I got more direct over time. My partner brought up a few times over time that my moms comments made it seem she wasn’t his mom too etc. but yesterday she took him from my wife. I said that wasn’t the right way to ask to hold him abd it was disrespectful. She ignored me then I got up and said you don’t take a baby from his mom. She gave him back and went to lock herself in her room. Despite finding it toddler behaviour, I went to say bye with baby and understand the issue. She acted like like a lunatic stating my wife’s family is a problem and doesn’t have the same rules, she’s sick and tired of being told what to do and that since birth my partner wont give baby to hold.
Im beyond appalled. She’s never seen my in laws with baby first of all so her jealousy is delulu, my wife has never done anything wrong or « over the top » she’s just his mom and they’re actually the ones not following the rules.

I don’t have patience for any of this. I dot know what to do going forward and my first thought is just moving 7000km away and keeping everyone a FaceTime distance and live with my happy wife and kids. Wide is pregnant so all I can think about is it can only get worse.

when I was a young teenager, I scooped in my moms journal - not knowing it wasnt just a daily to-do journal. I read some pretty personal sentences about how she just didn't want my dad to touch her anymore, and I didn't understand.

but I get it now. living with a man who refuses to pick up after himself, or help out with kids.... one that lsaves trash on the counters, dirty clothes piles on the floor, and sees his contribution to the family starting and stopping at him going to work. having, essentially, a teenager for a husband - it makes me not want to be touched.

So this is probably a very odd question but has anyone experienced their baby having a reaction on their legs from the carrier? It might have also been from the pants he was wearing but idk. There are now little spots on his legs, only his shins and the sides and they are not bumpy.

Okay I need a reality check because this feels kind of insane to me. Before I got pregnant my periods were super light. Like 3–5 days max and I could use light tampons the whole time no problem..maybe 1 regular if it was extra “heavy” or if I ran out of lights. Now I’m on my 3rd postpartum period (12 months postpartum, but breastfed so it didn’t return until 10 months) and it is SO heavy. I’m literally bleeding through super plus and even ultra tampons (which I didn’t even know existed until last month) in like 2 hours. Sometimes less. So I have to wear a pad with ultra tampons and the pad still gets relatively saturated. I heard the first one can be a little heavier after childbirth but SHEESH. It’s been like this for all 3 and it’s just not getting better.

I’m not in crazy pain or anything, just some cramps, but the amount of blood is honestly stressing me out. Like I feel like I have to plan my entire day around it.

Is this just a normal postpartum hormone thing and it’ll chill out eventually or is this the kind of thing I should actually call my OB about?

Would love to hear what other people experienced because this is just not what I expected at all…