r/naranon

My BF has been in rehab for 2 months for opioids. He’s been contacting me daily. His behavior has gotten worse, not better since he’s been in there. He’s acting extremely immature, impulsive, disrespectful and texting me all day with silly and gross topics and won’t stop. I have to ignore him some days. He’s not taking anything serious at all. I’ve been supportive while also setting boundaries. It’s pissing me off so much that I’ve wasted my time being there for him taking his recovery more serious than he is. He acts as if he doesn’t care about anything anymore…like everything is a joke. I’m at my wits end with his behavior and really thinking of ending things. Previous to his relapse he seemed to be striving hard to build a stable life, now he’s acting like he’s in a frat house. It’s like he reverted back to a childlike state of mind. Has anyone experienced this?

Does anybody have any idea how pregabalin addiction works? like how does it affect one's functioning and behavior? My partner has been addicted to it for 3 years and seems like a high-functioning addict, however he is emotionally abusive and sometimes I genuinely can't tell if it's him, if he's a narcissist or if it's the Lyrica... I recently left him but i cant stop thinking, feeling guilt and remorse and like im going crazy... help me, thanks

I've been dealing with my partner's mental health for almost the entire time our son was born, 8 months ago. It started off with lack of financial stability and safety (couldn't contribute to his share), constant sleeping and exhaustion, late nights up, and really bizarre spending that racked up my credit card.

Eventually he finally realized he had depression and started seeing a therapist 5 months after our son was born.

Around that time is when I started to realize he may have been doing cocaine in the house instead of the social 3 times he went out that I was made aware of. I came across 3 fullish plates of it and a few empty baggies in total and that's when I had to set a boundary that there could be no drugs and he had to be clean for the safety of our son.

During that time,I realized that I had been gaslit and manipulated so much to the point I didn't trust my instincts or know myself. I was almost feeling so much anxiety being a new mom, I now felt so much more anxiety about what my husband was up to, what he was lying about and if our son was safe or not. I moved out and started the process of a separation.

During the few days, I noticed he's been admitting to the issues, but at the same time I'm hearing contradictory reports that he's saying things like "he's only doing therapy for me and that he has no issues". He claims he is not using it but I just can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. He doesn't have energy to call out son just to say goodnight, he says he will come to the baby classes but misses it and only makes it to walk is home.

If and when he truly gets help, how does someone ever trust someone like him again? How would I know if what he is telling me are lies to manipulate me? How could I trust that he will never endanger our son? How can I discern the difference from him failing as a father due to depression vs use? When does depression stop becoming an excuse and is it even a good excuse because he uses it for everything. I want him to get better, but ultimately I don't even know how to tell if someone is truly getting better form within or if it's all just surface level to say what I want to hear.

I totally understand you cant force someone into rehab. This person seems to be close to rock bottom. Recently evicted, fired from job, no money, car towed and cant afford to get it out. Been hanging with some guy couch surfing and he must be helping financially. I do not offer any money, I will take her for a meal or bring her food. Is it best to continue offering support (ride to rehab, emotional support) for them to get better or just walk away and let them look for me if they want help. She has been to rehab 2 times already, the second time she was clean for years.

okay so my Q supposedly has about 9mos clean. i got a weird feeling that i haven’t had all that time. those 9mos came after about a year of constant relapses.
i looked through some things. a while ago, i found a 5ml syringe, a blunt fill needle, a small bottle of sterile water, and a mg scale. he said he was going to make adrafinil capsules and i left it alone because nothing felt weird. but looking back i dont feel like that makes sense. why would you need a liquid to make capsules…
today, i found all of those things, but a much bigger bottle of sterile water. in addition, a large bottle of rubbing alcohol (both bottles over half empty), a large syringe with about 5ml of clear liquid in it with a blunt fill needle attached, syringe filters, and what looks like a wax warmer (we don’t use those).
he does have a bunch of different supplements that come in powders that i’m assuming he would want to put in capsules. but i feel like none of that really correlates to that.
can somebody please tell me if there’s any other logical explanation for all of that other than a relapse? his behavior hasn’t really changed lately, but i can’t think of anything else.

My husband developed a problem with synthetic gas station tablets after being clean for over 5 years. He struggled with it on and off for a year until it came to a head in December and I caught him in a ton of lies. He went to detox and then did IOP but didn't stay up with his group after he graduated the program. He was doing well until a week and a half ago when he randomly decided to use again. His mental illness had him in a bad headspace but instead of reaching out for help he went straight to drugs. This led to lots of lying, deflection, gaslighting, and finally me finding out. At first I was ready and willing to jump in and support through detox. I asked if he was truly ready and of course he said yes. But instead of being actually ready, he stole my credit card and bought a bunch more. I found out this morning and was so angry. Not about the relapse but the lying. It's his go to for anything and he is good at it. He said he was going to leave and I was done. Said whatever he wants to do. But over the day he changed his mind. We talked and he is promising he'll do better. I don't know how to trust and believe him. He is my best friend and a good father and I am losing him to this. I told him my boundaries about lying and he agreed. How do you get through something like this?

A body was found stabbed in triangle park. A male in his 30’s 😞. I’m heartbroken & terrified that it’s my ALO. The bloody white shoe looks like it could’ve been his in the news clip. Last May, this is where I found him after his 1st suicide attempt. I have a restraining order & his last words were shouting that “he was going to kill himself”. I just don’t know where else to turn to with this pain & fear right now. I’m trying to tell myself that if it is them, they aren’t in pain anymore but man. I hate this. 😞🤦❤️‍🩹

I’ll try to keep it short. My husband came into my sons life around 4 and the adopted him around 9. They haven’t always had the tightest relationship, but never really fought. My husband has been a good dad to him and our other two children up until about 4 years ago and he started struggling with addiction, walked out on us for another woman and put us through several years of hell. We have been trying to rebuild our family all of us together again. My husband is in recovery but not fully recovered just clean except for alcohol which is still problematic. My husband has caused alot of pain and trauma in our lives and has yet to start repairing that. Recently, my oldest was driving with his dad(we don’t use step dad because his real dad was never in picture and he’s adopted) and my husband had a few too may beers and he was trying to tell my son where to park at my parents house but my son was told by my parents to park elsewhere because of the grass. My son got lippy and said this isn’t even your property. My husband got all pissed off yelled said he would just sell his truck(that my son paid for all on his own) and that he was grounded to give him the keys. It was a loud ugly argument. My husband decided to text my son and call him a little bxxxx and say it was all his fault. Fast forward, my oldest has been staying with my parents since and says he will not live in the house with my husband. I am torn because I feel like my husband should fix it. But he thinks I’m allowing our 16yo to dictate our lives. Let me add in, I see my oldest is fed up with his BS and I am fed up too. My husband still isn’t ready to take accountability and responsibility to fix things. He’s awful and toxic to live with. But now I feel like I am choosing between my spouse and my child. Honestly, I am ready to move and get my own place so that all of my kids are together because I don’t want any of my children to believe I chose my own needs over their safety. But my husband thinks that he’s doing no wrong and that it’s not his fault that our child doesn’t want live with him.

So, I’ve known my MIL for about 5 years. She was a single mom that raised kids all by herself, she left his father supposedly for drug use. For all the years I’ve known her, she’s been a mess. I put it down to poor life choices and quirkiness. Looking at old photos she was good looking, took care of her appearance, and raised her kids solidly. Her family have said she’s always been a bit off but nothing like how she is now (having since cut most people off).

She’s in her early 60s but looks 80. She speaks to my husband and I to visit the grandkids but has cut off nearly everyone else in the family. When she would come and visit, and when she talks to my husband on the phone it’s always about conspiracy theories and bizarre concepts.
Definitely paranoid.
She takes zero pride in her appearance, hair looks like a birds nest, huge oversized mens clothes, extremely wrinkly, very rotten teeth/mouth. She honestly looks homeless or like the stereotypical user.

We hardly ever saw her, but she had a sob story about her roommates (who I also now suspect were junkies) not paying their share of the rent unlike her (supposedly). So we helped her out and had her move in with us. Again, we’ve always just thought she was quirky and made horrible life decisions. We didn’t think much of it except MIL being a little annoying, but figured she could help out with the house while I was adjusting to life with kids and a newborn.

After complaining about her bizarre behaviour to friends, someone mentioned she sounds like a meth user. I started researching and it all clicks. The paranoia, weird sleeping habits (albeit they have improved since staying with us), the hoarding of random junk (she used to gift us nuts and bolts she found in parking lots), insisting on working heavy labour jobs despite being ultra thin and frail looking, avoiding all her family, lying, never eating in front of us or eating that I’ve seen but finding bags of candy in her room, her appearance and lack of hygiene.
She keeps her room relatively clean but her car (where she goes out to spend hours in) is grotty and full to the brim with junk and trash. She LOVES talking about conspiracy theories.

The thing is, she acts mostly normal but a little goofy/annoying. She plays with the kids nicely and seems to have her wits about her. She helps clean if we ask her too and with the laundry occasionally. She “ducks out” to run errands everyday but won’t tell us where or what she’s doing aside from a vague answer. She is polite and talks a lot. Usually going to the dollar store. At first I thought it was just a reason to get out - fine.

Is there any chance she is just an ex-user with weird habits that die hard? I caved and rummaged through her room and apart from finding a bunch of random junk, some trash, soiled underwear and candy wrappers the only thing I could find was toilet paper wrapped up in more toilet paper that looked like it had faeces smeared in it. We actually left our kids with her once to go on a date afternoon and despite living in an affluent area, when we arrived home there was a slightly sketchy couple waiting outside our house vaping. When we asked what they were doing there, they said they knocked on the door to find the owners and see if they could buy her (old beaten up) car for their son. Looking back at this, was this a total lie? What are the chances this happens the one time we go out? Or am I now being paranoid?

I can’t get into her car to look for evidence because she keeps her keys on her belt at all times with other tools.
I am scared to approach the topic or confront her in case she does a disappearing act (something she’s done to us before if we even remotely pry into things or offend her). If she is an active user, she seems to be very high functioning. Or maybe she never used at all and is just severely depressed and addicted to conspiracy theories? I am livid that we let her into our own if she indeed is, or was, a user.

“That didn’t happen. And if it did happen, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was bad, it’s still not a big deal. And if it is a big deal, it’s not my fault. And if it is my fault, I didn’t mean it. And if I did mean it, you caused it. And if you didn’t, then someone did. And if not, you’re overreacting. And if you’re not overreacting, then the world around us is just too sensitive. And if the world isn’t sensitive, then obviously, I’ve been misunderstood this whole time.

Every situation is rewritten in their favor. Every wrong is minimized, denied, or shifted. They remember things the way they want them to have happened, not the way they actually did. They can make you question your own memory, your own perception, your own sense of reality. Every argument ends with you feeling guilty, even when you know you did nothing wrong. Every tear you shed is somehow proof that you are the problem, not them.

Their empathy is selective—when it benefits them, it appears. When it requires responsibility, it disappears. They can show kindness, charm, and even vulnerability, but it’s always calculated, a tool to reset the narrative or to pull you back into their orbit. Their apologies are empty, half-hearted, or manipulative, designed to confuse you, calm you, or make you feel indebted.

Living with a narcissist is like walking in a house of mirrors—everything reflects back at you distorted. You start to doubt yourself, your instincts, your worth. You wonder if you’re too sensitive, too dramatic, too difficult, when the truth is that they are avoiding accountability, avoiding reflection, and avoiding the very thing that makes them human: the ability to admit, accept, and change.

And the worst part is how consistent it is. This pattern repeats endlessly: denial, minimization, blame-shifting, gaslighting. There is no closure, no fairness, only the constant, unrelenting rewriting of reality to suit their needs. You begin to understand that in their world, nothing is ever truly their fault—and every conflict is just another opportunity for them to prove it.”

My boyfriend relapsed into his meth addiction about 5 years ago when I had a miscarriage. Ever since, it has been a wild ride of recovery and relapses. He is an alcoholic as well to boot. While he can consciously seek recovery for meth, he doesn't think his drinking is a problem and minimizes the extent of it. My bad, I ended up pregnant when i stead I should have left him, but I will never regret my son at all. What I do regret is continuing to have my bf in our lives. He goes months of doing nothing then goes balls out and leaves for days. He would come back all remorseful and back to the NA recovery groups. But for the past 2 months, his relapses have been every weekend that I no longer categorize as relapse. He is in full blown active addiction. Our poor 3yo son is scared and confused when my bf is tweaking out in the house doing weirdo stuff, iykyk. I had enough when we came home on mother's day and he locked us out of the house. I kicked him out and no matter what he says, he is not stepping foot in my home. My son and I need peace, not chaos. Meth is a destroyer of souls and I don't even recognize the man I fell in love with. He is long gone.

I was in a relationship with a drug user that hardly lasted a month. I know that I shouldn't be so traumatized by it and glad that I had the self-respect to get out as fast as I did, but he was my best friend before this all happened, and I miss him like hell. It's been exactly five months since he relapsed after trying to quit "for me". I love him so much. We're no contact at the moment, and I really don't see any possibility of us ever getting back in touch. I saw him try to get better after I helped his mom intervene by telling her about his drug problem, but now it seems like he's slipping back again. He also has an eating disorder and is losing too much weight. I have no close friends and very little family support, and back when I used to have friends they all told me I was making a big fuss over a complete dickhead and that I should focus on myself instead of him. That didn't help, because not only was I trying to focus more on myself then and just needed the occasional space to talk about him, but because I know he's not a bad person at all. He was the closest person I ever had and was extremely kind until he relapsed. I want to reach out so badly but know not to. I can't handle this pain anymore. My entire life fell in shambles after we broke up, and I just want him happy and healthy and safe. I know there's nothing I can do.

(For context, I am unable to seek professional help at the moment but plan to as soon as I can.)

I found a Family and Friend's recovery program that does "intensive" work... two evenings per week, in person, for several weeks. They are the flip side of the coin to their addiction recovery program. It's not step work, or SMART...

And I got a spot, starting next week!

I don't have a lot of people i can celebrate this with, which is kind of a weird feeling.

I just wanted to share something good, for once 💚

Hello! Thanks in advance for reading. My sister is struggling and has been for YEARS. She is 35 with a meth addiction. Every time my parents threaten to kick her out, she says she’ll be better (and she is for a bit). But it’s a cycle. The offered to pay for her health care to get her to a therapist or in a rehab, she said she’ll be better and didn’t need it and just relapsed. Tale as old as time at this point but my parents keep telling me at least she’s not dead and this is why the allow her and enable. It is tearing my parents apart, they constantly call me crying for fighting, they have nobody but me (the younger sister f/26) to talk to. I’ve decided I’m taking them both to a Naranon meeting tomorrow…any advice on how to show up strong for them when I’m feeling just as weak? What should I expect? Thank you.

Last time I heard from him he was on psych ward he had got with another addict and he ghosted. Then he went into recovery broke up with the ex now hes in contact. Done step 9 and been saying we had this deep connection etc but saying he doesnt want a relationship. Its given me emotional whiplash I dont know whats going on here. To me its like hes back from the dead and I dont know how I feel. Ive moved and trying to date but this just thrown me. he says he wants tp meet in about a month i just this whole thing is alot any help or advice

My partner has relapsed after 5 months sober. We’ve been together for just under 3 years. He currently doesn’t have a job, he isn’t studying, he doesn’t do anything. I didn’t know he was an addict when we met I only found out a year later. I wish I knew, I really wish I knew. I love him but I’ve said to him I can’t think about marriage and children with someone who can’t get their life together in any way. It will hurt so much to leave him but I have to do it for me. I have recently come to realise I will never feel happy or settled if I stay and wait for a better outcome. I hope he gets better I do but I can’t wait for him to change any longer. He won’t accept that I don’t want to be with him currently but I hope as he sobers up he’ll realise he’s lost me. I understand recovery comes with high chance of relapse throughout but having grown up with an addict I never ever want that for my children. I didn’t realise how far in he was, according to his mum, this has been a years and years long struggle. I wish she’d said something having known my upbringing. Can someone tell me that it gets better after leaving. How can I deal with feeling like I haven’t done enough?

I (24F) have recently started a relationship with a man (27M) who is addicted to alcohol and ketamine. I met him online while he was already in inpatient treatment, and at first I had no idea how serious his problems were. I fell in love with him from the very first moment we met.

He was in a dual diagnosis program (addiction + bipolar disorder). He stayed in treatment for 5 months and expressed strong motivation to live a completely clean life. About 2 weeks ago, he relapsed when he was allowed to go out briefly.

Today, he chose to leave treatment on his own, and only 2 hours later he used ketamine again.

I feel scares the whole time, I can't eat, I keep waiting for a message. I've been like this since he relapsed 2 weeks ago.

I love him very much, but I feel very confused and scared. Does anyone have advice or experience with something similar? Is it unwise for me to stay in this relationship? I really want a future with him.

I left my ex of 4.5 years 7 months ago and it was the worst part of my life. I’d equate it with emotional torture. After the struggle of leaving, evicting him, and getting a protective order, he eventually ended up getting arrested for breaking that order and DUI. He would call me in the middle of the night on blocked numbers begging for me back and eventually he showed up banging on my door. I wasn’t afraid of him physically hurting me but I was scared of the emotional trauma he would cause—constantly threatening suicide in front of me, etc. The harassment stopped because he went to jail.

Seven months later, I feel like a new person mostly. I am seeing someone new and while it’s very fresh I feel good about it. I’m succeeding at work and seeing my friends and family and feeling all around like I have a new lease on life.

I just got a call from a no caller ID number, the first one I’ve gotten in 5 months. I’m terrified it’s him. I don’t have the feelings of “I want to answer.” I have the feeling “I don’t want my past to screw up my present.” I’m scared he’s going to show up and ruin good things in my life. I’m scared other people will decide a crazy addicted ex is not something they want to subject themselves to.
And part of me is actually afraid he will do something truly crazy and harm me or something.

I think about the hell I went through a lot. I try not to let it define me. But I’m frustrated and angry and scared that it will. I’m embarrassed I let myself be subjected to that emotional abuse and the terror that comes with addiction for so long. I’m mad at myself because I feel like I let myself be ruined.

And don’t get me wrong. I still want my ex to be okay. I still have compassion for him. I hurt thinking about how much he must have hurt through this too. I just don’t want him anywhere close to me anymore.

Throwaway account. Two weeks ago I found out my boyfriend of 1 year has been using heroin and coke the majority of our relationship. I still haven’t been able to get a straight answer of when it started. Looking back it’s gut wrenching to see all the times I knew something was wrong but was too afraid to say something and make him upset or he’d just make me feel dumb for thinking anything.

Context:
Last September he had quit his job (that he hated) and was planning to move states to move in with me. We talked about it a lot and I assured him I was ready for it. The last visit before the move freaked me out, the way that he was talking to me in some disagreements threw me into fight or flight. My gut told me to slow down, but I still wanted to be with him. I told him that I no longer felt comfortable with the move. He was devastated and angry. I was told it was me changing my mind that led to the relapse. He ended up going silent for some time (two days) and I told him I can’t handle someone who can just not talk to me for that long and I broke it off.

Long story short I ended up groveling and convincing him to get back with me in October. In November he told me he was using coke and drinking again and had been since September. He told me he was going to stop and start looking for jobs. (he hasn’t had a job since the one he quit to move in with me). I was really upset he didn’t tell me before I was doing everything to “win him back” but I was happy he told me and he said from then on he’s just going to make himself be more busy and that should help. I think I was so in the trenches with my own mental health I didn’t think to urge him to seek help.

Fast forward to January - I agree to let him move in now. I promised I wouldn’t get cold feet and we can work on things together that come up. It took him forever to move but 3 weeks ago he got rid of most of his furniture and moved in. The following week is when it all came out that he’s been using heroin and coke this whole time.

It’s important to note I am in recovery (alcohol) too. Sobriety became infinitely more easier for me once I got on the right bipolar medication so I know with certainty sobriety is top priority for me. We met at a rehab. I thought he was just coming off of a short relapse and he definitely wanted to continue the years of sobriety he has prior. I had wanted to wait a year before dating but he told me we could be good for another and I agreed. Now I have this immense survivors guilt. I have bipolar and wasn’t on the right meds so it was chaotic. He seemed to put his whole effort in to me and always pointed to how good of a bf is for doing things for me. I am stronger than I’ve ever been before in my life because I have worked extremely hard - I thought he was supporting me but in hindsight it just all looks like part of a show.

Yesterday he told me he will hate me for the rest of his life if I break up with him over this. He keeps saying I promised to not kick him out. I am so incredibly in love with this man but now I don’t even really know who he is at all. I could never hate him. I’m not even hurt by him saying those things.

I have no choice but to choose myself - but this was a choice I never wanted to have to make.

I’m struggling with something I feel ashamed to admit.

My partner has issues with alcohol and hasn’t been fully honest or consistent in recovery. We have a baby together, and I want our family to work, but lately I find myself feeling… disgusted by him. Not just hurt or angry, but a deeper sense of disconnect and loss of respect.

I don’t want to feel this way. I want to feel love, safety, and hope again.

Has anyone been in a situation like this and been able to rebuild those feelings? Or is this kind of reaction a sign that something deeper isn’t being addressed?

I’m really trying to figure out what’s mine to work on vs. what I shouldn’t ignore.