So recently I was on a trip in Kathmandu and was staying in a coed hostel in Thamel area. It is a major tourist spot so there were a lot of people. In the hostel itself I met a man from Mumbai who was also there for wfh/vacation. So he tried talking asking for recommendations (I'm half Nepali) and what not.

Later in the evening I went up to a rooftop bar where he was present playing pool. When he saw me and my friend he started chatting saying how he loved the people from my place of origin and what not. Then my friend mentioned that we are here for a feminist discussion he literally excused himself and left the rooftop. It was hilarious that we didn't see him for the next few days we were there.

Anyways it was great that even the word feminism works as a male repellent.

30F , got married in 2025 met him through online matrimonial, into what liked a normal educated , Morden family . The more I read about twisha’s unfair case the more chills I get , my parents when met his family just had a bad feeling about this match but I was hell bent on marrying him, he was my first love first relationship. Everyone around me just kept warning about something feeling off about them but I was so blind in love and oblivious to it and my parents went ahead to make me happy , the abuse started a month after the wedding and never stopped through major injuries , pregnancy nothing .
In laws also weren’t very nice , taunts about waking up slightly late, scolding me for getting something’ for kitchen without asking Them and even if I made a cup of coffee extra . Didnt let me work but also never gave me any sort of allowance , monitored my calls with family and taunted if it exceeded few minutes , I stopped talking to them too . Not one single happy memory but I’d always forgive him and let him manipulate me with sorrys and fake ass efforts . Towards the end even his parents started blaming me for his actions saying I’m the one who provokes him :) because I stop him to not ruin life with alcohol, not cheat on me , not waste his life on stupid things , eat better . I was blamed for checking his phone but he was right at cheating on me because men are like that .

I’m partly to blame because I tolerated it , my family , close friends were always ready to get me out in a moment but I resisted trusting him. I let go of my career happily , made him my entire universe, took care of his family like my own , so I added to my ruins- my education , my family support , my brains and wit , let go of everything happily .

I was 10 weeks pregnant when he hit me and my father just knew something was off and he got me back the next day , I didn’t tell parents until I miscarried a week later . Post that they strictly asked me to block them and there was no question of going back , the trauma bond kept me missing him and first few months were terrible .

Please don’t be like me or her 10000s of women suffering through this or worse , speak up and leave in whatever way you can , these people never change , don’t protect them and this is beyond love . Your life so much more important than a relationship that too an abusive one, these as*******s won’t ever stop unless we put an end to it any way possible , I’m literally getting chills every time i see it on the news and everyone of my friends and family have been telling me how lucky I’ve been to come out of it in the right time , a little late but nonetheless.

so my mom told me not to touch the achaar (pickle) bottle when I’m on my periods because it would “get spoiled”…it turned into this huge argument that really hurt me. what upset me more is that she’s usually progressive so hearing something like this from her felt strange. i’ve always been disturbed seeing girls being told not to enter kitchens or wear certain clothes and now my own mom said this.

while arguing, i even told her that if you don’t want me near a pooja or something, then fine, i can respect that much but being treated like i’ll spoil things (that too achaar man???) just because i’m on my period feels awful.

then she was like back in the day, when pickles used to be made and dried (?) in houses..girls on their periods weren’t even supposed to let their shadow fall near them because people believed the achaar would get ruined🥲🥲🥲🥲

the conversation spiralled into dowry cases and how women these days and her own daughter argue too much or talk too much (zubaan ladana basically)..people not wanting kids anymore and just wanting dogs and how that’s somehow selfish or wrong..then came the usual comparison about how she managed an entire household, a job, responsibilities, everything but just because someone else can’t handle things the same way you did all your life doesn’t make them weak or wrong.

the worst part is that i love my mom so much..she’s been there for me and has been the only constant in my life…but when conversations like these happen, i genuinely don’t know how much i can trust or rely on her emotionally :/

I want women to be selfish. Because by the time you push yourself hard enough to become 'selfish,' you’re usually only reaching the baseline level of selfishness society comfortably allows men.

I was called selfish throughout my childhood by my parents. We had a difficult relationship growing up although we’re much better now. I know they were extremely protective of me and in response, I became extremely rebellious. And thankfully I’ve lowered my parents’ expectations so much by now that even me getting married someday would probably feel like a miracle to them.

To them I was selfish because I always chose myself first. Selfish because I didn’t care what society would think of my parents if I failed to crack a government job. Selfish because I never allowed stress or anxiety to consume me. Selfish because I prioritized my own needs before anyone else’s. They often tried to make me feel guilty for it.

But today when I look back, I’m actually grateful that I learned how to be selfish at an early age. Because otherwise society trains us women to constantly 'adjust.'

And don’t get me wrong, if you ask my friends, my boyfriend, they would probably call me one of the kindest people they know. But I also know this - if my marriage ever stops working and I choose to walk away, I will not lose sleep over what society thinks of me or my parents.

I’m saying this because one of my friends is unable to leave her marriage, not because she lacks the means but because she’s worried about her family and siblings. I really wish she, and hundreds of women who feel trapped like her could walk out. I know I know it’s easier said than done but for the love of God, please choose the option that allows you to stay alive. I love my family deeply too but not to the extent that I would destroy myself for a lifetime just to keep everyone around me comfortable.

I recently heard a divorce lawyer say that even financially independent women often stay in unhappy marriages because they seek validation for what’s missing in their lives or because they don’t want to disappoint or burden their parents.

Please stop living your life for everyone else’s approval. Be the 'difficult' woman. Be the 'problematic' daughter in law. Be the one who chooses herself first. You can think about everyone else later.

And I’m saying all of this as a reminder to myself too. Because if I ever find myself in a situation where my judgment is clouded, I know I can come back to these words and remember that no relationship, no society, and no expectation is worth losing yourself over.

Context: i(F29) have been trying to host a women’s only event in Mumbai around sexual health. It’s really no surprise that most of us don’t know what happens in our bodies because no one teaches us about it. So with a sexologist I’ve been working on hosting one. The problem is that most of the people are interested but aren’t sure because it’s “too far ahead to plan”. It’s in 10 days so I’m not sure what is too far ahead ?

I spoke to other event hosts and they also confirmed that people usually book a night before the event. What happened to us having plans and prioritising going out to meet new people? Or is this event too out and loud that people are hesitant?

1. Academia(PHD)?

2. Government job prep or doing some government job ?

3. Teaching?

4. MBA?

5. Lawyer ?

6. Journalism?

7. Psychologist?

Are you happy with your pay and in your field ? Do you ever regret not pursuing STEM courses ?

I came across this quote on Instagram today, and after having read about 6282638363posts on dysfunctional relationships fellow subreddit-ers have put up with for years, especially women, i thought i should post it here.

"Your self respect has to be greater than your desire to love."

Feel free to post similar sensible quotes that you came across that distressed relationship people, need to listen.

Fairly new ro 9 to 5 grind, wanted to know ehat cigs do you girls smoke at office breaks. I wanted smt with fairly good buzz and low smell sticking to my face and clothes. If possible suggest me the ones with low post smoke mouth odour

I currently smoke advanced and that is sticking!

Dms are open if u wanna give some personal takes

This is the second time this has happened. First time was when I was 29. I'm now 35. This is going to sound really weird but I'm a virgin. I'm married but a virgin. I also have vaginismus. I have somehow gotten through pelvic exams by requesting lube, and also the tiniest speculum they have. I've also had the doctor do bimanual exams whenever they felt the speculum wasn't needed.

However I'd recently been experiencing a frequent urge for urination. Almost for the past 6 months or more. I've had several doctor's appointments, exams, UTI tests, you name it. Nothing came of it and the doctor finally ordered a transvaginal ultrasound. I told her I cannot tolerate the probe and would there be a way to prep for it. She said I could use lube.

I go to my appointment today and the technician assures me she's using a lot of lube. However she barely inserts the tube and after going in a tad, I scream in pain. My pain tolerance isn't super high, but it's definitely not so low that I can't take any pain at all. This was excruciating and I asked her to remove the probe. She was very kind and understanding about it and didn't want to put me in pain either. Now I felt extremely defeated. I heard this is a common procedure, and the transabdominal ultrasound doesn't have as good visibility, so I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed.

My mom had been constantly after me about getting married, the whole shaadi ki umar kinda conversation. Since my boyfriend and I already plan to have a court marriage someday, my mom was relatively relaxed because that would save a lot of wedding expenses.

The catch however is that I’m not planning to get married for at least another 2 years.

Since she so badly wants me to get married while I still look 'young', I gave her a deal - it’ll be a simple court marriage only if it's on my timeline. But if she wants me to get married on her timeline, then I want a grand full-scale wedding, and I expect HER to cover all the expenses.

Ever since that conversation, the marriage discussions have reduced quite a bit lol.

I read the comment section under Jwala Gutta’s breast milk donation post and I was genuinely stunned. Speechless honestly.

A woman donates breast milk for babies in need and the comments are full of “we want to drink too”, “can adults drink it?”, grown men posting drinking milk gifs and other disgusting sexual comments.

Like what does it take to just appreciate the gesture and be normal for once? She literally did something compassionate and helpful for infants, and people still managed to turn it filthy within minutes.

It’s honestly pathetic how some men online can sexualize absolutely everything related to women even motherhood, breastfeeding and helping sick babies.

I currently do not put any sort of makeup except a lipstick. I want to start with makeup as a beginner. Please tell me the tips and tricks and products you guys recommend for office.

About my skin- I’m a medium warm olive skin tone. I have a few acne here & there, and textured skin from the scars. My t-zone is oily and cheeks are normal.

Reading and watching everything about the two sensationalized cases of women dying under extremely sus circumstances in their marital “homes.”

I am heartbroken. Angry. Pissed. But not shocked.

Mid 90s, my mother was one such woman who took her life in her marital “home.”

For a long while, the rates of housewives taking their lives was twice that of farmers and yet, no protests for the housewives, no vigils are held in their remembrance, no online trends in their support, no #, no press coverage, no outrage. Just pure acceptance and ignorance of this deeply shameful fact.

The recent data shows men are overtaking women in this statistic in India to match global trends. Men are more successful at the act but women have a higher number of attempts. The age group of girls between teens and early 20s is esp at risk now.

Three decades later, after a lifetime of one devastating experience after another, hers, mine, and almost every woman I have known in this country, I have realised how little has fundamentally changed.

My father has since married two more times and left both those marriages, thankfully, he did not kill these women. He was able to destroy my mother because she was systematically ruined by her birth family who educated her and dumped her with this scum, left her utterly unprotected and abandoned, and eventually one day there was nothing else left of her that could be ruined. No repercussions on him and his family. Even worse, no voice and argument from her own parents and siblings. The people she lived believing were her well wishers.

He is a repeat offender and textbook abuser. He violated boundaries within his own family. He has had multiple affairs. He stole his children’s life savings. He is a cheat in his business dealings.

And guess what the repercussions have been? Absolutely none. Why? Because he is a man and he is enabled by this society and system to thrive.

Hell, if he was just a bit more rich he would be a greatly celebrated politician - I've no doubt.

30+ years on.. My mother is still very dead. And he is still very much alive and free.

This is the condition of even educated women in this country. My mother was educated, healthy, fit and bright and she was killed by those that brought her into this world because they handed her over on a gold platter to the devil.

--

Not having a strong attachment to my family has enabled me to see how deeply twisted Indian parental and familial love is for the daughters.

And my heart breaks because I see women everywhere manipulated into believing that the teeny tiny bit of love they receive should be sufficient reason to endure hell, while their agency, autonomy, and assets are systematically stripped away from beneath their feet. First by the birth family, then by the society, then by the in-laws.

I have seen affluent parents make their daughters abandon careers before they even begin because the husband’s family is obscenely wealthy, so apparently what need does a woman have to pursue anything worthwhile? I see overeducated women reduced to managing kitchens and maids after their parents happily agree to insane amounts of 'gifts'. A gilded cage. While their husbands influence the world and their MILs and FILs dictate the next part of their life with a new set of rules and regulations of what is an acceptable well-respected woman.

I have seen women whose lives were destroyed because they rejected a man, a custom, a chore... Sometimes it is the father who burns her marksheets so she can never build a career. Sometimes it is the husband who restricts her mobility and autonomy. Other times it is the in-laws who slowly make her question her sanity. Sometimes, the irked chapri on the street. Sometimes, the teacher or classmate who has to teach her a lesson on what she can and cannot do. And sometimes it is even her own grown children who turn around and tell her she does not know right from wrong because “what has she ever achieved in life?” And the worst is when women side with the devils and play the role even better by telling the girls to sit with the legs closed, cover up, speak softly, hide our bras and pads, look down, let it go, not make a ruckus, have some shame....

The only common thread is that this country is deeply hostile towards females at its very core. Across religions, socioeconomic classes, cultures, geographies, and generations. I've travelled to the remotest regions of this country and yet external misogyny has been a constant companion hand-in-hand like the fear of my safety.

Even though in the current cases the majority opinion is that the in-laws killed the departed, the parents and this society remain equally complicit.

Parents bring us into this world and immediately begin compressing our spirits and aspirations into whatever conforms to their worldview of what is “right” and “honourable.” We are considered good and lovable only so long as we remain within their prescribed boundaries.

Even after losing their daughter, Twisha’s mother is on record saying that, like every parent, they wanted their daughter to be “settled” and had given her “acche sanskar” to “adjust" because these issues are common in early phases of marriage. Her father and brother were equally complicit when they gave in to financial transactions with the very people who would later question their daughter’s character in both life and death.

And now her father appears across multiple channels repeating the same few lines about how accomplished she was, how she did ads and feature films, how she was Miss Pune.

Is her only value that she could adjust to the abuse while simultaneously achieving enough for you to showcase to society?

Parents bring children into this world, and yet there exists no mechanism to determine whether they are even fit to do so. NOT ALL PARENTS DESERVE CHILDREN. STOP BRINGING US IN THIS WORLD ONLY TO KILL US.

Females lose the lottery of birth by being born into this underdeveloped hellhole, and then spend our lives fighting for bare minimum autonomy and whatever residual love and resources remain after the men have consumed everything.

We are taunted, tainted, harassed, violated endlessly. And even in death, we are forced to prove whether our character was “good.”

Parents send an adult daughter with all her degrees and qualifications to a stranger's house, disgustingly giddy that she can officially sleep with a stranger and also with gifts worth lakhs and crores to bear a new family name, bear their babies and take care of a whole different lineage which has done ZERO for her well being and upbringing! They make happy videos and dance away to glory celebrating this horrific transaction.

And then pikachu face when their daughters are bullied, harassed, taken advantage of, abandoned, wronged, treated badly, traumatized and for those like my mother, dead!

If it is so much fun to do this - why are the men in this country not giving a few lakhs worth of gifts and moving in with their in-laws to live this amazing cookie cutter life.

Why?

Sit with it. Think over it. Mull over it.

Ladies, I beg you, who truly loves you simply because you exist?

With no expectations in return. No emotional labour. No chores. No money. No sex. No caregiving. No dependance. No adjustments.

Because I have seen daughters killed before they are even born simply because they have a vagina. No repercussions. No remorse. No consequences. And we all know how it goes once we are here. Every day is a fight for our safety and life.

Ask yourself: who truly loves you and enables YOU to pursue your aspirations without manipulating, gaslighting, or emotionally blackmailing you with reasons that merely safeguard their own egos?

Because if you have even one such person in your life, you are blessed.

If you do not, please become that person for yourself. Stop accepting morsels and leftovers of love and validation from people who are hollow within. Save yourself. Protect yourself. Fight for yourself. In this life. Be your own queen in the ruddiest dirtiest grubbiest armour. There is no award for being the biggest sufferer / adjuster / compromiser.

Visited our native village. My parents were discussing how one of the Bahu’s of someone from our extended family died.
I asked, “How?”. They were like, “Peet-peet ke maardi gharwalo ne”( She was beaten to death by her husband and inlaws). I asked,”What about a police case?” They were like,”She was from Bihar, who will file a case for her?”.
(In our area, some men who are in their 30s,40s get married to girls from Bihar and they have to pay the girl’s family for that).
This just makes me so sad. Sadder that it’s not the first such incident that I have heard from our village.

The guy (25M) I (22F) had been seeing for 7 months, I ended things with him. We had a rocky beginning to our “relationship” (never really used labels hence the quotes) because I had a lot of people from my past who were lingering into the present, understandable why he had an issue. Though we agreed both of us date to marry, I was still seeing where things were going because I had gotten out of my previous one 3 months prior to meeting him, yet things happened as they did. I did cut my ex off, stopped hanging out with questionable people aswell, all while being in a situationship with him because i really wanted this to go somewhere. I understood his boundaries because of his trust issues (he was cheated on in the past) and i never really had any demands from him. He is from my hometown, stays in my locality, and i was finishing up college last semester, so 6 months out of 7 were LDR. I used to open upto him about my past in layers, as I got closer to him, but two things he didnt approve of:

1. I had pecked my girl bestie on the lip as a joke two years ago, and at the time both of us were dating and neither of our bfs had an issue with it. When i told him about this he lashed out, cause im bisexual and i had physical intimacy with her. Had i been straight, it wouldnt have been an issue, acc to him.

2. I am moving abroad for my masters, and its been my dream since i was a child. I am ambitious and i like challenges, i like working, so ofc i would want to get some work experience there before i make a decision to move back or not. He wanted an affirmative from me that “you will come back in a few years and we will end this LDR” it was never “oh i will try applying abroad to come closer to you to help you achieve ur dreams” because he had it clear he wanted to stay with his parents after marriage, which also i was okay with, but it was ofc an added pressure. Im all of 22 about to kickstart my career and here you are asking me to make decisions for the far future. What if i love it out there? What if i dont want to move back? And whenever i used to tell him this his response was always “so its not the person for you its the lifestyle”

My upbringing has sort of been very progressive, my parents have always encouraged me to be financially independent and go live my life, and most importantly be happy. I have had to cut off my bestf because of him, who i later patched things up with but still things can never be the same, and distanced myself from all my college friends, stopped socialising wherever my ex was present, basically used to sit in my room for 3 months straight and just spend time with him, rarely go out. I felt trapped, but i didnt wanna acknowledge it because it was for the greater good ie building that emotional safety that he can have with me which wasnt there in the beginning. Yes i have hidden things from him (small ones) cause i was afraid of his reaction, and when he found out it was worse. Idk i seldom was comfortable sharing everything with him, how it is supp to be like with a partner.
Today when i ended things, he said i deceived him all these 7 months, promised him that i would make the changes (which i did) but chickened out at the end (which i also did but it was physically affecting me to the point where my anxiety was making me throw up thrice a day). I was have nightmares abt k*lling myself, which felt peaceful. I dreaded waking up in the morning, all because of so much friction bw my friends and i. I didnt want college to end on this note, so i finally mustered up the courage and told him today, for good. We have been here before, where i started off the convo w “i cant do this” and ended up not breaking up, but no i think I am done for good this time.
I have been so emotionally drained out for a couple of weeks, and have end sems going on rn. Spoke to a friend, she said i did the right thing. Is love supposed to be this hard? Or is it a sign that its not meant to be?

Okay this is for the girlies…

So I’m 24F and have never been in a physical relationship before. But if I ever decide to be with a guy, how do I stay safe using just protection?

I can’t use an IUD or most birth control methods, and even emergency pills really mess with my cycle. So now I’m wondering if I should just invest in toys instead because I definitely don’t want pregnancy stress right now 😭

I’m completely new to all of this, so I’d really appreciate kind, judgment-free advice from women who rely only on condoms or know safer non-hormonal options that don’t affect periods.

I don't know why I am jotting all of this down here, but the recent state of affairs has deeply affected me. Watching interviews of victims and their families has been heartbreaking. In one case, the husband said that his wife of just 11 days was sitting on the railing in 45-degree Celsius heat at noon, and that’s how she fell down.

Everyone is blaming either the victim or her family. No one, literally no one is blaming the actual culprits: the dowry-greedy in-laws and husband.

I am deeply hurt by this. I don’t even know where to write these thoughts, so here I am.

One of my colleagues and I decided to stay in the same office quarter as flatmates. We didn’t know each other before but met during the document verification of our appointment. At first she seemed sweet but now I don’t feel very comfortable with her anymore. She’s pretty selfish and always makes sure she gets the better pillow, the better pizza slice, the better seat in bus or the better appreciation at office. Now it seems like I’m being petty here but it’s really annoying for me. We both work in the largest PSB of India and there’s a lot of work pressure, but she makes sure she gets the better tasks where she’ll get praised more than me. Now I was really trying to adjust as flatmates (currently we’re staying at a PG) but omg it’s so frustrating. I’ve decided to take a separate quarter so that if needed my family can move in with me and now she’s like oh you should’ve told me earlier, it’s gonna be hard for me to stay alone. But is it really my responsibility? You got a job, you need to stay here now figure out how you’re gonna do it, how does it become my responsibility to stay with her!!! Though I tried but she always puts herself first so why shouldn’t I? Am I being a b*tch here?

Hey all, I'm 26F. I did the whole PCM in 12th and then did Computer Science Engineering in college, I currently work as a Program Manager at a FAANG company. On paper I've done really well for myself but I am miserable. I have hated science and tech since the beginning. I have just kept pushing myself somehow to get through college and work and now here I am with nothing but tech related skills on my resume feeling very stuck and helpless about where to go from here.

I can't do this anymore because I wake up everyday and hate my job. I don't even feel competent. I so dearly wish I had taken humanities in 11th and then studied English Lit or Psychology or something. I want to pivot to something that's non-tech but don't know where to go from here. Is MBA the only option? I think I'm most drawn to like pure humanities related field but that would be too drastic of a shift and i don't have the courage to start from scratch (plus my family depends on me financially). Any advice?

I’m genuinely tired of constantly shaving my body hair 😭

I’ve been thinking about laser hair removal lately but I’m confused about a few things:

• How much does it actually cost overall?

• Does it permanently remove hair or does it grow back later?

• Is it painful?

• How many sessions do people usually need?

• Was it worth it for you?

Would love honest experiences because I’m seriously considering it at this point 😩