MIL demanding a visit but not doing the bare minimum to make it happen.
Hi all, I'm the one with the MIL that said nasty things about me via email to FIL when he told her nicely to get her photos of my child from myself and husband. She's also demanding her annual visit be booked for "May or June". See my post history if necessary.
After my husband confronted her via zoom twice, she wouldn't stop saying to have me call her to hash it out. I told my husband that since she's a proven liar and manipulative, I'll address issues in writing, via email only. I had AI help me craft a "firm but polite" email requesting her to basically tell me what her problem is with me.
She ghosted me for 2 weeks playing the victim when she came around with a story about a cold. When she finally did address things it was an email of blame shifting to her co worker stressing her out and classic DARVO. She didn't actually tell me what I supposedly did though, just a whole lot of "you're not perfect either" type things. We went back and forth a few times (3?) and she eventually gave a clear and direct apology. Qualifiers came later in the email but still nothing about what I supposedly did. She also tried to tell me how I should be managing her sons relationship with her as well as my daughters relationship with her. I just flat out told her "no, we do what works for us in our relationship". But she also added on, of course because she "shoulds" everyone, that I should be printing photos of my child, making books and mailing them to her because she lives so far. Y'all I don't even do that for my family and I like them! So that one got a big fat "no". I then asked for a 4th time for her to tell me what she thinks I did wrong.
Anyway. I thanked her for the apology, told her "no" on her outlandish demands and now she's gone completely silent again. I know she works so I'm giving her grace but I absolutely refuse to reach out again. I'm not chasing someone I don't like to clear the air so she can visit my home when I don't even want her here.
The issue is that I'm a busy person, my husband is too. My child had obligations now as well. Our calendar is filling up quickly and FIL lives with us. FIL leaves when MIL visits because she's just nasty. So MIL can't visit in the winter, because he has a RV he camps with for travel. I'm a FT student at 2 schools until June and then 1 starting September. I homeschool my child. I'm starting a business this year. I solo parent 4.5 days a week with some help from FIL. We have birthdays, recitals, friends birthdays, a trip to see my family, a work trip for my husband that we are turning into a vacation after in Europe, then the usual Holidays etc. as of now there's maybe a couple of weeks between June and August that a visit would be possible and it can't be her usual demanding 2 week stay. So my husband (enmeshed) is panicking that he will have to deal with the fallout if she doesn't get it together and put some effort in while making these demands. I also will not vacation with her again as she intruded on our vacation last year and ruined it. Plus we haven't ever had a family vacation just the 3 of us, we are due.
Please help advise how to deal with him freaking out. He's in therapy and working on stuff. He now sees that she is the problem but he hasn't gotten to standing up to her regularly, that's a new thing. He's done it a few times and always comes away exhausted. I know he's a problem, but he is working on it.