I am 41 and I have severe PTSD and it is killing me
My father was violent with me when I was an infant he would hit me and in my toddler years, he hit me so hard. It almost killed me and it caused brain damage and nerve I have had severe PTSD and I’ve been severely disturbed since then, for one thing I lost brain and nerve functionality and I don’t quite understand it, but it feels like I suffered nerve death half of my body But because I was so young my brain found other ways to compensate for it but as a result, I am not able to function like everyone else. I have limited capacity. I thrive when I lived with my mother and I have to worry about feeding myself. I do as much as I can for myself, but I need help. I can’t carry the entire weight of my life by myself. My mom never wanted to be a mother and she Represents me for being a Special needs child. But I wasn’t even born. That way, I became that way because of my dad she knew he was hitting me and she didn’t protect me from it and even afterwards she doesn’t acknowledge That something bad happened to me. So it makes me feel like I happened to is so psychologically abusive, but she sits there and she pretends dumb and she says she loves me and it’s not love nothing I can say to her, my condition I can’t fight anybody I need somebody to take care of me. I can’t. I hospital when I had all my needs taken care of and people to protect me from my mother, but it was really depressing no open windows no fresh air. I was a prisoner I couldn’t go outside. I couldn’t eat what I wanted. That was also hard on me. I have been made to feel so hated and I need things to cope my dad did that to me and he told me it was my fault because he was disciplining me but I was just a child hungry I was hungry and thirsty and now I I feel so hated. I feel so hated. Why did my parents is a trigger for me and then my mom comes over and she yells at me and hits me and I’m 41 years old but she intentionally yells at me and gets aggressive with me to trigger my PTSD. She doesn’t behave that way with anybody else she does that to me to trigger my PTSD. She hates me.