What a semester…
…however it’s not even over. And I hate it. I hate one of my group projects (crashed out a couple of times on my teammates too..), I hate that i’m so behind, I hate that i don’t get much, I hate that im slow asf, I hate that i lost weight n gym progress, I hate that i have no discipline, hate that im not doing enough (the amount of times i wasted a full day of not completing a chapter/studying or assignments), I failed two midterms.., I cannot stick to a goal… At one point it gets really really frustrating. (Crashing out left and right, loosing patience, always tired..) I’m always talking down on myself, and i’m extremely disappointed, because i realize i got so much potential, but im really doing jack shit… Everyday i tell myself ‘ill do it for tomorrow’, but im just wasting precious time that could’ve kept me ahead..
Context, second year, working full time and school full time — heavy course load (I really underestimated those course loads). On paper everything seems perfect (35 hours, 4 courses, and room for study — it’s all i do: School and work). I can carve time to do work, i don’t do a demanding job — not at all, i can sleep less, but why tf am i not rolling? jus that question alone pisses me off — so much…
its stupid, but not i get even more frustrated when i see others having their ducks in a row, even when ik no one has it perfectly.
Im jus venting… n im tired, n done, n idk.. everything/everyone pisses me off (its not them, it’s me. i know it).