r/ReadMyScript

Title: Something to say

Pages: 5

Genre: Comedy / Animation

LOGLINE:

A dog lover’s quiet night at home takes a bizarre turn after he wakes to an unexpected confrontation.

I usually go for horror, thriller, and action, but I’m trying out comedy for the first time to broaden my horizons.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1blhQVK2jcMr7nnP6fDQX4z6RM8bO-IvJ/view?usp=sharing

I hope you enjoy.

And of course, thank you for reading.

So i'm in the process of writing my first script, basically a synopsis of it is "A nihilist who believes the human existence is meaningless is forced to survive out on his own after a global economic apocalypse which leaves everyone to fend for themselves and no law enforcement"

I've just finished the opening scene and i was wondering if i could get some opinions on it and maybe some changes i need to make

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kDee21hkUW3r3Q9aTGAXUowFNL2LsMl4/view?usp=sharing

1 page

The Disconnect

When Kratos dropped his signature Spartan rage to preach about "doing better" in the newer games, a massive portion of the fanbase felt a severe disconnect. It sounded preachy, forced, and entirely out of place for a hardened, ancient warrior—like a modern politician politicking to appeal to contemporary crowds.

But what if it wasn't soft corporate writing? What if every piece of moral dialogue in the Norse saga was actually part of a high-stakes, multi-millennial tactical stealth operation?

By re-architecting the God of War lore using pure internal "hardware logic," we can bridge the raw gravity of the Greek era with the emotional weight of the Norse reboot. This is the official 9-board narrative blueprint for God of War: Ófriðr Níu (The War of the Nine).

Part I: The Primordial System Architecture

1. The Babel Shattering & The Planetary Order

Long before the gods existed, a unified primordial civilization built a supreme cosmic artifact—The Mask—to defy the True Higher Realm Gods. To punish their hubris, those Higher Gods violently shattered the mask. That cosmic explosion fractured existence, splitting reality into separate, isolated pockets.

In this sector, the shattering of the mask is what physically generated the Nine Realms. Each realm became a literal physical shard of a broken infinity. To prevent an explosive elemental hardware rejection, the universe decreed that the fragments could only ever be reassembled in a strict, unyielding planetary orbital sequence: M-V-E-M-J-S-U-N-P (Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto).

2. The Law of Incomplete Disaster

The intentional, attempted use of the incomplete mask or individual shards results in absolute disaster. Siphoning power from a standalone shard triggers a violent cosmic feedback loop. The keepers only want to protect and contain the pieces, leaving them stable. Odin wants to actively use them, meaning any attempt to wield his pieces violently backfires, frying his surroundings and accelerating his mental decay.

3. Odin's HDD Brain (The Cognitive Curse)

Odin struck a forbidden deal with the True Higher Realm Gods to look into the rift and glimpse the pre-shattered reality. As the literal collateral for this transaction, Odin sacrificed his own eye.

However, the Higher Gods programmed a devastating cognitive curse into the rift: the infinite data immediately began to operate like a fading, waking dream. The experience inflicted a creeping cosmic dementia upon the All-Father, turning his brain into a severely fragmented organic **Hard Disk Drive (HDD)**suffering from massive data corruption, bad sectors, and severe Server Latency whenever his focus wanders too far from center.

4. The 9-Raven Drone Grid

To run a brute-force hack on his rotting brain, Odin built an automated cloud network: flocks of 9 Ravens. To reveal a hidden shard, the universe requires a hyper-specific 9-part Harmonic Chant operating on a mathematical circular shift cipher. If a shard is in Realm 2, the chant sequence must start in Realm 2's native tongue and cycle down the line (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 1).

Because Odin's brain can no longer calculate these shifts on the fly, he programs his 9-bird processing clusters to deploy across the realms. Each bird carries exactly one permutation of the chant. They land on physical landmarks—like monuments and statues—and simultaneously broadcast all 9 permutations. If the location doesn't match their sequence, the system returns a 404 error, and the drones move on.

Part II: The Historical Conflict (Ófriðr Níu)

5. The Scrambled Coordinate Matrix & The Convergence Ambush

For generations, the secret global sects run the Millennial Shard Exchange, physically rotating the fragments between realms to foster a continued commitment to the alliance and keep the combination scrambled. Because of this, planetary attributes no longer match their geographical realms; Shard **P (Pluto)**may very well be physically hidden inside the native coordinates of Realm E (Earth/Midgard).

A rogue Giant defector leaks the coordinates of the upcoming Realm Convergence Point to Asgard. Odin, completely empty-handed but blinded by the prospect of infinite power, deploys the full military might of Asgard to ambush the secret global sects during their scheduled shard rotation ceremony. The peaceful ritual instantly devolves into a chaotic bloodbath.

Odin successfully seizes 3 physical fragments during the slaughter. To protect the rest, the alliance collapses into an emergency upload:

• Faye intentionally dissolves and absorbs her designated shard into her Jötunn soul structure.
• Týr, previously injured during the fight, grabs an active shard and places it in his clothes for transport. Due to his godly blood mixing with his open wounds, a violent reaction occurs, absorbing the shard directly into his veins.
• The remaining shards are successfully snatched up and whisked away by the surviving Egyptian and Japanese protectors, vanishing back into the scrambled global grid.

6. The Traitor’s Bargain & The Genocidal Fuse

Odin walks away from the ambush with nothing but his original 3 pieces, completely empty-handed from the grand prize. Strung up in a bloodthirsty fury, Odin prepares to execute the informant on the spot for the failure—especially wanting to kill him because Faye is also a Giant, making the entire botched operation look like a massive, hostile Jötunn double-cross.

To save his own life, the traitor drops a massive piece of classified intelligence: the existence of the 9 Harmonic Chants. However, the traitor explicitly warns the All-Father that because of the millennial shuffling, no one alive knows the exact planetary layout of the remaining pieces. Using this info, Odin forces his Ravens to identify which 3 attributes he holds, but because he cannot use them without triggering a system explosion, they sit uselessly in his study.

Fueled by his burning paranoia of the Giant "double-cross" at the Convergence, Odin's humiliation turns into a toxic, personal vendetta. He demands the Giants turn over Faye and her internal shard. They fiercely refuse to protect the universe, prompting Odin to deploy Thor to execute a systematic hard-drive format of the Jötunn race. A devastated, surviving Faye escapes into absolute, "Kratos-style" paranoid isolation in the deepest woods of Midgard.

Part III: The Intimate Tragedies

7. General Laufey's Prime & The Path to Zen

To solve the visual immersion gap of her sleeker frame, Faye wields the Leviathan Axe, which possesses giant-magic adaptive geometry that physically scales its size and mass to match her athletic frame. Her secondary tool is the Frost-Weave Core gauntlet, which allows her to manifest upgradable, high-velocity ice blades. She uses supreme kinetic leverage and a devastating Flash-Freeze Parry to freeze enemies mid-swing and shatter them.

Meanwhile, Týr's unaligned data injection triggers terrifying, uncontrollable fits of rage. To survive, Týr is forced to drop his weapons and build a strict mental firewall of absolute, flat-lined "zen" peace. If his emotions spike, the shard will instantly detonate and erase his soul.

Faye marries Kratos—the only god whose untrackable, foreign Greek soul can act as a blind vault (having unknowingly absorbed the Greek shard when his own homeland collapsed). By breeding with him, her shard genetically transfers to Atreus. Because only females can transfer a shard, the birth breaks her immortality reactor, causing her to gradually age like a regular mortal.

8. The Monument Clash (The Maternal Burn)

Years later, a flock of 9 scanning Ravens stumbles onto their location inside an ancient, ruined Giant monument. The drones hit a live coordinate match and broadcast the local cipher, causing a catastrophic data surge to strike Atreus' mutated internal SSD. The high-frequency signal begins frying the boy's young brain.

Seeing her child in agony triggers Faye's protective maternal fury. Bypassing her body's natural safety limits, she unleashes a violent, blinding blizzard of frost magic to manually format those birds before they can beam the coordinates back to Asgard. Faye saves her son from a neural meltdown, but the massive divine footprint she leaves behind is the exact flare that allows Asgard's tracking forces to target their cabin years later. She passes away shortly after, leaving Kratos cryptic instructions to chop the marked trees.

9. The Firmware Patch & The Final Checkmate

This completely recontextualizes the entire 2018 game. Atreus' sudden sickness wasn't a psychological illusion—it was a catastrophic Firmware Incompatibility. His mortal operating system couldn't run the infinite shard firmware he inherited from his mother, triggering a total system hardware crash when his anger spiked.

When Kratos delivers his calm confession, their shared bloodline triggers a familial resonance loop. As the first familial shard bearers in history, they act as a redundant network. Kratos' newly defragmented head acts as a massive cooling mechanism, wirelessly uploading a software patch that permanently stabilizes his son. Kratos wasn't organically becoming a soft pacifist; he was being carefully re-programmed by Faye, because a calm head was the only encryption key capable of safely holding the shards.

The ultimate checkmate occurs at the rift. Odin pushes Atreus to look inside because the All-Father is terrified the Higher Gods will take his remaining eye as further toll. But nothing happens to Atreus. The cosmic curse only targets greed. Because Atreus, Faye, and Týr possess pure innocence and a total lack of desire to weaponize the mask, their minds act as a natural system firewall.

Realizing the final missing shards are the living, biological souls of himself, his father, and Týr, Atreus breaks the mask to break the combination lock forever. Faye's multi-millennial stealth operation succeeds perfectly. By forcing Kratos to "be better," she defragmented his soul, created the ultimate protector, and permanently kept the universe safely broken.

It’s short it’s my first and I have a long list like 43 other various size projects, also am I doing this right? Thanks

Logline: A petty convenience store theft turns fatal when time violently fractures, forcing a thief to witness a tragedy in reverse before reality snaps forward.

Pages: 2

Genre: Psychological Crime Thriller

Link to scrip: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/1jauxjvaehbijytphqg20/Out-of-Time-A.pdf?rlkey=evemkt368sd7e7m5ajgx7cw78&st=1fvh62on&dl=0

Hey everyone, looking for feedback on this short scene introducing a sudden time-reversal mechanic during a robbery. Let me know what you think of the pacing and the imagery.

Hi everyone,

I just finished my first feature film script called Falling for Delilah. I used Studiobinder to format, so please ignore the scene numbers. Just learning the ropes (of formatting).

Logline: A disciplined college freshman falls for a beautiful, emotionally complicated girl who slowly becomes the greatest temptation of his life.

Any feedback is appreciated. I love constructive criticism!

Script: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OONPSh6xGKWRqqW7Cu1j95fSHXLkQUZI/view?usp=drive_link

LOOKOUT

78 pages, feature

Horror, thriller

Logline - A desperate fire lookout spends his summer in a national park searching for his lost mother when he accidentally stirs the interest of a mysterious cult who make his stay of life and death.

I’ve finally gotten to a point where I’m happy with this script but I’m sure there’s still ways to improve it so any issues or even just small details that you think would improve it please let me know. Thank you so much for reading.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RQRahPM-tbWHHLai6Ythh7LwNw3\_AHtS/view?usp=drivesdk

Hey everyone,

I’m a writer/director based in LA and I recently submitted a short film project to the Sofia Coppola x Decentralized Pictures fund.

The platform relies heavily on community reviews/feedback, and I’d genuinely love thoughts from other filmmakers rather than just asking friends to click a button.

The project leans more atmospheric/psychological/indie than commercial, so I’d especially love feedback from people into auteur-driven cinema, festival films, visual storytelling, etc.

If anyone’s open to checking it out and leaving a review/comment, I’d really appreciate it and I’m also happy to review other projects in return.

About the project: The Bite of Time is a coming-of-age psychological drama told entirely through a three-way split screen following a young woman (Meline) after finding her first white hair. She unravels and is pulled back into the orbit of her two former best friends. She is forced to confront the seductive danger of staying young and the irreversible physical price of refusing to grow.

https://app.decentralized.pictures/project/69ff9326e15754b80b0aa13f

Thank you! <3 Kim

Title: The Bozo Dojo

Genre: Comedy

Format: tv pilot

Page length: 31

Logline: An autistic comedian absent-mindedly navigates the egos and drugs of Denver's most underperforming comedy club.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/13NnT-doMDylimcXmNcJiGWZ8VCWDQvH1/view?usp=sharing

Specific concerns: I'm not stoked on the title but can't think of anything else. Also the logline probably needs work if anyone has feedback on that. But in terms of writing how is it? This is the first screenplay I wrote and I haven't really gone back and proper edited and rewritten it before. Also are the scene directions stuff right?

so what next?

Thanks for reading!

So me and a bunch of my friends recently started working on a low budget fantasy movie project together.I got tasked as being screenwriter and writing the main story and I wanted to hear honest opinions from other people about the story idea and if it sounds interesting or too generic.

The movie has a dark medieval style aesthetic and starts as a political war story between two kingdoms. The important thing is that it is NOT supposed to immediately become a giant action fantasy movie. Most of the first half is focused on politics, character conflicts, tension between kingdoms and slowly building dread.

The story follows two kings at war. One of them is an older king who genuinely cares about his people. His son, Prince, is the main character and the “hero” of the story. The other king is much colder and crueler and rules alongside his right hand man, who starts as a morally questionable character but slowly changes throughout the story.

So by now it just seems like a very generic move script.A war betwen two countries.One is evil one on is good.But that is what i want,i want for it to seem basic at first even tho at the end it will be more than that.It will be about the message of doing good at the cost of your own good.

The movie opens with soldiers entering caves after reports of strange killings. They are guided by a miner who claims something unnatural is living down there. All of them die, but the audience never fully sees what killed them. This is supposed to foreshadow the danger that is slowly approaching the world.

After that, the story focuses on the war between the kingdoms.prince is shown to be a talented commander, but he is also exhausted by war and slowly losing faith in it. Early in the movie his father tells him a quote that becomes the main theme of the film. He tells him that the life of a true hero is usually hard, cruel and short, but real heroes still choose it because it is the right thing to do. This quote later foreshadows princes death near the end of the movie.

As the war continues, villages begin getting attacked by mysterious creatures. At first they are only rumors, then destroyed villages are discovered, and eventually both kingdoms realize the monsters are real. The two kings organize a temporary alliance because the monsters threaten both sides.

One thing I really wanted to do differently is make the monsters feel like a slowly growing disaster instead of just “fantasy enemies.” A lot of scenes focus more on fear, silence, empty villages and confusion rather than constant fighting.

During the alliance, Prince and Righthand are forced to fight together. Righthand slowly starts respecting him and questioning his own morals and loyalty to the evil king becouse when the alliace was being made he was the one who suggested to king that they should betray the other kingdom when the monsters are finnished. Meanwhile the evil king’s son second prince becomes more unstable and cruel because he constantly wants his father’s approval and keeps failing to earn it.

Near the end of the story, after the monsters are nearly defeated, the evil king betrays the alliance and attacks the weakened good kingdom. prince dies fighting as a hero, fulfilling the quote from the beginning of the movie. Righthand realizes the destruction he helped create and ends up killing himself out of guilt. In the end, the evil king actually wins.

The main message of the movie is basically that true heroes often suffer, fail or die young, but still choose to do good because it is the right thing to do.

So yea it seems basic at first.Its just two enemies finding peace to fight common enemy but at the end its not actualy about that.the monsters are not the real final twist,the humans are.There is also a lot i left out and did not talk about here like the second prince who will have entire arc on his own.

We already started getting costumes and props and are trying to make the atmosphere feel serious despite the low budget.

So yeah, I’d genuinely like honest opinions .Is it too basic,do i need to change something,does the final twist and message of the movie make up for the basic start.Please be honest,thanks for reading.

Title. Ascend. Genre: Superhero drama. Page count. 86. Short summary.

Logline:

In a women's prison, a hardened inmate and her unlikely band of fellow prisoners discover a glowing alien baby who crash-lands in the yard, and secretly raise him as their own—risking discovery, their freedom, and their futures—only to confront the greater challenge of protecting his growing superpowers and building a fractured family once they finally walk out the gates.

This is a redemptive found-family drama with sci-fi heart, blending raw prison grit, maternal longing, and the wonder (and danger) of an extraordinary child who might just “ascend” beyond the broken world that tried to contain him.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OGNiqCYCXPKCtDOOy4wR2G_6GQXycZomhBfqUx8GYOs/edit?usp=drivesdk

Historical documentaries (e.g., Mughal era, warriors, untold stories)
Horror & mystery stories (real + fictional)
Style inspired by creators like Dhruv Rathee (informative storytelling + engaging visuals)

before u take time out of ur day to read this, Id like to offer some context. its called "we can't see stars during the day" and its 10 pages so far. im doing this like for fun and will probably never finish it, but in the case I do, id like to hear some opinions. also im aware of the over description, but since im doing it for me I wanna paint as clear a picture as possible. one more thing, I dont really know where the plot is going, I just know its a character driven coming of age with a non linear narrative. thank you for reading it if u do, dont be harsh😭

here goes nothing:https://drive.google.com/file/d/13GTRZ0jo6Tfw2xAjBNRlnH0oJDanxPxS/view?usp=sharing 

Here are some things I learned when I sent my first feature screenplay to some "experts" for feedback. I learned a valuable lesson, and stopped doing it. Later I learned how to get valuable, real world, feedback for free, and I'll share how below.

 What I learned is that people who charge money to read scripts, feel an obligation to give ideas to "improve" the script. They want to justify their fee. The next thing I learned is that any changes they suggest will make the story different. Then I realized that different does not necessarily mean better! Next I realized that the people I paid had less imagination than me.

So I quit hiring such people and started making short films. I put many on youtube of course, and even sold some to broadcast TV. That was around 2002 and 2003, before there were streaming channels as there are now. I got a few hundred bucks for each film, sold to a short film TV channel.

After a while, I had hundreds of videos on youtube. And here's the exciting part, which will pertain to your scripts too. First I learned that with youtube analytics you can get something called audience retention. How long people watch before they lose interest, and WHEN they lose interest. You can also find out when they lingered on a few words of dialogue, or rewatched part of the video. You can also find out how your video compares to other similar videos. Like have you got a hit, or an average video? Or a sub average video?

This is more valuable than some book learning comments by a so called expert. And it's free!

Next, I tried something which will pertain to you, and your script or scripts.

I hired an actress to do a cold read of one of my comedies. She read for all the characters, and narration about the locations too. And she didn't just read in a monotone, she acted out the different roles as best she could, including the male characters. The result was very entertaining! And from youtube audience retention data I could see which parts people liked the most, and the least.

So here's some ideas on what you can do, and it's all free. First, open a youtube channel if you haven't already. It's completely free and easy. Next put up a short video... almost anything...... use your phone and record your cat or dog or traffic on a street, or anything. Upload it to youtube and wait 24 to 48 hours. Then find youtube analytics and audience retention. If you haven't done this before, it is very interesting. Some parts which you thought were the best parts might get the worst response for instance.

OK, that was just to introduce you to having a youtube channel and analytics if you don't already know.

The next step is to read all or part of your script on camera, or hire an actor, and upload it. Use a tripod and decent lighting and of course get good audio. Then wait 24 plus hours and you will be amazed at what you will learn from youtube analytics. You'll learn the strong and weak parts of your script, better than you can learn from a paid reader.

What you might want to do instead is pick two or 3 scenes and blend them into a short film script, so there is a beginning, middle and an end.

However, you'll get the best feedback if you put up the full story. If you are afraid of having your story stolen, think of this: The average person, especially the average youtube person, is not a filmmaker with big money, who can make a real movie. Your story or concept is not likely to get stolen. Reality is your story or concept may already be in the works with a filmmaker or production company. And you can take the video down after you learn what you need to learn.

Or you can send it to professional readers and follow their suggestions until you can't recognize the original story anymore.

If you like this, please share it. Does it make sense to you?

(This is from my website.)