u/CuriousButNotJewish

I want to become pregnant at somepoint in the next two years but the thought of low blood sugars terrifies me. What's worse is, I have to work (!!!) while having a BG of... 70 to 100? Horrifying already. My HbA1c is 8 and this kind of stuff keeps me up at night. I don't know how you ladies do it.

One thing that really really really bothers me, to the point I get nauseous when thinking of it, is that I don't know about others' CGMs, but mine might be off by 10-30 at any given time. I never thought this was something truly to be concerned about, but it seems like every day now I'm visualising myself driving to work, 1st trimester, CGM says I'm at 80, in reality I'm at 40, and I end up dying. I don't mean to sound extreme or like I'm exaggerating, I am genuinely terrified of this and sometimes when I talk about pregnancy with my partner and remember this specific thing I get teary eyed from fear.

How do diabetic mamas handle this? can you calm my fears down a bit? is there a secret? how are all of you not just passing out while pregnant and also working?

I married my soulmate, the love of my life and the light of my eyes 3,5 years ago. Unfortunately, he died shortly after our wedding due to an illness, in my arms and while holding his parents' hands. Suffice to say this was traumatic for everyone involved, everyone in his family tattooed his name on their wrist (I have a marriage tattoo, so not a name but a date tied to him, which is why I didn't do it), and the whole after-death, mourning, etc. period we bonded very deeply over his memory.

For context (this is relevant), I am from country A. My late husband was from country B. I lived with him in country C, and since then I've moved and now live in country D.

As my husband was dying, we both moved from C to B, so that burial and everything else would be easier. I then stayed with my inlaws for a while, moved back to C, sold the apartment I owned there shortly after and moved to D. I am thus now stranded, in a way, between my family (all in A) and my in laws family (all in B ). I travel ~2 times a year to spend time with inlaws in B, maybe once a year to spend time with my own fam in A, and maybe once a year my entire blood family comes to D to spend time with me. It's an expensive and exhausting arrangement but it works in maintaining both bonds. It also means that when I am in B, I am now for all intents and purposes treated by inlaws, and the entire rest of my late husband's family, like I am their child: I live with them, travel with them around the country, eat with them, play video games together with my "siblings" in law, I am on the walls of their house in holiday photos and spend time with my late husband's cousins and now, these are basically my family too, my mom dad grandparents cousins etc. They're just as mom and dad as my own mom and dad are.

And here comes the hard question: I'm in my late 20s. After my hubby died, I did date now and then, with eventually hoping for marriage and kids, but nothing seemed to work, fellow widows know what that's like. And then... I met this guy. And he has been, well, not like my late husband, but you know how sometimes you meet someone and they are YOUR person? And you just know? In a different way, this man is as much a soulmate now as my husband was. And he is very chill with me going to inlaws, mentioning a memory of something I did with my late husband on occasion, having a picture of him in my bedroom, etc. He is caring, loving, understanding and patient, everything a young widow could ask for... and things are moving fast.

Which is the problem.

Thus far, I never mentioned any relationships to my inlaws. They are aware, I am certain, that I do date, have sex, etc. but they don't ask, and I don't talk, about anything or anyone other than my late husband while in country B. I don't feel like that's respectful to change that, buuuuuut - well, I want to move in with this guy. And I want to stop saying I'm going on 'solo trips' when I'm actually going on trips with this guy. And I love him, a lot, and we are already talking marriage, and children.

And I have to tell them that this man now exists in my life, and here I am, in my inlaws' toilet, writing this out at 2am to ask Reddit for advice. With 2 days left before I go back to country D and don't come back here to B until... God knows. Maybe Christmas?

I have to tell them, and I want to do it in person while I am here, but I don't know how. I don't want it to seem ostentatious - there is pictures of me and late husband, together, hugging, on holidays, EVERYWHERE in the house, and announcing a new man in my life out of the blue might seem like I'm bragging or something. I'm not. I also don't want it to seem like I'm leaving them aside - I'm not. They are MY mom and dad in law, my gran gran and gram gram in law, my little brother and sister in law, and this will change nothing. Even after I get married. Even if I have children. They remain family to me and kin.

But how do I even start this conversation? Because they won't ask. And I don't know how to mention it, in a way that we never speak about it again, in a way that respects and shows that my late husband is STILL my soulmate, still the light of my eyes - he's just not the only one, anymore.

I'm scared out of my mind that this will make me lose them.

EDIT: I DID IT

I talked only to my mother in law, because I was a bit afraid to talk to them both, and I kept putting it off until literally the last second before we went to bed but, I did it.

I told her that this guy is the first serious relationship I've had since hubby passed away, that it's quite a new thing (I was afraid to tell her it's been a long time - I can come clean about this small lie later on, if he becomes more than boyfriend) but that I've known him for a longer while because we're in the same friend group, and to my surprise, she asked me to tell her more about him! She cut me off at some point then and told me she is very happy for me, but she only wants one thing from me: to stay in touch with them, and to not push them aside, and to that I told her I had been freaking out the whole time while in country B about how to tell her, and she said its silly, even seemed to get a bit cross at me that I could ever be afraid to tell her because we are family, and I told her to me she is mom as much as my own mom is mom, so I was afraid to lose her and lose that, and anyway we hugged and she is very happy for me and we bonded over how we were both afraid that this moment would distance me from them, but I reassured her that literally nothing will change between us, and I am as much her daughter now as I will always be.

So yeah: turns out, y'all were right, I freaked out over nothing much, and while I am uncertain as to when, or if, rest of family will find out, since she is the one I am closest with and she also knows her children and husband best, I trust that she'll mention it to them when she thinks that the time is right. At the same time I told my boyfriend, and he is very happy that it all went well, and congratulated me for it : D I did chicken out on telling her the full truth, how long we've been together, and stuff like that, as well as to have a full "we need to sit down" talk with father in law, but all in all, I think this is as ok as it will get, and I am reassured that even if he doesn't take it as well, mom (in law?) is in my corner and she is happy for me.

Extra detail that entirely blew me away: the guys who said to mention to her that husband did tell me to remarry were more spot on the money than they thought. Turns out, not only did he have this conversation with me, he ALSO had this conversation with them, so she said she is ok with it especially because late hubby told her that this is what he wants. I do feel a bit uneasy at the thought of how this might have went had he not, but once again from beyond the grave and 3 years ago he protected his wife and made sure I am safe and accepted by his family, which. Guys. At 24, while dying. I cannot put into words how much I love this man. I would die for him to get even another hour of life. Until his last day he thought of me and loved me. How blessed are we that we get to have experienced a man such as him into our lives.

I dunno how all of the guys who wanted an update will get it but uh... here you go? lol

I married my soulmate, the love of my life and the light of my eyes 3,5 years ago. Unfortunately, he died shortly after our wedding due to an illness, in my arms and while holding his parents' hands. Suffice to say this was traumatic for everyone involved, everyone in his family tattooed his name on their wrist (I have a marriage tattoo, so not a name but a date tied to him, which is why I didn't do it), and the whole after-death, mourning, etc. period we bonded over it even deeper.

For context, I am from country A. My late husband was from country B. I lived with him in country C, and since then I've moved and now live in country D.

As my husband was dying, we both moved from C to B, so that burial and everything else would be easier. I then stayed with my inlaws for a while, moved back to C, sold the apartment I owned there shortly after and moved to D. I am thus stranded, in a way, between my family (all in A) and my in laws family (all in B ). I travel maybe 2 times a year to spend time with inlaws in B, maybe once a year to spend time with my own fam in A, and maybe once a year my entire family comes to D to spend time with me. It's an expensive and exhausting arrangement but it works in maintaining both bonds. It also means that when I am in B, I am now for all intents and purposes treated by inlaws like their child: I live with them, travel with them, eat with them, play video games together, I am on the walls of their house and spend time with my late husband's cousins and now, these are basically my family too, my mom dad grandparents cousins etc. They're just as mom and dad as my own mom and dad are.

And here comes the hard question: I'm in my late 20s. After my hubby died, I did date now and then, with eventually hoping for marriage and kids, but nothing seemed to work, fellow widowers know what that's like. And then... I met this guy. And he has been, well, not like my late husband, but you know how sometimes you meet someone and they are YOUR person? And you just know? In a different way, this man is as much a soulmate now as my husband was. And he is very chill with me going to inlaws, mentioning my late husband, having a picture of him and me together in my bedroom, etc. He is everything a young widow could ask for... and things are moving fast.

Which is the problem.

Thus far, I never mentioned any relationships to my inlaws. They are aware, I am certain, that I do date, have sex, etc. but they don't ask, and I don't talk, about anything or anyone other than my late husband while in country B. I don't feel like that's respectful to change that, buuuuuut - well, I want to move in with this guy. And I want to stop saying I'm going on 'solo trips' when I'm actually going on trips with this guy. And I love him, a lot, and we are already talking marriage, and children.

And I have to tell them that this man now exists in my life, and here I am, in my inlaws' toilet, writing this out at 2am. With 2 days left before I go back to country D and don't come back here to B until... God knows. Maybe Christmas?

I have to tell them, but I don't know how. I don't want it to seem ostentatious - there is pictures of me and late husband, together, hugging, on holidays, EVERYWHERE in the house, and announcing a new man in my life out of the blue might seem like I'm bragging or something. I'm not. I also don't want it to seem like I'm leaving them aside - I'm not. They are MY mom and dad in law, my gran gran and gram gram in law, my little brother and sister in law, and this will change nothing.

But how do I even start this conversation? Because they won't ask. And I don't know how to mention it, in a way that we never speak about it again, in a way that respects and shows that my late husband is STILL my soulmate, still the light of my eyes - he's just not the only one, anymore.

I'm scared out of my mind that this will make me lose them, and I'd rather lie until the day before my wedding and keep our little family bond for as long as I can, than lose them. Ixm just hoping there is a better way.

I'm in a hostel as a solo traveller in a foreign country (Czechia), no fucking way am I going to ER. It will probably be fine, I took a big shot of insulin, but I'm trembling from how scared I am. Do you have any stories or fun facts or anything that distracts you when you are a scared diabetic?