I think I lost my naseeb
Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters, I hope you are doing amazing. This is going to be a very long post, so apologies for it
I am a revert muslim from Europe, and back in October 2025 I met a muslim woman from my country (same nationality, but revert as well). For context, she was my marketing client. We worked for about one month together, and in November I found out that she was muslim too and we started talking online (nothing haram)
I was out of country then, I was in Dubai for some work related stuff. We quickly came to the conclusion that we both like each other, share the same values and core principles, both of us wanting to work on our deens and live a more halal life
There was an issue from her end though. I am 25 years old, she's about to turn 33, so there's an 8 years age gap. She didn't want to find out about my age because she was scared I might be too young. One night I told her because I considered it's important for her to know, and she got really worried
I convinced her that as long as we both align in most of the things, intentions, values, principles, faith, nothing can go wrong. I want to get married too and I want the same things as her. So I have been able to convince her that an age gap is nothing wrong
In the meantime, she kept asking her friends if it's fine to marry a younger man, and all of them (except for her best friend) said no, because I am not a serious man just because of my age, which isn't true at all. Despite this, she kept talking to me, and she fell in love with me a lot, so did I
I do quite well for myself, I have my own business running, I want to work on my deen and I would absolutely love to get married and unite my soul with my naseeb's in front of Allah. I also want to have kids
I came back in country in December and we were supposed to meet in real life as well so we can get to know each other even more (without involving in haram practices), but in the day I was supposed to get to her city (we live in different cities, but same country), she messaged me telling me that she things the age gap will be an issue for us
I tried to convince her for days, and I have been able to. Things went fine again until the middle of December when her ex husband got into her life again.. he kept insisting to get married again, that he is sorry for what he's done (he cheated on her). He even went to her mom to talk to her and have her convince her to get back together. All of this pressure worked on her because she's emotionally destroyed because of her past experiences with this man (who's a bit older than her, maybe 34)
I went to her city to surprise her, then she wanted to meet with me. The night before the day we were supposed to meet, she sent me a text telling me that she's not gonna see me anymore, telling me that "this is not okay and hopefully I'll understand this someday". I asked her if it's about her ex husband, she said "yes"
I tried getting her back again, but with no luck. Then in February this year, she came back into my life. She wished my father happy birthday and we started talking again, she wanted some help with something I used to help her with when she became my client. We had 2 video calls so I can help her, and we started talking about anything else but what we were supposed to do
I told her I'm going to Saudi Arabia for Umrah and she said that is her dream as well, to go to Makkah. I told her to come with me and we'll also get married. She then looked very conflicted and started to sigh and didn't give me an answer
Then we kept talking pretty much on a daily basis, but short messages, she replied slow because of work and because I was probably not a priority anymore, which was fine and I understood that
Time passed and I went to Saudi Arabia, we kept talking, sent her pictures and videos from there (this was during Ramadan), she then told me she felt very lonely this Ramadan and she wishes that something will change. I then asked her why she didn't want to come with me and spend the Ramadan with me in Saudi, and she replied with some crying emojis. I asked her to clarify what she meant and said "only Allah knows what will happen". Then we stopped talking for a few days, got back in touch to help her again, and we talked seriously about us. She was again prone to continuing this and getting married, I was supposed to go pick her up and get together again in Saudi. Everything was perfect again for 3 days, then things went south again
I should've caught this ever since she told me on a video call that she kept in touch with her ex husband.. she told me how he cheated on her with tears in her eyes and that her trust in humans got destroyed because of him. That's why she can barely trust me. I told her she can always trust me, and she said "it's very hard, but not because of you, because of me. But I know trust builds over time, and we'll make this work"
But then things changed again. I am pretty sure that her ex husband is manipulating her and using her darkest secrets to play with her mind, because she told me he's done it multiple times. And I decided to go back to my country and finally visit her, get her some flowers and finally get to meet each other in person. And it happened yesterday. It was an intense 30 minutes, we chatted, we laughed, I was very nervous though and she could tell that. We decided to go eat something together and talk more, but after I left her work office, she sent me a text telling me "I appreciate everything you've done for me but I can only see you as a friend"
My heart broke in 10000 pieces again. I tried to confront her telling her that how is this possible, we talked about getting married literally one week ago. She left me on read. Then I sent her another big text telling her that I don't believe this and that there's something happening and she's not telling me. She didn't answer to any of my questions or didn't contradict me on anything (which she usually does when I am wrong), and just told me again that I need to understand that she can only see me as a friend
I told her one more time that I just don't believe it because it's impossible for me to believe it after what we've went through in the last 7 months, from plans of getting married and working on our deen together, praying together, visiting Saudi together etc. I told her that maybe in the future we'll meet again when the timing is right, and to know that I deeply cared for her and I would've done anything for us to work
She left me on read for some time and then she messaged me telling me "I am really sorry". I know she doesn't see me as a friend, that is impossible. She just can't admit that she didn't get over her ex husband, and that guy is manipulating her as well..
Listen brothers and sisters, I don't need "get over her" or "find someone else" advice. I never met anyone like her. She's smart, has a PhD, owns her own clinic, she's actively working on her deen, she donates money to kids in need, she doesn't curse, doesn't go to clubs, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, she's very sweet and cares about people, she's not like people from the Western society.. it took me 5 years to find her, and now I lost her
I just feel like she will come back again after she convinces herself one more time that it will never work with him, because he cheated on her. But I feel so heartbroken now because I really care for her, I want her to be in my life, I would love her to be the mother of my children because I know she'd be a great mom
But it seems like she's "emotionally destroyed" as she mentioned, hence why she had tears in her eyes when she told me what he's done to her. I feel lost, I don't know what to do, I can't imagine my life without her. I like everything about her, I've never been like this and I truly wish she comes back one more time
I have a feeling she will. But what should I do when she comes back? I can't be treated like this again. I want to make sure we'll get married next time
What are your opinions? Do you really believe she fell out of love with me? Do you really think she sees me as a friend when literally one week ago she told me how much she wants to get married with me and how important I am for her? Or didn't she really get over her ex? They divorced 1 year ago
EDIT: She's promoting her business on tiktok. Sometimes he leaves comments on her tiktoks, and she replies with hearts. That's why I think there's still something between them