u/Logical_Door_5900

I29M have a two bedroom apartment. My wife and I have 2 kids (5&7) who already share a bedroom. My sister and I are the only relatives that live close to each other. Our parents live about an hour and a half away. My sister is currently pregnant with her 5th child, and had asked me about taking her kids when she goes to deliver, and then for the next day as well.

Her kids are 12, 10, 8 and 2. I told her I really didn’t think that would work out space wise, and I work weekdays so it’d be a lot on my wife. She told me take the days off, or just let them squish together that it’d be fine. I told her no, I really didn’t see how it would work out. She was upset and said she was getting stressed out because she really needed reliable care. I asked her what about her sitter (because she does have a sitter) and she said she really didn’t want to have to pay for it, and she wanted a day with her husband and her and the baby. I told her I was sorry, but no. She argued with me a little bit; which was more her trying to persuade me, then when she saw she couldn’t she got mad and said that I was her only option and family helps family. It’s been 2 days, and she hasn’t reached out. We typically talk daily. AITA

Add: we cannot go to her house because the second day I was referring too, is she wants alone time at home with her husband and the baby.

My sister just gave birth to her second child a month ago. She asked me and my wife to fly and stay at their home for 3 weeks to help with childcare and chores while she recovered and got used to being a mom of 2. I work from home and my wife does not work, so I reluctantly agreed. I was reluctant because I am going through a stressful period at work and my wife and I are on a break from trying to have our first baby after 3 unsuccessful tries last year. I agreed because she seemed really anxious and has a BTS concert to go to soon (she needs someone to help her husband with the kids while she flies out to see the concert and fly back the next day). She and her husband are currently on parental leave for the next couple months.

Even before my wife and I got to their house, she was texting me about how frustrated she was with her mother in law and my parents who were there before us because she expected them to do some chores. My sister complained about how she and her husband weren’t getting any rest at all since they had to “pick up the slack” on chores. I assured her we would do our best to help with chores and kids.

My nightmare began as soon as we arrived. First, I didn’t realize they wouldn’t pick us up from the airport. They covered our plane tickets but we had to cover the $50 Uber from the airport to their house. When we arrived, she asked us to do our own groceries so we would have our own food because they prepared special food to sustain her breast milk production and she didn’t want us to eat it. When we started to cook our own food each day, she appeared annoyed at us and later on I found out that it’s because she expected us to ask her first if she and her husband needed anything before we “started doing our own thing”. Because we had to do our own groceries, their fridge got full and she complained about the fridge being full even though 98% of it was their food. My wife and I did all the chores each day, making sure their house was tidy every night, but my sister still was not pleased. We spent all day with her 4 year old but my sister was constantly correcting my wife and I in how we interact with her 4 year old asking us not to reprimand her kid even when her kid was hitting us and saying some pretty mean things since she wanted her mom only. The kid disliked my wife so much that she lied to my sister that my wife punched her (she did not), and my sister confronted us about it. My sister told me that it was okay if we wanted to leave early because our presence created more stress for them than relief, so after 2 weeks I decided for us to leave a week early because the situation felt like slavery.

My sister has sent me text messages after we left telling me how she doesn’t think my wife is good enough for me (because my wife apparently can’t do chores, wants too many breaks during the day from childcare and can’t take care of kids) and that there is something wrong with my wife since her 4 year old doesn’t like her. I responded and gave her my opinions about her insane expectations on free help (she was so insistent on exactly how everything needed to be done that I had nightmares) and that I don’t need her opinion about my marriage. She messaged me again telling me that I always twist everything and I’m acting like the victim here, and that I’m never there for her. I have not responded to her since her last message that was very hurtful. AITAH?

[UPDATE] My sister has sent me a text message full of cuss words that tears down my entire character. She told me that my life is full of drama and I only bring toxicity into everyone else’s lives. I believe she’s talking about the hardships that I have been through in life and mine and my wife’s recent difficult baby journey that has caused us not to be as available. She mentioned that I have never been there for her in almost every milestone in her life, despite me being there to help her after her first and second kid were born and also lending an ear whenever she was stressed or angry about something in her life. She said that I make everything about myself because I previously mentioned to her that I will now be setting my boundaries since my help and kindness has been taken for granted. She also mentioned that she was always there through all my hardships but in reality I keep a lot of my feelings hidden from her and never ask for her help out of fear of being an inconvenience and being judged. She said she asked us to leave their home for the good of everyone, not because she was kicking us out and said she will always believe her kid over anyone. I was so anxious to read her message that I had to ask my wife to read it first to tell me how bad it is. I am going no contact with my sister for as long as possible.

I (29F) work at a restaurant with this guy we can call him “Mark” (idk,M). A few weeks ago he told everyone he was planning to propose to his girlfriend during a concert they were going to, and he kept hyping it up nonstop.The problem is that he scheduled himself to work that same night and apparently forgot to request it off. A few days beforehand he started begging people to switch with him. Nobody wanted to because it was a Saturday night shift.He eventually asked me because I technically wasn’t scheduled that day. I had a pretty full week, (personal stuff) and i didn't really feel like it so i told him i can't cover it. He kept asking and was asking me what plans i have but i didn't (if your wondering why he didn't ask the others one of them was flying and the other one had something specific i don't remember. So Mark had to work. Apparently he tried to rush to the concert after his shift, but by the time he got there the moment he planned was ruined because the band had already played their big final song. He ended up proposing afterward in the parking lot and according to him it “wasn’t special anymore.” After he was a little psasive agressive to me and complained a little that i ruined it. But I feel like forgetting to request off for your own proposal is not my responsibility.

AITA?

It's not a long or exciting story but the update is that I will no longer go to restaurants if Rachael is going to be there. She doesn't get upset if we're having dinner at someone's home and everyone is eating the same thing. My parents met her once before the incident in my first post. They made lasagna for dinner and Rachael didn't say a thing about everyone getting a piece of lasagna from the same pan. She ate it without complaining. Rachael only gets weird and upset if we're at a restaurant or getting takeout, not if it's a home cooked meal at someone's home.

After the first incident, the one I mentioned in my first post, Dave was insistent that Steve apologize to Rachael and make amends even though Steve didn't do anything wrong. Dave always defends Rachael when she acts weird about this. I get that you are supposed to be on the same team as whoever you're dating, but Dave refuses to see that Rachael is in the wrong and I'm not the only one who is tired of it.

The last straw for me was at my cousin's 16th birthday. Rachael got upset because my cousin ordered the meal that she wanted and she tried to get my cousin to change his mind. My aunt and my uncle were not happy and they really don't like Rachael now. No one knows what her problem is. She just says she doesn't like it when people order the same thing and won't explain more. She even asks other people who order the same meal if one of them wants to change their order (like when my dad and I ordered the same thing the first time we met her). At the restaurants where this happens (Canadian Brewhouse, Milestones etc.) everyone gets a separate meal. They are not the kind of places where you order food for the table and share. I don't understand why this bothers her so much but I just won't go to restaurants if she's there now because she makes such a big deal about and you can't even enjoy yourself. I'm not the only one who avoids her either.

So I live in this typical university dorm where the official campus internet is basically a joke. It is slow, blocks half the gaming servers, and dies the moment everyone starts streaming Netflix at 8 PM. Three months ago I decided to take matters into my own hands and got a private 5G router with a decent unlimited plan. It was not cheap but for me it is a necessity because I do some freelance coding and I need to be able to play Dota without 300 ping spikes.

When I first set it up my two roommates asked if they could connect just to check their mail or whatever. I figured why not since we are all broke students and I wanted to be a good guy. I told them it was fine but asked them not to go crazy with huge downloads. For a week it was okay then I started noticing the speeds dropping hard. I checked the admin panel and saw that not only were my roommates connected but there were like five other devices I did not recognize. Turns out they gave the password to their friends from the room next door because those guys were complaining about the lag in some mobile shooter.

I asked them to stop sharing it and they just shrugged saying that internet should be free and we are all in this together. Yesterday I was trying to finish a project for a client and the connection was crawling because someone was downloading a 60GB update for some game. I got fed up and changed the password without saying anything. Ten minutes later the complaints started. They called me a gatekeeper and said I was being a selfish prick for hogging the bandwidth when I could clearly afford it.

One of them even had the audacity to say that since the router is in a common area I do not have the right to lock people out of it. I told them if they want the password they can split the monthly bill with me but they refused saying they are too broke for that. Now the whole floor thinks I am some kind of elitist tech guy who hates his peers. I am just tired of paying for everyone else to watch TikTok while my own work suffers.

I honestly do not see why I should provide a free service for people who do not even respect my one rule about sharing. My roommates are barely talking to me now and the vibe in the room is just trash. Am I really the asshole for wanting what I paid for? I am literally just trying to survive the semester without my grades or my freelance income tanking because of some random guys in the next room using my data for free.

My sister and i have been at odds for a long time now, basically my brother her and i are all adopted and not bio related and she was putting a lot of pressure on us to get in contact with our bio family’s who are weirdos and not related to her at all and we cut her off over it, it’s a long story i wont get into here but anyway, my sister is the type to go out of her way to hurt you if you don’t do everything she says sooo what did she do to get back at me?

Slept with my at the time boyfriend (now ex of course) and then rub it in my face. Cool cool cool, thanks so much sissy.

So here’s the part that cracks me up but also truly pisses me off. My brother and i have cut off my parents because they enable this little demon and basically my moms birthday just passed and my brother and I were no where to be found and especially since Mother’s Day is coming up she’s crashing out, boo hoo don’t care, sorry, you still have your golden child daughter who hates you so you should be fine, anyway….my cousin was at the birthday they had for her and said this is what my sister was saying.

So i have been planning on getting an apartment with my three bestie for a while now and we basically just moved in, it’s in the city of where we grew up and I’m so excited! The funny thing, my sister is getting sick of living rent free at my parents in the suburbs so she has decided that she is going to replace my one roommate and move in with me and have my parents pay her rent.

Mind you she and i have been on bad terms for months and almost no contact, the last time we spoke she was showing me the pictures of her naked in my boyfriends bed with him asleep next to her, and she was being nasty af about it. But now she thinks she’s moving in with me? Girl huh?

The best part is she has decided that the roommate she wants to replace shouldn’t be there because he’s a guy and it’s going to be a girls apartment. And then she dropped in some random homophobia just to top it off.

So again. We don’t speak at all. I hate her. She slept with my boyfriend and gave my insane bio family my contact info. I don’t speak to my parents over her bs. But she’s decided she’s moving in with me because she wants to live in the city and she has also decided my childhood best friend gets the boot because he’s a guy and she doesn’t want to live with a guy and blah blah blah. lol okayyyyyyy girl good luck with that.

I (52F) and my husband (49M) have been together for over 20 years.  He has been out of work, but I make enough to keep us going.

Last week was rough for me at work; I was initially blamed for something my predecessor did. It got straightened out, but there were a lot of meetings, calls, and emails, and I was scared I could lose this job.

So Friday night, I just wanted a quiet night at home.  My husband wanted to go to his favorite hibachi place. We don’t go out to eat much anymore, but I was so tired. He kept pressing, saying, “all you have to do is sit there and eat.” So I said okay.

The hibachi place was loud and crowded, but being just the two of us, we didn’t wait long and were seated with a boisterous group of 6.

The chef came out; as he started cooking, he looked at me and asked if I was okay. I nodded and said, “yes, I’m fine, thank you.” He nodded and started bantering with the group of 6.

A few minutes later, the chef again asked if I was okay.  I assured him, “yep, I’m good.”  He then said, “you don’t look like you feel good.” I’ve been told that I have a resting-bitch face, so I tried to smile and said again that I was fine.

When the chef turned back to the group of 6, he grinned and then looked at me yet again, and this time said, “are you mad?” I was taken aback and said, “nope.” He mugged at the group of 6, and then to me he said in a comic voice, “are you suuuuure you’re not mad… are you mad at meeeee?”  The group of 6 chuckled.

One of the women in the group of 6 then said, “oh, don’t worry about her, she’s just…”

Here is where I may be the asshole, because I didn’t hear what she actually said after that. There was a burst of noise that, for me, drowned her out.  All I know is that after she finished her sentence, the chef and the group had a hearty laugh while looking at me. I was feeling so beat-up from the week, I was mortified to feel myself turning red and tearing up.  So I told my husband to box up my food, because I’d be waiting in the car for him.  I was getting out of my chair when my husband hissed at me to sit down and stop making a scene. 

I said, “I’m not going to sit here and be made fun of.”

My husband said, “Nobody’s making fun of you! Just eat your dinner.”

I ended up sitting through the rest of the meal in the restaurant. The mood at the table turned very sedate. Communication became hushed voices and gestures. Nobody hung around long after the food was distributed, and pretty much everyone, myself included, just put everything in to-go boxes and left.

In the car, my husband complained I’d ruined dinner. I asked him what the woman said about me after the “don’t worry about her, she’s just…” and my husband would only say, “it was nothing” and “it wasn’t anything to get mad about.” I kept after him to tell me exactly what she said, and he finally admitted that he hadn’t heard her either, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t worth me ruining dinner for the whole table.

AITA?

I’ve recently gotten engaged and have been with my partner for 5 years. Her family threw us an engagement party this weekend and when we got home and opened some of the cards there was money in most of them. 

I mentioned it was generous of her family to give us so much and my gf mentioned it was her money. I pointed out it’s both of our names on the cards and the money should be going towards the wedding or things for both of us. 

She mentioned that it was her family that gave us it so the money is hers but I disagreed. I said the engagement party was for both of us and os are the cards and any gifts we e received. I pointed out it’s selfish of her to expect everything to just be for her. 

She said I was trying to take advantage of her family’s generosity but I pointed out that’s exactly why she’s going by keeping everything for herself. She just repeated the gifts were from her family so should be for her. 

AITA for expecting the gifts to be for both of us?

I married my soulmate, the love of my life and the light of my eyes 3,5 years ago. Unfortunately, he died shortly after our wedding due to an illness, in my arms and while holding his parents' hands. Suffice to say this was traumatic for everyone involved, everyone in his family tattooed his name on their wrist (I have a marriage tattoo, so not a name but a date tied to him, which is why I didn't do it), and the whole after-death, mourning, etc. period we bonded very deeply over his memory.

For context (this is relevant), I am from country A. My late husband was from country B. I lived with him in country C, and since then I've moved and now live in country D.

As my husband was dying, we both moved from C to B, so that burial and everything else would be easier. I then stayed with my inlaws for a while, moved back to C, sold the apartment I owned there shortly after and moved to D. I am thus now stranded, in a way, between my family (all in A) and my in laws family (all in B ). I travel ~2 times a year to spend time with inlaws in B, maybe once a year to spend time with my own fam in A, and maybe once a year my entire blood family comes to D to spend time with me. It's an expensive and exhausting arrangement but it works in maintaining both bonds. It also means that when I am in B, I am now for all intents and purposes treated by inlaws, and the entire rest of my late husband's family, like I am their child: I live with them, travel with them around the country, eat with them, play video games together with my "siblings" in law, I am on the walls of their house in holiday photos and spend time with my late husband's cousins and now, these are basically my family too, my mom dad grandparents cousins etc. They're just as mom and dad as my own mom and dad are.

And here comes the hard question: I'm in my late 20s. After my hubby died, I did date now and then, with eventually hoping for marriage and kids, but nothing seemed to work, fellow widows know what that's like. And then... I met this guy. And he has been, well, not like my late husband, but you know how sometimes you meet someone and they are YOUR person? And you just know? In a different way, this man is as much a soulmate now as my husband was. And he is very chill with me going to inlaws, mentioning a memory of something I did with my late husband on occasion, having a picture of him in my bedroom, etc. He is caring, loving, understanding and patient, everything a young widow could ask for... and things are moving fast.

Which is the problem.

Thus far, I never mentioned any relationships to my inlaws. They are aware, I am certain, that I do date, have sex, etc. but they don't ask, and I don't talk, about anything or anyone other than my late husband while in country B. I don't feel like that's respectful to change that, buuuuuut - well, I want to move in with this guy. And I want to stop saying I'm going on 'solo trips' when I'm actually going on trips with this guy. And I love him, a lot, and we are already talking marriage, and children.

And I have to tell them that this man now exists in my life, and here I am, in my inlaws' toilet, writing this out at 2am to ask Reddit for advice. With 2 days left before I go back to country D and don't come back here to B until... God knows. Maybe Christmas?

I have to tell them, and I want to do it in person while I am here, but I don't know how. I don't want it to seem ostentatious - there is pictures of me and late husband, together, hugging, on holidays, EVERYWHERE in the house, and announcing a new man in my life out of the blue might seem like I'm bragging or something. I'm not. I also don't want it to seem like I'm leaving them aside - I'm not. They are MY mom and dad in law, my gran gran and gram gram in law, my little brother and sister in law, and this will change nothing. Even after I get married. Even if I have children. They remain family to me and kin.

But how do I even start this conversation? Because they won't ask. And I don't know how to mention it, in a way that we never speak about it again, in a way that respects and shows that my late husband is STILL my soulmate, still the light of my eyes - he's just not the only one, anymore.

I'm scared out of my mind that this will make me lose them.

EDIT: I DID IT

I talked only to my mother in law, because I was a bit afraid to talk to them both, and I kept putting it off until literally the last second before we went to bed but, I did it.

I told her that this guy is the first serious relationship I've had since hubby passed away, that it's quite a new thing (I was afraid to tell her it's been a long time - I can come clean about this small lie later on, if he becomes more than boyfriend) but that I've known him for a longer while because we're in the same friend group, and to my surprise, she asked me to tell her more about him! She cut me off at some point then and told me she is very happy for me, but she only wants one thing from me: to stay in touch with them, and to not push them aside, and to that I told her I had been freaking out the whole time while in country B about how to tell her, and she said its silly, even seemed to get a bit cross at me that I could ever be afraid to tell her because we are family, and I told her to me she is mom as much as my own mom is mom, so I was afraid to lose her and lose that, and anyway we hugged and she is very happy for me and we bonded over how we were both afraid that this moment would distance me from them, but I reassured her that literally nothing will change between us, and I am as much her daughter now as I will always be.

So yeah: turns out, y'all were right, I freaked out over nothing much, and while I am uncertain as to when, or if, rest of family will find out, since she is the one I am closest with and she also knows her children and husband best, I trust that she'll mention it to them when she thinks that the time is right. At the same time I told my boyfriend, and he is very happy that it all went well, and congratulated me for it : D I did chicken out on telling her the full truth, how long we've been together, and stuff like that, as well as to have a full "we need to sit down" talk with father in law, but all in all, I think this is as ok as it will get, and I am reassured that even if he doesn't take it as well, mom (in law?) is in my corner and she is happy for me.

Extra detail that entirely blew me away: the guys who said to mention to her that husband did tell me to remarry were more spot on the money than they thought. Turns out, not only did he have this conversation with me, he ALSO had this conversation with them, so she said she is ok with it especially because late hubby told her that this is what he wants. I do feel a bit uneasy at the thought of how this might have went had he not, but once again from beyond the grave and 3 years ago he protected his wife and made sure I am safe and accepted by his family, which. Guys. At 24, while dying. I cannot put into words how much I love this man. I would die for him to get even another hour of life. Until his last day he thought of me and loved me. How blessed are we that we get to have experienced a man such as him into our lives.

I dunno how all of the guys who wanted an update will get it but uh... here you go? lol

I'm (16m) one of six kids and the only boy. My younger sisters are 14, 11, 9, 8 and 5. Apparently I cried when my parents told me the first time that I was getting a sister. I remember not being happy the next two times I was told and I remember my mom telling me I was a psychopath for wanting a brother so bad that I wouldn't celebrate having sisters. She told me there was something deeply wrong with me and my dad agreed with her. He told me I didn't get to choose and I needed to stop being such a baby and act like a man.

I didn't have any reaction to my next two sisters being girls. By then I felt like it didn't matter anyway and even if I got a brother he'd be too young to have fun with. Because for me that was the big issue with me having sisters. I was always told I couldn't play with my sisters like I would my friends. Girls didn't play video games, they didn't wrestle or jump on the trampoline or climb trees or play football. I was told that was for boys. For all I know my parents had that drilled into me before my first sister was even born and that's why I cried. But I always felt like I had nothing in common with girls and sadly we've been raised that way. I don't have a good relationship with my sisters and we're very different. They don't like boy things like video games, which aren't boy things but my parents taught us they were. I didn't like playing dolls or house or messing with makeup. My parents were very strict on all of this. It even goes into stuff like hiking is for boys while swimming for fun is for girls. I know how to swim but swimming was for my sisters only in our family.

My parents blame me for the relationship between me and my sisters. They told me if I wasn't so upset about them when I was little that we'd be close today and have a relationship like brother and sister should and they make it seem like wanting a sibling to play with was wrong. The word psychopath has been thrown around a few times the older I got too.

Recently a friend of my mom found out her third child was a boy. She has a 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son already. She knew mom had been through that with me and asked mom to talk to her daughter and my mom told her it was normal for a little girl to want a sister and it was okay to be sad she was getting another brother. She was really sweet and even told her friend it would be okay. I was shocked. It bothered me enough that when her friend and the kids left I asked my mom why a girl wanting a sister is fine but a boy wanting a brother makes him a psychopath. My mom yelled and she told my dad when he got home and he yelled. They told me I was being intentionally naive and I should be a better man by now but clearly I'm not.

AITAH?

I 40F have been very lucky and joined a tech start up very early that turned out to be a unicorn (>1B valuation). It was sold several years ago and while I'm no billionaire it's allowed me to live a very comfortable life. I have a small close knit family and am happy to share with my good fortune with them. I have an older brother Isaac(50M) who has a daughter Grace (14F) with an ex partner. Grace lives most of the time with her mom Rebekah but spends the weekends and half of the summer with her dad. I'm especially close with Grace since I only have sons and they LOVE their cousin and vice versa. Grace would frequently babysit and be a mother's helper (make bottles, burp the baby, help in the kitchen etc) when she was younger.

Even before my start up's acquisition my husband and I made enough that we paid for her private school (60k a year) and would take her on trips to disneyland and vacations with us (usually skiing in the spring and then a couple of weeks in Mexico/Hawaii in the summer.) But when our lifestyle upgraded so did hers. We set up a trust fund for her -enough for college/masters/phd and a downpayment on a house in the bay), we bought vacation homes and took several international vacations a year on business class. Her parents have been nothing but supportive and very grateful.

Now the problem is around 5 years ago Rebekah met George who had two kids who he has 50/50 custody of- Caroline (F16) and Christian(M13). Both Rebekah and George work as servers and have a hard time making ends meet. They recently got married and moved in together and Caroline and George are starting to get upset and jealous that their step sister lives such a "better" life. They go to public school, go to disney once a year if they are lucky and maybe a trip to Vegas or to visit their grandma in Florida in the summer. This upset George and has led to fights with Rebekah. The kids are fighting too. Rebekah brought this up to me, hesitantly but she said that she promised George she'd at least ask me to at least pay for private school to keep things even, and try to make things even between the kids with gifts and trips. Rebekah is "on my side" and said she knows it's not my responsibility at all but she promised George she'd at least talk to me and he said I'd be pretty cold/jerk(though I think he used stronger language knowing him) to treat siblings so differently. But my husband and I disagree. I barely know those kids! AITA?

I don't even know where to begin typing this. My hands are shaking if I tell my family now; I know everyone will freak out, and I need to keep a cool head. But I can't.

My son. He's always been a quiet, somewhat shy boy, very focused on computer games and school. But for the past three months or so, he's changed completely.

At first, I thought it was just adolescence kicking in. He started isolating himself more, but what caught my attention was his sleep pattern. He would stay up all night, even on weekdays.

When I entered the room, he would quickly close the computer tabs. He started wearing much more mature clothes than usual, and out of nowhere, he started using an imported men's cologne that I don't even know where it came from.

The worst part was his gaze: he always seemed exhausted, anxious, as if he were hiding a giant secret.

I tried talking to him several times. I asked if he was being bullied, if it was some girl from school, but he always dodged the question, saying he was "just tired."

This afternoon I arrived home early from work. He didn't hear me come in because he was wearing headphones in the living room, with his back to the door, typing on his cell phone. He was smiling, but it was a tense smile, and he was typing very fast. I walked behind him to joke around and give him a little scare, and ended up seeing the screen.

The person's profile picture was of a clearly older woman. And the message he had just sent said: "I can't wait for you to come see me next Saturday, my parents won't be there."

I froze. At that moment, I grabbed the phone from his hand. He tried to pull it back, started trembling, turned red, and began to cry desperately, begging me to give it back. I locked myself in the room with the device. He didn't have a password on the messaging app.

I spent two hours reading the history. It's much worse than I could have imagined. She's 21 years old. They met on a Discord server for a game they both played. She lives in the next town, about 40 minutes from here.

From the messages, the first contact was six months ago. It started with conversations about the game, then she started validating him, saying that he was "much more mature than the boys his age," that she "felt understood" by him. Then, the conversation evolved to photos.

And then, two months ago, she came here. She picked him up on the corner of his street on a Saturday afternoon, on a day he lied that he was going to his friends' house. He actually went out with her. It happened again two weeks ago. In the messages, she manipulates him all the time. She says it's their "secret," that nobody would understand their "love," and tells him not to tell me or his mother anything because "the adults would ruin everything" and she could be arrested.

He is 14 years old. He is a child. He has no understanding of things. He thinks he's "dating" an adult woman.

After I finished reading, I left the room. He was sitting on the hallway floor, crying a lot, apologizing to me as if he had done something wrong.

He thinks I'm angry with him for "disobeying." I could only hug him tightly. I didn't yell, I didn't fight. I just told him that he's not in trouble with me and that I love him. I put him to bed now and he ended up falling asleep from crying so much.

I'm here alone. My wife is traveling for work and only returns tomorrow night. I don't know how to tell her this.

I don't know if I should go straight to the police early tomorrow morning, or if I should look for a psychologist for him first. I feel a mixture of deadly hatred for this woman and an absurd guilt for not having realized it sooner.

I just wanted to protect my son and I feel like I failed miserably. Please tell me what I should do now, I am completely lost.

i joined a team at work about eight months ago. and theres one guy on the team, ill call him R, whos kinda made it subtly clear since i got there that he doesnt really consider me a core part of the group. not openly hostile or anything. just little stuff. not copying me on things. referring to the team in ways that exclude me. you know the type. that drip drip kinda thing that adds up over time

then like two weeks ago during a tense moment in a meeting he said something that landed harder than usual. basically implied that i wasnt really one of them and the team had its own way of doing things before i arrived

i didnt say anything in the moment. just let it go. figured he was frustrated and probably didnt mean it the way it came out. i actually really tried to be gracious about it

so fast forward to yesterday. were all in the break room. and R goes, dramatically, to the group at large, "i am exhausted, i need coffee desperately"

and without thinking i go "hi exhausted i need coffee desperately, im not really part of this team"

one of my colleagues laughed SO hard she had to physically leave the room

R went quiet

=

my manager was also there and she pulled me aside afterwards and said she appreciated that i hadnt escalated the original comment two weeks ago but that maybe i shouldnt have said what i said in front of the whole group

and i was kinda like. ok. but in my defense. it was funny. like objectively. the woman who laughed is still bringing it up

AITA?

I (23F) live alone in a decently nice apartment, and i’m proud of it. My sister, “Amelia” (20F) lives at home, we’ve always been very close so I gave her a key for convenience and emergencies.

Since I moved in about 10 months ago, Amelia has been coming over a lot. At first it was nice, but now it’s almost daily. I work long hours and value my space and privacy, so this has been a little frustrating for a while, but I tried to be understanding because I know she really wants to move out too.

Over the past 2-3 months, Amelia’s been obsessed with my apartment and its “aesthetic”. She constantly comments on how she would decorate differently or suggests that “we” should move furniture around. I usually brushed it off as jokes.

It didn’t really start to get weird until I started coming to her in my apartment after letting herself in while I wasn’t home. A few times I had noticed she rearranged little things, it bugged me but I didn’t outwardly confront her because it wasn’t worth a fight with her.

About two weeks ago, Amelia and I were at a mutual friend’s party and I overheard her talking to someone about “her new apartment”, and when I walked up her friend said something like “it looks nice from the pictures”. Which made me think she was showing people my place and telling them it’s hers.

A few days later I came home early from work and she was on my couch with a girl i’ve never met. Amelia looked obviously shocked and left quickly to “go shopping”. It happened AGAIN a few days later with our two cousins instead, but she didn’t seem to care that I came home this time. I texted her later and asked her to ask me before inviting anyone over to MY apartment, and all she said was “K”..

After that I assumed all was well, she was still over a lot, but she was acting… oddly nice. I found this weird and was immediately suspicious, but from what I could tell she wasn’t doing anything strange. Boy was I wrong.

Last night I came home after a 12 hour shift and she was there again. But this time, with FIVE friends playing a drinking game in my living room. I was exhausted and LIVID.

I told them all to leave. Amelia tried to talk to me in the kitchen but I wasn’t having it, I told them again to leave and one of her friends asked why I was there. In MY apartment. I lost it. I yelled “because I live here. Amelia lives with our parents now get the fuck out”.

They left quickly but my family is now saying that I embarrassed her in front of her friends, and Amelia is “humiliated”. I honestly don’t think I did anything wrong, but my family is saying my sister is devastated. I’m not even sure what to do from here. I tend to overreact sometimes, but this was wild. And very out of character for my sister.

AITAH?

Edit: update coming hopefully tonight! Yesterday I went over to my parents and confronted them and my sister. I work long hours so I haven’t had much time to post the last few days.

I'm 32. I went back to school for ME two and a half years ago after a decade as a maintenance tech at a paper plant. My wife is supportive but she doesn't really understand the work. Her parents think I'm going through some midlife thing. We have two kids who are 6 and 4.

I took my fluids final this afternoon. Brutal exam. My TA is a 23 year old grad student named Andrew. I think he's been a little uncomfortable having a student older than him in section all semester.

Andrew asked if I had a minute after I turned in the exam. He pulled out my problem sets that he'd been grading on his laptop and started flipping through. He said he had to verify they hadn't been put through one of those AI cheat tools first since the dept makes them check now. Then he said he could tell from the way I draw control volumes that I've actually seen industrial systems run. He said he's been TAing fluids for three semesters and my work shows years of practical understanding he doesn't see in undergrads usually.

I worked at that paper plant for over a decade before going back to school. The way you draw a control volume tells you whether someone has actually seen one running. I just didn't think anyone would ever notice.

I drove home thinking I was going to tell my wife. When I walked in she was making dinner with the kids and I just couldn't. She'd say "that's sweet honey" and not really get it. There's nobody in my life who would get it.

I don't know what to do with this. Thanks for reading 😄

Ages: Me(F26), my husband (M28), my brother(35), my SIL(F36), my mom(F60)

I found out I was pregnant at 7 weeks gestation. My husband and I wanted to wait a couple months before announcing it just to make sure everything was okay. (I'm 8 months now and everything is okay, me and baby are healthy!)

So at 4 months we were ready to announce our pregnancy to my family (his already knew), but there was always a reason why we felt we shouldn't. A family member got married so we wanted to wait until after that, another one was sentenced to prison so nobody would feel like celebrating, people kept getting sick and staying home. We wanted to do it in person when all of my family was together so our options were already limited but things just kept popping up that made us think we should wait a little longer.

At 6 months we were going to tell everyone at my mother's birthday party, but evidently my brother had the same idea because he and his wife announced that they were 3 months pregnant. We were happy for them!! It was cute how they announced it, they wrapped up a framed sonogram and gave it to Mom and she was so happy she was crying! And obviously I didn't want to steal that thunder so I told my husband we couldn't announce ours that day and we had to wait again.

In the days after that Mom went crazy making grandchild posts on facebook, talking about how it was her first grandbaby and she was finally a grandmother, etc. etc. Everyone was so excited. And my husband was like, this is ridiculous, you're 6 months pregnant, you're really starting to show (up until then I'd been carrying small but then I gained a bunch of weight practically overnight), we have a nursery, we need to tell people before they walk in our house and notice all the baby things. And I agreed. And maybe I was also being selfish because I wanted in on the baby excitement too.

We waited a week after my mom's birthday and then told everyone in a group text. I wanted to tell people in person as a family but that obviously wasn't going to pan out. We got some congratulations but three people, one which was my mom, answered saying things like "don't you mean 6 WEEKS? Are you sure its 6 months?" With no congratulations. My brother and SIL didn't respond to the text.

I called my mom because I wanted to celebrate and talk about the baby but she just told me I shouldn't have announced my pregnancy after my SIL announced hers. We had an argument. I asked her how long I should've waited because I was getting bigger by the day and someone would be able to just LOOK at me and tell I was pregnant and she wouldn't give me an answer, just told me that what I did was hurtful and I needed to apologize to my brother and SIL.

I sent my brother and SIL a voice message (they didn't answer when I called) and told them I was sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings, it wasn't my intention, I just really wanted to be as open about my baby as they were with theirs, and I was hoping that me and SIL could bond over shared pregnancy experiences. I explained that I had gained weight and the weather was getting too hot to keep wearing hoodies to cover up my bump, so it needed to be soon, and that I was actually going to announce it at our mom's birthday but I decided to wait after they announced theirs.

My brother answered back saying "It's ok, how are yo feeling" and hasn't texted me since then. My SIL hasn't texted me at all. I've texted asking how they are doing and trying to talk about baby names so we don't choose the same one but all I get is radio silence.

Mom's a little bit better, she's asked how I'm feeling and things like that. But she hasn't geeked out over my baby like she's doing with my brother's. Doesn't seem excited about mine at all and hasn't even asked for the gender.

My SIL posted about how she and my mom went on a shopping spree buying baby things and my mom hasn't bought anything for my baby. NOT that I expect people to buy us a bunch of things, me and my husband can cover everything the baby needs, but, you know, it stings a little that she hasn't even bought the baby a single onesie. Actually, nobody has bought us anything for the baby, but it's most surprising from my mom because she's always buying gifts for kids in the family.

I found out from other relatives that Mom is doing this thing where she's having family members pick out stuffed animals for my brother's baby and give it to her because she's going to get it embroidered with their name. I haven't been asked to buy a stuffed animal and she's not doing anything like that for us.

Obviously I'm getting the cold shoulder because of how close we announced our pregnancies. But my husband still thinks we're in the right because of how far along I was, we were on a deadline. Is it so bad that I wanted to celebrate with everyone else? I didn't want to steal the celebration, I just wanted to JOIN IN on the celebration.

EDIT: Holy cow that's a lot of comments.

To clarify: My family doesn't know my husband's family knew first. The reason my in-laws knew first is because there's only 3 of them. 1(husband's sister) guessed I was pregnant, 1(her husband) was there during the guess, and the last (my husband's mom) was worried sick that I was ill and kept trying to get me to go to the doctor.

The reason I didn't tell my mom as soon as we found out about the pregnancy is because if it didn't pan out, I didn't want her to keep bringing it up. Like, when I didn't get a job promotion I wanted, Mom randomly brought that up for weeks afterward, randomly saying things like "If you were supposed to get that promotion you would've, but it just wasn't meant to be, so it'll be okay." We would be having a great time eating dinner and she would say that and bring down my mood for the rest of the day. I would not have been able to handle her saying that about my baby. Yes, I realize I probably could've told her before I told the rest of the family, but there was no way she was being told before the 4 month mark.

I (18M) have three younger brothers (16M, 13M and 12M). Our parents were always a little harder on me than them and I know that can be normal sometimes. But something that always drove me crazy is when they were hosting people from my dad's family, I would be the only one asked to give up my room to keep them. People from dad's family stayed over a lot too. So there were a lot of times I had to sleep on the couch for them. Sometimes I didn't even get much notice. My brothers never had to give up their rooms. In fact if there were more than usual my parents would add blow up beds to my room for them and the guest room would get a mattress or two depending on the situation.

It always bothered me and I spoke to my parents about it several times. I thought we had a breakthrough last year when they told me they had not wanted me to feel that way and they would do better.

After I turned 18 and started working full time I started paying rent. One of the agreements we came to was there was no more making me give up my room. I told them since I was paying for that room now the least they could do was respect that. This was never formally implemented and it was all just very between family. But what happened? A bunch of family visited a month ago and my parents told me to give up my room for them to have space. When I tried to stand my ground and also talk to them about it they told me it was their decision it was their house.

Instead of just accepting it I called my grandparents on mom's side and I asked if they had room for me and were okay with me moving in. They said yes immediately and they came over to pack me up and move me in. My parents thought it was a joke until they saw all my stuff being brought out to my grandparents car. My parents told me I couldn't just leave and I was paying rent so I needed to give them real notice. I told them if I was kicked out of the space I was renting then I was just going to leave.

Ever since my parents have been telling me to move back in and they said it was childish to move out in such an overdramatic way. They told me I left the family members who were visiting feeling awkward and like they were intruding.

AITAH?

Maybe I am being ignorant, maybe I am not. That is why I am here. Admittedly, I am fuming. Please bare with me.

I have been with Jake for 12 years, 9 of which I was in the medical field and the bread winner (he worked at a Medical Marijuana Farm, making $10 less than me, with roughly 12 less hours weekly). We wanted a baby. We had the savings, the paid off house/vehicles, so we start trying. Only took a month. I have been home full time since I was 7 months pregnant. He switched jobs to something more career focused, that had growth opportunity. He is now making $18 more than I was making in the medical field, pushing around 52 hours a week. Our child is now 2.

We still have plenty of savings. However, I expressed feeling lost and dare I say, used, because I am basically nothing more than a live in bang maid at this point. He comes home from work and does nothing more than create messes for me to clean and then harp on me for intimacy at least every other day, with basically zero communication outside of pleasantries. So, we talk about it. We start therapy. Both he and the therapist suggest that I go back to work to regain a sense of purpose. Push for it hard. Both of them. Later that night he tells me that he wants me to do remote work because you know, he wants me to work but doesnt want our kid in daycare and he cant cut back hours. No, we dont need the money but again, the therapist thinks it'll regain my sense of purpose. So, he suggests medical billing and coding, since I already have medical knowledge. Sure. Let's try it.

Well, I havent gotten sh^t accomplished. I started this course 2 weeks ago and have barely made it past the FIRST section, which is literally only 41 pages. Why? Because the only time I have available to do this is when the baby naps (rare) or when both her and Jake are asleep because if they aren't, they are both harassing me. I bring it up again. He says he will watch rhe baby last night and "stay out of my hair" so I could actually do something. It lasted 10 minutes before he was getting heated because he wanted to "relax and watch a movie after working all day" and the baby wasnt letting him. So, I stopped what I was doing and get her to bed early and get back on the computer, just for him to immediately come over and start initiating intimacy. I told him I wanted to get this done. He tells me it "can wait" 10 minutes. I had a bit of a moment from feeling so touched out, grossed out and generally just fuming mad at feeling unheard and bulldozed by him and the therapist that I cracked and told him that he clearly wants to see me fail and since he obviously only agreed with the therapist, just so he could turn around and tell her that I wasnt accomplishing anything and leaving out huge details of WHY, that he can figure shit out on his own because I was done.

He asked what I meant and I straight out asked for divorce. He says I am divorcing him over him wanting me and wanting to be close to me and my own "lack of time management" to accomplish "my" goals (him and our therapists goals, more like). But as I am sitting here looking at his desk mounded over with dirty dishes, and toys in every freaking corner, and his dirty clothing lining the floors of our bedroom and BESIDE the dirty laundry basket (because he "might wear them again"), I am starting to wonder if I should really just leave on principle alone. My family says I am blowing my life up over a hiccup. I am questioning myself. AITA for telling him to figure it out on his own?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ltownmans

Boyfriend [25M] told me he used to ask out “fat girls” for fun. Am I [22F] right to be disgusted by him?

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Body shaming, bullying!<

Original post - rareddit March 3, 2019

My BF and I have been dating for 1 year. He’s a very tall, attractive guy. He was on the hockey team in university and his team was kind of like a bunch of frat dudes. But he never seemed like that kind of guy, he was always very kind and sensitive with me. He also seems to be a very respectful and caring person (he’s in medical school right now).

Some of his buddies from his former team came over yesterday, and were just talking and hanging out. They start talking about their old shenanigans in uni. My BF said “remember that time I broke the record for our ‘chunky chick challenge’?”

I asked what the chunky chick challenge was, and he said the goal was to ask out as many fat girls in a week. Everyone would put money in the prize pool, and winner would get the entire prize at the end of the week. Basically, he asked out like 50 fat girls over text/ in person (secretly recording their convo), and ghosted them on the date.

I was shocked, and said that was so mean and gross. My boyfriend said the challenge was just a joke, for fun, etc. He accused me of overreacting.

Am I though?

TL;DR: BF said he used to ask out and ghost fat girls in order to win a challenge.

TOP COMMENTS

relachesis

> "He also seems to be a very respectful and caring person" > > Apparently only to people who he deems attractive enough to be treated decently.

ZombieSlayer13x

>> PREACH. Can't wait till he is a doctor and has to deal with women/teenage girls who may or may not have weight issues. Bet he'll be a fucking treat >> >> Ugh

~

AuntyVenom

>Gross. If your bf still says it's a joke, after maturing a bit, and doesn't understand the deplorable nature of his actions, and is telling you you are overreacting and not fessing up to being a waste of space in college -- yeah, that's a no. Character counts.

~

[deleted]

> Am I [22F] right to be disgusted by him? > > I know a lot of people here are saying, "Yes, you are right." > > But you didn't choose to be disgusted and shocked. You just were. People don't choose their feelings, and feelings aren't something you sit around and have intellectual debates about. It doesn't matter if you're right or not. > > The fact is that you feel disgusted and there's no reasoning that feeling away. So you're asking the wrong question. The real question is, "Do I want to spend more time with someone who doesn't find this behavior disgusting?"

Update March 7, 2019 (4 days later)

Quick update. I confronted my BF after his friends left and told him that I was genuinely concerned about his treatment of those girls. I said he lacked empathy and I can't believe he doesn't see what was wrong with his actions. He finally acknowledged that yes, what he did was mean. He says he didn't want to seem "boring" to his friends. I said I thought he was better than that.

I told him I was worried about how he'd treat me if I gained weight in the future. He said that I was the type of person to "always stay skinny". I said he can't be so sure of that, especially if I get pregnant. I said I was scared by his shallowness.

Long story short, I broke up with him. He's super sad and has been apologizing non stop via text. No matter what he says I just can't get his cruelty out of my head. It's made me much less attracted to him, and I don't want to be associated with that kind of person, as I am a new grad nurse in a eating disorder clinic, and I see the kind of effect that rude comments and actions have on young women. One of the teenage girl patients is anorexic because she used to be fat and bullied in school. I am disgusted to think that my boyfriend embodies the cruelty of her bullies.

TL;DR: Broke up with BF even after he acknowledged that he was being "mean" and apologizing. As a nurse, I hope I never have to interact with him in a professional setting.

FINAL COMMENTS

Peeka789

> I'm a guy > > I knew people like that. My guess is that he does not feel bad at all. He only feels bad because he saw how you reacted to it. He most likely thought he was doing those fat girls a 'favor' by giving them attention. Don't be fooled OP, he does not feel bad. He's got a lot to prove if he wants to show remorse for being a cruel fuck. Fuck that 'I was trying to impress my friends' bullshit. > > This is my experiece with these kind of people.

~

Guardiancomplex

> You're an eating disorder nurse and he thought you'd find that story funny? > > Sounds like you dodged an idiot bullet as well as a sociopath bullet. > > You made 100% the right decision.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I need some opinions on this situation.

My son and DIL are staying with me at the moment. Their house is being fixed due to a flooding issue that happened about a week ago. A fire hydrant broke and flooded the houses near it. Due to this there home needs some of the floors replaced, and it is not safe for them to be there while contractors deal with the damage.

My DIL is supposed to give birth to her first kid at the beginning of next month, and their home will not be fixed in time. They have been staying with me and set up a little nursery in the guest bedroom.

My home is not big. I downsized years ago, so I live in a 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom home. I learned this weekend that she was planning on having a water home birth and a midwife during it. I thought she was going to the hospital, but that apparently wasn't the plan.

She plans to have the kid in a basically a blown up pool that goes in the house. The only two places it will fit are the living room or if I move my bed in the master bedroom.

I thought about it, and I am not comfortable with that happening in my home. I told her this today, and she was pissed.

We got into an argument, and she is mad that I ruined her birth plan. My son wants me to apologize and have it here. Again, I am against it. I don't want her giving birth in my living room.