r/MuslimLounge

Men need to lower their gaze so their expectations can be redressed. It is not likely for a woman to be completely dolled up all the time if she is looking after small children. It is difficult to shower without waiting for the husband to return back from work to watch the babies/toddler. Cooking multiple times a day for multiple people, small children need breastfeeding extremely often as well, cleaning the house so it’s not a bomb sight, which makes you very sweaty because you have to do as much as you can at supersonic speed. There’s always something that falls short, and that is normal. Husbands you need to give your women time to make themselves feel pretty. They will act better if they are given the chance and peace to beautify themselves and you benefit too.

Post-sex ghusl for women is extremely burdensome due to the hair washing issue. In fact modern day hijab overall ruins the hair. It causes balding at the front. Everybody knows it. Then you have to wash it every night if you have an active intimate life, go to bed with it wet or wake up kids with hairdryer. Or you could not shower at night but that means you’re waiting til after isha and then skipping tahajjud. And then isha can be extremely late. This is a painful reality for women who want to have enjoyable lives and please their husbands. It feels impossible and always like you’re feeling short even though the same things we are valued with are the things making it hard to retain our value ie hair.

Men should really be supportive and appreciative of their wives who are trying their best and aren’t perfect especially with small children in the home. I know for a fact this is difficult for me and I try my absolute hardest everyday for everything to seem perfect on the outside but it never feels enough and I can never enjoy any of these things. Men take for granted how they can go between tasks and immerse themselves in each task and leave each task feeling satisfied and as though it was completed properly without it blowing back in their face.

Btw this is also why it’s important to live close to family. So that you can get 10 minutes to yourself to use the bathroom. And then if you’re lucky shower. And then if you’re lucky change your outfit. And then if you’re lucky do your makeup. And then if you’re lucky do your hair. But of course what is most important is the man you marry. If after you’ve spent all day teaching, playing, caring, feeding his children with your breast and your cooking skills, cleaning the house, managing his appointments, keeping on top of your prayers, dhikr, he won’t relieve you of your duties for half an hour for you to have some time to yourself to feel like you again; then that’s unfortunate. Women need the help to transition from mother to wife. It is for your benefit, men.

Allah help us and make the men of our ummah appreciate the emotional and mental load just existing trying to be ‘pleasing’ places on a woman who is built fragile.

There’s more to life than your wife being perfect at everything, please enjoy life together, whether she is wearing sweat pants or not. Whether she is wearing makeup or not. Whether you’ve eaten chicken and rice for the 4th time this week.

Salam, this is not an attention or looking for a validation post, I’m genuinely looking for advice. I am 21F and I grew up not being the most attractive and often bullied for my looks then had a glow up in recent years. I won’t say I’m the most attractive person now, but I am decent looking. Probably is all that ever caused me was to get lusted over and never genuinely liked. And now that most of my friends are married I feel so lonely and lost. I genuinely don’t understand where I am going wrong. I have plenty of guys asking me out but it’s obvious their intentions is not genuine, and a lot of men stare, I dress modestly for the most part and don’t wear much makeup, if any. It makes me a bit sad that lust is the only thing guys think of, after the “glow up” a lot of my female friends stop being friends with me. I am not that religious, I do the basics and working on improving and hoping I’d end up with someone who’s on the same level or better religiously. On the other hand religion guys who I’m interested in lower their gaze and avoid women avoid me like a plague. I was even considering becoming a niqabi for a while but my parents are against it due to the area we live in. Do not dm if you are a guy please.

As stated above I WILL NOT BE ANSWERING DMS.

If your younger brother (27M) ran away from home and cut ties off kinship to follow his desires and pursue a lifestyle of sin, would you keep trying to find or reason with him?

Initially, the first 3 months we tried to get through to him, but lately we’ve stopped reaching out because he ignored or blocked our many attempts to contact him through different means.

Sometimes, I wonder if it might be worth hiring a private investigator that would cost £200-£300 because if they locate him and I speak to him in person, perhaps I can reason with him. However, is there any point if he clearly doesn't want to be found and can just cut off his ties of kinship.

What would you do? Still look for him or just carry on with life?

jazakallah khairun

Not looking to debate anything, just genuinely curious about people's experience.

When something comes up whether it's about prayer, fasting, daily life, whatever, how do you go about finding a clear answer? Do you ask someone you know, go to a sheikh, use an app, search YouTube, Google it?

And what's the most frustrating part of that process for you? Do you feel like you get clear answers or does it feel like everyone says something slightly different?

Appreciate any honest responses, even if your answer is just "I don't bother looking it up."

Salam

Whats your experience with volunatry fasting?

I feel food is important to me for my mental and physical health, plus I go to the gym regularly and worry that fasting might negatively effect my progress.

I read a few articles on volunatry fasting, and there are alot of benefits for us to fast

Why wouldn't every Muslim observe volunatry fasting. Is it just because it seems hard at first?

Salamalaikum and sorry everyone, but I really need to vent.

When I started my journey to Islam 2 years ago, I had just turned 18. Call me naive but I thought reverting would be fun, I thought it would be awesome to really follow what I believe in, I thought that I would make heaps of friends, I thought that I would join a warm and safe community. But it has been far from that.

I’m constantly seen as an “other”, constantly being treated as like I’m an idiot or that I don’t know anything. Constantly being told stuff that I know is 100% wrong. Constantly being told to ignore parts of the Quran because some random obscure Hadith says otherwise.

I feel as though I’m too white to be Muslim and too Muslim to be white. People say “there’s no colour and judgment in Islam” but that is just a lie. I’m constantly having to recite prayers in a language I don’t understand, constantly having to put up with people looking and talking about me in another language. Sure, some people act nice around me, but their eyes betray the truth.

I’m sick of my sisters in Islam either completely avoiding me or leading me on into false hope. Saying stuff like “I’ve always wanted to marry a revert” only for 2 weeks later they have a “proper Muslim”.

I’m sick of being fetishised and mistreated because of my skin. Sick of being told to “go with the other reverts” because no Muslim wants to include me in their community

assalamualaikum guys,

i'm in highschool giving IGCSE, and i have always been to co ed school and i cant find any practising muslim teenagers particularly female out there, i had guy classmates who were practising but i can't befreind them they are dudes!!

what i personally mean by practising

wearing chest coverage hijab for females ofc

not listening to music or watching movies containing freemixing

maintaining proper boundaries with the opposite gender

passionate about learning about the quran and sunnah etc.

is there anyone out there who do these stuffs while being a teenager?

cause most of the halal ppl i see are quite old.

*Please* don't try and give me advice.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Before anyone make presumptions, I'd like to clarify that the title is not in reference to major sins or getting your bad deeds exposed. Mods please don't delete this pliss!!!

A little background: Ever since I moved out of my parents home I've felt so calm and thriving both mentally and physically. I realise that my quality of life improved much better when I became financially independent and was no longer dependent on my mom (my dad earned but mom decided how it was spent as he was working in a different country) and she treated us in the most miserly way to say the least while she spent lavishly on her jewellery and her clothes (looking back I feel like she was a trophy wife) and she was/is emotionally manipulative.

Now my bitterness comes from the fact that now after my dad's retirement my mom started asking monthly allowance from my salary which I don't mind giving as long as I don't have to live with her anymore. And not to mention how she is the typical south asian mom who worships sons and hates daughters. But the idea that I will have to be answerable for my bitterness and indifference towards her in my afterlife in front of Allah and Allah would highlight her role as a mother to put me in jahannam scares me everyday.

Help me with some Islamic perspectives so my fear of Akhirah may be at ease. Jazakallah khair

A couple minutes ago I went to lay down in my bed and after a little the bed started aggressively shaking. I tried to ignore it for a few seconds but I was getting a bit scared. So I prayed to God. And when I stood up and checked under the bed it stopped. Then I wondered if there was somebody on the floor below me but there was nobody there.

Salam everyone,

I’m scheduled to take an exam for nursing school tomorrow, can you please make dua i pass on my first try. I’m super nervous and can’t even focus on anything else but that exam tomorrow😭

Given up on marriage, ever finding love, n life

Might marry with the hopes of finding a friend in them + co-living to sort bills together n hopefully float thru life.

Advice ig??

i still got a twinge of hope. In a better place than others ig.

I like reading. I’ve heard a lot of people say that Dante’s Divine Comedy is the best work of literature, so I am considering reading it.

However, it includes Biblical themes, Christian theology, and the Prophet ﷺ, Ali رضي الله عنه along with Saladin, Ibn Rushd, and Ibn Sina are depicted in Hell.

I’ve seen some Muslims say it is allowed for academic purposes, but I am still unsure.

When first looking at Islam it really just made sense. Like if Judaism clearly isn't real, God came himself but let random people write things and still took from the book that didn't make sense. It's more plausible that he sent a prophet who recorded God's word so meticulously it's the same as it is today.

Additionally I used to have a problem with things like inheritence and 4 wives etc. The more research I did the more sense it made. E.g. In human history so many men have died (even biologically there's 50/50 male/female births to compensate), it would make sense for a man to marry more than once or the population wouldn't be sustained, less varied gene pool and unmarried women which wouldn't be fair on them. Additionally Islam encourages marrying widows or single mothers. For most of human history a woman needed a man to look after her, and even more if she had kids so this made sense. Maybe today it doesn't but if you analyse behavior even now you have the rich good looking guy sleeping with multiple girls. It makes more sense for him to be married to them and actually commit. The inheritence equally makes sense as if a husband takes the responsibility of looking after his wife it wouldn't make sense for the wife's father to leave her land and money. Even today and in my culture the son or one of them are who the parents live with when their children are married, so it makes sense they get the inheritence.

So I really like how Islam makes sense and how it has rules because a lot of religions don't and their followers twist it and leads to people not following it. However I haven't really got the spiritual side of it. I like listening to nasheed, also like learning about sufis, maybe you guys don't agree with them but it is interesting learning how they repeat God's name to connect. I have tried praying a few times but didn't really feel anything. I've heard people say it made them feel like God was there and stuff so idk.

The question is how to get past this part or what to research that would make me believe Islam is the truth. I'm in no rush to pick a religion and don't feel obliged to anyone to pick one. However since I'm 19 I would rather have one now as it will make potentially life changing decisions easier or prevent me picking the wrong ones, such as finding a wife that's the same religion rather than being in a marriage where I might become muslim and she isn't.

Thanks

My new book

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Assalamualaikum everyone. My 15 year old cat passed away recently. And I have been struggling so much. I don't know how to cope.

I feel the most emotional while praying Salah. It's becoming more difficult day by day. My cat used to sit by me while I prayed, and I would kiss him after finishing my prayers. Somehow he used to understand when I finished the prayer and would come and sit on my lap while I sat there making dua. And now, without him, Salah has become something I dread because it makes me cry so much. I miss him the most during Salah as it was kind of a daily routine thing for us. I start to cry and then can't even remember what rakaat I'm on. I don't know how to deal with this.

Also, is there any dua that I can keep making now so that we can be together if I'm able to make it to Jannah In Sha Allah? I keep dreading that what if I forget about him if I can make it to Jannah. We might want very different things there and might even forget about our times in duniya as far as I understand.

I feel like I failed him as well. Allah gave me such a lovely cat Alhamdulillah, but I failed to take care of him properly. He was having health issues for the last couple of months, and I tried contacting so many vets to figure out what was wrong with him. Nobody was being able to give a proper diagnosis. And he passed away quite unexpectedly. I just keep thinking "what if's"- what if I had been just a bit more vigilant, what if I had taken him to the vet a few days earlier, what if I didn't do this, what if I didn't do that. I know we're not supposed to think this way. But I'm just having such difficulty to come to terms with his passing. He was fine, until he wasn't. He was doing fairly well, and didn't look sick at all. He looked so young for his age. And even played with me the day before he passed.

We had taken him to a vet appointment in the afternoon and returned home at 9 pm after giving him some oxygen there. And then he passed away at 10pm struggling to breathe within just half an hour. We tried so hard to manage an oxygen cylinder for him at home. We even tried to take him to an emergency vet, but didn't get enough time. I didn't do cpr or take him to the emergency regardless because I thought that it must be his time so Allah called him. But now I feel guilty because I didn't try hard enough.

Any suggestions/advice or dua would help me. Jazakallahu Khair

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters, I hope you are doing amazing. This is going to be a very long post, so apologies for it

I am a revert muslim from Europe, and back in October 2025 I met a muslim woman from my country (same nationality, but revert as well). For context, she was my marketing client. We worked for about one month together, and in November I found out that she was muslim too and we started talking online (nothing haram)

I was out of country then, I was in Dubai for some work related stuff. We quickly came to the conclusion that we both like each other, share the same values and core principles, both of us wanting to work on our deens and live a more halal life

There was an issue from her end though. I am 25 years old, she's about to turn 33, so there's an 8 years age gap. She didn't want to find out about my age because she was scared I might be too young. One night I told her because I considered it's important for her to know, and she got really worried

I convinced her that as long as we both align in most of the things, intentions, values, principles, faith, nothing can go wrong. I want to get married too and I want the same things as her. So I have been able to convince her that an age gap is nothing wrong

In the meantime, she kept asking her friends if it's fine to marry a younger man, and all of them (except for her best friend) said no, because I am not a serious man just because of my age, which isn't true at all. Despite this, she kept talking to me, and she fell in love with me a lot, so did I

I do quite well for myself, I have my own business running, I want to work on my deen and I would absolutely love to get married and unite my soul with my naseeb's in front of Allah. I also want to have kids

I came back in country in December and we were supposed to meet in real life as well so we can get to know each other even more (without involving in haram practices), but in the day I was supposed to get to her city (we live in different cities, but same country), she messaged me telling me that she things the age gap will be an issue for us

I tried to convince her for days, and I have been able to. Things went fine again until the middle of December when her ex husband got into her life again.. he kept insisting to get married again, that he is sorry for what he's done (he cheated on her). He even went to her mom to talk to her and have her convince her to get back together. All of this pressure worked on her because she's emotionally destroyed because of her past experiences with this man (who's a bit older than her, maybe 34)

I went to her city to surprise her, then she wanted to meet with me. The night before the day we were supposed to meet, she sent me a text telling me that she's not gonna see me anymore, telling me that "this is not okay and hopefully I'll understand this someday". I asked her if it's about her ex husband, she said "yes"

I tried getting her back again, but with no luck. Then in February this year, she came back into my life. She wished my father happy birthday and we started talking again, she wanted some help with something I used to help her with when she became my client. We had 2 video calls so I can help her, and we started talking about anything else but what we were supposed to do

I told her I'm going to Saudi Arabia for Umrah and she said that is her dream as well, to go to Makkah. I told her to come with me and we'll also get married. She then looked very conflicted and started to sigh and didn't give me an answer

Then we kept talking pretty much on a daily basis, but short messages, she replied slow because of work and because I was probably not a priority anymore, which was fine and I understood that

Time passed and I went to Saudi Arabia, we kept talking, sent her pictures and videos from there (this was during Ramadan), she then told me she felt very lonely this Ramadan and she wishes that something will change. I then asked her why she didn't want to come with me and spend the Ramadan with me in Saudi, and she replied with some crying emojis. I asked her to clarify what she meant and said "only Allah knows what will happen". Then we stopped talking for a few days, got back in touch to help her again, and we talked seriously about us. She was again prone to continuing this and getting married, I was supposed to go pick her up and get together again in Saudi. Everything was perfect again for 3 days, then things went south again

I should've caught this ever since she told me on a video call that she kept in touch with her ex husband.. she told me how he cheated on her with tears in her eyes and that her trust in humans got destroyed because of him. That's why she can barely trust me. I told her she can always trust me, and she said "it's very hard, but not because of you, because of me. But I know trust builds over time, and we'll make this work"

But then things changed again. I am pretty sure that her ex husband is manipulating her and using her darkest secrets to play with her mind, because she told me he's done it multiple times. And I decided to go back to my country and finally visit her, get her some flowers and finally get to meet each other in person. And it happened yesterday. It was an intense 30 minutes, we chatted, we laughed, I was very nervous though and she could tell that. We decided to go eat something together and talk more, but after I left her work office, she sent me a text telling me "I appreciate everything you've done for me but I can only see you as a friend"

My heart broke in 10000 pieces again. I tried to confront her telling her that how is this possible, we talked about getting married literally one week ago. She left me on read. Then I sent her another big text telling her that I don't believe this and that there's something happening and she's not telling me. She didn't answer to any of my questions or didn't contradict me on anything (which she usually does when I am wrong), and just told me again that I need to understand that she can only see me as a friend

I told her one more time that I just don't believe it because it's impossible for me to believe it after what we've went through in the last 7 months, from plans of getting married and working on our deen together, praying together, visiting Saudi together etc. I told her that maybe in the future we'll meet again when the timing is right, and to know that I deeply cared for her and I would've done anything for us to work

She left me on read for some time and then she messaged me telling me "I am really sorry". I know she doesn't see me as a friend, that is impossible. She just can't admit that she didn't get over her ex husband, and that guy is manipulating her as well..

Listen brothers and sisters, I don't need "get over her" or "find someone else" advice. I never met anyone like her. She's smart, has a PhD, owns her own clinic, she's actively working on her deen, she donates money to kids in need, she doesn't curse, doesn't go to clubs, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, she's very sweet and cares about people, she's not like people from the Western society.. it took me 5 years to find her, and now I lost her

I just feel like she will come back again after she convinces herself one more time that it will never work with him, because he cheated on her. But I feel so heartbroken now because I really care for her, I want her to be in my life, I would love her to be the mother of my children because I know she'd be a great mom

But it seems like she's "emotionally destroyed" as she mentioned, hence why she had tears in her eyes when she told me what he's done to her. I feel lost, I don't know what to do, I can't imagine my life without her. I like everything about her, I've never been like this and I truly wish she comes back one more time

I have a feeling she will. But what should I do when she comes back? I can't be treated like this again. I want to make sure we'll get married next time

What are your opinions? Do you really believe she fell out of love with me? Do you really think she sees me as a friend when literally one week ago she told me how much she wants to get married with me and how important I am for her? Or didn't she really get over her ex? They divorced 1 year ago

EDIT: She's promoting her business on tiktok. Sometimes he leaves comments on her tiktoks, and she replies with hearts. That's why I think there's still something between them

salam everyone,

In France, we have the application mawaqit that give the prayer time.

I just notified something that I dont understand fully.

I live beetwen two city, bagneux and fontenay aux roses,

and the time for fjar and icha are not the same. although they are 2 km away each one.

for tomorow in bagneux

Fjar at 5:12

Icha at 22:30

for fontenay aux roses

Fjar at 5:27

Icha at 22:24

what am I supposed to follow ?

thanks in advance for your response

ps: sorry for bad english

Salam alaikum everyone. I'm a muslim and I like to write, so I was wondering based on analysis of the Quran, what story structure is used in it when telling a story, recounting an event or in general? Some examples of story structures are the 3 act structure, kishotenketsu and much more. I've heard in passing that the Quran uses a ring structure, but as stated, only in passing.

I would be grateful if anyone can direct me to research or material on this topic.

i’ve been making dua for almost a year now to take someone out of my life if they’re not meant for me.

they haven’t left :/ and my parents are also not agreeing to even meet the man asking for my hand

what are my next steps?

it’s creating a lot of tension at home but i’ve asked this man all the marriage questions, expectations for:

1. finances

2. sexual intimacy

3. splitting household chores

4. future financial growth/ goals

5. how he’d deal w miscarriage or not having kids at all

6. deen and levels of practicing

i’m satisfied w his answers but my parents refuse to meet him.