r/TrueNarcissisticAbuse

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I feel like everything would be so much easier if I didn’t have a child with him. I have stayed in contact because I like the idea of him being there for his kid and then having a relationship cause his dad seems to want to be in his life. the first few weeks he was a no show for appointments when be said he’d be there. he has always expressed any kind of emotion and wanting/love for me first then our child. dispite leaving while he was out with a go bag and our toddler and going to a DV shelter.

my problem is that it took some months for him to be served with custody papers and I felt like i was really being a bit too giving to him in fear for his reaction after finding out i want custody etc and he has money and he’s vindictive so of course it could end badly?

i feel like he’s become so used to not needing to work on himself and be decent for anything in life he’s really delusional and absolutely would benefit from seeing a doctor, specifically a psychiatrist but any doctor would be good at this point. i don’t feel great about the way he is and him being around our child and him having a dad that doesn’t respect boundaries, doesn’t get consequences, doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do, everything is someone else fault.

obviously everything in his life is fucked cause i left him alone in that house and won’t let him see his kid whenever random time he wants. he sees him more than i feel is right

i just feel that not feeling like im able to block him completely because i need all the evidence in case he takes me to court, and he needs to see his kid etc. and it’s holding me back, im not growing and healing the way i feel like i could be. it’s like i have a good few weeks maybe and then something, some interaction with him keeps me stuck in the kind of place i left physically and need mentally.

he usually calls me 10-20 times a day, sometimes 100-200. he has pulled many attention seeking episodes and so much drama and bullshit and circles and waste of time and energy all because i want him to try to help himself and take care of himself so he can be good and get a job and be a decent person and dad for our child?

he spends so much money, everything he says is another lie of a lie. he barely has any relationship with his family by choice he doesn’t care to call anyone and has no friends he’s in contact with, hasn’t seemed to make any new friends since 2022 when we moved in (i wasn’t allowed to make friends and all my then friends were against me and not to be trusted and over time i was left with nothing. he never let me get a job, i lost touch with reality also being so isolated and now i am starting over with nothing, and a toddler. But at least now I have the chance to do something with my life. and it’ll feel good knowing how hard i worked for everything. and and he is so irresponsible and unbearable and it’s so stressful. i need this out of my life i need to get better.

advice on going no contact? is there a better sub for this? lmao sorry for the rant idk who is going to read that

My sister has been with her (sorta Ex husband) for over 15 years. First loves for both of them. When they lived far away it was harder to see that her husband was a narcissist but when they moved closer it became very apparent. They have two kids and went through a separation 9 months ago because he “wanted his own space, wanted to see other people, everything is her fault she’s controlling” when they finally separated she told us a lot about things that had happened over the years. We made sure to validate her feelings without piling on. Encouraged her to focus on herself and her kids. Offered support like babysitting, play dates, invited her out. The problem is now he’s weaselled his way back in. He’s basically living there again and she’s thinking of getting back together with him because she finds it difficult being a single parent…. (Our parents live basically next door and offer to watch the kids all the time) I know deep down there’s nothing I can really do but I can’t be civil with this guy after everything I’ve experienced and suppressed for the sake of her relationship with the family and everything I’ve heard from her.

So I guess my question is.. is there anything else I can do? Part of me wants to lash out and tell her she’s going to live in misery for the rest of her life and that she’s being pathetic but I know that’ll just drive her away for good. I’m just hoping for a last Hail Mary because I think she’ll be driven away anyways because he isolates her.

Also to add she’s never been able to admit he was a narcissist but she also distrust everything everyone else has to say about anything.

Please help…

For those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist, were you genuinely happy in the beginning of the relationship? 

What ultimately made you recognize the relationship wasn’t healthy and decide to leave? Did they suddenly shift, or did you slowly start noticing patterns?

Also, did friends or family try to warn you, and how did that affect you at the time?

I’d love to hear your stories 

I have become so depressed and drained from all the lying, gaslighting and manipulation, carrying all of his blame, even blamed for his perpetual infidelity, getting assaulted, screamed at for crying or not behaving exactly as he wants. I moved to his country. I am isolated from friends and family. Any tiny bit of hope I had left is finally extinguished after a few days ago learning about how each and every thing he has ever done is directly linked to his covert/vulnerable narcissism.

So, he sees me as subhuman and always has.

No one will ever understand how it feels to have something so sacred wasted on a psychopath, besides you others here who it seems like its also over for. I felt I was crazy for so long lol. He let me convince myself it was all my fault. He let me suffer. He not only watched but laughed at my bleeding, bruises and tears. He let me lose years of my life.

But it was never me. No. I know that now. unfortunately three years too late .

He is the most incredible liar I have ever met.

Even if I had a logistically sound plan to get away//recover/rebuild --I don't have the energy or will anymore. i got used. He got what he wanted for a while then he violenced me. I never will get my life and love back. its so over for me

Well, everywhere I go since childhood every time I encounter a narc they always become hostile and obsessed with pushing me out.

When I was a child it was the narcissistic relative who wanted to kick me out on the streets and had to fight tooth and nails until they made it even if it took them years.

Then it was a college professor, then in the last two workplaces. Even an ex-roommate did that.

And all of them were either malignant or vulnerable narcissists, I can even predict them now. But why are they always so obsessed with pushing me out? Why me and not others?

I don't do anything to them, but they always turn hostile towards me, from yelling at me to humiliating me in public, and then turn super nasty to try to push me out no matter what.

Why is that? Why do they hate me so much?

TRIGGER WARNING: DISPLAYS OF MOST NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOUR, INCLUDING SEXUALLY PHYSICAL! Also very long and may have poor spelling and grammer.

Hello, I am a few days in after being out of a 10-year relationship with my ex.

What lead me out?
Firstly, this was not my first attempt, but it is my first attempt knowing fully well he was a narcissist.
Some time on my birthday, I wanted to bath with him, just something for a 'day all about me', but inexpensive and he already shown to enjoy it. I must have upset him when I took out my frustration on him due to a group member that they were blaming me for not reading an announcement I made previously. He said not to blame me and I apologised (because he was right) but it didn't seem enough. Right after I asked for the 'birthday shower' and he asked me why I would want that. Not a 'no', but 'why' I wanted something. Confused, I just said I wanted it. He didn't think it a satisfying response. I then said because it makes me happy (as the main thing we all to in life is to be happy) and he didn't accept that answer either. He said everyone does something for a reason and that left me confused. I asked AI why I would want something and it gave me some suggestions and ultimately said I didn't need a reason to just want something on my birthday. He said it was stupid to give reasons whilst saying reasons are not needed.
He then said he now wanted to go and shower, but I was still reading what the AI said. Then he pulled down my underwear and tried to coerce me into the shower by pulling on my legs lightly. Now I told him I didn't like that some days ago when he pretended he was going to rape me based on some news of some 'fertility' festival. I said I didn't like it then, he apologised, but later after that he tried to reason with me on why he does it and that it should be normal and even convinced me it was okay. The whole reason I found it an issue was

1. He seemed to do that when he was upset as a form of triggering me
2. It reminded me of when he really jokingly planned to 'joke' 'rape' me. I told him it still affected me till this day, he apologised years later saying it was a dumb joke and I thought he wouldn't do it again, let alone three times with the last two happening within the same week and the second addressed and thought to have moved on.
   I didn't shower with him as I was rushing out for an exam. So then I went out, triggered by it all I forgot that we agreed that after some time, he'd pick me up. I returned and he directly told me to never make him worry like that again, which I agreed. I then also told him I wanted tonight to not talk about what just happened, that I don't want to sleep in the same bed with him and that I wanted the time to think. He agreed but it was like... he was behaving like a ghost around me, like me setting that boundary didn't sit well with him.
   I slept on the couches for that night as he went up to bed after spending most of the day playing video games.
   Then the next day came. I used AI to draft something so that I didn't sound antagonistic and then I told him we can talk but I can wait until he was ready. 2 hours in and he didn't reach out to me, and look, he doesn't usually do this. He is an anxious lover who always checks up on me. So after said time, I laid it all out.
   I told him 'why' I wanted the 'birthday shower', something of wanting my wants without question or something, and that I wanted him to stop with these 'physical jokes'. Halfway with me talking, he went back to gaming. I let him game a bit until I called his attention again, to say what I said again because I felt ignored and stonewalled, but he more quickly went back to playing. I left the room as the AI suggested.
   In the afternoon, he said he was going for a walk, but then later asked how my exam went. I told him I didn't want to talk normally with him. He asked why, and I said I didn't want to behave like nothing happened, and I listed everything again. He basically said it was unfair to bring up uncomfortable topics especially since he allowed so me to avoid them so many time (now writing this, I don't know if it was that many times, but okay.) I was half-shocked half-disappointed. For the first time, I saw what was going on and just couldn't believe it. And then he went to the kitchen whistling after saying that.
   I told him I was leaving and that he should take me home. He refused. So I packed and called an uber, only a bit hungry and dehydrated because he didn't offer me anything ever since last night (which I will say, is unlike him).
   When I went back home, I blocked him yet again.
   I even made what I think is the mistake of telling his narcissistic dad to never talk to me again, using the excuse that I am failing school and capitalizing on his dad already looking down on me for failing previous education.
   Now I am back at my home now done playing house with him hopefully forever whilst getting accusing, baiting and hoovering texts from different numbers I had to block from him, from accusations that I insulted his family to how he was sorry but he was just in his feelings to listen to me.

Why did I stay for so long?
Because I had a father who told me that saying he loved me would be a lie (so I should just know I am loved by being provided food and shelter and education only), so he refused to say it to me (yes, he told me to my face he refuses to say it), whilst having the very definition of a toxic mother (who is dead now). I had someone who was not afraid to say he loved me, and I want to believe he wasn't always like this. He thought before taking both our virginities, he tried to understand people, he actually suffered through my period of depressive episodes with hope I would be better.
But I also missed the signs: firstly the 'rape' joke, where he pretended to do it and smiled when I cried (not a smile of joy as he said when he saw it, he felt bad and didn't want to go through with it... man saying out loud sucks to have forgiven him for such a thing!), when he said he wish he could just take me and put me into him (basically narcissist talk for 'you love me for me, and I love you because you love me, not because I think you a human being equal to me), always logic-ing away my feelings or his intention (he's done it SO MUCH, I can barely remember any of them because I always thought if he can convince me I was wrong, I apologise and move on) and just trying to teach a grown ass man to even fake empathy enough so I feel safe in the relationship.

It sadly wasn't all bad as well. I truly believe he tried to be a good partner. He warned me that he could be like his father. He tried to use less harsh words. He did give me a toy I specifically liked. He cried when he felt accused of being the bad guy and that he was trying... but he was too infected. And I know I do not want to pass the infection down and tell my children to accept this flaw in someone, not in a deep loving relationship where we all must trust and stick with each other.

I thank him for making me a better empath, but until I see change... I can't go back to him.

Hi everyone,

Last week me and my ex (who is a narcissist) had a final heated argument (already separated) he was accusing me of spreading rumours about his family at work (we both work at same establishment). He blocked me on everything WhatsApp / phone / insta and Facebook. I thought well this is finally it final discard

Obviously it made me feel upset as I’m trauma bonded and I’m working through this with a therapist and all the things and scared about him deformation of my character at work.

Fast forward to Monday evening I’ve realised he has unblocked me on Instagram, I haven’t looked at Facebook - WhatsApp I’m still blocked and he is watching my stories (I didn’t know my profile was public rookie error from me) but what the hell it has confused the life out of me! Has anyone experienced Similar or could shed some advice on what to do please it’s completely rattled me as why on earth is he doing that for if we aren’t speaking and I’m blocked everywhere else.

Thanks for reading x

It's very difficult for me to say this, but I am 26, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We started living together in our fifth month, and the physical violence began from the very first month. Initially, when I did something or said something that annoyed him at a concert or in a bar, he would squeeze my waist tightly. Then, as time went on, he started biting me on my cheek, arm, and leg. I took pictures of a few of these incidents.

Once, he squeezed my little finger so hard it turned purple and I think it was crushed. I didn't go to the doctor, and he didn't suggest we go either. I couldn't use my little finger for a week, and it hurt a lot. All he did was apologize profusely, say he loved me very much, and that it wouldn't happen again. I'm a little too jealous of him because I can't trust him in anything. That's why I blame myself, thinking I'm the one who angers him.

The last incident was horrific and I think it traumatized me. I thought he was going to stab me with the knife he had in the house, but he kept cutting himself. This wasn't the first time he'd done this to himself. After cutting himself, he was in a lot of pain and started blaming me. And he started beating me, constantly hitting me on the head. He wouldn't let me escape from the house, and when I did, he caught me in the street and beat me there too. He said he wasn't afraid of the police, let them come and arrest him. He forced me back into the house and continued beating me, saying hurtful things, and I was really hurt that night. I remember crying, "mommy" I cant forget that night and me crying "mommy".

The next day, he said he'd been drunk the night before, apologized, and said he loved me more than anything and didn't want to break up. I don't know why, but I accepted. Now I don't even want to know what's right and what's wrong. I have no friends; my best friend left me because I chose to stay with him. I have messages where he admits to what he did and apologizes, and I'm keeping them. I also have photos of some of the bruises. I'm keeping those too. I'm ashamed to say this, but I still love him because he's sometimes very kind and considerate to me.

It's only in those terrible moments that it feels like a demon has possessed him. I know I should leave him, but I can't. Something inside me is stopping me. The memories and photos of when everything was beautiful are stopping me. I guess I can't accept that our relationship has turned into this.

Just curious what everyone that went through this would do. To make a long story short, I was bullied, mobbed and then humiliated.

It started because I had one narcissistic bully, I just didn't understand how serious it was when it started. One woman didn't like me for some reason. She was friendly to my face but behind my back she was running a smear campaign against me. She would go around telling people bad little lies about me and trying to convince them not to like me either. They would sit around laughing saying bad things about me.

It was working and many people would low key treat me bad. They'll just assume bad things about me. Things like I was bringing roaches to the job and they said they had to watch me to make sure I wasn't stealing food. They low key treated me like vermin.

I ignored it at first because I believed thats just how life is. That some people just don't like you and you have to learn to live with it. I eventually got tired of people treating me bad and started telling people that it was a smear campaign.

Things started getting better and many of them started treating me nicer. I think most of them didn't realize that they were being manipulated. Once they realized they decided to stop. I even overheard someone stop the bully when she tried to hold her little hate meeting.

However simultaneously I also heard a lot of small penis jokes around me. One person even told me to my face that I had a small penis. I thought it was out of line but people say things like that occasionally. I turned the joke back at them. Then someone that I thought was my friend always talking about penises around me.

Then someone else flat out said out loud that I had a small penis. That's when I realized what they had done and had enough. These are lies, nothing is wrong with my penis and they never seen it. They had just took the bullying to that level.

Now I went to HR to report bullying and sexual harassment. Also the original bully is gone and I only really have that one bully left which now has to explain herself to HR.

This is very humiliating and degrading. I want to leave but the problem is that other sites pay less. The second highest paying site would be an 8% pay cut.

I'm thinking of staying, but I'm curious what everyone else would do. Because 8% is real money and I think that losing that money just so I can be more comfortable would be doing a disservice to my family. That money could pay for my child's college, it could pay off my student loans, or just provide a higher quality of life for my family.

After calming down I see that this doesn't have to affect my life outside of work. It's not true so it shouldn't hurt my self-esteem. I just can't talk or be friendly with coworkers anymore if they think this about me. It's not just juvenile. They look down on you and think your less than everyone else.

So I think that I can really just say fuck what they think and just go grey rock and get paid. That my work life will just be some quiet place where I just do my job and go home without engaging with anyone or participate in anything. I don't want to lose significant money just because of some bullies. Also I really think it's over besides that they believe I have a small penis. After I went to HR they don't want to mess with me. Also many people must know that they went to far, and the original bully is gone.

But like I said I'm curious what everyone would do. Keep in mind that this is real life and you have real bills.

My Fears: My historical fear was that I was stupid, incompetent, weak, or a weirdo. Yes, I grew up reading comic books, playing d&d, and avoiding sports. So that was my weak spot that my ex could hit me with in relationship to establish dominance.

N Abuse Story: After she really fell out of affection for me, when the lovebombing was /over/, she started to claim I didn't love her because I would forget things. Like, she would ask me to get milk on the way home, probably the night before, or start the potatoes boiling when I got home from work so we could serve when she got home -- and I'd forget. She would tell me that these things meant I did not think of her all day and I did not love her - after all, I remembered things for work. This would continue, on and off, for years. To be fair, at least once or twice, I had an appointment with a friend to work on something in grad school, and I would ask her if I should remind them, and she'd say "no, they either want to go or they don't, don't annoy them." And, of course, a couple of times, the friends forgot. So she was consistent in her unrealistic expectations -- if she said it once, she couldn't be deigned to remind someone, if they forgot, it was their fault.

Eventually I made similar mistakes at work and told her about it. Then slowly I went from "smart but don't love her" to "she doesn't love me" to "dumba-s who she does not love." Eventually I filed for separation (not divorce, religious) my priest talked me out of it but she had seen a lawyer, so she spent 6 months isolating me from the the kids then filed for divorce. The court determined she was dominating and controlling and awarded me the youngest full-time to prevent the destruction of relationship that had already happened with the older two.

TODAY: A half-dozen years later, my youngest is starting to do the same things. She's an early teen now, and earlier in the week wanted a specific item from the store. She was in information-hiding mode, so she only two me a few words, so, for example, "It's kind of frozen vegetable they will have at wal-mart." Then we went to get it on our way to mom's dinner visit, which is ~40 miles away. I asked her to remind me, and she wouldn't. Eventually she told me "frozen vegetables", and I thought "oh wait, if we get them before the visit they'll be sitting in the car for four hours. Let's not do that." and we agree. Later I told her if she wants me to remember things, tell me a story - who suggested it, why, when, what you wanted to do with it, what makes it unique, that kind of thing. She said "why would I do that, when you can't remember two words?"

She later told me she believed I was intentionally forgetting in order to "rage bait" her. And that my forgetting was "feigned incompetence." The night before that, my daughter told me that I was a narcissist and I should look up "SPECIAL ME", which is a nemonic to remember the diagnostic criteria of NPD.

Eventually I told her that she knows she is being disrespectful and that no, she could not watch a TV show on her phone in the car, and if she kept it up I would call her friend's mom and cancel the friend-over she was planning friday. Suddenly her behavior improved.

In my words: She is perceiving my appropriate, loving, boundaries as abuse, and someone is inappropriately teaching her therapy-language, coaching her to be my peer or superior, and to see my parenting as narcissistic abuse. (It's a covert tactic)

Bottom line: I can see this a couple ways. It could be a strategy - provide very limited information, criticize the person when they forget. But I think another aspect of this that narcissists are constantly asking "what's in it for me?" Explaining in depth to someone else, reminding them doesn't benefit the narcissist specifically -- unless they get worship and positive supply out of it.

Another aspect, I think, is rigorous boundaries and unkindness - Their way of being really is that they told you once, if you don't show up, that is your fault, they TOLD you. I'm actually running into this in other areas, where a really complex situation is boiled down to five words, and if I don't remember then I am "gaslighting" them. Again, if they actually invested the time to remind me in any detail, I might remember - and did once, when I got my youngest to actually tell me what she meant, instead of jumping to gaslighting.

It's all very confusing to me. I am hoping some people here have some insight into what might be going on.

Hey guys, I’m stuck with my parents for another few months before I leave for college and it’s been unbearable. I’ve never felt worse. My mom is 52 years old and she is at her narcissistic peak but started using some manipulative tricks such as pretending to be super nice and understanding just to bring me closer and then stab me in the back. I’m too lazy to give examples but I have borderline personality disorder and I’ve been in DBT for around 2 months now. The second she gets slightly annoyed with the way I breathe she tells me how she’s disappointed and not seeing any progress and they are wasting their money or my bullshit.

I was silent most of the time (I trained myself not to speak cuz it feeds her) but she managed to turn it into an abusive one sided fight. She called me a whore (I’m aroace wtf) and started slamming her door multiple times as loud as she can that she even broke some wood off of it. She “forbid” me from looking at her the way I did and started saying some random stuff I didn’t understand about worms, soup and shit?? I’m as confused as you are but overall it was scary how crazy she looked. She broke some other stuff from her room and just started screaming alone there things like “die” and “fuck you why were you even born”.

I’m honestly scared to go to bed and even more scared of locking my door because I just know she will accuse me of making her worried cuz she would think I did something to myself.

I walk on eggshells every day. I can’t talk about my feelings, achievements, ANY past events (she will deny it happened even if she’s wasn’t the villain there), how much I love certain musicians or even worse my friends (she gets jealous) or that my therapist agreed with me that her behavior is not normal.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I have some sexual trauma too from sexual exposure at a really young age that some days just takes over me and I can’t do anything and that’s when she becomes the worst possible version of herself.

I also keep telling myself that they are not my parents and actually are just two assholes paying my rent or something, but the attachment still keeps coming back and words hurt.

Guys if any of you have dealt with something like this I will accept any advice. I will also talk to my therapist about this but I would like to hear other experiences!

 want to share my testimony as to what I think may have been a narcissistic relationship. in this testimony we will call her Jade.  I met jade at the restaurant that she worked at. She is Latina, amazing body, extremely beautiful, way better than what I looked like. She’s got the big fake eyelashes, tons of tattoos, dresses very provocatively. Always posting pics on insta, making tik toks, and wanting to create drama.  we got along super well, we were so invested in one another. Except something kind of strange happened the first day.

There was a girl singing in the restaurant and I didn’t want to be rude so I watched her sing periodically maybe like in 10 sec intervals. I found out later on that day that it’s her sister-in-law singing and her sister. They’re a lesbian couple. My future partner is behind the bar and I’m sitting on one of the stools glancing back periodically. Her sister and her partner are the ones performing so yeah, I thought it would make me look rude if I didn’t show both of the singers some appreciation.

She gets really upset with me after literally knowing her for two hours, she got mad like we are a married couple with lots of problems. I think jade said something like “you want that bitch” I said “no” then she says “why you fucking looking at her then”. I tell her to be polite   the next day jade and I are hanging out having a good time and she decides to just break it off with me. I chase her get her back and tell her that she is the one for me. at this point I’m starting to already see that there are some major insecurities on her side. She got a tatoo on her back that said “Fuck ME” so if that tells you anything.

We begin to become more sexual because this girl loves SEX. We would have sex without protection and jade wanted me to get her pregnant and have a baby with her. I have a lot of mental problem with sexual interaction because I just came out of very brainwashing, religious, Pentecostal relationship. that I was in for two years. (no sex before marriage) so I guess this furthers her insecurities about herself because I’m not performing well. Jade thinks she is the problem.  I developed a problem with pornography due to my past but I was trying hard to cut it off because this girl was everything to me

So there was no porn at the time, I wasn’t even looking at porn anymore on my own.  she would look through my phone and had set a boundary no porn, no girls, if you want me. So I’m like “ok cool got it”. Weeks go by and my birthday comes up. Jade and I go to an Air B&B about an hour and half away. AT this point jade has wanted to leave me several times off of bunch of false accusations about the person she thinks I am. Everything is going well on my birthday until we go to a steak restaurant to eat. I glance down the aisle at this restaurant. Jade thinks I’m looking at a woman and I’m not at all. I’m just looking around like a normal person does. She ruins the dinner based off of this assumption. I’m telling her the truth but its not enough. We get back to the Air b&B and she begins to argue with me, talks about how she doesn’t want me anymore and tells me as soon as we get back home. I will never see her again. This sets me in panic mode. I beg to jade that I have no obsession or eyes for any of woman than her. I yell, I cry, act irrational because at this point, I have entertained this delusion and false accusations all of the time that don’t exist. We get back home and the same things happen. Jade doesn’t want me over and over again and I beg for her back.

So at this point I’ve known her for maybe two months and she has tried to end things with me over false accusations like 8 times already. At this point as well I’m staying at her place and have my life360 on so she knows my every move. She’s looking through my phone. I have deleted every picture of old girlfriends, thrown away any thing I have gotten from another girl. I don’t speak with any girl and I’m not really going anywhere because I’m unemployed at this point. Couple weeks pass and jade is basically still pulling the same stuff with me.

ive had enough at this point so I revert back to looking at porn because it's like a vice for me still, and if my partner never wants me what’s the problem . I lie about it. Jade catches me. immediately wants to break it off, lays hands on me, kicks me out of her place. I feel so extremely bad for lying, betraying her trust, and crossing the boundary. I explain that she is always ending it off with me over false accusations and my heart has been destroyed over and over by her in only 3 months. I beg her to take me back and she does. I tell her ill change and I’m the one meant for her. She takes me back but here’s where the fun part begins. Now I have to regain her trust when she never seemed to try to trust me before. Everywhere we go is now a battleground, I’m now accused of checking out EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE. IM NOT JOKING AT ALL.

Every single girl everywhere especially if we were walking behind them.

All the women at my work. My sister who came into town. Her mom.

Every market, store, tourist location. My grandfather’s 60 year old care giver. House cleaners. Children. Any video I watch on my phone or movie with her.

I’m beyond terrified to go anywhere, do anything, watch tv shows, use my phone in any way. I’m taking pictures of my junk every 15 min for 8 hours a day on my off days to show her I’m not pleasing myself, when I'm not working obviously. Im showing my phone to her all the time, im showing pictures of who is around me and what part of the house I am in. Im scared to death about when she comes back home after work because the accusations of everything is going to be relentless.  Every time im accused, im hoping to God that I say the right words and don’t start unnecessary drama. I’m no longer talking to any girl even casually, anywhere I go. Sex became a nightmare because she would always think I was thinking of someone else all of the time. Then on top of this I have no say of anything in general that happens in the relationship. Im still be threatened of being left frequently. Everywhere we go now my movements, actions, words are so robotic, and I still get accused all day long. Constant insults and false accusations. I understand i betrayed her trust with lying but this seemed like way too much. im constantly telling the truth and no matter what i say or show, it's not enough ever. This was a living hell