Could I be asexual?
Throughout my life I've had LOADS of crushes, mostly on fictional guys. When I was a kid, I'd "fantasize" about being around them, being friends with them, taking care of them when they are hurt or sick, sometimes holding hands, and maybe them saving me from danger and stuff like that. Then, when I became a teenager, I heard someone talking about their sexual fantasies, and I was like "Huh?? Fantasies are SUPPOSED to be sexual???"
My ideal partnership would be taking care of each other, maybe hugging or cuddling, going places together, having fun, etc.
So I tried making up a sexual fantasy but it just didnt sit right with me so I stopped.
Then one time, I had a crush on someone WAY older than me and my mom was telling me "You have to be logical. You can't go after every guy that makes your cootchie wet." And I was thinking like
"Wdym?? I've never really looked at that guy and felt sexually aroused by him..."
And now I still wonder, why do people kiss? Because I don't really see the hype, kissing disgusts me a bit. Do they feel horny while kissing? Do couples feel aroused by seeing each other nude?? Is that SUPPOSED to happen??
I have no desire to look at any nude guy for sexual reasons, I would only be curious about what they looked like, and that's all.
Then I remember someone told me "Oh, that guy's hot." And I thought "Hot" meant that they were tan blonde and wore sunglasses
But no....It ACTUALLY means apparently that you would like to bang them if you have the chance???