r/Moms

I have an 8-month-old baby and I’ve been seeing reports of measles cases in Manhattan, Long Island, and New Jersey. I’m curious how other moms of babies who are too young to be vaccinated are navigating this. I really want to enjoy the summer with my baby, but I’m starting to feel worried about the risk of it spreading. Any advice would be appreciated.

(28F) always assumed I would be child free. When I pictured my life in my 30s I imagined it would be like an episode of sex and the city, living somewhere lavish like New York, maybe a long term partner, maybe not, certainly full of amazing friends and parties and traveling and freedom. I feel like a part of me was always waiting for my life to begin when I reached a point of growing into myself and my freedom, that my 30s would look like my 20s but with money and no kids.

Now I’ve fallen in love with a man, and he wants kids desperately and is ready to settle down. At a certain point I told him I loved him enough that I think we could have a child and be happy, but now he’s talking about having kids and getting married and I’m beginning to panic. I have doubts about our relationship (we’re so different) and we fight more than I’d like to, but he’s convinced we can work through our issues, I’m scared he’a more concerned with having a family than a healthy relationship, and sometimes I get overwhelmed because all his hopes and dreams are on me to give him the life he wants.

I love this man, he’s stable and consistent and gives more love than I’ve ever imagined possible, and I want to make his dreams come true, and I want us to have a life together, but I’m terrified. This isn’t something I ever considered before him, and now I feel overwhelmed and like I have to commit to having a child with him or walk away so he doesn’t waste his time on me.

I never thought being a mom would make me happy, and the idea of my body, my life, my identity changing so significantly is overwhelming, and I literally never gave it any consideration until I met him. Then I think maybe it’s not so terrible and I can be a mom and still live my life in a way I imagined.

I’m sorry if this post is a mess. I would love some advice/personal anecdotes/ anything the community feels like would help guide me. How do you reconcile becoming a mom and losing who you are? How do you decide you can be happy being a mom?

I’ll try to make this short. I’ve been apart of this local mom group for a year now. Started off with going on walks with them 2-3 times a month. Then I joined their book club which is once a month. Then started going to other events. I kinda felt like I needed it at the time so it forced me out of the house with my baby. Well she’s 16 months now and now I’m feeling like myself again. I’m the youngest in the group at 26 and everyone else is almost 40 or is 40 and above. So really; all we have in common is being a mom tbh. They never get my jokes or what I’m talking about. Book club is hard because I don’t like the same books. They added me to a group chat, and they just complain about their shitty husbands or how much they don’t like their kids. I love my husband lol. 3 months ago they asked me if I wanted to hell host walks since I go so often. I made a terrible mistake of saying yes. I thought it was be fun. It’s been AWFUL. now that I’m out of the trenches, I workout, I meal prep instead of take out, I’m running again etc, I’m BUSY, and also I’ve realized that I never REALLY talk to anyone I just listen to their conversations on our walks/ meets up. Not only am I busy, and I don’t feel like I belong I feel like they’re pawning off events onto me. It was fun at first but it’s just exhausting so I can see why they did that. They expect me to be at every single meet up (multiple times a month; around 4-8), and the main mom has started to hint at taking a step back from the group. Sorry this is so disorganized but I’m using a phone btw! They asked me to help make content for their social media which includes making a monthly calendar, and flyers for EACH EVENT, which takes me HOURS because I take pride in my work. The main mom is kinda pushy and rude about it. Basically giving me deadlines like she’s my boss and paying me, and telling me in not so nice ways to change it because she doesn’t like when she’s said before “just use you’re creativity! Whatever is fine!”. So I’ve made them then had to remake them. Anyways, I’m just tired. I don’t wanna do it anymore. I have too much on my plate plus I’m moving currently/ packing up with a toddler. I’m tired of the shit talking about husbands (just leave him), I’m tired of them obsessing over sex in books at book club, I’m tired of trying to relate to older woman who don’t get me, I’m tired of feeling like I’m being used for my Canva skills. What would be the best way to politely leave the group, especially since this is almost like a PTA sort of situation where I’m a “worker” of this group. We have events coming up that I’m suppose to host, and I just don’t wanna be a bitch about leaving since otherwise everyone has been nice to me, I just don’t vibe well with the group, I do live in a smaller town so I’ll probably bump into them every so often too. Send help!

I live in an apartment and my next door neighbor has 2 aggressive dogs. One is a pit bull and the other I think is a chow chow. Every time we run into them in the hall the dogs are trying to attack us and the owner barely can keep them under control. There have been times where we are waiting for the elevator and when the door opens the dogs are out there and instantly lunge at us. I’m afraid because I have small children. I have emailed my leasing office about this and they said they will talk to my neighbor. Since then we have had multiple occurrences with the dogs. There have been times where I open my front door about to walk out and my neighbor is walking by with her dogs right at my door so I have to hurry back inside. The other day my partner was coming home from work and both dogs almost bit him when he was exiting the elevator. I messaged my leasing office again and asked if they can request for the dogs to be muzzles indoor or request for the tenant to use the back stair well to avoid interactions. However they responded saying that our apartment is pet friendly. They can’t require dogs to be muzzled in doors but do require owners to be in control of their dogs and have them leashed at all times.

However it seems like my neighbor can’t keep control of her dogs. I’m not sure if I should respond again saying that she clearly can’t handle her dogs or just let it be. I don’t want to seem like a complainer, but I’m worried something will happen to my kids or even other kids in the hall. What do you guys think about the situation.

Hi everyone, I’m in a bit of a state. I have a 7-month-old and was just breastfeeding him when I realized my lillets breast pad had rolled up and stuck to my skin. When I pulled it off, the pad was open.

It was a relatively fresh pad (only on for about 2 hours) so it wasn't wet, but I found some dry, powdery stuff under my breast and areola. I'm terrified my baby might have swallowed or inhaled some of the internal stuffing while he was latched. I checked his mouth and couldn't see anything, and he seems fine, but I can't stop worrying. Has this happened to anyone else? I know they’re non toxic but still…

I have called 111 and waiting on a call back

Hey all 🤍
I am 3 months pregnant have just had our scan and me and partner are wanting to start looking at push chairs as we know they can be expensive and want to have time to pay it off before the baby is due in November.

I just wondered if with push chair brands it’s really a case of you get what you pay for ? I had a kinder Kraft travel system with my first born many years ago now and it was okay but the car seat didn’t cover the baby much and we found the frame to be a bit “rickety” by the time she reached 1 years old and was forward facing in it.

We are looking at an icandy peach 7 , however my partner is asking me to at least consider some cheaper ones first so I guess I am just looking for some recommendations please. There are so many lovely looking affordable travel systems but I’m just worried about them not being built to last. Also I’m looking gor recommendations for a new born car seat as well.

Thanks so much in advance
Xxx

my daughter is two years old takes off her diaper after she goes to the bathroom if there’s poop in she wants to take it off herself, she doesn’t like having a diaper on and I am trying to potty train her again. I’ve tried bottomless and I’ve tried the underwear. I’ve also tried underwear underneath a diaper, but nothing is working. She knows when she’s going to the bathroom or when she has to go to the bathroom she goes to hide so I’m trying to get her potty trained. this is my third attempt. I’m trying to get her potty trained, but she just doesn’t want to. She likes to take the diaper and she tries to go to the bathroom on the floor. she to sit on the potty but when it actually comes time to go to the bathroom on the potty, she freaks out. she grabs my arm and leads me to the potty but I I don’t know how to get her to actually go potty in the toilet.Please help.

8 weeks postpartum with baby #2… I’ve been on a leave (unpaid) from my part-time corporate job (WFH 24-30 hrs a week: Tuesday/wednesday/thursday). My husband and I both are taking 12 weeks off.. so I have about 4 more weeks until I’ll be on my own with the two on Mondays and Fridays. My eldest is 2.5 y/o and like most two year olds, does not stop moving (won’t even sit to watch tv) and requiring nonstop effort/energy/cleanup.

Things should be pretty easy now considering we’re both not working. Plus, the toddler is in a Half day school daycare (it ends next week tho). However, I’m already beginning to get burnt out. My husband and I both have adhd too and executive function is not our strong suit. Our new baby is a Velcro baby that insists on being held all the time.. and I try to wear her and do things.. but she gets in the way or wants to peak her head out and I have to use my other hand to support her neck. Oh, and my back hurts after 10 min!

I have been struggling to stay on top of the dishes, laundry, and keep a tidy house. It feels like I have zero time for myself and I prioritize cleaning bottles over showering (obviously). When do I cave and outsource help? Do I hire a sitter or a cleaner? Or neither? Or what do I do? Are my systems just bad???

I feel guilty about the money aspect since I’m not working right now.. but I suppose it could be worth it for my mental health?? Idk?

I’m 38 weeks pregnant on Mother’s Day. I’ve had loads of texts from family wishing me happy first Mother’s Day and so on. My husband knew it was Mother’s Day of course. We had plans to go to my grandma’s with my mom so he knew. When we woke up the day of he got up and said he needed to call his mom and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. I was kind of sad that wasn’t the first thing he said to me since I’m literally carrying his son and having a really hard time mentally being pregnant. He came back from being on the phone and I’m pretty sure his mom told him to tell me that she says happy first Mother’s Day to me so then he realized and said it to me. I just kind of said thanks cause I could tell it wasn’t by his own thought.

I started getting ready for my grandmas and asked if he could make me 4 toaster waffles before we go cause I was starving but needed to blow dry my hair. I came down from blow drying my hair and smelled waffles coming from the kitchen, but when I got to the kitchen he was making himself coffee and there was no waffles, the toaster was out, and he was watching a YouTube video on his phone. He saw that I looked around and then asked me what’s wrong. I just said nothing and grabbed something from my bag.

He then told me that he did make me waffles but he ate them because I never came down for them… I asked him why he didn’t tell me they were ready or why he didn’t bring them up to me and he just responded saying he will make them now. I went upstairs and started crying cause I was hungry and feel like he just made waffles for himself then when he noticed I was upset at him for not making them for me he tried to blame me for not getting them because I was taking too long to get ready.

He came back upstairs and gave me a plate of the 4 waffles while I was in the bathroom and left. As I bit into them two were still frozen in the middle. I cried and cried and eventually it was time to go. I go downstairs to make myself a to go coffee and he was playing video games. I told him I was ready and he said okay that he was waiting on me. Then he could tell I was crying when we got in the car and said things like “no way you’re mad about waffles” and “you’re crying over spilt milk”. I threw some things out of his car that were in my way and he said that I was being dramatic. I don’t feel that I was at all.

My husband and I have been together since we were 16, we are 22 now, married last July. We had a miscarriage a week before our wedding then got pregnant again a month later. I can have this current baby any day now. My husband is a very hard worker, in the Coast Guard and makes it possible for me to not work a job (I want to be a SAHM). We love hanging out and being together, he’s the only person I ever actually want to be around. We laugh and play and are sweet with each other just like any regular couple who is in love.. we don’t have issues with communication or money and I feel we are in a healthy relationship.

When we were 16 he used to celebrate every little thing. I’m talking month to month “anniversaries” throughout the whole first year. He’d hand make little cards with drawings, write love letters, flowers, chocolates, take me out to eat, go on trips, bring me coffee just cause. He had a hobby of making music and his songs would be about me and our love. I’ve had birthdays where I’ve woken to flowers and breakfast in bed. I’ve even received Easter gifts and cards from him because that’s how much he loved just getting me something for any occasion. Pregnancy has been super hard mentally like I said. I’ve become very depressed, I mostly just sit in bed all day cause I’m so tired and just in a low mood. He knows this and still didn’t do anything to celebrate me for Mother’s Day.

I try to take his job into consideration and his sacrifice that he has done for our little growing family. He comes home very tired. He is on call when he’s at work so he has to sleep there a few days out of the week. We see each other less because of it.. I can see it on his face that he is just exhausted and I know my miserable pregnant self hasn’t made coming home any easier. I cry a lot, I’m easily annoyed, and hungry all the time. I feel bad for him cause he is such a deeply caring guy usually and he’s truly the light of my life. I just feel so sad about not being celebrated yesterday. He knows I’ve had a really hard time on this journey into motherhood and I did not get to fully grieve the loss of our first baby because I got pregnant again so soon after. During pregnancy I have also become insanely insecure and anxious about what kind of mother I will be. He says I am already a great mother.. I feel unseen.

Hi everyone I’m a mother of a 8 month old. And I’ve been looking for some good bra brands for breastfeeding. Would also recommend suggestions for nursing bras. Please do help if you have any suggestions.

Hi! I’m a FTM and my partner and I are expecting in a month now! I plan to take all of my leave immediately (12 weeks PFL plus 6 weeks disability) but we’re trying to figure out how much time my partner should take off the bat. We plan on him saving a good chunk of his as in the fall I will be going back to school and working part time so he can take a couple days a week to be home with our son. I’m just wondering when everyone felt ready to be alone during the postpartum period? We were thinking he takes 2 weeks and then saves the remaining 10 (he can use it at any point, by the day, during the first year of our son’s life). Is 2 weeks enough?

So for context my “ex” and I have just broken up yesterday tho I already have bought gifts for his mom and grandma for this upcoming mother’s day which is tomorrow. I will be giving my ex’s mom a bouquet of flowers same goes with his grandma it’s handmade flowers and I wanted to include a letter saying how thankful I am to her over the past few days. Would it be weird or would she appreciate it? btw his mom and I are close and my ex and I still do have contact to each other C:

I’d love to hear from people single or in relationships.

I’m in a long term marriage (almost 20 years) my husband is always wanting to the pub (without me) and bars/clubs often too.

(Context, he’s cheated in the past so I’m aware this could be why he’s wanted to go again)

But the conversation he’s always having with me is that “most men” are at pubs etc weekly and that it’s completely normal for men to be in bars and clubs and I’m not invited to go along.

I’d love to hear what you do in your home? And if you’re not a pub club goer, what are your hobbies/weekend activities?

I just want to know what else is out there not because I’m looking but I’m constantly getting told his is the norm.

we have two sons, one in high school and one in primary, I work full time two, I do the lions share of kids logistics and care. I don’t get out much (once or twice a year) beyond the kids events and sports. It’s not about that, more that I’m quite lonely, I guess I need to find hobbies myself so some of these might prompt me!
Tl;dr what hobbies do you engage with and how often?

Today is my very first Mother’s Day as a new mom and I can’t stop crying. I’m not sure if it’s because of PPD, weening off breast milk, or if I truly have a right to be upset. Maybe I’m over reacting but this was supposed to be such a good day for me. I was looking forward to being pampered and loved and appreciated by my husband today but I didn’t get that at all. Last night he decided was the perfect time to tell me that he’s overwhelmed taking care of the baby at night, even though he’s only just started doing that a few weeks ago after I begged him to help me sleep training. I’ve been doing almost all baby tasks day and night for 10 months. Baby just turned 11 months a few days ago. I understand it’s hard not getting enough sleep but god damn it’s literally Mother’s Day. I didn’t ask for anything except a day off. I woke up this morning and did every task for the baby, changed their diaper, made them breakfast, feed the dogs, gave him a bottle and just put him down for a nap. Where’s dad? After watching and seeing me cry all night and morning he felt bad and went to buy me flowers and a card. Although I appreciate the gesture I can’t help but feel like it’s a last minute low effort thing to make me shut up. How could you tell me I’m not doing enough for our child and then turn around and think flowers are gonna fix anything? He didn’t plan anything for today, didn’t get me any of the gifts I sent him or told him I wanted, didn’t even take care of the baby for me in the morning. Now I feel like a burden because I asked him to help me or do anything for me. This was supposed to be my day, I work really hard every single day taking care of our child, the house, the dogs, and I feel like it all goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Anyway, sorry for my rant. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms working their but off today!! If you’re in the same boat as me I’m sorry but know that one day your baby will appreciate all that you do for them, even if your partner does not.

This is going to be long but my son is about to be 1 month in 2 days. Honestly ever since he was born he’s been doing this thing where he kinda strains and turns red, but i would stay this behavior started consistently at 1.5 weeks and only has progressed to more frequent. He’s not a premie or anything, i was induced at 39 weeks for weak fetal movements and drop in heart rate at my routine weekly gyno appointment for context. He was born 6 pounds 11 oz and passed all his screenings, and as of now he’s almost 9 pounds and doesn’t seem to have trouble gaining weight per the pediatrician. It kinda seems like he’s trying really hard to push a fart or poop, ( poops daily if anything every other day, soft brown stool). He’s 75% bottle fed breast milk (has trouble latching so i pump) and 25% formula i use simulac sensitive. He does this in his sleep, when he’s awake, just every few seconds. He has some moments of his wake windows where he’s happy and alert but most of the time especially when he’s about to be put down for a nap and after he eats where he just gets super upset and cries while he does this red grunt straining thing. I can’t even explain it. I’m loosing sleep because he strains so hard he looks like he’s holding his breathe and he’s also a super heavy breather !!!! He sometimes squeals while drinking his milk and after he grunts in his sleep. He was prescribed
Pepcid at 2.5 weeks when i went to the pediatrician with my concerns, they said it’s normal but it hasn’t changed anything and has gotten way more frequent since then. I try gripe water and myclicon and absolutely doesn’t do anything even being frequent with how much i give it to him. I also give him 5 drops of the biogia probiotic drops since 2.5 weeks. Just need someone to tell me if there LO did this too or had a common experience. If so when did it go away? I heard around 3-4 months but that seems so far away 😩.

Oh btw im aware of infant dyscheszia but this is so bad and constant. I cannot emphasize how often this happens in a day and everyday.

I’ve always been someone who has trouble sitting down or sitting still, I don’t like it. The only time I really can is when I’m removed from my house (on vacation or a trip) when I physically cannot do chores at home. And even then sometimes I just get bored, like I cannot just sit at the beach all day.

I’m a new first time mom to a 6 month old boy. I work full time and so does my husband. I work from home a lot of the time so I have some flexibility with my schedule and can toss a load of laundry in or do dishes during the day sometimes. The second work ends, I spend the entire time from 5pm until bedtime 9/10pm running around tidying up, doing dishes, laundry, etc. like I literally on my feet doing all this stuff until baby needs to breastfeed and I am forced to sit down. Then at the end of the night during the bedtime feed, I fall asleep feeding. My body is so exhausted by the end of the day, I literally cannot keep my eyes open.

I used to wake up at 4:40am to wash my face, put on a little makeup, change my earrings, feed the cats, make coffee, do a 30-45min workout, maybe do one quick house chore, and wake baby up around 7am to leave for daycare at 8am but I was only able to do that for a month before I was too burned out. Plus he’s started waking up in the middle of the night again so I just can’t get myself to wake up that early right now. It felt amazing because I was finally making time for self care!!! But the cost was my sleep and sleep is self care too.

I don’t make time for doing things I enjoy or self-care. I have trouble justifying it since there are still more things on my to-do list. Showering often takes the back seat to other responsibilities Assad as that is to say. I have ADHD and in me it presents as starting a bunch of tasks and only finishing some of them. I’m always frazzled and scatterbrained and always think I have more time to do things then I actually do. I was this way in college, prioritizing my studies, over any form of fun or self care.

I don’t want to be this way but I feel like it’s gotten worse in motherhood because I have EVEN LESS time for me and more chores. Can anyone else relate? Is this a normal motherhood experience? Am I manic and need meds? lol literally wtf is wrong with me that I can’t say fuck it and prioritize enjoying my fucking life before I’m cold and in the ground full of regrets.

If you’ve read this far thank you, you’re a real one.

Baby is two months old— we began putting up some wallpaper for an accent wall, but it started peeling off and needs to be fixed. We got light sage paint for the other three walls and the bookshelves. We did acquire a gold metal crib when I was pregnant! I put the curtains on the other day. The room still needs painting though and to be set up.. and also, the current light fixture is a large fluorescent white garage hexagon light. We have a gold Sputnik chandelier, but my husband hasn’t gotten around to putting in yet and I’m growing weary of nagging him 😂

I can barely stay afloat on house cleaning right now (2.5 y/o and 2 month old), let alone projects. I managed to paint one of the two bookshelves.. but it still needs another coat. I decided to hire our old nanny (who does home projects and cleaning on the side) to paint the room and bookshelves. Since this is our last child, I want to romanticize the nursery as silly as that might sound.

How late is too late to get the nursery into somewhat desirable / usable shape? at what point is it no longer worth it? I’m just curious!

FTM here and maybe no one will be able to give me an answer/advice but I am 2 weeks post c section. And with warm weather approaching for me I was just curious when you started wearing jeans (or in this case Jean shorts) ? I’m still bleeding and wearing pads with regular underwear, but imagine once bleeding stops (when does it actually???) I will be back in my usual underwear (thong, tmi ? Sorry) and just anxious I guess about the denim fabric against incision/scar ? (How long does it take the skin to heal ? Slightly worried about ripping incision open if it’s not scarred over ???)