r/DadForAMinute

Hey Dad, I just wanted to say I’ve been working really hard to get to a good place and I think it’s finally paid off.

Look at all the stuff I’ve done/am doing!:

I got my mental health under control, I’m on a medication that makes me happy without dulling emotions

I’m finally working on my physical health, eating fruits, holding myself accountable, addressing my weight

I’ve found my place in my family dynamics, I feel like a strong leader and provider

I’m strong enough now to help my partner, as he’s helped me before, and it feels really good to be stable enough to be someone he can rely on

Finances are tentatively stable, and I don’t feel as much crushing anxiety as I used to feel

I feel hopeful and optimistic every day, I see an actual future for myself

I’ve started a new form of nursing (home health care with only one patient) and I love it, and it’s great for my mental health because it isn’t overwhelming or taxing on my body or mind

I know you have strong beliefs about god and are upset that I’m an atheist now. I wish we still had a connection where you could be happy for me, without attributing all the success to a higher power. I wish I could feel you cheering me on, because you know how hard it’s been and how far I’ve come. I don’t ever brag because I haven’t felt like my life is good enough to brag about, but I’m finally feeling happy and in a good place, for over a solid year now.

I'm 44 years old and I feel like an orphan.

My dad passed away last year and I didn't expect it to hit me this way. I thought I was grown. I thought I had it together. But something about losing him cracked open this part of me I didn't even know was still there — this kid who just wants someone older and wiser to look at him and say "I see you. Keep going. You're doing it right."

I'm a father myself. I go to work. I hold things together. But inside, I feel genuinely empty in a way I can't fully explain to the people around me.

What I keep coming back to is this: I don't just miss my dad. I miss being fathered. I miss having someone in my corner who was personally invested in my growth — not as a buddy, not as a peer, but as someone who actually wanted to see me become a better father to my own kids, a better man at work, a better version of myself. Someone who could call me out and also call me forward.

I don't think I'm looking for therapy (though maybe I should be). I'm looking for something that feels more... human than that. A mentor. A father figure. Someone who's been where I am and came out the other side with something to say about it.

Has anyone else felt this? Especially those of you who lost your dad in your 40s — how did you handle that hollow feeling? Did you find anyone who could fill even a fraction of that role? Or did you just learn to live with the gap?

I'm not ashamed to admit I need this. I just don't know where to look.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for your last moments.

I'm sorry you had to stay in the hospital for so long.

I'm sorry you struggled to breathe.

I'm sorry it was so painful.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you how greatful I am for everything.

I'm sorry my life is a mess.

I'm sorry I couldn't do more with the life you gave me.

I'm sorry you couldn't see the life that could have been.

I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you though I was.

I'm really scared for this

I'm only 14, but my parents are getting a divorce and my mom is moving like 50 minutes away from where we live, and has decided that our schedule will be live with her see out dad every second weekend and that's it. And I'm not gonna lie on top on having to move schools and leave everything I've known for literally 14 years, my dad has been my primary safe place because my mom is really good at making me feel guilty for nothing and seeing him so little is really scary.

It's honestly terrifying for multiple reasons I mean I can't really bad anxiety about things happening to people while I'm not there, I feel bad for him because he likes seeing us (me and my sister), and all that so idk how I feel I'm just really scared.

As you know, dad, I started medical school, and I'm really happy about it. But this is also harder than I thought.

I'm drowning in textbooks and still not getting the grades I want, my boyfriend isn't doing well, I can't get my sleeping meds due to a shortage, my father is being a prick to mama, and this is just... So awful. I still look awful and feel horrible in my body.

I'm starting to feel depressed again, starting to crave alcohol again (I'm a year and a few months sober). Starting to sleep too much and skipping meals.

I wish I had a dad... Not whatever demon my so-called father is, a real dad. I want someone to lean on, and have father-son bonding time together.

Just... I need a hug, dad, please... I'm getting tired of being strong

hey.

so im bedridden due to chronic pain and illness (ive been sick for years)

its so bad. i cant stand, i can barely move. im dizzy and feel foggy all the time unless im laying down. i have like a million different suspected illnesses but no doctor will diagnose me because im "too young" (im 19) or "you seem to have xyz disease but its rare so you cant possibly have it" or "your blood tests are normal"

im staring at the same walls all day, trying to distract myself but im going crazy

im in so much pain all the time (cant afford meds) and it just annihilates my appetite. the only reason ive been eating at all is because of my partner (shes been trying her best to get me to eat but i just feel like i cant)

when i eat my stomach feels like its trying to kill me (one day itll be fine with certain foods, then the next it has a huge problem with the exact same foods! my stomach starts hurting so bad and i just end up shitting my brains out), and even though im so hungry and thirsty i dont have an appetite at all and no urge to eat or drink anything. and i cant get up to get food without being a huge fall risk (i tend to collapse and faint and stuff) and im too ashamed to even ask someone to get me some. not like i have many options with food anyway, everything is so hard to afford so im starting to feel like it doesnt even matter :/

i just need encouragement to eat or drink literally anything at all because i cant bring myself to do it

edit: ill even get to the point of being hungry that involves extreme stomach pain from how hungry i am and i just still wont have the urge to eat like at all. even when i do eat its not much. im so hungry but i dont even feel like eating. food doesnt seem desirable at all to me

I’m finally less then two weeks out from moving out of my toxic house and I’m scared to take a step forward. I don’t know how to tell mom because I’m afraid of how she’s goin to react. I don’t want to have her yelling at me again, or telling me that I’m being insane, or that I owe her anything. I just want to be an independent person. I could really use a hug and some positive affirmations that I’m doing the right thing even if it means doing something scary. I’m hoping this move goes well and everything is easier once I’m out but these next few days are stressing me out.

Yo pops,

I can’t even type.. I’m actually at my limit — seriously.

This semester has been hell. Failed midterms, expecting to fail two finals, i’m at risk of being kicked out (if my GPA isn’t enough), (the concepts are heavy, i’m not making enough progress, it’s not sticking through), i overworked myself thinking I could do school and work — I’m so frustrated for not doing it well, and even more so embarrassed at the idea of failing two courses.

I hate to admit it, but i’m stressed to the roof and it shows — feeling lightheaded, lost so much weight, and tired all the time, constantly angry, cried a couple of times (bc on all the pressure and angry i have towards me), im slow, and feel unproductive.

I can’t even sleep, i can’t study. and idk what to do tbh. Can’t “rest”, got way way way too much to go over, but I’ll be done next week.

Well.. thats where i am.

Take care, pops

S.

Hey Dad,

I just really need a hug... I’m tired of being an adult about this, and I know my own family would probably minimize it or blame me, and I can’t deal with that right now.

I got drugged at a work event, and it honestly scared me more than I can put into words. It hit so suddenly. I locked myself in a bathroom and made myself throw up because I knew something was wrong. I remember fighting to stay conscious because I knew I wasn’t safe. I couldn’t move, everything was blurry, and it just kept getting worse.

It took me a long time to even call the friend I was with because I kept passing out on the floor. I’m honestly more scared thinking back on it now because the only reason I unlocked the door was because my friend called my name, and I couldn’t fully place her voice. I remember thinking “she’s the only one who knows my name, so it must be safe”… but I could’ve been wrong about so many things in that state.

The symptoms match perfectly with the date rape drug, and it came on suddenly, peaked hard about an hour or so later, and slowly wore off after a few hours. I also later found out I wasn’t the only incident at that club, and someone else even tested positive.

I’m okay now. I made it out safe. But what’s been messing with me the most is how people reacted after.

A cop snapped at me while I was barely conscious asking why I drank so much (I didn’t. I only had one shot). The other (female) officer actually believed me right away and called an ambulance, which I’m grateful for. The medic kept insisting I must’ve drank on an empty stomach (I didn’t. I had just ate dinner before), all while trying to keep me conscious by pinching. At the ER I was left alone in a hallway for what felt like forever and told to just go home because they were busy. HR has been downplaying it. A colleague later asked if I had low tolerance, a health issue, or if I “flirted with someone,” and told me not to worry because no one would look at me differently… which honestly hurt in a different way. Like why would he even think that comment is comforting.

It’s just… I know what happened to me. I know it wasn’t my fault. I know I’ll move on. I know people react in messy ways under stress. I know I can't expect people to be supportive.

But I’m just… really tired of having to hold all of that together and act like I wasn’t scared and it isn’t still sitting in my chest.

Just fully realized this today after a "final straw" fight. My dad rejected me. I know I have to stop yearning and begging because no amount of it will change my parents, but I still have to live with them and I can't stop wanting that love every time I look at them. It feels like I'm alone in everything now. It's so unfair I don't know what to do, I can't even sleep. How do I even begin to be ok with this?

I (24F) have been feeling at my lowest for months. waking up early, exercising, being medicated, trying to focus on hobbies.. it doesn’t do anything to help. I’ve been seeing a therapist but skipled two weeks because I was ashamed and embarrassed to talk about something that happened to me. I have a good support system, so I feel like i should be happy. even when I want to be happy I feel like I just can’t . I keep looking into inpatient facilities in case of an emergency, Ive never made a plan to kill myself, but the thought of it gnaws at my head a few times a day. I don’t know how to motivate myself anymore to keep going.

Hey dad so I have a friend who I fancy and he’s been flirting with me. But yesterday he made a joke about being in my bed.

Now I wasn’t offended and yes my response made that clear.

But I’m now thinking is he just after a physical thing.

It doesn’t make him a bad person if he is but I know I can’t do just physical. I’m a lover girl sadly and the last time I tried to do casual I got feelings and well it affected me for many years.

Is there anything I should look out for that will indicate if he’s just wanting to have a physical thing

I don’t even have the courage to utter what I did (not something illegal, just something that’s against my morals). I am feeling deeply ashamed and I am starting to hate myself.

Hi dad. I'm extremely torn.

I was having a walk with her yesterday and she'd mentioned she'd relapsed after a series of things stressed her out. When I asked for what was going on, amongst other things she told me she felt guilty because they slept together and he had felt bad about it later.

And dad, I'm fucking furious with this guy. Like I knew he had a problem with impulsivity, but fucking Christ, it was her first time and he's a decade older and he didn't even bother to use a condom???

And the worst part is this wasn't a spur of the moment thing. Oh no.

I saw them get closer over the months. But I turned a blind eye. Surely, I thought, surely he will step back. Surely I am misinterpreting the situation.

He had months to step back before things got out of hand, and he didn't. He's not an idiot.

It was spinelessness at best and grooming at worst.

I'm hoping to god it's the former.

I know it was consensual, at least. And I know she doesn't want me to think of him any different. I'm not gonna make a scene about this for her sake.

But dad, what the fuck do I do?

I have been thinking about confronting him and demanding what happened.

If he tells me she *seduced* him or crap like that I know I can drop him immediately and he's actually been a POS all along. But knowing him, he won't.

But what if he answers perfectly? What if he's genuinely sorry, what if he takes full responsibility and never pulls this shit again?

Would that make a difference?

I have been sexually coerced, and so have many of my friends.

If one of them told me this happened to them as a teen and I was still friends with the person who did it, would that not make me a fucking asshole?

What if 20 years from now I have teenage children and he comes to visit? Do I want to be friends with a man that I have to ask my kids to cover up around lest he be "tempted"??

I don't know. The worst part is he has so many good qualities to him. I love him. He is one of the few people here I can talk about being trans without fear of being mocked. He is interesting, and has a vast soul. He's a close friend of mine, and one of the few who lives so close.

I'm afraid that if I look past this I am doing so just not to be lonely, and that's not the kind of man, the kind of person I want to be.

After all if it we're anyone else I'd say, fuck your other qualities. You took advantage of a young girl and didn't even bother with protection.

But I don't want to give up on him either if he is genuinely contrite. I know in my heart of hearts he could do better if he wanted to, but I'm not planning to stick around if he doesn't.

Dad, what should I do?

I need advice really badly. He clicked a phishing link by accident, and it opened his laptop up to a hacker. Luckily I’m computer savvy and reset his computer right away, and got the hacker out of his email asap, but many things were compromised. He was in his PayPal, he got locked out of his discord, and the hacker was using remote software to be in the laptop. I know he saw things like a credit card statement (already got on the phone and replaced said card) and even worse, his green card. We had been working on his green card renewal paperwork. I’m terrified on what can be done with all this information. I don’t know what we should be replacing, what we should be doing. What they may know. I put 2FA on everything of his I could think of. Everything of mine already had it. Our bank doesn’t offer it? lol. I’m not sure what this person was ultimately after. I’m scared 😩

We also changed all of his passwords.

I got engaged to the love of my life while in my second semester of my masters program in 2024 and we are having our legal ceremony this Thursday. My partner and I have been together since junior year of high school when we met at summer camp. My dad encouraged me to pursue this relationship and even drove me the 12 hour drive to see him.

When my dad started dating his current wife (the person he also had an affair with my mom on) he got mean and that culminated in me having to cut contact because having a relationship with him had caused my mental health to significantly decline. I have PTSD because of this situation. I have been no contact for four years and he doesn’t understand why I cut him off even though he has been told that he caused me to relapse with self-harm 4 years ago. Even though I hate him I still have so much grief around him not being at my wedding. I was supposed to get walked down the aisle by him and dance with him. It hurts so much and I just need to be told it’ll be ok.

Wanted to say to anyone that needs it, you’re worth it. You’re worth this life that you have. Be you, be happy, be the best damn version of yourself that YOU want to be, no one else. Find beauty in the little things each day, and know that you are likely that thing of beauty to someone else.

To our LGBTQ community, know that the strength you have found to be who you are is the strength that so many people are looking for in their own lives.

I’m here as a dad to tell you that each day is truly a blessing and an opportunity to be yourself, be happy and to spread some kindness in this world. I’m here if you need me, I’m proud of all of you and please know you’re loved!

Hi everyone, so first of im not exactly sure if this is the right sub but i dont have any else. Im a kid who has been adopted (as i am a delight to be around) and while my dad is undoubtedly my dad it is a recent thing for me to call him that. I've been adopted for 3 years but ive changed from first name to dad pretty recently and I want to start celebrating fathers day with him which had kinda been a weird topic for me. How do i do this? what is expected of you on that day?

Dad, I'm very emotionally unstable rn. I went running last Saturday with a club and met a man who was so encouraging and amazing. I instantly feel a fatherly presence from him. He waited for me cuz I was slow, he encouraged me and just talked to me about general facts on the trail. I've been feeling so sad and crying bcz my dad is not like that at all and I wish I had a dad like that. My emotions are a train wreck rn. Why cant my dad be a good dad. Im just so sad and heartbroken and I cannot stop feeling sad. I really wish I had a supportive and good dad.