Had a big flashback yesterday while I was in the back of a car. I was next to my partner, who knows what my trauma is. My dad was driving, who does know I'm getting help for my trauma, but doesn't know what the cause of it is.

The worst was happening. It was a complete, instantaneous shut down. I tried not to cry for a brief moment but then I couldn't control it. I cried, I curled up into a ball, I even screamed. It was awful.

My Dad yelled out "What's going on? What's happening?" as it happened. My partner was great and comforted me, telling me to focus on breathing and take deep breaths.

I managed to compose myself afterwards. I felt like I needed to apologise to my Dad for confusing him. He said he just wanted to hug me.

My Dad is very matter of fact, and doesn't understand how something that isn't affecting me right now can upset me. Yesterday, he was kind, but today he didn't seem to want to know. He just said to forget about it.

Hi, so this is very new for me.

I’m just gonna list out what happened to me as a child first and then I’m going to go into the adult years. I just want to reach out to other people who have had this diagnosis for longer. I’m kind of struggling to wrap my head around it because I always knew I had trauma, but I don’t really fully understand what it means to have posttraumatic stress as a full-blown disorder.

As a child, I had two liver transplants before the age of three years old. My father was mentally emotional emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. My mother was from a foreign country who met my father while in college, and my mother got stuck in this country because the court decided that she could not take me home. I grew up very afraid in general of strangers, of public spaces. I would genuinely hide away or find somewhere that was away from other people.

My mother was also extremely poor when I was growing up. My mother would suffer depression and hold very maladaptive coping skills. I often wondered if my mother had posttraumatic stress from being around my father and from me being sick as a baby…

I primarily lived with my mother, thank goodness. My father ended up finding someone else to replace my mother when I was five years old. Two years later, I would end up having a little sister. My father would tell me things like I no longer needed his attention because I was going to be an older sibling and I needed to be like an adult. My father would tell me I was dramatic, invalidate the fact that I had very heightened and intense emotional responses. I also obviously had emotional reactivity. I also obviously had emotional dysregulation. I would say severely.

Between 3 to 5 years old, when my father did not have a woman in his life, I would almost replace that and I sort of knew that as a child. You can infer what I’m trying to say.

I grow up bullied by other kids for being different because I needed speech therapy, physical therapy. I think my peers could definitely tell that I was as they would put it weird. I just remember being bullied a lot, and it was really bad.

As I became an adult, my mother actually had to file bankruptcy. This would’ve been when I was 19. At this point I was an adult but I think from 17 to 19 we were struggling so much that I was starting to take things from the Lost and Found at my high school just so I would have clothes.

I remember becoming incredibly depressed myself after high school just very anxious. I would try to work a job and every single time I would try to work a job I would feel so afraid of other people that I would start crying while working. I honestly feel like this should’ve been addressed well before.

I always remember feeling like I had depression, but not in the same way that other people who have major depression experience it. I essentially remember like thinking I just feel very disconnected from other people. I feel very afraid I am like hypervigilant. I’m on guard. I need to protect myself. I remember telling myself things like you can’t trust other people. This hindered my ability to try to make interpersonal connections at all.

I was diagnosed with a developmental delay as a child. This is probably because of the transplants in which I was actually tested for autism and ADHD at the age of 12, but they had argued that I did not have that. They did note that when I was twelve, I had low self-esteem really bad.

I have basically been in school from the age of 19 - 26. I am about to graduate in about 11 weeks. I am going to have to go out and get a job and I’m very afraid. I tend to be very jumpy and to feel like I’m almost like in flight all of the time because I’m so restless it actually to me does feel like how people describe ADHD restlessness.

My grandparents both died when I was 21. They both unfortunately I believe caught chest infections or what I believe is Covid.

At 22, My mother actually had become incredibly suicidal and lost her job. This left me very afraid again. I was afraid of losing her and I was also afraid of how in the world where my mother and I supposed to survive if she’s not working.

My mother actually went back to her home country when I was 23 because I did get married. I got married to a man that I met funnily enough while I was taking a walk outside. I truly did just fall in love with him and want to have a future with him.

I did work for DoorDash when I was 24 and within a year, I had been hit over the head by a trash truck lowering a recycling bin in which I got a horrendous concussion. I of course, had to go to the vestibular therapy and back to the normal psychological therapy. It was after I got hit over the head that I actually just stopped trying to work at all even though I was job hopping a lot because I was so scared of other people.

I finally had gone through of course a few different therapists from the age of 24 to now and I’m going to turn 26 very soon. I’ve worked with her for about six months and I’ve had previous therapist. Tell me they thought I was bipolar because they didn’t really I think you know what they were looking at. I highly disagree with bipolar because I in my opinion, didn’t have any symptoms of bipolar. The only thing that I ever had that seemed like bipolar was the restlessness, the tearfulness, and the sleep disruptions. I also now feel like I understand what trauma mood dysregulation is and I feel like that is way more aligned to what I have struggled with.

My therapist had finally said I have a diagnosis for you. I think you have posttraumatic stress disorder. We had talked a lot about how I have intrusive thoughts, and I have like emotional flashbacks randomly of things. My father had done. I don’t really understand how this is any different from just having trauma.

I don’t know if this information is all relevant. I just really want to look for people who might understand what it feels like one. And I also feel like I just want to understand this more.

All I know is that I am restless a lot I can go into hysterical panic, and anxiety attacks, I am hyper aware of noise, and I believe I have tinnitus because I hear beeping sometimes when there isn’t any. I have actually had this checked out professionally as well and they don’t think it’s anything too bad. I’ve also had an MRI so I’ve definitely been checked out and the doctor believes it’s tinnitus as well. I disassociate a lot. I cry a lot. I can sometimes become a irrationally irritable and very angry. I feel very ashamed and very guilty. I struggle with headaches, almost every single day of my life. I struggle with back pain. Sometimes I have neck pain.

I can hyper fixate on something if I feel like my life is in danger. I will relive things I have very intrusive thoughts. I am obviously afraid of other people. I’m always on guard. I’m always scanning for the threat when there sometimes isn’t any. I sometimes notice that the way that I perceive a situation is almost exaggerated, but it truly is the way that I’m experiencing it. I often will feel hopeless or just very classic like depressive symptoms, but I never fall into depression where I can’t get out of bed.

I can always get my stuff that I need to get done finished like my schoolwork so it’s just very interesting to hear this information. If you got to the end of this, I commend you, and if you’ve ever experienced something the same like please like write it out because I truly feel kind of alone and I’m a little scared now I have like a formal understanding that there has been something going on for probably years. It’s just very lonely.

hi, i developed PTSD about 1.5 years ago after leaving my abusive ex boyfriend who sexually assaulted me in my sleep and broke into my house (on a different occasion) while i was asleep.

because of this, i struggle with insomnia when i’m triggered, when the anniversary comes up, and when i try sleeping with new people. my new boyfriend and i have been dating for a few months and i just started being able to sleep kinda normally recently when he spends the night.

however, the other night, he began groping me, specifically my chest area, while i was asleep. i woke up to it and just kinda tossed back and forth trying to brush it off and indirectly signal to stop because i was too tired to have a conversation about it. he kinda backed off from doing it, but i would feel him press his boner against me afterward. it took me awhile to fall back asleep but i eventually managed.

my boyfriend knows i have DV PTSD, but he doesn’t know all the details of what caused it. right now i feel a bit dissociate-y and down, but i’m a bit conflicted because besides this one incident, he’s genuinely been the best guy i’ve ever dated; he’s respectful, calm, caring, and has listened to me whenever i’ve set boundaries.

for context: we’re in our early 20’s; this is his first “real” romantic relationship and sexual relationship, so i’m wondering on whether he thinks this is normal/okay ? either way, i do plan to talk to him about this, when i’m ready. i don’t expect him to react rashly, but i wanted your guys thoughts and advice on this. is it a dealbreaker or a genuine mistake? do i wait to judge his response whenever i bring it up to determine that? thanks so much

My father was violent with me when I was an infant he would hit me and in my toddler years, he hit me so hard. It almost killed me and it caused brain damage and nerve I have had severe PTSD and I’ve been severely disturbed since then, for one thing I lost brain and nerve functionality and I don’t quite understand it, but it feels like I suffered nerve death half of my body But because I was so young my brain found other ways to compensate for it but as a result, I am not able to function like everyone else. I have limited capacity. I thrive when I lived with my mother and I have to worry about feeding myself. I do as much as I can for myself, but I need help. I can’t carry the entire weight of my life by myself. My mom never wanted to be a mother and she Represents me for being a Special needs child. But I wasn’t even born. That way, I became that way because of my dad she knew he was hitting me and she didn’t protect me from it and even afterwards she doesn’t acknowledge That something bad happened to me. So it makes me feel like I happened to is so psychologically abusive, but she sits there and she pretends dumb and she says she loves me and it’s not love nothing I can say to her, my condition I can’t fight anybody I need somebody to take care of me. I can’t. I hospital when I had all my needs taken care of and people to protect me from my mother, but it was really depressing no open windows no fresh air. I was a prisoner I couldn’t go outside. I couldn’t eat what I wanted. That was also hard on me. I have been made to feel so hated and I need things to cope my dad did that to me and he told me it was my fault because he was disciplining me but I was just a child hungry I was hungry and thirsty and now I I feel so hated. I feel so hated. Why did my parents is a trigger for me and then my mom comes over and she yells at me and hits me and I’m 41 years old but she intentionally yells at me and gets aggressive with me to trigger my PTSD. She doesn’t behave that way with anybody else she does that to me to trigger my PTSD. She hates me.

I’m 4, maybe 5.
The world seems sun blanched.
My memories are white.
White curtains, white blankets, white paper.
White light in my eyes.

Except when it’s night.
Natural light is traded for dim amber.
Square ranch house walls circle around.
And dark brown carpets and drapes.
Swallow up the space.

I hide under the covers.
In my room at night. 
When mom and dad are yelling.
Long after they stop.
I hide from aliens in the window.

Sometimes I come out.
I yell Please stop.
They don’t hear me.
Two figures point and prod.
Hurtful tones sting the air.

Sometimes she’s against the wall.
They break a body shaped hole.
Why is there blood down your leg?
She chases him down the hall.
Into the door, the room, wherever they go.

Sometimes she stands in front of the door.
Hit me, Hit me, You're not a real man.
They’re both trapped in the door.
I’m trapped in my door, in the hall.
No one notices me standing screaming.

This time he’s on top of her chest.
I can’t breathe, You’re crushing me.
Escapes her scrunched face.
Eyes widen as he sits like a stone
He’s going to kill her.

The kitchen’s always dark.
It’s around the long hall.
Can I get to the phone?
Synthy green highlights numbers.
How do I do anything?

When it stops, we get in the car.
The musk of my mother’s opium.
Masks most other smells.
Seatbelts click, I’m sorry, from the side.
Her shaking hand meets mine.

In McDonalds, my mother holds my hand.
She explains things I don’t understand.
Red, white, and yellow tiles.
Hard plastic seats and tables.
Burgers fill the gap between her and me.

I have a lot of scary dreams.
She’s dead, buried under brown carpet.
He’s chasing aliens down the hallway.
I crawl on the ground to their room.
I have a headache, and my tummy hurts.

Far back in their room, next to mine.
In thick blanketed windows.
Clothes piled in dusty corners.
Half mauve painted walls.
My grandfather watching in a small gold frame.

Not all nights are bad.
My sister dusts my cheeks with silky.
Not all dreams are scary.
My grandfather as an angel.
Comes to save me. 

I hide under the covers.
When they’re talking.
Do they notice I'm here?
Lay flat and silent and no one knows.
When I wake up, no one knows.

The stillness of sleeping parents.
My eyes roll over the morning light.
A rose in the blanket glows red.
And little light escapes on edges.
Casting long tranquil light.

I hide.

I won't go into much detail because the diagnosis I got today has made me feeling... I don't even know, but I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and just got diagnosed with PTSD today.

Any advice for finding support groups? I see a good psychologist already (he's been a great help) but I feel like I need something more.. idk.. focused, I guess?

Also any tips for confiding in my good friends about this? I've unfortunately gotten into the habit of keeping them at arms length as a sort of survival mechanism for years.

Sorry if this is a sloppy post. I'm still in a state where I don't know how to even feel about my diagnosis and how it relates to my situation.

Any help/advice/tips would be amazing and immensely appreciated.

Trigger warning? Hello everyone. I (26F) was a caretaker for my pap from ages 13-22. The REAL caretaking happened from ages 17-22, where he was in major decline from Alzheimer’s. I worked full time with him, seen things I shouldn’t have seen. Everything from changing him, wiping him, trying to prevent sores, him wetting the bed, everything leading up to his death and even seeing him starve at the end. My aunt made me put clothes on him after he was passed away. Basically I felt like I was pressured by family to take care of my pap all the way to the end.

I started therapy and taking meds last year. I had anger issues, bad dreams, couldnt stop being pissed off about the whole situation, was also dealing with issues from a sexual assault. The therapy and meds help and I dont think of it during the day, besides when I sleep.

Anyways…I keep having vivid dreams about my pap that wake me up in a sweat and leave me shaken for some time after. These dreams consist of me taking care of him, him wetting the bed, him throwing up, convulsing, dying at times…very vivid dreams about what his body and him looked like. Anything I can do? Does this go away? Thanks.

Hello all. I am suspecting I may be experiencing PTSD from a SA situation that occurred when I was young. I am going to further discuss everything with my therapist, but feeling that my experience is not as "severe" as some others may have experienced is making me pause about wanting to bring it up.

The event happened so long ago, it is a bit jarring to have such a seemingly insignificant thing bother me so much now, considering I have discussed the event with my therapist before, but talking about it then didn't seem to bother me as much as thinking about it now does.

To those who have already or are working out their own trauma, what would be a good way to bring it up to my therapist again while best avoiding triggering myself too much? (I am in the process of potentially being diagnosed with Autism, so verbal communication is not always the easiest for me). Thank you in advance to any who reply.

———————————————————————

My PTSD stems from MST, but most of the time when I do have nightmares, it’s mostly about monsters chasing me. Lately though, there’s been a few nightmares that include SA. It’s been a little disquieting… especially since I haven’t had nightmares like that since the year my trauma occurred.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly having more nightmares lately. Maybe it’s my anxiety from the state of my country lately that’s triggering it? I try not to focus much on it, no point in fussing over things that I have little to no control over, especially when I have a disability that has been debilitating in the past, which can unfortunately be triggered by my mental state.

I think I’ve been in more anxious straits with a lot less nightmares though, so I don’t get it.

Anyone else experience something similar? If so, what helped?

I'm supposed to be having some trauma therapy for my PTSD (via the NHS), but I feel it's really not going well. The first CPN I got assigned was very dismissive of my PTSD, very verbally abusive towards my partner (I missed a session due to having pneumonia, which we let him know in advance, and he used that as an excuse to get very rude and aggressive with my husband). So I asked if I could change to a different CPN, they said yes but I was placed back on the wait list for a further 10-12 months. Eventually I get assigned my new CPN, who is lovely, but I barely ever see her because she's off sick constantly. Out of the multiple appointments we have had scheduled, I've only actually seen her for 4 of those since October last year. So between October 2025 and April 2026 I have only had 4 appointments with her.

I'm starting to not get my hopes up too high when we schedule a session now, as I know come the morning of that session I will receive a call saying she can't do it today as she's off sick. Then it will be multiple weeks before she schedules a different session. It's leaving me feeling so defeated. It takes me at least a week before a session to hype myself up enough to talk about my trauma, to really get myself into a mindset where I can open up without bawling, to then just hear she isn't in again. Which makes all the hype for nought. I feel so defeated right now, I want to quit. I just don't see the help ever being there for me, and I'm not willing to go through another year long wait for a third CPN again. That was so hard the first time. I've made a complaint, but I doubt there is anything they can do when she's off sick. I feel just abandoned to the system again, which is making me feel so much worse because a lot of my trauma actually comes from abuse at the hands of the NHS. Ugh.

​

I’ve been dealing with a really uncomfortable issue and I hope someone here can help or has experienced something similar.

I had two bad car accidents close to each other. After the second one, something strange started happening to me. Whenever I get into a car or when the car starts moving a bit fast, I feel like I lose control of my body, especially in my stomach/intestines area. It’s like a sudden urge or sensation that I can’t control, almost like anxiety mixed with a physical reaction

Hello everyone,

It’s been 4 years since my trauma, and I still have nightmares every single night.

It’s always the same: being chased, beaten, explosions, and trying to escape but never making it.

My trauma is war-related.

I’ve noticed I’ve started to avoid going to sleep because I know what’s waiting for me.

I’m currently on 200 mg sertraline, 7.5 mg olanzapine, and 15 mg diazepam.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Did anything actually help with the nightmares?

I saw him yesterday. I feel like it happened again. I walked away while having a panic attack and paranoia the rest of the day. I am so anxious that I will see him again bc we live in the same small city. I am so tired of scanning everytime, everywhere. Seeing him made me realise how real/valid my fear is and how easy I could ran into him again. I don’t want to see him ever again. I will move to another city but only in a few months. I also hate that he drives me out of my own hometown.

Hey all, I’ve been recovering from an abusive marriage and PTSD for almost 2 years now. Divorce finalized only a year ago. Now that I’m starting to finally get my mental health back a little bit my physical health is starting to fail. I’m sort of wondering what happens with this what the timeline is and if things are ever gonna turn around or any suggestions.

I’ve been doing biofeedback. I’m in a DBT skills group and have a DBT individual therapist. I see a Functional Medicine Doctor and just added an eastern Medicine Doctor and I have my western medicine doctors.

I don’t know what else to do. I’m pretty isolated every time I try to connect with people generally they’re either not interested or they’re not safe, or I don’t know how to progress the relationship or it’s just very slow going.

I tend to attract nefarious individuals particularly men.

Also celibate 20 months.

Looking for a light at the end of the tunnel or any kind of hope.

Recs appreciated.

For context; I (26 f) have been in a year long very happy relationship with my partner (24f.)

Within the past two years I have been very slowly peeling back the layers of my sexual trauma that has been suppressed my whole life. I’ve never been able to be touched and I can only pleasure myself in a very specific way.

My partner is very understanding to my problems with sex. I cannot receive at all. I physically shut down and my body turns off and I disassociate. Even something as small as a touch on my leg puts me into flight mode. I’ve felt really guilty about our sex life. I am head over heels in love with her and I am very sexually attracted to her, but I cannot give her what I think she wants. She was a giver most of her life and now she is the only one receiving. She is very understanding about this, but I know she does miss the aspects of giving. I have tried so hard to bypass those feelings I have. I even have a harder time saying no when she starts to touch me like that even when I say it’s okay. This is starting weird energy and causing insecurities on her end and I don’t know how else to reassure her.

I find myself crying uncontrollably doing it, but there are no feelings attached. I dont know that im crying or i dont know whats even happening. All I know is that my brain is telling me I am safe but my body is telling me something is very very wrong. My anatomy doesn’t feel right and the wires dont feel connected like that should.

But it’s been like this since I was a young child. I dreamed of which I was a boy because then I felt like I had more control. Even now, I need to be a man in every context of my life but I dont want to transition.

I hate being a woman. I hate that I can’t remember my sexual trauma. I hate that I can’t help sex. I just moved in with my partner to our first apartment and I feel like I have wasted her time if picking someone like me. I love her more than everything and I would put myself through it to keep her even though she says she doesn’t need it.

I don’t know what to do or how to reassure her more

Hi guys. I, 16F, was in a situation years ago that I'm trying to understand, but I'm having a really hard time figuring it out. Let me get into it, I'm sorry if I sound crazy.

So, when I was around eight years old, and my brother was ten, almost eleven, there was what some might call abuse going on. I think it all started when I was a bit younger, but at first he would just do little things. If I went to sit down, he would stick out his and and touch me though my pants, but it was never too gropey. It's really sick but one time he convinced me to sit on his face... without any pants or underwear on. Holy fuck that's so gross now that i say it out loud, please please please don't judge me too much. (NOTE: I used to just walk around without a shirt around the house until i was like 8, so i guess I should've seen it coming) Anyway, we moved to a new, smaller house when I was around eight, and we started playing in his room. I really loved singing, so he would play his guitar and i would sing. We would play little games and I would get piggy back rides from him. Anyway, I don't remember the first time it happened, but he started kissing me. I thought it was gross and would literally blow in his mouth (he would get so mad lol) to try and get him to stop. This went on for a little while. Then he started touching me for real. He would get me to go in the closet and would put his hands down my pants and like, yk, finger me. I didn't feel anything sexual if I'm being honest, it didn't feel good, i didn't orgasm or anything. It just kind of hurt. He would also play with me by putting like, a comb handle or something inside. He would do stuff like that with random objects, even like, tampon applicators and stuff from the bathroom. I think he used a screw driver one time. He also had me touch him, but i didn't even know what sex was, so i didn't know what to do. I wouldn't really start puberty for another three years, but he was already in it.

The thing that really bothers me though, and makes me wonder if it was actually abuse, is the fact that it was never forceful. He never MADE me do it. He didn't threaten me. He would just say, "If we do PP Time" (that's what he called it) "I'll play with you." At first i didn't want to do it, but after a while I would bring it up to him. It was like I enjoyed it, and the attention. I think I'm just a sick fuck. But I didn't have any sexual pleasure so I don't know why I would have wanted it.

What made me start thinking about it again after all these years, was when he tried to make my best friend have sex with him. We were fourteen, him sixteen. She was like, IN LOVE with him, and told him about her past CSA. As soon as he found out he started pressuring her, trying to convince her that he would kill himself if she didn't.

I'm having a really hard time with like, being there again, idk how to explain it, and i feel raw all the time. I also thought it was normal to zone out for days, but it turns out that's dissociation. But why would i dissociate if it was partly my fault? I would appreciate some input, but please don't lie to me just to be kind. I know I should have just said stop. I just want to have another few sets of eyes. Thank you so much if you read the whole thing.

I am a junior in college studying psychology, and I had hoped to go to nursing school after I graduate. When I first got out of the traumatic psychiatric hospital stay in September, I felt more resolve than ever to continue on the path to become a psychiatric nurse because I wanted to keep people from being hurt like I was. But then in January, full-blown PTSD from that stay hit. Now, I feel like even if treatment is successful, it will not mean that I will be able to reliably handle working in a psychiatric unit, which can be pretty stressful even if you don’t have psychiatric unit related PTSD. Treatment success for me will probably mean that I can handle day to day triggers, like bright fluorescent lights, without being significantly upset.

I can think of other things I want to do with my life, so that isn’t the issue. It’s just that I desperately want to help improve the lives of people with mental illness, especially those in psychiatric hospitals. I don’t know what I could do though, beyond raising awareness around this issue. I’ve also tried to do what I can to make sure the hospital I went to, or at least the specific staff members, is held accountable, though there’s only so much you can really do in that regard. It’s just tough feeling like my life is changing for reasons largely outside my control, and also feeling like my psychology degree, which is what I will most likely be completing at this point, is pointless since I will probably not pursue anything in that field now.

Whenever I’m doing a task that doesn’t require intense thinking, 1/2 my brain starts problem solving unrelated, more important issues. A prime example is walking my dog; i can’t help but ruminate while doing so. Other than listening to music or a podcast, what do “normal” people do with their brains when doing mundane tasks? Are their brains silent? I don’t get it.

I had been in therapy from 2013-2020, when my prior therapist retired. it was mostly cbt, therapy dealing with the day to day and my childhood. this is the first time ive ever been to therapy for something very specific that happened 3 years ago. its very hard for me to talk about and I have gotten self harmy or very enraged when I have before & it will be in my mind for the rest of the day & in my dreams. avoidance is my best method of dealing with it but its not really avoidant if I replay it in my mind so often is it. then i will think "no one gives a shit" and hide it further. but most of the time people dont & just try to turn it back toward themselves. im proud of myself for making the therapy appointment... but just need tips to talk about something that triggers me in a way I can work with it and heal. im scared. sending love to each and every one of you.

Wish me luck, it's gonna be rough....