r/Asexual

I’m wondering if I might be asexual. I have a foot fetish and can be into that, but I’m not sexually attracted to literally anything else about women/the female body and have basically no interest in sex itself. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Throughout my life I've had LOADS of crushes, mostly on fictional guys. When I was a kid, I'd "fantasize" about being around them, being friends with them, taking care of them when they are hurt or sick, sometimes holding hands, and maybe them saving me from danger and stuff like that. Then, when I became a teenager, I heard someone talking about their sexual fantasies, and I was like "Huh?? Fantasies are SUPPOSED to be sexual???"

My ideal partnership would be taking care of each other, maybe hugging or cuddling, going places together, having fun, etc.

So I tried making up a sexual fantasy but it just didnt sit right with me so I stopped.

Then one time, I had a crush on someone WAY older than me and my mom was telling me "You have to be logical. You can't go after every guy that makes your cootchie wet." And I was thinking like

"Wdym?? I've never really looked at that guy and felt sexually aroused by him..."

And now I still wonder, why do people kiss? Because I don't really see the hype, kissing disgusts me a bit. Do they feel horny while kissing? Do couples feel aroused by seeing each other nude?? Is that SUPPOSED to happen??

I have no desire to look at any nude guy for sexual reasons, I would only be curious about what they looked like, and that's all.

Then I remember someone told me "Oh, that guy's hot." And I thought "Hot" meant that they were tan blonde and wore sunglasses

But no....It ACTUALLY means apparently that you would like to bang them if you have the chance???

https://preview.redd.it/72prkvu6ex1h1.png?width=988&format=png&auto=webp&s=abcb49e8e7ae67c8b136d9d57f1a27f2a2dc83e0

I've recently noticed that a lot of people hear that I'm asexual and assume I could never enjoy sex, and here's the thing while I personally am sex averse I think that generalization could be harmful to other members of the asexual community, so I made this. it's a symbol for anyone who is sex favorable or sex neutral but really it can just be used to show the diversity of the asexual community. I call it the Dirty Ace. it has all four suites of an Ace: Diamond, Heart, Club and Spade. I hope you guys love it!

So, I’ve recently realized I’m probably asexual, or at least one the ace spectrum. I’ve kind of been dancing around it for the last 5 years, kept holding out for “the right person” that would prove that hypothesis wrong… but here I am, almost 23, with pretty much no dating history and not a single sexual urge towards a living, breathing person. I’m still young, so who knows how I may feel later on, but at the very least, I haven’t had a conventional experience with dating and the feelings that come with it.

…But I don’t think I’m aromantic? I do desire companionship, and ultimately want to have a committed partner to share my life with. Romantic relationships have always sounded nice in theory, but with regular dating, the issue of the sexual aspect has always held me back from trying to pursue partnership with anyone. This sounds really dramatic, but the threat of having to be physically with someone always filled me with immense amounts of dread... Even if I liked the person and could potentially see them romantically.

I guess I’m curious about how partnership has worked for people who are asexual? The idea of a queerplatonic relationship or a committed romantic asexual relationship has sounded nice, but I don’t really know what that looks like in reality. Most of all, I don’t know how people even find other people who want the same thing, alongside the already difficult task of passing all the other compatibility tests required to create a stable relationship.

I guess I want to get some perspective, as someone who newly identifies as asexual, but still really wants a partner. Any other thoughts and experiences on the topic?

I had a recent trip to the ER recently, and they thought I could be pregnant.

...I literally went there for withdrawal symptoms from my antidepressants.

I had to use the restroom, and a nurse (not my assigned nurse) wanted a urine sample while I'm at it. I did it, not expecting them to use it for a pregnancy test.

They literally wasted their resources and time by running the test.

When my nurse said that it came back negative (of course) my dad said I was on birth control. *It's for my hormonal acne. But the way he said it made it seem like I was, "Getting some."

...I'm literally at home 24/7 and if I'm not, I'm working.

When he said that to my nurse, I said quietly, "Well of course it will be negative...I don't view anyone like that." Both the nurse and my dad didn't say anything.

I really do wish asexuality and the right to be celibate was more accepted.

This experience just made the feeling of being an outcast for not wanting sex, to be pregnant, or be in a relationship with anyone.

Okay, for some context, I am religious and a girl. Part of the reason I began to realize I might be ace is that the whole 'waiting for marriage thing' didnt really seem like a big deal to me, I didnt understand why people would tell me it was difficult. I would get the stereotypical "you'll change your mind, you'll probably do it before marriage anyway" and similar statements I hear ace people are often told.

For a while I thought nothing of it, and thought maybe they were right, but now years have gone by and I still feel the same. In fact, I've gained experiences like making out and whatnot and I really don't understand what the big deal is. I don't imagine that sex would be that big of a deal either, and the more I think about it, the thought of having sex even after I get married isnt appealing. Like at all.

I think its slowly becoming more apparent to the people I know that I might be ace, and I've gotten a lot of different reactions from others, but by far the strangest is from my brother. Every time I've told him something like "I dont think waiting for marriage is a big deal", or "idk if I would even do that after marriage", or "I want to get married but I don't want to sleep with my husband", he will be incredibly shocked by my perspective and say things like "your poor husband", or tell me that all guys want to have sex, and that if I want to be with a high achieving man, that man is going to want a lot of sex with me (because apparently all men are motivated by sex and only become successful because they want to sleep with women???). Most strangely, he tells me that because I'm looking for a partner who is also religious, that the only way I'm going to end up with someone who doesn't want sexual intercourse is if he is secretly gay, and that I am more likely to end up with a gay man who cheats on me than a man who is also ace.

I'm not really too worried about that happening, I think his perspective on it is kind of insane. I just wanted to share the craziest response I've received to expressing what might(?) be my asexuality (I'm still figuring it out). Has anyone else had crazy responses to their aceness, or ones similar to mine?

I'd literally just want to read, okay video games, or watch TV in my room and eat snacks. Literally anything else than wanting to have sex. 😂

I read all the faq and rules.

I hope this is the right place.

I am 49 years old. I have six grown children, one grandbaby, and one on the way.

Through a ton of self discovery, I figured out that I am asexual. I cannot tell you what a relief it was because I always felt broken. It was like a diabetic living their life thinking they were the only person in the world that couldn’t eat sugar or white rice and then finding out that there’s a whole world out there of people just like them, a community if you will.

Upon further soul-searching and examining the relationships that I have had, the relationships that I find myself in, my friendships, and so on, I realize I actually have specific needs and specific preferences.

Idk what my proper titling is.

I have been talking to a trans ace, I believe they prefer non-binary. I am so new to this please forgive me and my ignorance.

Before meeting them, I had found myself looking to find a female who was more masculine than I, that would also be asexual (I am sex repulsed) and there you have it. I dont think I still like men. I don’t think that I could like a man romantically again. There’s absolutely no desire for sex in that area. It’s a whole no thank you. Even dating an ace man makes me feel like they would still wanna touch my boobs or something.

I just would feel safer with an ace woman. So long as they aren’t fem and wanting sexual intimacy. That being said I find myself really really really “in like” with a trans non-binary beautiful soul.

So does that make me bi? or does that make me a lesbian? does that make me pansexual? I’m so confused please help.

Thank you, thank you thank you had a time

I need some advice. I've been a strict sex-repulsed asexual my entire life (I'm 19 though, so a very short life), but some months ago I met a person who now makes me feel different. He accepted my asexuality and didn't try to change me. We wanted a relationship so we spoke openly about these things and him liking sexual things. But I can't understand what has happened to me because suddenly sexual things don't seem scary nor disgusting anymore. With him it feels safe and just deep love. Am I actually a demisexual and I just needed a deep connection?? I'm so confused!!! What is happening to me?? I do feel attracted to him, but not exactly in a sexual way. I still am quite against the whole idea of sex, but sexual things from love and connection don't seem so bad anymore... .

Edit: I don't know if it matters but I'm a girl.

recently, ive got to know one girl while working on a project, we were in a team. even after we completed this project we continued to meetup here and there and study togethr or something. and recently i realised that i've fallen for her, once few month back ive asked her if she sees me as her friend she just said no, am not too displeased to hear about that cause i wasnt expecting anything from her at that point in time. but week or two, after i accepted that i like her, she told me that she just never felt romantic feelings for anyone before, doesnt even like that much talking about it and even as a friend she never ever felt of anyone as a real friend, that she couldn't explain why but she never felt that she was ever interested in anyone enough to even count them as friend, and she never had problem being alone or felt uncomfortable about it. but i know that lots of guy liked her when she was in school or even in uni, she doesnt have any trouble at talking to people but she just doesnt feel connection.
should i just stop trying to get close to her, or should i say being with her? because i know that no matter what i do i won't ever be able to make her interested in her that way, and i have a weird habit of trying to manipulate people who im interested in and close to subtly, even subconciously, and i hate that habit of mine, but most of all i dont wanna hurt her in any way.
soon shes gonna go oversea for exchange so my plan is to just drop contact with her after that annd we go on our way, its not like shes gonna miss me or feel sad about it, and ill just try to forget her.

So my dad thinks that if someone gives me gifts for Christmas, it means that they want to have sexual relations with me? I'm in highschool btw. I thought the gesture was sweet and I still don't know who my secret Santa is.

I've told him that I'm asexual before and he either says "yOu sAy tHaT nOw" or "sOmEoNe wIll cHaNgE tHaT fOr yOu" it's so gross to tell that to someone, let alone your daughter.

He also thinks I'm weird for being sex repulsed and I told him again and that's when he started to say someone will change that for me. Why are aphobes obsessed with asexual people getting into relationships or their personal lives.

I've had a teacher also say that I will also change too. My friend assumes I have a thing for the German teacher and I keep telling her it's a squish and I'm Aroace. (Shout out to the German teacher, he's a very nice man)

My father also says that if someone draws you or if you want to draw someone, then that means you want to have sexual relations with them. This one pisses me off a lot. Because I sometimes draw real life people a lot, and that doesn't mean I want to have sexual relations with them. It's wrong.

I had an annoying prick told me that he ships me with my friend. I should've told him I ship him with another prick back.

I'm guessing I'd fall under the Asexual spectrum.

I can be attracted to people and think they are really cute, but I have no desire to have sex with them. Basically, I don't like the actual act of sex or kissing - it's gross to me. I've always just done it in past relationships because it just felt like something that had to be done/was expected.

I don't mind watching/viewing it in media and porn (yeah, I know - gross person). Kind of like I like the fantasy of sex vs. the reality of sex - if that makes sense. I've been this way for my whole life, and I've always just felt different from "normal" people. It's always been hard to wrap my head around how much people seem to want to 'hook up' or are always in pursuit of sex. Sex has always seemed like so much of an underlying focus for people. I get that it can feel good, but there's very little I like about it in person.

It does take me a long time to want to be in a relationship - I've recently realized it's not a trust thing. It's not a confidence thing. Someone becomes more attractive to me the longer I know them. Superficially, I can think someone can be extremely cute - but I generally don't feel like pursuing anything more. No matter how cute someone is to me, having sex with them would still gross me out.

(I'm straight, if that makes any difference. I don't see how orientation would really matter though.)