u/Present-Fly-1537

I feel like my entire life has collapsed in the space of a few months. Sorry this is a long read. I’ve already posted this story before but the latest update about my home has pushed me over the edge and I need to get this out somewhere.

I (32F) was with my ex (36M) for nearly 2 years and we lived together for about a year. In the beginning, he love bombed me — told me I was the love of his life, talked about marriage, he booked surprise trips and said he wanted a future with me. I genuinely believed I had found the person I’d be with for the rest of my life.

But once we moved in together, things changed. We had some heated arguments, neither of us dealt with it well. But I really worked on myself and on communicating in a better way, I put everything I had into the relationship. I loved him so much and supported him through everything. But he withdrew, stopped putting effort in and I started seeing narcissistic traits like gaslighting, dismissing my feelings, anger etc. I kept trying because I loved him and I hoped I could the version of him from the beginning back.

Earlier this year, he told me he had lost sexual desire for me but said he still loved me and wanted to work on things. I was obviously devastated and took it really hard but was willing to stay and try. Then he ended the relationship 6 weeks later. We were still living together and even slept together, which really confused me because he said he broke up with me because he didn’t feel any desire for me anymore.

Then I found out He’d been cheating on me with his ex from years ago (who I recently found he did pretty much the same to her and was chasing a different ex while with her last time). I was so devastated I couldn’t breathe. We spoke about it all and he cried with me, slept with me, cuddled me, comforted me, told me he loved me and told me he was confused. Then he said he needed a few days to think and just didn’t come back. I had to pack all his things and tell him to come and get them.

And today I’ve found out my landlord is selling my apartment within the next 6 months, so on top of the betrayal and heartbreak, I’m losing my home too. I can’t afford anywhere else and I don’t have enough in savings to move. I’d need first month’s rent, deposit, furnishing costs, bills and money to live on. All of that will be a minimum £4k and I don’t have that. So I have no idea what I’m going to do.

While he’s back at his parents house, being looked after and living his best life.

I feel humiliated, abandoned, angry and exhausted. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I was loyal. I was honest and I really loved him. I would have worked through things. Instead, he lied, cheated, made me feel bad about myself and lined up his next relationship while I was still trying.

I know losing someone capable of doing this isn’t a loss. But right now it feels like grief on top of grief, and I just needed to get it out because I feel so alone. I’m scared about what I’m going to do about finding somewhere to live and what’s worse, he gets to just go off into the sunset with the woman he left me for. I’m the one that’s heartbroken and dealing with the consequences of his actions.

Any words of support or advice would be welcomed

I feel like my entire life has collapsed in the space of a few months. Sorry this is a long read. I’ve already posted this story before but the latest update about my home has pushed me over the edge and I need to get this out somewhere.

I (32F) was with my ex (36M) for nearly 2 years and we lived together for about a year. In the beginning, he love bombed me — told me I was the love of his life, talked about marriage, he booked surprise trips and said he wanted a future with me. I genuinely believed I had found the person I’d be with for the rest of my life.

But once we moved in together, things changed. We had some heated arguments, neither of us dealt with it well. But I really worked on myself and on communicating in a better way, I put everything I had into the relationship. I loved him so much and supported him through everything. But he withdrew, stopped putting effort in and I started seeing narcissistic traits like gaslighting, dismissing my feelings, anger etc. I kept trying because I loved him and I hoped I could the version of him from the beginning back.

Earlier this year, he told me he had lost sexual desire for me but said he still loved me and wanted to work on things. I was obviously devastated and took it really hard but was willing to stay and try. Then he ended the relationship 6 weeks later. We were still living together and even slept together, which really confused me because he said he broke up with me because he didn’t feel any desire for me anymore.

Then I found out He’d been cheating on me with his ex from years ago (who I recently found he did pretty much the same to her and was chasing a different ex while with her last time). I was so devastated I couldn’t breathe. We spoke about it all and he cried with me, slept with me, cuddled me, comforted me, told me he loved me and told me he was confused. Then he said he needed a few days to think and just didn’t come back. I had to pack all his things and tell him to come and get them.

And today I’ve found out my landlord is selling my apartment within the next 6 months, so on top of the betrayal and heartbreak, I’m losing my home too. I can’t afford anywhere else and I don’t have enough in savings to move. I’d need first month’s rent, deposit, furnishing costs, bills and money to live on. All of that will be a minimum £4k and I don’t have that. So I have no idea what I’m going to do.

While he’s back at his parents house, being looked after and living his best life.

I feel humiliated, abandoned, angry and exhausted. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I was loyal. I was honest and I really loved him. I would have worked through things. Instead, he lied, cheated, made me feel bad about myself and lined up his next relationship while I was still trying.

I know losing someone capable of doing this isn’t a loss. But right now it feels like grief on top of grief, and I just needed to get it out because I feel so alone. I’m scared about what I’m going to do about finding somewhere to live and what’s worse, he gets to just go off into the sunset with the woman he left me for. I’m the one that’s heartbroken and dealing with the consequences of his actions.

Any words of support or advice would be appreciated

I feel like my entire life has collapsed in the space of a few months. Sorry this is a long read. I’ve already posted this story before but the latest update about my home has pushed me over the edge and I need to get this out somewhere.

I (32F) was with my ex (36M) for nearly 2 years and we lived together for about a year. In the beginning, he love bombed me — told me I was the love of his life, talked about marriage, he booked surprise trips and said he wanted a future with me. I genuinely believed I had found the person I’d be with for the rest of my life.

But once we moved in together, things changed. We had some heated arguments, neither of us dealt with it well. But I really worked on myself and on communicating in a better way, I put everything I had into the relationship. I loved him so much and supported him through everything. But he withdrew, stopped putting effort in and I started seeing narcissistic traits like gaslighting, dismissing my feelings, anger etc. I kept trying because I loved him and I hoped I could the version of him from the beginning back.

Earlier this year, he told me he had lost sexual desire for me but said he still loved me and wanted to work on things. I was obviously devastated and took it really hard but was willing to stay and try. Then he ended the relationship 6 weeks later. We were still living together and even slept together, which really confused me because he said he broke up with me because he didn’t feel any desire for me anymore.

Then I found out He’d been cheating on me with his ex from years ago (who I recently found he did pretty much the same to her and was chasing a different ex while with her last time). I was so devastated I couldn’t breathe. We spoke about it all and he cried with me, slept with me, cuddled me, comforted me, told me he loved me and told me he was confused. Then he said he needed a few days to think and just didn’t come back. I had to pack all his things and tell him to come and get them.

And today I’ve found out my landlord is selling my apartment within the next 6 months, so on top of the betrayal and heartbreak, I’m losing my home too. I can’t afford anywhere else and I don’t have enough in savings to move. I’d need first month’s rent, deposit, furnishing costs, bills and money to live on. All of that will be a minimum £4k and I don’t have that. So I have no idea what I’m going to do.

While he’s back at his parents house, being looked after and living his best life.

I feel humiliated, abandoned, angry and exhausted. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I was loyal. I was honest and I really loved him. I would have worked through things. Instead, he lied, cheated, made me feel bad about myself and lined up his next relationship while I was still trying.

I know losing someone capable of doing this isn’t a loss. But right now it feels like grief on top of grief, and I just needed to get it out because I feel so alone. I’m scared about what I’m going to do about finding somewhere to live and what’s worse, he gets to just go off into the sunset with the woman he left me for. I’m the one that’s heartbroken and dealing with the consequences of his actions.

JUST TO BE CLEAR THIS ISN’T MY SITUATION. I’M THE ONE THAT GOT CHEATED ON. Just interested to hear it from the other woman’s perspective

Im 32F and ex 36M left me for his ex 36F a month ago. I know it doesn’t help my healing or moving on to ask these types of questions so please don’t comment to tell me that. I don’t want him back and I’m working on moving forwards, but I can’t help but wonder. And there’s still a part of me that wants him to regret what he’s done.

They were together at 18 for a year or two and then again in their late 20s/early 30s for 2 years. They seem to be each others safety net when things don’t work out for them or they don’t have anyone else.
This is now their third time trying with each other.

When I met him, he’d been single for 3 years and I had no idea about his past. He love bombed me hard for months to win me over and get me to bring my guard down, there were trips, gifts, he told me I was the love of his life, his everything, he’d never been happier and we were making marriage plans. We moved in together and then he started to change. We had some heated arguments and I wasn’t perfect, but I recognised my faults and took steps to change/improve. I worked on my communication, I cooked everyday, I made plans for us, I supported him through difficult times, anxiety, depression. I put everything I had into being the best girlfriend I could be. But he just got worse. He was dismissive, sometimes nasty, stopped putting any effort into our relationship, made me feel pathetic for wanting to go on dates or for wanting affection and was making me feel bad about myself more and more as time went on. It was a gradual thing so I didn’t even really see it for what it was at the time and honestly felt like it was my fault he was turning into this cold, nasty and distant person.

He told me in January that I basically wasn’t attractive anymore but he loved me and didn’t want to breakup. I was devastated, still loved him with all my heart and I felt like it was my fault. So I stayed and tried.

Then he broke up with me about 6 weeks later and we were still living together. After a few weeks, things started to warm up between us and we ended up sleeping together, it seemed like maybe we might be able to fix things. And because I was so heartbroken and in love with him, i thought if we tried again maybe the version of him that I loved would come back.

But I found out he’d been having an affair with his ex and at this point their relationship was 5 years ago. And it turned out he actually broke up with me to be with her. Suddenly it made sense that he was being so withdrawn and distant etc because he was putting all of that love, attention and effort with her.

We’d had conversations about his past relationships because I wanted to understand why they didn’t work out so we could avoid the same traps and he said they weren’t good, and about her specifically he said he didn’t want to be with someone with kids (she has 2) and she didn’t mean anything to him anymore. He would tell me she was just a part of his past and I was his future and he was 100% committed to me. That he’s never been as happy with anyone as he was with me.

When I found out about her had a breakdown. I cried all day, couldn’t eat, was having panic attacks and couldn’t get out of bed. And when I was at my most vulnerable, he cried to me telling me he loved me, saying he was confused because he was unhappy with me but still loved me so much. He held me, kissed me and comforted me. He cuddled up with me on the sofa and slept with me multiple times. I wish I had been stronger and said no, I was just so weak and devastated. He’d drained the life out of me for months and I didn’t have any fight left in me.

Then after all that, he said he was going to his parents for a few days to think and just didn’t come back. After 2 weeks of crying, I snapped myself out of it, packed up all his things and told him to collect them. He tried to pull me into an emotional conversation, was acting like the victim telling me how shit he felt, how awful it was for him to see his things packed and how sorry he was. I told him I had nothing to say, to leave his key and go. He didn’t get anything from me that day.

She knew about me, she followed me on social media and had been watching our entire relationship which makes the whole thing even more gross. she knew we were together and lived together and she didn’t care. That really blew my mind because her close friend told me he did pretty much the same thing to her. He would drink and be nasty, he was manipulative and narcissistic, he love bombs and then once you’re fully locked in, starts devaluing and chases after another ex or woman. He chased another one of his exes while he was with her last time. And she’s not only going back to him but she’s bringing him back around her children. That is wild to me.

I couldn’t believe that firstly she would participate in doing that to another woman with the same man that did it to her and secondly that I didn’t know the person I’d spent the last 2 years with and slept next to every night. Learning that this was who he is was both helpful and hurtful. It helped because it made me stop blaming myself and hurtful because it made the whole relationship seem fake and I didn’t know if any of it was actually real. I’d fallen in love with a sheep in wolf’s clothing and a monster was lurking underneath.

I know I’m lucky to be rid of him and even luckier we didn’t get married, but the pain is still so bad. He officially left about 3 weeks ago and he took her to his cousins wedding with all his family 2 weeks after moving out. That was like a punch to the gut that she was there at the wedding I was invited to. It felt like I’d just been erased. I still have a lot of his family on social media and I saw the two of them dancing together like it was so romantic that they cheated and broke someone so they could be together and pictures of her hugging his mum. I cried for 2 days straight after that.

I know it doesn’t change anything but I guess right now I just need to believe that he will regret what he’s done and that their relationship won’t work and they’ll both get their karma. I know even if that does happen I’ll have moved on and won’t even care by that point but right now it hurts too much to not care.

If anyone has any input, it would be appreciated
Please be kind

Have you ever left a long term relationship to get back together with a girl from your past? Why did you do it? Did you regret it or did it work out?

was with my ex for nearly two years, and we lived together for about a year. For a long time, I genuinely thought we had a good relationship. It wasn’t perfect, and we did have arguments, especially after moving in together, but I loved him deeply and I really tried. I was loving, loyal, thoughtful, supportive, and I kept trying to understand him and work through things, even when he started making me feel like I was too much for needing basic affection, effort, reassurance and care.

At the beginning, he came on so strongly. He made me feel safe, chosen and adored. He wanted to see me constantly, booked surprise trips, talked about marriage seriously, I had a ring picked out, we were researching venues and everything, involved me with his family, and made me believe this was something serious and real. He made me feel like I had finally found someone safe after a string of terrible and abusive relationships, I let my guard down because I truly believed him.

But over time, especially after we moved in together, things changed. He became colder, more withdrawn, more dismissive, and I felt like I had to beg for the basics. If I tried to talk about how I felt, he would shut down, get defensive, minimise it, or make me feel like I was the problem. I often felt like I was carrying the emotional weight of the relationship while he got to avoid accountability. I kept trying to explain myself better, be softer, communicate differently, give him space, support him, understand him but it never felt like enough.

In January, he told me he was struggling with desire and affection for me. He said he loved me, didn’t want to break up, and wanted to work on it. I was devastated, but I stayed and tried. For a while, things seemed to improve. He became warmer again, more affectionate, and we were having sex regularly. But then he pulled away again, and I could feel him emotionally checking out while I was still there loving him and trying to fix things.
By the end He had just emotionally checked out. He was treating me poorly, making me feel unwanted, and letting me sit in confusion and pain. He eventually ended the relationship 2 months ago, blaming it on his lack of sexual and affectionate desire for me, and making it sound like the relationship itself and I was the problem.
we were still living together and treating each other with respect and slept together a few times. I still was completely in love with him and felt like I was the reason he turned cold. maybe we could try again and work through the problems.

Then I found out the truth. He had been having an affair with his ex. I found a card and presents for her, and the wording was almost identical to things he had once written to me. It became clear that while I had been trying to save relationship, he had already been emotionally and romantically investing elsewhere. The reason he had been cold, distant and checked out was not just because of issues between us. It was because there was someone else.

she was someone he was with when he was 18 for a few years and then again in his late 20s early 30s for 2 years. When i met him, he was 34 and I was 30, he’d been single for 3 years so I didn’t think there was any chance an ex from years ago would come back into the picture. From what I’ve heard their relationship was toxic, he was chasing after another ex of his while he was with her last time, she went through the same emotional manipulation and abuse that I did with him. i don’t understand how she could participate in doing that to another woman with the same man that did it to her. She knew me, she knew we lived together and she was still happy to cheat with him. It makes me sick.

What makes it even worse is that after I found out, he still blurred the lines. He knew I was completely devastated. I sobbed on the floor, was having panic attacks, couldn’t eat and He cried, comforted me, kissed me, cuddled me, had sex with me, told me he was confused, said he still loved me. He used my love, my body, my comfort and my emotions while I was at my lowest. i was so broken and weak after months of being worn down by him. after that he said he needed time to think for a few days and then just didn’t come back. I had to pack all his things and tell him to come and get them. he officially moved out a few weeks ago and is already public with her and took her to a wedding I was originally going to and my name was on the invitation for.

He betrayed me, lied to me, let me blame myself, and let me believe I was the problem when he knew he had already crossed the line with someone else. He made me question my attractiveness, my worth when really, he was the one acting without honesty, loyalty or integrity.
I now feel like the person I loved was not fully real. I loved the version of him that made me feel safe, chosen and adored, but that version was a performance. he love bombed me for a full year but when the relationship required maturity, repair and honesty, he withdrew, lied, cheated, and left me to carry the emotional damage.
I’m angry because I trusted him. I went against my own doubts. I believed the love-bombing, the promises, the future talk, the family integration, the “I love yous”, and the version of himself he sold to me. I gave him so much of myself, and he repaid that by betraying me and replacing me while I was still loving him.

This has devastated me because I didn’t just lose a relationship. I lost the future I thought we were building, the home we shared, the person I thought he was, and the safety I thought I had finally found. But I also know I loved honestly. I tried. I cared. I showed up. I fought for the relationship. I was not perfect, but I was real. now I’m the one home alone heartbroken while they get to go off into the sunset. I don’t know how to start moving on, the pain is so bad every day. if anyone has been through something similar and has any advice or wants to talk through their experience, please do

was with my ex for nearly two years, and we lived together for about a year. For a long time, I genuinely thought we had a good relationship. It wasn’t perfect, and we did have arguments, especially after moving in together, but I loved him deeply and I really tried. I was loving, loyal, thoughtful, supportive, and I kept trying to understand him and work through things, even when he started making me feel like I was too much for needing basic affection, effort, reassurance and care.

At the beginning, he came on so strongly. He made me feel safe, chosen and adored. He wanted to see me constantly, booked surprise trips, talked about marriage seriously, I had a ring picked out, we were researching venues and everything, involved me with his family, and made me believe this was something serious and real. He made me feel like I had finally found someone safe after a string of terrible and abusive relationships, I let my guard down because I truly believed him.

But over time, especially after we moved in together, things changed. He became colder, more withdrawn, more dismissive, and I felt like I had to beg for the basics. If I tried to talk about how I felt, he would shut down, get defensive, minimise it, or make me feel like I was the problem. I often felt like I was carrying the emotional weight of the relationship while he got to avoid accountability. I kept trying to explain myself better, be softer, communicate differently, give him space, support him, understand him but it never felt like enough.

In January, he told me he was struggling with desire and affection for me. He said he loved me, didn’t want to break up, and wanted to work on it. I was devastated, but I stayed and tried. For a while, things seemed to improve. He became warmer again, more affectionate, and we were having sex regularly. But then he pulled away again, and I could feel him emotionally checking out while I was still there loving him and trying to fix things.

By the end He had just emotionally checked out. He was treating me poorly, making me feel unwanted, and letting me sit in confusion and pain. He eventually ended the relationship 2 months ago, blaming it on his lack of sexual and affectionate desire for me, and making it sound like the relationship itself and I was the problem.

we were still living together and treating each other with respect and slept together a few times. I still was completely in love with him and felt like I was the reason he turned cold. maybe we could try again and work through the problems.

Then I found out the truth. He had been having an affair with his ex. I found a card and presents for her, and the wording was almost identical to things he had once written to me. It became clear that while I had been trying to save relationship, he had already been emotionally and romantically investing elsewhere. The reason he had been cold, distant and checked out was not just because of issues between us. It was because there was someone else.

she was someone he was with when he was 18 for a few years and then again in his late 20s early 30s for 2 years. When i met him, he was 34 and I was 30, he’d been single for 3 years so I didn’t think there was any chance an ex from years ago would come back into the picture. From what I’ve heard their relationship was toxic, he was chasing after another ex of his while he was with her last time, she went through the same emotional manipulation and abuse that I did with him. i don’t understand how she could participate in doing that to another woman with the same man that did it to her. She knew me, she knew we lived together and she was still happy to cheat with him. It makes me sick.

What makes it even worse is that after I found out, he still blurred the lines. He knew I was completely devastated. I sobbed on the floor, was having panic attacks, couldn’t eat and He cried, comforted me, kissed me, cuddled me, had sex with me, told me he was confused, said he still loved me. He used my love, my body, my comfort and my emotions while I was at my lowest. i was so broken and weak after months of being worn down by him. after that he said he needed time to think for a few days and then just didn’t come back. I had to pack all his things and tell him to come and get them. he officially moved out a few weeks ago and is already public with her and took her to a wedding I was originally going to and my name was on the invitation for.

He betrayed me, lied to me, let me blame myself, and let me believe I was the problem when he knew he had already crossed the line with someone else. He made me question my attractiveness, my worth when really, he was the one acting without honesty, loyalty or integrity.

I now feel like the person I loved was not fully real. I loved the version of him that made me feel safe, chosen and adored, but that version was a performance. he love bombed me for a full year but when the relationship required maturity, repair and honesty, he withdrew, lied, cheated, and left me to carry the emotional damage.

I’m angry because I trusted him. I went against my own doubts. I believed the love-bombing, the promises, the future talk, the family integration, the “I love yous”, and the version of himself he sold to me. I gave him so much of myself, and he repaid that by betraying me and replacing me while I was still loving him.

This has devastated me because I didn’t just lose a relationship. I lost the future I thought we were building, the home we shared, the person I thought he was, and the safety I thought I had finally found. But I also know I loved honestly. I tried. I cared. I showed up. I fought for the relationship. I was not perfect, but I was real. now I’m the one home alone heartbroken while they get to go off into the sunset. I don’t know how to start moving on, the pain is so bad every day. if anyone has been through something similar and has any advice or wants to talk through their experience, please do