u/fluffycows4sale

hey all 🫶

you may remember that a few days ago i posted about not having access to my pain meds due to the cost, and about how i asked for advice to get through the pain with no meds while im bedridden

well, my last post gained a lot of traction and some incredibly kind people reached out to me ❤️ i dont want to name them just in case they dont want their usernames plastered on this post lol, but a couple of lovely, kindhearted people donated to me and bought stuff off my wishlist (hygiene items)

the hygiene items are on their way, and after having a discussion with my partner, we decided to use part of the donation for some food and part of the donation for pain meds for me! so very soon i should be able to get those back. (shes very sweet lol, she was basically like "this is a necessity" and made sure i didnt feel guilty about getting those stronger meds for myself again ❤️)

im so so sorry for anyones dms or comments that i missed :( you guys were so sweet and my partner and i super appreciate that, i didnt mean to neglect anyone - if i did it was most likely because i was preoccupied with my medical issues and some other stuff i unfortunately got going on (still dealing with the fallout of escaping my previous situation, theyre holding onto my documents and wont give them back so i gotta figure that out!)

this sub is so positive, and im glad to be able to at least get some relief soon 🫶 i experience a lot of pain and fatigue and my body is just pretty much just constantly deteriorating at this point due to the amount of issues i have, so to see that so many people were willing to offer to help out or give advice was really heartwarming. i really struggle to feel like i should keep going sometimes and its nice to have a community that is so considerate. its been hard, watching some of my issues that were once only on one part of my body start spreading to the rest, but you all made me feel better with your kindness

im wishing you all a very pain free week 🫂 remember to treat yourself and get all the rest you need :) rest is a right, not a privilege, everyone please remember to give yourselves space to breathe <3 i appreciate each and every one of the kind people on my last post ❤️

(also mods i hope that an update post is ok to post on this sub, if not please lmk i dont wanna break any of the subs rules! /gen)

we all struggle with pain here of many different types and from many different illnesses, and it feels good to be understood. chronic pain is such a horrid thing and i feel less alone now.

all of you gave me a pep talk so i think i should give one back :)!:

yall are such strong people, and no matter what difficulties we all face (whether that be the pain itself, trying to get diagnosed, stigma surrounding being sick), none of us are alone and theres always someone out there that relates and understands 🫶 we all got this!

hey.

so im bedridden due to chronic pain and illness (ive been sick for years)

its so bad. i cant stand, i can barely move. im dizzy and feel foggy all the time unless im laying down. i have like a million different suspected illnesses but no doctor will diagnose me because im "too young" (im 19) or "you seem to have xyz disease but its rare so you cant possibly have it" or "your blood tests are normal"

im staring at the same walls all day, trying to distract myself but im going crazy

im in so much pain all the time (cant afford meds) and it just annihilates my appetite. the only reason ive been eating at all is because of my partner (shes been trying her best to get me to eat but i just feel like i cant)

when i eat my stomach feels like its trying to kill me (one day itll be fine with certain foods, then the next it has a huge problem with the exact same foods! my stomach starts hurting so bad and i just end up shitting my brains out), and even though im so hungry and thirsty i dont have an appetite at all and no urge to eat or drink anything. and i cant get up to get food without being a huge fall risk (i tend to collapse and faint and stuff) and im too ashamed to even ask someone to get me some. not like i have many options with food anyway, everything is so hard to afford so im starting to feel like it doesnt even matter :/

i just need encouragement to eat or drink literally anything at all because i cant bring myself to do it

edit: ill even get to the point of being hungry that involves extreme stomach pain from how hungry i am and i just still wont have the urge to eat like at all. even when i do eat its not much. im so hungry but i dont even feel like eating. food doesnt seem desirable at all to me

when my partner and i first started dating, she told me that she likes sexual intimacy, but that its not a requirement in a relationship for her

im hypersexual and demiace (or just ace?) but tbh, engaging in sexual activity with another person makes me extremely uncomfortable

it feels like theres too much pressure, im always insecure, i dont like it

tbh id rather just get some toys and do my own shit :P

i have a lot of sexual trauma (csa from my mom, coercion from my ex) and i just dont think im able to handle being intimate honestly

and even if i didnt have that trauma

i find sexual things a little icky tbh

nothing against people that like sex

its just not for me

still a little nervous to tell her i never want to be intimate again

were on a break from sex anyway considering both of us have trauma and dont really feel comfy doing that stuff anyway

honestly im not sure if shell be relieved i feel this way or disappointed, or just wont really mind

i like our relationship the way it is right now

no sexual stuff, just kisses and cuddles and romantic love. we live together and i love the way we live together right now and i think she does too

ever since weve stopped doing that kind of stuff, our relationship just feels happier to me tbh

i cant afford pain medicine anymore and i ran out (dont have insurance, cant afford it, so no coverage either)

im running out of tylenol (which barely helps anyway) and once its gone its gone because i cant afford anymore of that either

and i cant put it on my credit card because im already in debt i cant pay back from getting a mobility aid (i had to get it, had no choice because i cant live without it anymore)

atp im bedridden because the pain is too much even with the absurd amounts of tylenol im taking

does anyone have any advice on getting through the day without any medication? im already dreading it and i dont know what im going to do

i recently lost my job and now i cant even work because i dont have any medicine and can barely move now

im just trying to get through the day atp

please just someone give me any advice you can think of

tbh im just glad i dont live in the us. im in canada so if anything happens i can go to the hospital for free, but the problem is medication here in canada is super expensive and if you dont have insurance youre genuinely screwed

edit: preferably tips that dont involve buying stuff 🙏 im at the point where i cant even afford to buy food anymore, so i cant get my hands on a lot of things :') cant afford a heating pad or anything like that. i am trying to get on income support but theyre kind of ignoring me and i think my application is gonna get rejected :') ill apply again if that happens

tw: graphic

im pretty sure its oral rape but im not completely sure?

when i was 16, i had a boyfriend

the night before, he asked if i wanted to do oral and i agreed over text. hed been pushing this for a while which is why i said yes the day before, i just kinda gave in

but then the next day rolls around and i go over to his house

his family leaves, and we were alone

i start getting really nervous. im standing there closed off, arm crossed over my body. despite saying yes the other day i was kind of freaking out

i start telling him "im nervous, i dont know what to do" several times, raising my voice

he just keeps telling me to take my underwear off and lay down. doesnt even try to comfort me or back off. just stood there towering over me

we go back and forth a bit and then i say "FINE!" and listen to him

and the worst part is that i didnt even want to but physically it felt really good

i remember him sticking his tongue inside me and maintaining eye contact and it was extremely uncomfortable

ill never forget the way he looked at me. it was so predatory.

he was a very awful person

cried every single day, expected me to comfort him for literal multiple hours

all my time was spent reassuring him, and then hed beg for sexual things

its all so foggy, our relationship

its hard to even place details because it was horrid

but like that particular experience is coercion right? im not crazy?