Husband drives me nuts with how he handles crying!
TW: prior baby loss mentioned briefly.
To be clear, This is a ME Problem, not a him problem.
We have different styles. Different approaches and thats totally valid and ok. He's a fantastic parent, and I'm feeling less than confident.
But also, I'm a complete softy and don't know how to handle crying except to pop the baby on the boob.
Well, every night for the past (who fucking knows? Im sleep deprived and exhausted) days, baby wants to contact nap/comfort suckle right when I have to go to bed. We still do shifts, and we're prepping for husband to start work again on Monday 😬 so I need to go to sleep from 7:30pm to midnight and then wake up and pump, and he can sleep from midnight to 6.
Well, every night for the past ? Nights, after I contact/comfort suckle with her for as long as I can, she screams and cries and wails and it's fucking heartbreaking. He's obviously just as bothered by it, but handles it so much better than me.
I was crying in my closet the past two days when it happens. I should be putting on my pj's but instead im silently sobbing because she's crying.
He comforts her in ways that I would/could not, and I want so badly to run in there and scoop her up and let her suckle and comfort her, but I can't. He's doing his thing and I need sleep!
So here I am feeling so insecure. It drives me up the wall that I can't handle it as good as he can. To be clear. I don't resent him or have any negative feelings towards him. I am so grateful for him, and he's amazing.
I think more than anything I have intrusive thoughts and feel insecure about being a not-great-momma, and I'm maybe even a little jealous that he doesn't break down sobbing every time she cries, and I also struggle with worries when she cries, because I have the worst horrible anxiety about her after her older sister died in utero last year. (Husband definitely also struggles with similar stuff, but he's not seeming like he's paralyzed by it, thank goodness one of us has thier shit together.
How do I stop crying when she cries? How do I stop thinking about running in and scooping her up, or just the urge to put her on the boob and comfort her forever? I put her down less than 30 minutes ago and I miss her so much already!!!
😭😭😭💔