i miss eating food freely without thinking about how many calories there are i miss going out with people and suggesting we go eat mcdonalds because i Wanted to. i miss being able to ask if we can eat pizza without having to tell myself theres way too many calories and fats and ill gain weight. i miss getting 7-11 slurpees just because i was thirsty. i miss sitting in front of food and just eating it, no strings attached.
guys. sometjmes when people ask me “how old are you?” i have to stop myself from saying 12, because im 15 this year. like what the frick im like at the age that i used to dream of being. i promise i was doing long division yesterday and now im doing advanced trigonometry.
isnt it crazy? im halfway to 30.
how do you explain this gray area between loving and liking? my mother loves me, sure, im her daughter of course she loves me. yes she will take care of me and nurture me and stick with me for the rest of my life. however i know, very well, how annoying i seem to her, which isnt a bad thing its like yeah im loud and energetic and hyper and thats annoying to some people but hearing, “youre so annoying.” or “stop being so loud” from a parental figure that ive been trying to get validation from my whole life hurts.
she doesnt like my attitude, she doesnt like the way i do certain things, she doesnt like my shortcuts, she doesnt like my voice, she doesnt like my hair, she doesnt like my body, she doesnt like how im not talented enough, she doesnt like when i forget things, she hates it when i make mistakes and she hates it when i fail just a few off the top of my head. its exhausting to live with someone who you Know would rather someone else as their daughter.