was with my ex for nearly two years, and we lived together for about a year. For a long time, I genuinely thought we had a good relationship. It wasn’t perfect, and we did have arguments, especially after moving in together, but I loved him deeply and I really tried. I was loving, loyal, thoughtful, supportive, and I kept trying to understand him and work through things, even when he started making me feel like I was too much for needing basic affection, effort, reassurance and care.
At the beginning, he came on so strongly. He made me feel safe, chosen and adored. He wanted to see me constantly, booked surprise trips, talked about marriage seriously, I had a ring picked out, we were researching venues and everything, involved me with his family, and made me believe this was something serious and real. He made me feel like I had finally found someone safe after a string of terrible and abusive relationships, I let my guard down because I truly believed him.
But over time, especially after we moved in together, things changed. He became colder, more withdrawn, more dismissive, and I felt like I had to beg for the basics. If I tried to talk about how I felt, he would shut down, get defensive, minimise it, or make me feel like I was the problem. I often felt like I was carrying the emotional weight of the relationship while he got to avoid accountability. I kept trying to explain myself better, be softer, communicate differently, give him space, support him, understand him but it never felt like enough.
In January, he told me he was struggling with desire and affection for me. He said he loved me, didn’t want to break up, and wanted to work on it. I was devastated, but I stayed and tried. For a while, things seemed to improve. He became warmer again, more affectionate, and we were having sex regularly. But then he pulled away again, and I could feel him emotionally checking out while I was still there loving him and trying to fix things.
By the end He had just emotionally checked out. He was treating me poorly, making me feel unwanted, and letting me sit in confusion and pain. He eventually ended the relationship 2 months ago, blaming it on his lack of sexual and affectionate desire for me, and making it sound like the relationship itself and I was the problem.
we were still living together and treating each other with respect and slept together a few times. I still was completely in love with him and felt like I was the reason he turned cold. maybe we could try again and work through the problems.
Then I found out the truth. He had been having an affair with his ex. I found a card and presents for her, and the wording was almost identical to things he had once written to me. It became clear that while I had been trying to save relationship, he had already been emotionally and romantically investing elsewhere. The reason he had been cold, distant and checked out was not just because of issues between us. It was because there was someone else.
she was someone he was with when he was 18 for a few years and then again in his late 20s early 30s for 2 years. When i met him, he was 34 and I was 30, he’d been single for 3 years so I didn’t think there was any chance an ex from years ago would come back into the picture. From what I’ve heard their relationship was toxic, he was chasing after another ex of his while he was with her last time, she went through the same emotional manipulation and abuse that I did with him. i don’t understand how she could participate in doing that to another woman with the same man that did it to her. She knew me, she knew we lived together and she was still happy to cheat with him. It makes me sick.
What makes it even worse is that after I found out, he still blurred the lines. He knew I was completely devastated. I sobbed on the floor, was having panic attacks, couldn’t eat and He cried, comforted me, kissed me, cuddled me, had sex with me, told me he was confused, said he still loved me. He used my love, my body, my comfort and my emotions while I was at my lowest. i was so broken and weak after months of being worn down by him. after that he said he needed time to think for a few days and then just didn’t come back. I had to pack all his things and tell him to come and get them. he officially moved out a few weeks ago and is already public with her and took her to a wedding I was originally going to and my name was on the invitation for.
He betrayed me, lied to me, let me blame myself, and let me believe I was the problem when he knew he had already crossed the line with someone else. He made me question my attractiveness, my worth when really, he was the one acting without honesty, loyalty or integrity.
I now feel like the person I loved was not fully real. I loved the version of him that made me feel safe, chosen and adored, but that version was a performance. he love bombed me for a full year but when the relationship required maturity, repair and honesty, he withdrew, lied, cheated, and left me to carry the emotional damage.
I’m angry because I trusted him. I went against my own doubts. I believed the love-bombing, the promises, the future talk, the family integration, the “I love yous”, and the version of himself he sold to me. I gave him so much of myself, and he repaid that by betraying me and replacing me while I was still loving him.
This has devastated me because I didn’t just lose a relationship. I lost the future I thought we were building, the home we shared, the person I thought he was, and the safety I thought I had finally found. But I also know I loved honestly. I tried. I cared. I showed up. I fought for the relationship. I was not perfect, but I was real. now I’m the one home alone heartbroken while they get to go off into the sunset. I don’t know how to start moving on, the pain is so bad every day. if anyone has been through something similar and has any advice or wants to talk through their experience, please do