Husband playing video games
My son just turned 2 weeks old today. To preface, my husband was the biggest support person during pregnancy. He cooked all of our meals, made store runs, went to every appointment, was there for me emotionally and physically. He did play video games, but not super excessively to a point where it bothered me.
He’s always been different than any other guy I’ve met in that he’s super empathetic and emotionally mature.
He’s a mental health counselor and I know for a fact that he sees women postpartum who complain about their husbands not doing enough. He’s told me this when I was pregnant and has said he wants to make sure that he does enough for me.
Due to empathy response, my husband gets faint when someone is in pain, needles, blood, all of that. Labor was definitely tricky and he looked pale as a ghost the whole time. I’m surprised he didn’t faint, but he definitely came close.
He didn’t do skin to skin with our son because even looking at the belly button freaked him out. Our son also had surgery right before we were discharged. Both of those things have prevented him from changing diapers.
Ive changed 100% of the diapers. I did the math and that’s roughly 70 diapers. I’m also breastfeeding. I only sleep in 2-3 hour increments (at the most). When the baby cries, I’m the only one who responds. I have to change and feed baby before handing him to my husband so I can poop or shower. Sometimes, I can hear baby screaming from the bathroom and feel rushed.
I had a 2nd degree tear, so even sitting to breastfeed was super hard on me and I had to get up to change our baby in the hospital and feel resentful that I didn’t have assistance during that.
To top things off, my husband is out on paternity leave for a month and I feel like it’s just a vacation for him. He just sits in front of the tv and plays video games for about 10 hours a day. He cooks breakfast and dinner and has ran to get groceries, but that’s about the extent of what he does. I’m doing all baby care and cleaning. OR I have to literally ask him to do things like rotating the laundry because I can’t get to it.
My son is super gassy and it NEVER lets up (maybe colic? Not sure what that is yet). He’s always in pain, spitting up, farting, arching his back, screaming. I met with a LC and my latch is great. My pediatrician gives vague advice of things I’m already doing. My son spent 3-4 hours straight screaming last night because he was constipated and my husband just sat there watching YouTube videos on his phone with the tv loud. At one point, I turned and looked at him and asked him to please turn the tv off. All of the noise was overstimulating me. When going to bed, he says “I just don’t know how to help”.
I honestly don’t even care for help at this point. I just want someone to be in the trenches with me and him playing games all day makes me feel alone in all of this.
I also want my son to have a relationship with his dad, but his dad is too occupied with other things and doesn’t pay attention to him. Even when he holds him while I go to the bathroom, he has a controller in his hand. I was worried about myself being on my phone too much, but I’m never on my phone since having him; I literally don’t have time to be. Lol. Literally typing this with him in my arms and it’s difficult.
I need to figure out a way to communicate all of this. I used to be horrible at communicating and have gotten better at it over the years. It’s still hard for me when I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t want him to feel like I’m attacking him as a father.
I know this all probably seems black and white, easy to say “Be a father and drop the games”. But I’m really having trouble finding the time to talk. He’s playing games and my baby is screaming. When I do get a moment, I’m sleep deprived and want a nap instead. Sleep, shower, pee, poop, brush teeth… all of those things still need to be done when I get a moment to myself.