r/LDR

Okay redditors. Please be nice. This isn't easy to admit.

So, I (f34) met a man (m35) in a Discord server almost two years ago. We hit it off immediately. Intense chemistry. Talking every day. Fell in love quickly, in a way we both claimed we hadn't ever before. We spent 1.5 years talking daily. Hundreds of hours on the phone and in text. He was learning my language. We were planning for him to visit. We wanted to have kids. We wanted to live together and experience life together. We told one another everything and never seemed to run out of things to talk about. He had some strange behaviours. He would only call me during work hours when he wasn't busy. For a long time he didn't have a phone. He would disappear at times and get angry when I asked about it. I sort of addressed it all to his childhood trauma, his hard life and avoidant attachment style. We set up goals for how to work things through. Grew closer. But he was always cagey about certain aspects of his life and blew up randomly when I asked certain questions. I learned to deal with it. I loved him.

I was working on finding comfort in that he'd never leave me. He was working on opening up and being honest and more communicative. I thought. About a month ago he broke up. Said we were fighting too much. A part of me hoped if we just gave it time, we could find our way back to one another, still firmly convinced this was my soulmate and the only person I will ever truly love. Fast forward a couple of weeks into the breakup, someone I don't know that knows him, contacted me and shared information and screenshots, proving he's married to a person he claimed to have been broken up with for years. A person around whom he'd always get angry when I asked.

So, he has lied so much to me. We had extensive conversations about people that lie online. People that catfish. That just want distractions from their miserable irl existences. That don't treat online people as real people. All this time, he was one of them. I constantly remember new incidents where he lied. It's been a Where's Waldo of lying, only Waldo is every single person in the photo and the job is more counting the Waldos than finding them.

I am absolutely shattered. I built a future with a person that wasn't real. I planned for it. I invested my entire soul into him and me because he was the one. I had finally found my one; and he wasn't real. It was all an illusion, of someone that was ... Maybe bored? Not seeing me as important enough to come clean. When I found out I told him I knew, asked him to never contact me again and blocked him everywhere. He no longer has access to my heart.

But my heart misses my boyfriend. It misses the man I thought I had. It feels like I fell in love with chatgpt. None of it was real, but my heart doesn't understand it. It's like I know intellectually that I was being played with and made a fool, but another part of me is looking for alternate explanations and holds on to the slim hope that one day he will show up at my doorstep and go "I meant it when I said I can't be without you and now I've made my choice". Obviously that's never going to happen.

My question is, how do I move on? How do I ever trust again? How do I find the real love of my life? Because right now I feel haunted and broken. I should be angry, but I'm not. I'm ruined, but also feel like it serves me right for being such a gullible dumbass ignoring a thousand red flags. I'm scared that nobody will ever compare to this ... God damn illusion of a man that didn't even exist. The real person was a coward and a manipulator. He used my weaknesses, my past trauma and gullible nature against me. But my illusion? Oh. I would have fought and died for that man. I would have chosen him for a million years.

I guess I'm reaching out here because I wanted to see if someone else has experienced this? And also hoping someone has advice or a story with a happy ending. I just need something to hold onto right now because I am breaking at the seams.

It just feels super weird .. He says he does not like to show affection on social media but all i asked for was a simple comment and he said he can only leave a heart or an emoji. But what's so wrong with just giving me a regular compliment or something? So i was like yeah just forget it and now we're fighting.

I(21f) met my bf(22m) on a video game called Vrchat. It was by chance cause I only went on that game for around 10 minutes cause I'm really bad at starting conversations and I wanted to see what all the weird stuff that happens in that game plus look at pretty worlds. I was about to leave til he popped up with a hello. Ever since that day, we've never had a day where we didn't text or call each other. We took precautions and showed what we looked like within the first week. After meeting, we only went to vrchat for the movie world. We'd always be playing videogames with eachother, then some days we'd play completely diff games from eachother while in call. 4 months later he said he liked me and we became what ppl call "edaters". He's genuinely the best man I could ask for. Why does he have to be halfway across the US..

He's patient, understanding, kind, caring, and he always advocates for good communication. We've never had bad arguments. The only time he'd get upset were over small things but we always talked about it right away and apologize to each other when we know we are in the wrong. He's not the type to raise his voice or get super angry. We've both told each other our deepest emotions and it really solidified my love for him. He'd comfort me with wise words and listen to everything I would have to say about my life. Of course I'd do the exact same for him cause he's the man I want to be there for through all of his thickest tough days.

We met irl for the first time in March of this year after 1 year and a month of "edating" and he was the same amazing man I met on a video game. It was so bizarre seeing him right in front of me. I found the man of my dreams on a videogame with a bad rep like HOWW. He doesn't do any of that weird stuff I've seen about that game (thank god). I never thought my love language would be touch but we were cuddling most of the time he was here with me. I MISS HIM SO MUCH AHH. I just want to live with him already but we are both working on ourselves to be able to afford living with each other one day. He has the same thoughts too, its just realistically gonna take time until things happen.

Hello! I’m writing this because I as the title says, I want to become a better partner for my SO (F to M).

We’re generally okay and all, we have difficulties during conflicts sometimes because of our differences but we always come to point to make it work and both work on ourselves. This is my 2nd LDR and it is his first.

I just want to know if there’s any way with our 12 hr time difference to become a better person for me and him. Any advices will help and I will listen.

Thank you. :)

Thank you. :)

Me and my boyfriend have been in a LDR for 3 years and I’m so worried about ICE. We have vague plans that either of us can move to either country, so I’m open to moving to New Zealand. But it’s not that easy. I have pets (2 dogs and a cat plus a turtle id have to rehome my turtle or leave him with my dad, and most likely leave my cat with my dad since she’s closer to my dad and i would feel so guilty taking her so far from her home)… And I’m living with my dad who relies on me a lot. My mom passed last year and it’s torn my dad apart, so the thought of leaving him alone crushes me. But the thought of never being with my boyfriend crushes me.

My boyfriend on the other hand doesn’t have any pets to bring and his parents are both pretty healthy and have his siblings to care for.

However, with all the stories with ICE, like the kiwi woman Everlee Wihongi being detained without reason, I just can’t see him ever coming here.

I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced similar feelings. If anyone has taken pets overseas on long haul flights in cargo (NZ only allows cargo holds), or left behind older parents with health issues.

I do have time to think about this, since he’s in school and I am working on saving money, so I’m hoping the issue dies down within the next year or two. But the uncertainty kills me sometimes and my anxiety latches onto it. Just looking for reassurance.

For now, I’m just visiting NZ every 6 months as that’s all we can afford. I wouldn’t have him visit me here with how it is currently.

Hi all my (F27) bf (M33) been together for more than 2 years. I communicated to him that I wanted to stop premarital sex. I dont know what gotten into me but it was always in the back of my mind that it wasnt right and should be save in marriage. He said that he couldn’t do it. I am sad because he’s even willing to end the relationship because he can’t do it. He said that’s normal couples do. Our relationship feels transactional now because he is not really investing in us, and I am mostly the one who initiate how to close the gap and always ask for clarity and even said that I want to settle with him. But now our relationship feels shaky because he stopped helping for my rent because he said he feel used. He would send me money and I insist not to but he did but after I told him recently that I will not having sex with him before marriage, he ask the money back. He asked the money back everytime I wanted to break up with him. He is a good person, he took me once a year for out of the country travel. He helped me with the rent, he sends me food. But it always felt like there’d hesitation because I know that he could do more (am I crazy to feel this?). He would fly from europe to philippines 4 times a year but now he will cancel the flight because I said that I will stop “doing it” with him, we can still have physical intimacy without it tho. And I want to save this relationship, I just dont want to feel used, and he also dont want to feel used with money, am I crazy for asking to invest in me more or maybe plan for us the future, clarity and maybe include me for his planning. 2 years and it felt like I am begging for a bare minimum yet I still have to praise him everytime.

Harsh comment is fine, maybe I am also expecting so much, because I know he can do more, we would fly eveywhere if he wants to, he likes flying, going airport to airport.

Me (23M) and my GF (22F) in relationship since 2 years but

We are in a LDR since 4 months now cuz she had to move away for further studies in her field..... trying on and off to be available on calls and on chat but it's not easy for me as i have to handle my family business with my father and it gets hectic..... lately we are fighting on this single thing which is not being available, not updating the daily things we do.... I mean I kind of agree wiith her. I know I love her and want to be available but idkk now.... Lately I was thinking about if we can have an app that connects us for our everyday activities (I saw locket but I don't like it) so l want to explore more but I don't know which is great to use.

And I want a perfect app I don't want to download 3-4 apps and try them and decide

I just want 1 perfect app for us

If you got anything

Then please do share it!!

I (22M) have been talking to someone online for a few months. He's incredible in so many aspects, and we speak on the phone every night until we fall asleep, dreaming about the moment we'll finally be in the same country, city and house. But I'm almost sure we won't be able to move together in the future, I don't want to say it's ''impossible'', but it's VERY unlikely. (He does believe we'll make it happen, like the power of love will just help us find a way)

It's sad and I am so conlifcted because he has so many qualities I love in a partner, I enjoy every single moment and my days are brighter because we're so connected even in the distance <3 But I've been thru LDR before, I used to believe, just like him now, that love can beat real life circumstances... I don't believe it anymore. And this time, it's even a little bit risky for us to meet irl.

I've been Honest, I told him about this but he insists we should still try it if we love each other. Should I just end it now or wait until it all, inevitably, comes to an end?

Last post- https://www.reddit.com/r/LDR/s/pH5NYCUHH9

So i talked to him about this and reassured me at that moment that he didn’t love me for my nudes, he genuinely love me. His statement gave me a huge relief.

After that night he slowly stop showing the excitement to see me, stopped texting me frequently and in 4 days he didn’t even tell me i love yous for once. Last night again i initiated the conversation about this, i asked him if he wanna end this relationship or not he told me as you think i was using you like a toy that's why i stopped asking for anything, now if you want to end this you can or you can still be my friend , i wish you the best. He even said ''Bye''.

I was like the the guy who told he loves me more than anything how could he pull back all of sudden. I'd like to mention we are talking. But he's texting me very casually and I'm getting seenzoned most of the time. I know what i should do now but i can't just stop talking to him cause it hurts.

I'll stop replying him slowly. I know It'll get better and i will move on someday but at this point I'm so hurt. It feels very heavy on my heart. This was my 3rd serious relationship, we even talked about our marriage and moving in together. The heartache is killing me. Am i just not supposed to be loved?? I got cheated in my past two relationship. I was loyal and it always happens to me.

My ex and I broke up for about a month, and then she came back saying she missed me and wanted to talk again, but only as friends. She made it clear she’s not looking for a relationship with me or anyone else.

We’ve hung out a couple times since then. First time we went on a hike, came back to my place, and ended up having sex but she made sure to say it didn’t mean we were back together. The next week I went to her house, hung out with her family (campfire, hot dogs, s’mores), and then she drove 2.5 hours back with me to my place and spent the night. We hooked up again.

After that, things were going really smooth. We were talking a lot, on the phone pretty often, and falling asleep on the phone together most nights. She even started saying “I love you.” I said it back at first, then later told her I think I only said it because she did. She said it was okay and we didn’t have to say it. But about a week later I told her I loved her, and she said it back.

Recently though, she’s been acting distant leaving me on read, not talking nearly as much. I asked what was wrong and she said she feels like she’s getting too attached. Later when I tried to ask a couple questions about that on the phone, she got defensive and told me to “just let her breathe.”

Now she still talks to me, just way less, and the energy feels off. I’m confused because her actions and words don’t line up she says she doesn’t want a relationship, but we’ve basically been acting like we’re in one.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? Is she just scared of getting attached again, or am I getting strung along? What would you do in this situation?

I never had anything like this to happen to me, but I can’t lie I feel very blindsided so someone please tell me whether I’m overreacting and I have no right to feel the way I do or if it’s as messed up as I think it is.

My (25F USA) ex (26F Middle East) and I were pretty much exclusive for years like over three years, we were long distance and things couldn’t line up for us to meet until January 2025 so that’s when we met for the first time and made it official as we wanted to ask each other in person. Unfortunately September 2025 our relationship ended. In October 2025 I reached out to her trying to start our relationship again, long story short she agreed to it but we didn’t want to make it official again until we reunited and asked each other in person then around last week of November things were ended for good.

We’ve been pretty much no contact ever since, with the holidays and her birthday I have reached out for those occasions but that’s pretty much it. I reached out to her for the first time in a while when everything started heating up in the middle east because yeah seeing places she’s surrounded by and places I visited for her on the news I had to reach out and make sure she’s okay.

Fast forward today we’re having one of our smaller convos just checking in (this won’t happen anymore), and one thing leads to another and she tells me that she started to see someone new. Of course moving on is inevitable and I couldn’t fault her for that, but then I learned she moved on with a friend I was familiar with we even talked about how her friend was also gay at one point and I made a comment about oh should I be worried and my now ex gf said her friend wasn’t her type. Her moving on yeah hurtful, but this has really done it to me I feel blindsided, but I can’t tell if it’s silly that I feel blindsided. We broke up in September in her mind and she doesn’t count us trying again from October-November, and she said her and her friend/situationship(?) started being more than friends in January 2026.

Again I just feel numb and all I can hear is us talking about this friend and my ex telling me she wasn’t her type to now this. 🥲 Healing process back to square 1.

After two years doing long distance, we finally met in person this week. We had an AMAZING week. I traveled to his country, we had an amazing emotional and physical

connection, it truly felt like we had known each other for our entire lives. We laughed so much, it went better than any of us would've ever thought.

Now I'm sitting at the airport on my layover to go back to my country. I've been crying for hours. Saying goodbye at the airport was insanely difficult, i hugged him for at least 15 minutes and neither of us wanted to let go. We both cried, and now I'm left here with an empty feeling in my

stomach. I'm sad, I'm aching. I'm scared that long distance is gonna feel even harder now that we have physically been together and I know what his hugs and kisses feel like. How do you cope with this feeling? How do I make it better? I'm very sad, I don't know how to cope.

Hi all!

My bf and I are about to be long distance for a year and i’d love if anyone could share any and i mean ANY advice, suggestions or knowledge on how to get through it!

Every thought and worry has gone through my head. Hell he’s still two hours away from stepping on the plane.

We’ve gone from medium distance (same country but far apart) to 10,000 miles away (australia & ireland). Even the medium distance was emotional at times but this will be the real test. Especially with the time difference being night and day.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read :) have a good rest of your weekend

I met this guy on tinder in the beginning of March and we found out we had the same college classes a year ago. When I started texting him he let me know he actually leaves for bootcamp in the army in a week. So we had one week to hangout and we did every single day. Then he left for bootcamp camp and he doesn’t get out until may 10th and then he’ll be in about 20hrs away until October for his training school. We’ll be able to text and call when he’s in the training school. But for now we have been sending ethers back and forth and have about five mins to call on Sundays. I like him a lot and he also likes me a lot. He thinks he loves me but I told him to wait because I want him to say it in person but that will be like five months from now. I feel like I’m in a romance novel but I’m just scared of him losing feelings or cheating while away. I don’t know how any military things work and all the videos I see and advice all say that military men are unloyal? I just hope that’s a bias.

i’m annoyed that it’s already 8am his time, and he didn’t check-in to say he’s gotten home already after a night out with his friends. we agreed in the evening, and past midnight that he’d tell me if he’s gotten home. but yeah, nothing.

am i overreacting? we’re new, so i have honestly have no idea about his integrity, and he has no socials too.

Hello, I'm F22. Today is officially the 1month mark since my ldr bf(22) went completely dark. He blocked me on every single platform, uninstalled the apps we used to communicate, and even deleted his discord account. Since we are long-distance, this "digital erasure" feels like he’s completely wiped me out of existence.

Before this, he told our mutual friends he would "never let me go" because this was his first truly healthy relationship. We were friends for 3 years before dating, so there was a lot of history and trust there.

I hit a massive wall of stress during my ojt. I didn't handle the pressure well and i relapsed into some old, toxic coping mechanisms. I pushed him away, said "I hate you," and even made some "kms" comments. It wasn't a manipulation tactic; i was just spiraling and didn't know how to ask for help.

He broke up with me, and two days later, i reached out to him. I begged him for us to talk properly and settle things. Instead of responding, i found out he started creating entirely new accounts just to avoid me. I tried messaging him on multiple apps we used to use, but he just kept running. Finally, one week ago, he officially blocked my main account and deleted/uninstalled the apps he only had because of me. He didn't even give me a chance to talk with him... Since we are ldr, these apps were our only connection. By deleting them and blocking me everywhere, it feels like he’s trying to erase my existence.

I’ve spent this month taking full accountability. I’ve learned how to manage my stress and I’m working on my emotional regulation so i never "overflow" like that again..

Is it common for an avoidant partner in and ldr to go this far just to escape? Does creating new accounts and blocking everything mean it’s over forever, or is he just in a deep shame/guilt spiral? Should i keep hoping he’ll come back once he cools down, or should i accept that I’ve been permanently "deleted"?

Me and my current boyfriend have been dating since middle school/ high school. we have always been inseparable and i love him with my whole heart. he is perfect for me and we talk about marriage a lot once i graduate in two years. However long distance gets difficult and old with the same conversations constantly and it feels like we’re just in two seperate parts of life. My best friends brother is a year older than me going to school to be an engineer at my college. he is very smart, i find him attractive, and i love his family so much, his mom, dad, and two sisters who i’m very close with. my current boyfriend and i have a lot of problems because his family is insane and it gets hard to deal with. they call me names, say i am manipulative, etc. his mom is on drugs and no dad present, his sisters are evil and possibly a little in love with him??? my best friends brother’s family makes jokes all the time, they know i’ve always had a little crush on him since we were young, and we still talk about it to this day. however recently we have been texting making small talk (him calling me pretty, etc.) and it feels like the small crush feeling is being reciprocated. i have no idea what to do or if im a terrible person. i’m so curious what this could be like but also love my boyfriend but the distance and family situation gets insufferable sometimes, especially because he gets insecure randomly. I do see a relationship with both of them which is what’s so hard. has anyone else been through a similar situation?? WHAT DO I DO???

I (26F) am in a log distance relationship with my fiance (37M), I live in Germany he lives in Mexico and we met at the wedding of the brother of a common friend in Mexico.

We have been together since 2 years and a half, and the first time I went to Mexico and met all his friends there was this girl that gave me a weird vibe, her friends were looking at me weirdly too so I asked my boyfriend if there had been anything between them and he said no, they just used to hang out a lot as friends back than.

At a certain point in the relationship I told him that if I ever met someone he had sex with in the past I would have wanted to know, and he said no. His reason is he is a very private person (which I know to be true) and does not want to be the man that goes in the street and points out to who he had relations with, that he wants to leave the past there and not bring it on.

- bFast forward to now, we decided to get married in Denmark so he could move to Germany and we could live together, the friend we have in common (30F born and raised in Mexico than moved to Germany) said it was very risky and was not supportive at all. She then said to my boyfriend he had to be honest with me before marriage and accused him of having slept with the same girl of the party both before meeting me and after.

I asked him again and he admitted sleeping with her before meeting me but swears never after. My friend said a very trusted person told her they never stopped having sex, but she does not want to tell me who said it, how this person knows it or any information about this at all because "I will tell my fiance right away and she swore she would never say".

I have been friend with this person for 7+ years so she is a trusted friend, but when I asked why she waited until we decided to get married she said she was sure we were going to break up at some point so it was not worth the mess, and said she was even surprised we had managed to stay together for two years long distance.

I texted the girl he supposedly cheated on me with and she denied ever having anything to do with him beside being friends. So.... clearly a lie, 'cause my fiance admitted that they slept together a couple of times before him being with me. To which she replied she is not seeking my validation to her words.

I asked the wife of the brother of my friend (they are all in a very close friend circle) if she could be honest, from woman to woman, and tell me if he cheated on me and she said no. I had found in his bed a very cheap beaded bracelet last february, he said he got itas a gift in one stand outside of the baseball stadium. He was there with 3 women friends and they were gifting those bracelets to all the women, his friends asked why he did not receive one and they got him a extra one so he could feel included. Than while sleeping he took it off. This was his explanation.

I might be delusional but I trust him with my life, he really is the kind of guy that would do something like wearing bracelet, sparkly shoes, or stuff like that for fun. I have a strong gut feeling he did not cheat on me, I just cannot belive he would be capable of doing something like this to me, especially I feel I cannot just leave someone I was going to marry because my friend is sure and I need to blindly trust her with zero informations. No proof at all. When I met him there were rumors about him being a bad boyfriend to his ex girlfriend but the same friend confirmed that they were absolutely false rumors.

I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be blind or stupid, so reddit, what do you think?? Please help, I dont know what to think