r/JUSTNOMIL

We’ve been NC with my MIL for a while now. We don’t talk about her publicly, don’t badmouth her to family, don’t engage. What we do do is quietly check her socials every so often, because she has a history of posting photos of our kids and talking about our family online. When we find something, we report it to Facebook and move on. No confrontation.

So when my husband was working on rebuilding things with his dad, FIL casually mentioned she’d joined estranged parent groups, we both cringed. We made a burner and joined a few just to check, same reason as always.

She was posting photos of us and our kids. That part we expected.

What we didn’t expect was the rest of it. Completely fabricated stories about me and her own son. Genuinely evil stuff. And then she shared details about abuse my husband survived, deeply personal stuff he hasn’t told his closest friends, with strangers on the internet. For sympathy. And they ate it up.

We didn’t engage. Screenshotted everything, documented it, and reported the photos of our kids.

Fast forward to a phone call with FIL that was actually going well. As they were wrapping up, FIL asked if my husband wanted to say hi to MIL. Hard no. FIL pushed a little because it was a pretty abrupt no, so my husband told him why.

You could hear her in the background as FIL was processing it out loud. Flustered. Then suddenly MIL was taking the dogs for a walk… at midnight? (Time difference, it was 9pm for us)

FIL apologized and said he’d look into it.

By the end of the weekend her Facebook was gone. Over a decade of weaponized posting, just nuked. She almost certainly got to it before FIL could go looking.

I’m relieved that outlet is gone honestly. But she clearly needs an audience, so I’m not naive enough to think this is over. Just waiting to see where she pops up next, and what FIL actually does with what he now knows.

That midnight dog walk is going to live in my head rent free forever though.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

*CONTENT WARNING: mentions of child SA*

so, i’m going to try to keep this as short as i can. so sorry for the length of the post. i’ve been having issues with my mother in law since my daughter’s birth and i’ve noticed some red flags with her and my father in law. so far it hasn’t mattered, because hubby and i agreed on boundaries that we have and will continue to follow. however, i’m at an odd bridge that i’m not sure how to cross. the 2 things i see as most relevant info here are:

1. MIL has crossed some boundaries at times and has been restricted in her access to my daughter (LO, 1.5yrs old). to this day, when she sees LO she will use manipulative language “i haven’t seen you in forever/do you remember me/i know i’m such a stranger” when she’s seen LO within the past 2 weeks because we have family hangouts and/or supervised visits on close to a weekly basis. i have told her to stop with these comments. she also over involves herself, and tends to show possessiveness over LO. LO is the only grandchild out of 7 that she doesn’t babysit unsupervised due to past things that have happened but we make sure she still gets plenty of time with her. she gets very jealous when she hears about my mom or family spending time with LO even though it’s actually less often than she gets, AND it’s also usually supervised.

2. FIL has also crossed boundaries and has even further restricted access. due to an issue where he exposed my husband to sexual content as a child and used to walk in on him showering, FIL is never alone with LO. now, it’s supposedly in the past (but i don’t care!!) and MIL most likely does NOT know that this happened. but there are things such as him and MIL bathing some of the other grandkids together (so cousins aged 2-4 naked in the bath together) while the entire family is present, and letting them run out in front of all of us naked after bath, which makes me uncomfortable.

the problem at hand: my husband and i are going on a trip for the first time since before we had LO and my mother is watching her. MIL found out about the trip and is now telling my husband “i need to have her over for a sleepover” which is not happening for a few reasons, but mainly due to FIL’s history. it also pisses me off that because my mom is getting a “sleepover” MIL feels entitled to one because she gets jealous and thinks it’s unfair for my mom to get more access than her. this is also hilarious because my mom sees LO around once a month which is way less often than F&MIL see her. i have no problem with saying no to this request, but i know when she continues to press this she’s going to ask us why. we don’t know what to do because we’re pretty sure she has no idea about FIL’s past issues and i don’t feel that it’s my place to open that 10 year old can of worms. how do we go about telling her no? should we just refuse to explain even if she presses? do we use her behavior as the reason and exclude the issue of the FIL? outside of her boundary issues, she alone hasn’t really done anything that’s worth not allowing an overnight in my opinion. but we won’t allow it because we have no way of knowing if LO will be left alone with FIL. although, her demanding comment that she “needs” LO for a night is honestly just driving me even further into the “hell no” response when she mentions it.

My husband and I are expecting our first child in the fall. This will be the first grandchild on both sides and everyone is understandably excited. We recently shared an announcement on social media after taking some time to inform those closest to us of our news in person. Neither me or my husband post much on social media but there are some family members and friends we wanted to inform that we don't regularly speak to.

My Mil loves facebook and all the attention that she can get from likes on her posts. She shares and reposts anything she can and has crossed several boundaries with it. When dh and I got engaged she wrote this long post about it framing it like she was overly involved in the situation, all of her friends commented congratulating her which irritated me. Dh and I had made our own post together for that. When dh graduated she also made a long post about how she was sad she couldn't share pictures because he decided not to walk at graduation but was just such a proud mom, again everyone congratulated her and not dh. And more recently, a close friend of ours passed very tragically. It was extremely sad and my dh and I were both very impacted by the loss of someone we had known for 20 years. Mil had never met our friend but made a post on facebook directed at his family and wrote about how much mothers love their sons and she just can't imagine the loss. It felt very self centered and like she was trying to insert herself into others very real greif. Again, all her friends commented how sorry they were for her loss.

So now that we've posted our announcement, she has predictably reached out to me and asked to share it. While I appreciate her asking first, I can't help but be bothered by her trying to be the center of attention once again. My dh has made a fair point that it's her grandchild and her facebook and she's allowed to be excited and share whatever she wants, but he does understand my frustration.

I feel that anyone that needs to know our news is on our friends list and has already seen the post. I don't know all of her random facebook friends and am a generally private person. Her profile settings might not be as restricted as mine ( I have family members that harassed me growing up that I am no longer in contact with that I don't want knowing about my life. I have them blocked and everything set to private but once she posts who knows who sees it). I know nothing on the internet is 100%private anymore but I just don't like my life being posted on someone elses page.

Another factor is that we don't want any pictures of our child posted online once they're born. I need her to respect that rule and not try to guilt trip us by pulling the " proud grandma" card.

How should I tactfully respond to her text? Part of me says I shouldn't care so much but my overprotectiveness of my baby and my boundaries feels very important. Am I being overdramatic because of past occurrences and should just let her share but warn her now about not posting anything else in the future?

DH and I had a planned pregnancy but we didn't inform anyone that we are planning or trying. I announced my pregnancy to my mom around 5 weeks. My mom is a retired midwife and my father is not alive. I was not feeling comfortable to announce my pregnancy to any other male including my own brother at very early stage. Hence we decided with DH to announce it to his parents after the first ultrasound at 8 weeks which we did. We live abroad far away from both families and we FaceTimed his mom to give the news. She was alone as FIL was sleeping and we announced to only her. Of course she said all cliche things like congratulations, I'm so happy etc. But her first reaction afterwards was "Your mother must also be very happy", obviously she was trying to understand if we told my mom before her, like a competition. Than suddenly she started to tell a story about her first pregnancy where she ended up with a stillborn. Because of all the hormones and everything, I started to cry screaming my husband to hang up the phone and he did it. MIL called again which we didn't respond. After this happened, I never talked to her and my husband also never talked to her around me. 3 weeks later, I had my birthday and neither MIL nor FIL didn't celebrate it, not even through my husband. Now I am around 13 weeks and DH told that her mother asked if we did the NIPT. I felt like she hoped that we had the NIPT with genetic anomaly outcome. I already gave the blood sample and waiting for the results atm. I cannot get over the hatred against this MIL and I feel so much rage.

My mil expects daily FaceTime calls with my 8 month old baby my husband is on leave so he’s been calling her all day. Every day when I’m at work I guess he calls her throughout the day.

Most days I don’t hear her calling my baby but sometimes after calling in the day time when I come home she has called to see him. On weekends when we spend time as a family she calls 4-5 times to FaceTime the baby and see what he’s doing I guess?

It bothers me so much her baby voice irks me. I hate it. Idk how to tell my husband I don’t want it to be an expectation for my son. My husband calls her mom daily it is an expectation from him. I don’t call my mom daily she doesn’t expect me too I could go a day or week without talking to her and it’s okay. I don’t want that expectation to call grandma on my son.

We went back home this weekend and she said “he has to do his daily FaceTime with me” and then would talk about how they always FaceTime.

Idk how to tell my husband bc when my baby was spending time with my mom his mom called and said she wanted to see and FaceTime the baby. She’s always complaining about fairness but this stole from my mom’s time too. My mil also doesn’t work so she has all the time to call my mom works and is involved in her church volunteers so she doesn’t have all the time of the day to call

I just don’t want her to call it annoys me I’m okay with a few times a week but I HATE THAT NOW IT IS ALSO AN EXPECTATION FOR MY SON. After I’ve been coping for so long about it being an expectation for my husband.

What do you do when your soon to be MIL posts a TikTok video of her holding up a package she got, held it up to the camera and exposed her home address on the package? Clear as day, it’s on the package. So far, I see 1 person saved it and that alone is enough for me to decide my kids will not be sleeping over at her home anytime soon because I worry about the internet being able to see where she lives and target her house for whatever.

I even commented on it “Hi! Your address is shown on here, for your safety, I suggest you delete this video!” She still kept it up. I told my fiance that it’s still up, he hasn’t been able to talk to her yet because they have opposite work hours. I was expecting she would call him to complain about my comment lol. He was surprised that it was still up.

Am I overthinking this from a safety perspective? It’s been up for a week now.

So this happened my MIL, who didn’t like me for years and treated me terribly, finally apologized and asked for forgiveness. But at this point, I’m already checked out. I wanted this apology years ago, and now I don’t really see us having a relationship.

It would’ve meant a lot if she had apologized back then not now, after I’ve had a baby. Maybe I’m being too harsh, and maybe I’m supposed to forgive, but I feel like I’ve already given up on her.

I told her the truth, and there’s really nothing left for me to say. Having a baby has made me speak up for myself more.

Hi all, I'm the one with the MIL that said nasty things about me via email to FIL when he told her nicely to get her photos of my child from myself and husband. She's also demanding her annual visit be booked for "May or June". See my post history if necessary.

After my husband confronted her via zoom twice, she wouldn't stop saying to have me call her to hash it out. I told my husband that since she's a proven liar and manipulative, I'll address issues in writing, via email only. I had AI help me craft a "firm but polite" email requesting her to basically tell me what her problem is with me.

She ghosted me for 2 weeks playing the victim when she came around with a story about a cold. When she finally did address things it was an email of blame shifting to her co worker stressing her out and classic DARVO. She didn't actually tell me what I supposedly did though, just a whole lot of "you're not perfect either" type things. We went back and forth a few times (3?) and she eventually gave a clear and direct apology. Qualifiers came later in the email but still nothing about what I supposedly did. She also tried to tell me how I should be managing her sons relationship with her as well as my daughters relationship with her. I just flat out told her "no, we do what works for us in our relationship". But she also added on, of course because she "shoulds" everyone, that I should be printing photos of my child, making books and mailing them to her because she lives so far. Y'all I don't even do that for my family and I like them! So that one got a big fat "no". I then asked for a 4th time for her to tell me what she thinks I did wrong.

Anyway. I thanked her for the apology, told her "no" on her outlandish demands and now she's gone completely silent again. I know she works so I'm giving her grace but I absolutely refuse to reach out again. I'm not chasing someone I don't like to clear the air so she can visit my home when I don't even want her here.

The issue is that I'm a busy person, my husband is too. My child had obligations now as well. Our calendar is filling up quickly and FIL lives with us. FIL leaves when MIL visits because she's just nasty. So MIL can't visit in the winter, because he has a RV he camps with for travel. I'm a FT student at 2 schools until June and then 1 starting September. I homeschool my child. I'm starting a business this year. I solo parent 4.5 days a week with some help from FIL. We have birthdays, recitals, friends birthdays, a trip to see my family, a work trip for my husband that we are turning into a vacation after in Europe, then the usual Holidays etc. as of now there's maybe a couple of weeks between June and August that a visit would be possible and it can't be her usual demanding 2 week stay. So my husband (enmeshed) is panicking that he will have to deal with the fallout if she doesn't get it together and put some effort in while making these demands. I also will not vacation with her again as she intruded on our vacation last year and ruined it. Plus we haven't ever had a family vacation just the 3 of us, we are due.

Please help advise how to deal with him freaking out. He's in therapy and working on stuff. He now sees that she is the problem but he hasn't gotten to standing up to her regularly, that's a new thing. He's done it a few times and always comes away exhausted. I know he's a problem, but he is working on it.

A few backstory points

- I have always planned to change my last name as I have never had a relationship with my father but knew I would never take a partners last name. I have never liked the gay the women are assumed to have to change theirs.

-I have had a conversation with fmil about how she was very upset about her changing hers because she loved her maiden name

She recently while my finance was in another room asked if she could ask me a personal question which was if I am going to be taking their name. I stated that my fiancé and I have both actually been thinking of changing our last name. I never asked him to do so but he wanted to as he wants to have the same last name as me and our future children to all have the same last name, which I did not tell her all of our reasons nor did I list them all. I don’t think that she needs to know why. She then broke down crying about how he won’t be apart of the family and she was just so exited for me to be sort of theirs. I did explain at that point he still would be as would I and mentioned her previous comments about how she herself was upset about changing hers last name so why should I be obligated to. She has brought it up again since and wants us to keep her in the loop on what we decide .

I have no idea what to do in this situation to get her to understand it isn’t anything personal nor am I forcing him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.

CW: suicide

Just recently found out from my partner that my MIL has been discouraging him from our relationship for as long as we have been together. If he has talked to her through any of our spats, she has told him he should just leave and "come home" (home being to her, and not the home we share?). He took my vehicle to one of his friends to put tint on the window and took the car seat out and then wasn't able to get it back in, and I was frustrated because I had really struggled to get it in initially. Apparently she heard the phone call and said she would never allow someone to speak to her in that capacity and he should leave me. I have reflected on that day many times over, and although I was frustrated, I did not yell, I did not name call, I did not speak sharply. I spoke as someone who was frustrated, sure, but I feel like she vastly overreacted. This is also coming from a woman who told her own son he should kill himself when he was at one of his lowest points, so pretty rich to say that you wouldn't allow someone to speak to you that way when you have said unforgivable things. When he told her that he wanted to marry me, she said that he was moving too fast and discouraged him from moving forward with a proposal. Recently, we went out for dinner with his parents and mine, I paid for everyone. I asked him what he wanted, and he wanted the same thing I did, and it was something our daughter also likes, so I suggested we order a dinner combo for two. I had a gastric sleeve and can eat very little, he has a larger appetite, and our daughter is 3, so I thought this was a sensible option. Apparently she spoke to him after the dinner and said that I am taking his voice away. We both thought the dinner went very well, and I guess he said to her that he doesn't understand where that was coming from and she refused to elaborate but said again she thinks I take his voice away and don't let him have autonomy. We are not close, she lives in another city and has made really no effort to form a relationship with me, and he is already pretty low contact. She doesn't put effort into their relationship either. He maintains minimal contact but doesn't want to entirely sever their relationship. I won't ask that of him either. When we do see her, she is nice to me and has given no indication that she takes issue with me. I guess I just needed to scream into the void. I really didn't have respect for her knowing how she treated my partner as a child anyways, but I hate that she is so nice to my face while scrutinizing everything I do behind the scenes. She really is a vile woman.. which I already knew.. but adds ammo to the arsenal.

Short rant but sweet.

I have met JNMIL 4 times. She lives 1.5 hours away but makes no effort to see or talk to me, just DB.

As you saw in my last post, she’s obsessed with tracking and so not a person I’m comfortable giving my info to. Even if we had spent more than 8 hours together over the course of a few years.

Well she decided this year, she was going to get my email. She asked me for my email. DID NOT SAY IT WAS FOR MY BIRTHDAY. When I asked her why she needed it, she didn’t respond.

(Never mind the fact I barely know this woman and she creeps me out, I don’t know how she even knew it was my birthday.)

She then proceeded to text DB 5 times over the course of the week asking for my email. Escalating in pressure. He ignored her every time. Finally decided to insult me to him (behind my back) over text, calling me difficult and saying she needed to “get the secret service involved to get my email.”

DB was kind and asked me how to handle it. I told him this once I’d handle it, but from now on he needs to draw the line when JNMIL and JNFIL BOTH insult me. Here’s how the conversation went:

Me (in GC with DB and JN)

“I’m not comfortable sharing my email without knowing what it’s for. I asked you directly and didn’t get an answer. Please stop asking DB about it.”

HER: “I wanted to send you a surprise birthday card to wish you a happy birthday today. Did not realize it was going to be an issue. Hope you have a happy birthday today!!.🎂🎂🎂🎈🎈”

Me: “And why couldn’t you just say that instead of then going to DB and making degrading comments about me? All I’ve learned is I simply will never be good enough for you or his dad. Nasty comment after nasty comment about me no matter how nice I am to you guys. Oh well! Your loss. Thank you I’ll have a terrific birthday.”

I’m sure haters will say I was overly emotional bla bla. But god damn it felt good to finally tell her to fuck off! She has such a lowly character. Also imagine being 70 years old and being so jealous of/on a 27 year old girl. So embarrassing!!!!

TLDR; JNMIL degraded me behind my back during the days leading up to my birthday, I called her out, she acted fake nice and I cut that shit off real quick, she is obsessed with making everything about herself and regaining control.

I was raised by my mother, whom I love so much.. but man she was and is incredible at manipulation. No it's not a positive thing, but my god.. having her be your first bully really sets the standards for people you meet in your adult life. And because of past relationships and my weird relationship with my own mother I feel I'm pretty good at pattern recognition? Or sussing personalities out?

My mother in law, I believe she's a narcissist. I have a huge back story with her and why I conclude this.. but my main core for belief is her desperate need to be centre of attention. Be it positive or negative.

She burnt a lot of bridges last year with myself, my husband and children.. her siblings, parents.. even her husband was having problems with her.. and when the attention dried up and none of us fed into her, all of a sudden she was telling everyone she was suicidal. My husband said she done this a lot growing up, so we didn't really feed too much into this..

Her manipulation attempts include things like financial, pushing boundaries I place with my children or just in general, anything for attention etc.. I would go further into detail if asked in comments.

My mother in law has also been HUGE on anti smoking cigarettes. The whole time I've known her she's been massive against smoking, and has had many arguments with my husband when he was vaping about the damage it causes. However, she since has started smoking?

She's late 50s, and is smoking not just one at a time, she will have 3 potentially more one after the other.

We've bought up her habit a few times.. but she's always got this faint smile? Or smirk? When we do talk to her about it?

I personally feel she's on a fast track to try and make herself sick. But am I sick for thinking this?

I've mentioned to her along with my husband she needs to try and stop because at this age, it's not a good habit to be starting. And then she replies almost giddily with excitement "I have been losing unexplained weight loss lately, and I've been getting dizzy" (her weight hasn't changed might I add)

I just feel she's on a fast track to bring attention to her, a health crisis to put all attention back on her.

I wish I had the time to go into detail about her past behaviour. Myself calling her a narcissist I don't use lightly, I've even been pushed by her to believe I'm one myself (maybe I am, idk)

But there's just something that feels "attentiony" about smoking. Because if you knew how anti cigarettes this woman used to be, she's known friends who have died from smoking.. you'd be just as confused as me

MIL randomly texted me this: “Good morning,

We are wondering why we haven't seen or heard from you in quite a while...are you keeping our grandchildren from us for some reason?

We are in the dark but it breaks our hearts or is that your intention?

Not sure you'll even read this but we love you and miss you

Mom and dad”

I responded with: “It's unfortunate you believe we would intentionally keep our kids from you. Visits and conversations have always been accessible to those who wish to be active in our family's lives. “

MIL: Really? Neither one of you answer the phone or texts

We funded christmas, in fact you guys didn't even come over until 8:30 at night, but you had no problem accepting gifts...

Why don't you tell me the real issues?

We got into it, I tried to be respectful as possible but she kept pushing me, and I ended up calling her an ahole. I have never been texted by MIL or FIL to see our 1 yr old and 2 yr old. I didn’t even want to show up on Christmas, but they guilted us into coming over, hence why we showed up late. I didn’t expect gifts or ask for any for my kids.

It’s been almost 2 months without hearing from them.

Obviously they never cared about seeing my kids, right?

I posted before how my mother in law made my induction and emergency c section all about her. I haven’t forgiven her but was remaining civil. She offered to look after our dog for a few weeks to give us a break. Or at least that’s what I thought.

She had a whole meltdown when my husband told her that we were busy on one of the days she was going to be down and threatened not to come nor speak to us for 6 months. Apparently she only offered to look after the dog if she could spend time with my LO.

I’m absolutely livid this has happened the night before she was meant to arrive. We’ve moved the dog’s daycare to fit in with when MIL was supposedly collecting her. My husband is out at work all day on Wednesday and I can’t look after LO and the dog.

We also had boarding booked for her for the start of May which we cancelled when MIL said she’d look after her. We’re going to now have to try and rebook but can’t cancel again without a charge. I’m also worried if she takes our dog she’ll hold her ransom.

I feel like completely cutting ties but I don’t think my husband wants to.

I guess I partly want to rant but also advice on what to do.

My MIL lives 2.5 hours away. That didn’t stop her when I was postpartum from visiting 4 times the first week and at least 1-2 times every week after until I finally told my SO I’d had enough. He limited her to once a month (unless there’s a holiday or something) and with advance notice. With snow and surgeries and such on her end she’s pretty much stuck to it and it’s been pretty glorious.

She was here ALLLL of Easter weekend. During thay visits, she BRIEFLY mentioned she would be in this weekend to hang out with his brother who lives an hour from us but never said anything about stopping to see us. Around 2 she calls me, I was in the car with a sick screaming baby so I didn’t answer. SO got home before me and when I walked in the door he said “I told mom not to come since the baby is so sick”

YAY!!!!!!

And lo and behold she never hung out with the his brother, just got her hair done by his wife?!

Anyway she called AGAIN asking if we wanted dinner “no we already ate”, needed to come pick up her plant “ok it’s outside”

She begged for him to bring baby out and he stood a firm NO! He went outside and said hello for a minute. She pretended to be interested in my big kids sports and asking when baseball started for my oldest..: he’s doing soccer and it started 3 weeks ago 🤡

I stayed inside with baby who was screaming her head off!

Anyways I’m so proud of my SO! I didn’t even have to say anything and he stood firm on the boundary!!! I did talk a few weeks ago and I told him in postpartum it was really hard on me because I felt he kept choosing his moms feelings over mine and it really hurt, he apologized and said he knew he was wrong and was just trying to balance everything to make everyone happy (his first baby and her first grandchild) and I said I understand as my mom isn’t around so I don’t want to take this experience away from him but the surprise visits and expectations to drop in whenever they want especially when house is a mess and they comment about it just isn’t sustainable.

Now to just conquer Mother’s Day without her trying to make it all about herself, and baby’s first birthday in July!

TW/ DEATH

My MIL texted me and my husband minutes ago about how her husband was going to visit his family member who has breast cancer and only had like 7 days left to live. He went there and discovered her already passed away in her house. So she was talking about how many family members of her husband's have already passed away and I said last year wasn't that the funeral you wanted to take (daughter) to ? And she said yeah the woman who passed away today , her dad passed away last year and "you didn't let us take her (daughter)" and I'm like

Let me not , okay.

Because this isn't the proper time to debate why I don't allow a roomful of strangers I've never met to be ALONE with MY KID. She was either a newborn or an infant at the time. Everyone knows that you don't leave your child alone in a roomful of people you don't even know before they can talk and tell you what happened.

But that conversation will not be had today , because I'm not an asshole. Someone just passed away.

And another thing if this woman wanted to meet my daughter so badly she had a whole year to try to meet her?? Like nobody was physically stopping her????

But is it automatically MY FAULT because I'm protecting my baby , that someone who apparently wanted to meet my baby never got to but also ever even TRIED TO.

and as soon as my MIL said that to me I'm like reddit is gonna love this story.

Please, please, please help me to see that I am not going insane here.

For some context, my baby will be turning one in a few months. My MIL decided to book herself a holiday - which she claims was booked last year before baby was born, but also said (written evidence) she had not booked any holidays for this year when asked (after baby was born).

Apparently, because I gave her my due date (later than baby’s actual birth date), she chose to book a holiday that was near these dates.

However, she was aware of three important things:

My first pregnancy was high risk and I had to be induced at 36 weeks.

1. My second pregnancy was high risk and they were not going to let me go to term.

I was having an elective caesarean - done from 37 weeks

So, even if my due date was ‘X’, I was always going to have my baby before then - and I told her this.

I gave her my due date as she asked, she found out my c-section date before I did (very long story), and I didn’t force her to book the holiday.

I might also note, she always books cancellations with her holidays and is capable of changing the date if she is so bothered. She is choosing not to because the timing is convenient for her.

I have no intention of apologising because I don’t think I have done anything wrong here and I’m tired of managing her feelings. I have zero sympathy at this point.

edit: post glitched and I had to re-type some bits.

I’m Asian and my MIL is white. Her diet comprises mainly of American food - mac and cheese, meatloaf, that sort of stuff etc. with little to no spices in her food at all. Luckily, my husband is very adventurous with food and actually loves Asian food.

Recently, my family went to the best ramen spot in town and I posted it on Insta, only for MIL to reply, “What the heck is that?” I haven’t responded at all, and I don’t think I will considering that I feel that she’s constantly being very disrespectful with Asian cuisine.

Last time she visited us, we also took her to a ramen spot. That was the first time she tried it and she said it was actually not bad. Meanwhile, she looked at me eating takoyaki, saw the moving bonito flakes, freaked out and straight up said “eew!” out loud with full disgust. I don’t know how to deal with this really. Am I overreacting? Should I call her out or just keep it in? I feel like no one should be disrespectful to anyone’s food like that especially if someone is in the middle of eating said food.

My mil wore white at my wedding without asking me, this is only one of the few things she does, which in her head doesn’t seem disrespectful.

When I gave birth, 3 days later she was hovering around me when I’m feeding my infant son, I felt violated

When I was pregnant she said your ass got bigger

Buys me Claire’s gifts on Xmas while buys her son my husband 500 euro worth of gifts.

Came to my house, cooked food and never cleaned after herself.

Never bothered to ask how am I feeling etc

Never felt included in her family, always trying to exclude me

These are just few of the things she does. The list is long

But husband thinks I overact for these “ little things”

Am I overacting???

I don't have the best relationship with my in-laws. I let my husband deal with them most of the time. We go to visit them for every long holiday and birthdays. I dread going because i genuinely feel like I'm walking on eggshells the entire time, but I do it for him and the kids. The kids are 3 and 4 months old. The last visit, my daughter being a toddler, was bouncing off the walls. Their house isn't exactly child-friendly. So I'm super exhausted running after my daughter telling her not to touch things or sit still. (Often expensive and fragile)It's also not the right environment to discipline my daughter with watchful eyes.

After 5 hours, with an exhausted toddler from travel and no nap... We packed our things, thanked them and started our 'good-bye, until next time'. At this point, my exhausted daughter sat down on the kitchen floor and "I don't want to go, I want to stay here". I was pretty overstimulated too, so I straight up said "fine stay here" and walked away. I do this occasionally, especially in stores and she knows she's reached a limit, so she gets up and follows while sulking.

My MIL automatically interjected and consoled my daughter telling her that she'd be able to stay in the future and sleep over. She then turned around and muttered. She thought I didn't hear it but she said "and maybe then you'll be taught some respect". She then realized we were standing there and switched the beat. She emphasized that we could leave the girls with her and it would give us some rest too. She's been hinting to leave the girls with her in the future. But honeslty, that comment solidified what I was fearing. Leaving my children with her would give her the opportunity to reinforce her beliefs (Beliefs that my husband found too rigid and hypocritical growing up).

I found the comment very disrespectful. I'm wondering if I'm overreacting. My partner doesn't think it was her place to say that either. But he's super avoidant with his parents and I feel like his opinion is a bit biased. I want to bring this up to her next time, but can't put together the words to how I'm feeling or why I find it disrespectful. I just feel like her expectations are misplaced and she's not behaving like a grandmother. She is also talking about lack of respect when she's clearly disrespecting our parenting. The child was overreacting because it's been a 2 hour roadtrip with 4 hours being locked in a house and another 2 hours back with zero nap or kid friendly entertainment . She's 3! MIL is the ' victim when confronted' type and super dramatic. How would you handle this?

Edit: I want to confront her, but don't know if it's worth it. I'd like to claw her eyes out, the same way she passive aggressively talks to me. But I also want to keep the peace for my husband's sake. So for the past 5 years, I've legit kept quiet every time she disrespected me or my family. But now I feel like shes crossed a line with my kids. I need to mama bear it and set a boundary.