Did I even know my mom?
I thought I knew my mom before having a baby but seems I was wrong. we’ve never been super close but since I moved out when I got married, it was loads better.
My sister had a baby when she was 21, and has lived with my parents ever since, 17 years. My parents have basically been second parents to my nephew and did whatever they did with us, minus being strict because well, they wanted the fun grandparents role too. I’ve never agreed with the way he was raised or lack thereof but truly, it doesn’t affect me so after his best interests not being listened, I did what I could on the side like making and filling a savings account and left it at that.
I just had a baby in December. No terrible signs during pregnancy, it was fine, and actually I was most worried about in-laws, since they’re a big family and not really careful. However at delivery, we set up the rules of no kissing, washed hands, masks at the hospital, no visit while sick - literally super standard. They drove me insane post-C-section with having to remind them all the time, put your mask on, yes on the nose too, did you wash your hands etc. Surprisingly, my in-laws, all followed the rules and reminded each other. I’ve had other issues with specific members of my in law family but I can step away and make my own decisions and they’re not my MIL so less of a direct link.
No one ever comes to us, we go every Friday to my family and every Sunday to my partners. Note we are two moms, so dynamics of dads family vs moms doesn’t really work the same, I gave birth to baby, wife’s embryo. My MIL however works from our house, long story short, it works best for her and we also WFH so we have office space. She sees the baby daily through that yes, but honestly isn’t invasive at all. we reminded her once to not walk in to bedrooms etc because we need our space as a new parents family figuring things out and she applied it right away. We have different personalities so many things on that front I don’t get along with but they don’t interfere with mom life or regarding baby. She washes her hands without asking, updates us on who’s sick so we can skip a Sunday and doesn’t get offended when we deny her advice (Clarifying said advice isn’t asked in this case, and is outdated like telling us to feed rice cereal at 4 months).
My family has been a stress cause, unexpected. My mom is a nurse and I have to remind everyone to wash hands before holding the baby, no kissing And I even have to describe not putting lips or nose or mouth on the baby especially since he eats everything on himself now. No updates when someone is sick, we show up and either fight to make them wear a mask at least or just have to stay far and stress and then leave early.
Slowly every week I just kept hearing do this do that, why aren’t doing this or that. Being told oh grandma will save you etc. Unwanted « advice » and comments etc that even called out keep coming. I got more direct over time. My partner brought up a few times over time that my moms comments made it seem she wasn’t his mom too etc. but yesterday she took him from my wife. I said that wasn’t the right way to ask to hold him abd it was disrespectful. She ignored me then I got up and said you don’t take a baby from his mom. She gave him back and went to lock herself in her room. Despite finding it toddler behaviour, I went to say bye with baby and understand the issue. She acted like like a lunatic stating my wife’s family is a problem and doesn’t have the same rules, she’s sick and tired of being told what to do and that since birth my partner wont give baby to hold.
Im beyond appalled. She’s never seen my in laws with baby first of all so her jealousy is delulu, my wife has never done anything wrong or « over the top » she’s just his mom and they’re actually the ones not following the rules.
I don’t have patience for any of this. I dot know what to do going forward and my first thought is just moving 7000km away and keeping everyone a FaceTime distance and live with my happy wife and kids. Wide is pregnant so all I can think about is it can only get worse.