r/Asexual

I'm 22, and my whole life I never wanted kids.

I was a kid when I decided that.

But my mom and her family (the Mexican side) told me from the start that I would, "change my mind when you get older."

Years later, I never did.

I recently watched a video of an makeup influencer that got pregnant and she was so...happy.

Towards the end of the video, I felt...bad.

I wasn't jealous. I was depressed. Of not wanting to be pregnant. I felt like a failure of a woman.

I don't want to be touched sexually, ever.

I don't even want to kiss another person.

I'm perfectly fine with being single.

And the thought of my body changing without me being able to stop it...horrifies me.

Having being told all my life that it's a mistake I'm thinking like this all my life, sucks.

I know this is super long and probably too much context, so TLDR, I don't want to lead him on, but don't know when it's appropriate to bring up.

So, I (21F) am talking to a guy (24). We almost exclusively talk online and it started as a purely friendly thing. He recently told me he really liked me and wanted to hang out in person more. [As a bit of a side note, he's very patient with the fact that I struggle to express certain things so he's always making sure I'm not uncomfortable with anything he said and never puts me on the spot to reciprocate.] The issue is, I know for a fact that I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone but I'm still figuring some things out. I'm open to the idea that I may be demi but I've never developed a close enough bond to know if I'd feel attraction to someone in that situation. I'm not aromantic. He's never made sexual advances or suggestions. But he is a straight man and has expressed romantic interest in me. I really like him. I'm interested in him. I'd be very happy to have a specific kind of romantic relationship with him. But not a sexual one. How do I tell him this without sounding like I'm jumping to conclusions? He's never said anything sexual to me, it's all been very wholesome. So I don't want to blindside him by jumping to that kind of topic. But I don't want to wait too long and hurt him if this is a deal breaker for him (which I would totally understand if it was).

I want to share something I’ve noticed about myself, and I wonder if anyone who is asexual has experienced this too.

I’ve noticed that for a certain period, around one to two months, I become very interested in and curious about sex (horny mb?). During this time, I masturbate more often, and sometimes I want to touch someone (I don’t actually have one).

But after that phase passes, I no longer feel anything toward those desires. I stop thinking about or wanting to have sex, or even intimacy, and my sex drive drops again. And this is what I’m like most of the time.

I also realized that I’m asexual about 6-7 years ago. I don’t have sexual needs and I don’t enjoy engaging in sexual activity. These sudden periods where I become horny and develop sexual desire happen at unpredictable times. The frequency is also inconsistent over the years: it might happen once a year, twice, or even not at all for 2 consecutive years.

I wonder if this is strange. Because after going through those periods and “returning to normal,” I find that I don’t really like the version of myself during those times.

Hey, folks! I've been struggling as of late. I've been engaged to a wonderful woman for going on 5 years now and she is ace. We had A LOT of sex when we first got together but then it just kind of disappeared. I've brought up a want to be more intimate and sexual to her multiple times over the years because I am a very sexual person. She was relieved at one point when I told her I could go outside of our relationship for that but it just felt like I was cheating because she didn't want to know the details or even what I was doing.

I brought it up a few months ago and told her I felt like I was missing a part of myself and that I want to live my life with her but really need to feel like I don't just kiss my roommate goodnight. Lol. I love her deeply and would do anything for her. She said she was going to look into female libido stimulants but...she looked it up once and then didn't again. I just need some advice from the ace community on what to do in a caring way.