r/gaytransguys

I’m 18, 8 months on T and currently casually talking to a cis male for the first time. I have some sexual experience with cis woman and trans man but I’ve never touched dick in my life. Any tips or advice? I still don’t know if I’m interested in piv for right now so any advice on anything involving wtf to do with a dick is welcome 🙏

They host dance classes open to everyone. Ive seen pictures, and it's been a very diverse group, which is why I came here specifically. I've been called ma'am/girl by two different people and it hasn't even been 10 minutes 🫠 I'm binding and almost a year and a half on T. I went to the bathroom and chose the women's restroom. I feel weird af being here. Literally, the only people who call me sir now are the ones who think I'm MtF and are trying to hurt my feelings (not at this bar. Just in everyday life!). Class hasn't started, but it's only me and ine ither person, so I can't bail. Pray for me.

I (ftm, 2.5 yrs on t, pre-bottom surgery) have been dating my (cis m, gay) partner for about 6 months now and have mostly been the dom/top, some dom bottoming as well. I’ve been tinkering with my strap setup to try to increase sensation/pleasure and YOU GUYS, I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT. I topped my partner last night and came while fucking him!! Words cannot describe how euphoric this was, like, a whole new way of experiencing the world. And, like, the way I should have been experiencing things the whole time and thought I’d never be able to. Like a part of my brain that’s been there but unused finally woke up. Wild.

What’s ended up working for me is using an axolom hyperon mini pack & play, with a silicone grinder inserted into the cup area. Like a lot of guys, the sensation pocket does nothing for me because it’s not very deep, and because of my anatomy. But the grinder gives me good contact. I use the axolom harness to hold everything close to my junk, wear a pair of boxer briefs with the strap pulled through the fly for aesthetics, and then also put on an adjustable leather harness when it’s time for anal, because the axolom harness by itself has too much give for me when going to town. So it’s definitely a lot—it’s sort of like suiting up to go skydiving—but it gets me the security to strap aggressively, and the contact to feel what I’m doing, and to finish from it. As a dom I just make him wait for me to get set up and I don’t bother rushing, and that feels good for both of us.

Honestly I almost cried afterward. Since I started transitioning, like most guys I’ve had moments of feeling discouraged about my body or my lovability or desirability, or worrying I won’t belong in gay spaces like bathhouses etc. Being loved and wanted by a cis gay guy without reservation, and having incredible mutually satisfying sex has been so healing, but being able to top and come from it just pulled it all together. Not that anybody needs to do ANY of this for themselves, and I’m not endorsing our value being dictated by whether cis men give it to us. BUT, for me, just feeling in the moment, and getting to forget myself a little, and feeling like—I can do anything anyone else can do—oh man. So much joy. Just wanted to add another little anecdote here that great and hot and validating experiences, gay experiences, topping/domming and feeling good while doing it, are also waiting for us.

Do you host a Grindr hook up the first time you meet? It doesn’t feel safe to just let a rando over to my house the first time meeting. Please share your insights

So I keep all of my sex stuff in a removable container that sits in a bookshelf. Not the most elegant but alas it works. My roommate started talking to this person who was preforming in an upcoming drag show. So I go to the show to see them preform and notice a harness they are wearing which looks really similar to one I have.

It’s a common enough chest harness so I don’t think much about it. Until I get home later that day. I decide I want to ride my dildo and go to grab the box it sits in. And the box is gone.

It was late so I think I must have just moved it (I do that from time to time). I’ll figure this out tomorrow.
So I wake up this morning and tear my room apart to look for the box. And then I remember the chest harness that also is stored in this box.

I am so worried about what I am going to find out when my roommate comes home today. If she took my sex stuff to fuck this person I am going to be so livid. I don’t even know what to do in this situation. Highkey spiraling at work.
Check back later today for updates I guess lamo. (This is how I’m coping).

i am in a cruising beach, nothing wrong with people at all nobody said anything and some people tried to hit on me, i mostly pass as (trans) guy

i thought it would be affirming but i feel so sad, seeing everyone naked there without being ashamed or uncomfortable while i didn’t even took my underwear or crop top off, seeing their body and their mannerism and everything i could have been but i will never be now i feel so sad idk if i even wanna hook up anymore D:

tw sexual assault / breach of consent / stealthing (removal of condom without consent)

>!i’m posting this here because i’m not totally sure where else to post it. i’m a very anxious person so i don’t have hookups very often. counting this one, I’ve had two hookups and I’ve had sex with three people total. so forgive me for being an ignorant idiot.!<

>!about a week ago i was in a weird mental space and feeling spontaneous so i decided to meet up with someone on grindr. i didn’t chat with them too much beforehand (this person was nonbinary t4t not that it really matters). i did ask if they’d been tested recently and they said they had, that they’d gotten tested with their partner a few months ago and hadn’t been with anyone else since, but they weren’t on PrEP.!<

>!(now that i think about it, i didn’t ask what their results were but i just assumed they were negative?)!<

>!i’m not on PrEP either but haven’t been sexually active since before my last tests. i agreed to meet up.!<

>!things felt a little weird at first, they lived in a basement and slept on an air mattress but who was i to judge? anyway we chatted and cuddled for a while and they seemed cool. eventually things got hot and heavy. i was nervous the whole time but kinda forced myself through it because i figure im never gonna get laid if i don’t take some risks, right?!<

>!(here’s the tw part) so they start giving me oral which is fine but not really doing it for me, and then suddenly they’re trying to push their penis inside me. i pause for a second and say “hey can we use a condom?” and they agreed and put one on (it was a dark purple or black one) so we kept going. it was kinda good even though it got a little uncomfortable for me at times. we took a break after like an hour and i think they put on a new condom. we went at it again but then at the next break i noticed they weren’t wearing a condom. i wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or if they had switched from a dark colored one to a clear one, so i didn’t say anything.!<

>!i should have said something. i feel like such a coward and an idiot.!<

>!anyways, at this point i’m feeling weird but we keep going. i reason with myself that im just going to jack them off and leave. but one thing leads to another and they’re inside me again, this time definitely without a condom. i don’t know why i let this happen. i put up with it for a while, since it doesn’t feel bad exactly, but then they start playing with my ass without asking and try to put their penis inside my ass and at that point i say “no, too much.” thankfully they stopped.!<

>!eventually i start getting ready to leave. i rinse myself off on the bathroom, not really feeling anything, and they walk me out. i thanked them for entertaining me (what the fuck is wrong with me genuinely).!<

>!not until i got home and showered did i realize that the missing condom was still inside me. i’m not sure how to feel about that. i just threw it away.!<

>!the tldr of it all is that i had consensual sex with someone who did not ask before deciding to take off the condom (or maybe it slipped off and they didn’t do anything about it?). i have no idea risk for STIs is. when should i go get testing? is it too soon to go a week later?!<

>!am i overreacting? is this just my fault for not speaking up and establishing clearer boundaries? and why has everyone i’ve been with been resistant to using condoms? ugh.!<

its my first time posting here so sorry if its not allowed or something, i just dont know where else to go or what to do about this and it bothering me a lot lately

i was hoping T would help me with these feelings the closer i got to passing, i go to male bathrooms with no issue, i get called sir and boss so im pretty sure i pass pretty throughly atp. im 24 and still a virgin by choice but i want to be with another man so bad and in general just be around other queer guys but i feel like a mockery. i feel like im disgusting and i dont belong around real men and i always get cold feet whenever im chatting with guys online, i cant even get to the point of a hookup.

i always knew i was gay but pre T i was pretty resigned that id be having unfulfilling PIV sex heterosexual style for the rest of my life cause that felt like my only option as i didnt want to come to terms with my desires, post T my libido has sky rocketed and i cant really ignore it anymore. but i feel disgusting, i feel like a sick woman with a fetish and not like a gay man and thats all ill be viewed as. i know thats not reality and ive even had a cis male friend assure me there are plenty of cis men who like trans guys but it doesnt stop something ive had beaten into my head since i was still basically a child first learning i was trans.

its not really about other people but about how i view myself, i just dont know how to stop. i hate myself a lot and i feel so gross after i watch gay porn both because i just think about how weird and fucked up i am, i dont understand why im turned on by any of this i feel so ashamed of the way i like men i wish i could just have been born a normal straight girl without these disgusting desires but im this weird fucked up half-man with a pussy who will never know what it feels like to be inside another man let alone that i could even properly please anyone, since id have to use a fake cock that will never live up to the real thing. i dont feel like ill ever be a real man and im scared to be around cis men whether they know im trans or not, deep down i feel like a mockery and a predator

basically how do i go about fixing my brain is a lobotomy my only option at this point or what

So a lot has changed in the last 3 years unrelated to passing, such as moving to a smaller town, mental health recovery, sobriety, and being more selective but overall, it feels like since I started passing (I am a hairy bear and am masc presenting) the attention I receive has become much less. I have also asserted my boundaries which prevents chasers from being interested - I no longer have any front hole penetration and don't want the focus to be on there. I am vers bottom if that matters.

Whenever I used to go on grindr, fetlife, or other apps/sites for casual sex or dates, I received a lot of attention. My self-esteem has been pretty low since the last year of trying to find a decent fwb has gone nowhere (mainly due to my location and living situation) but also because it feels like I am experiencing unrequited attraction.

I have another account where I post nudes and even there it feels like compared to the past when I did sex work and OF when I was more androgynous and had less body hair, I do not get the same attention as then. I don't want to reduce my body hair and like how I look now. A lot of it I think it also because I don't use my front hole anymore. That makes me feel very dysphoric knowing that I was just basically seen as a walking vagina... and now that I actually honour what I want, I am not granted the grace to be respected for my desires, instead I'm seen as a more "difficult" option or "pointless" because I don't give men what they want. Please note that I do tend to sleep with cis men due to compatibility, but honestly I've had this issue with both cis and trans men who seem to want to use that part of me.

Even when I was not passing and pre top surgery, there were more gay guys who pursued me to my surprise... maybe its because I was young (late teens/early 20s) and naive which appealed to unsavory men with questionable intentions. Now I'm in my late 20s, more secure in myself and know what I want, but I can't help but feel down about this because I feel I have limited options and for some reason whenever I flirt it just ends up being awkward... how was I so promiscuous in the past and how did I have so many hookups? It boggles my brain.

It's hard to tell if I am simply rejecting guys now more or if they're rejecting me. I try be direct (in the past I was unhinged and I look back wondering how I had the confidence to always initiate), and occasionally I send the first message. But often when I do it tends to be unsuccessful; ghosting, lack of interest, rejection, ignoring, etc.

I hope it will change because it's been 3 years since I've had sex...

Dating again after a few years off following a rough ending to a very difficult LTR. The years in the interim have been rife with various struggles - health issues, moves, career changes etc.

Anyway— point being is that, while I feel like I’m doing much better than my low point, I’m still a bit on the emotionally vulnerable side. I’ve been doing “the work” via therapy and so on, and at a point it’s just “this is the new me always in progress” vs expecting to be who I once perhaps was.

Problem I’m experiencing is that I find myself still very affected by the behaviors of my dates. I’ve been seeing a guy for maybe 4 dates now and it just feels intense for me. He is going through a rough patch in life and I’m falling into my stupid caring habits where I feel like moving heaven and earth when someone is having a bad time. But with that I become emotionally invested — and it just feels premature maybe. As it’s just time wise too soon - for him I’m sure and just in general. I’ve always been a bit of a romantic, but it feels more like a vulnerable ego than anything maybe.

Anyway— I’m not sure what to do. I don’t like feeling depression or heart ache with this. And I don’t want to make things sound complicated by bringing it up.

I dunno. Seeking advice. Feeling pretty depressed and not sure if it is this or old wounds.

I was looking for a grinder hookup pretty late found this one guy (yk how that goes) we exchange everything and we decide to meet up at my place. Keep in mind he saw my pics, I came out no binder/tape, and we talked for a second ( I have voice dysphoria.) We get into and I notice he keeps tryna put it in my ass. So I keep redirecting him lower. I thought at most maybe he didn’t know where the front hole was or was tryna do anal without asking. So after we finish we’re sitting there for a second taking and tell him if he wanted to do anal he had to let me know beforehand. That’s when he mentions he thought I was a “boy.” I said I am and then he asked if I’ve had surgeries that’s when I laughed a little because I realized he didn’t know I was a trans guy at first. I nearly said thank you to him because I felt so euphoric. He was definitely a little high but It still gave me such a huge burst of euphoria to know for a second I just got to be seen as any other gay guy and not a trans gay guy. I’ve never really posted before but I couldn’t think of better place people would get how happy this made me. Especially regrading my bottom growth starting to appear more micro penis like!!

A few months ago, I was>!sexually assaulted!<by a guy I had been dating. While this wasn't the first time this had happened to me, it really fucked with my head that, this time, it was by someone who was also trans.

Ever since it happened, sex and dating haven't felt safe.

Before, I was a happy slut. I was meeting guys all the time at parties, off apps. I felt comfortable being at bars, circuit parties, at bathhouses, at kink parties, nude beaches. Now I borderline panic if I try to go. I rarely leave the house these days.

I want to get to the point where I can do these things again and be comfortable with being intimate with another person. And while I'm in therapy, I don't feel we've gotten anywhere.

I know some of you all have dealt with the same. Any advice for how you got to a point where this stuff felt possible again?

I really want to engage in anal in a more frequent and casual way but it always takes me so long to fit more than a small toy / three fingers. I just feel like I never actually reach that “relaxed” state where my partner’s dick or my larger toys entering me don’t hurt. I use a ton of anal lube, go slow with fingers and toys first, and have even tried poppers. I can enjoy it despite the pain but I hate having to wait a while before doing it again every time because my ass is so sore.

Do people who have anal often or who are able to take bigger things more easily just train their ass very frequently? Should I be playing with my ass daily lol what do you all do!!

Edit - thanks all I’ve learned SO much today

I want to top, my partner wants me to top, but I feel very awkward about it. Does anyone have any advice on how to get over the awkwardness? My partner is very good about communicating what he wants, so the issue is solely with me feeling weird. I think it's a combination of just being new to it and then also dysphoria over the fact that I have to use a prosthetic to be able to top.

Hey All,

There probably is a better feed for this inquiry but I’m tossing it out here since it aligns with my exploits and the feedback may be better suited to my experience.

My current partner would like for me to use my voice more during sex. I am naturally a quiet person and that conveys to the bedroom so I’m finding it difficult to find such a voice.

I do know what I like but to be honest I like pretty much everything but in terms of orgasm, my body is pretty finicky. I’m totally okay not finishing as long as I don’t feel used if that makes sense. Granted sometimes quickies are great but just let me know ahead of time.

Anyway, I’m a bottom and default to a submissive role and have finally mastered calling him “Daddy,” also using words / phrases to let him know I’m enjoying myself but any advice when it comes to responding to loaded questions like “what do you want daddy to do?” Or “Tell me what you want?”

Also, any ideas for directing the “dirty talk,” to something a bit more adventurous or something? We’ve been hooking up for like 3 weeks now and our styles and likes seem to work well together but I can’t seem to figure out the dirty talk.

Maybe I’m alone in this but just thought I’d ask.

Wasn’t sure what flair to use here so thought I’d put introduction since I haven’t really done that on here. I’m 54, gay trans masc guy, began transition in earnest a year ago after dilly-dallying for a long time.

I’m reading Youngman and finding so much to relate to in terms of the young Lou Sullivan, especially behaviourally and the way in which he loved men. Lou, though, had such insight and was able to connect the way he felt and wanted to be in the world to his transness, even in a time where there was little to nothing to look to, nowhere to situate oneself. What an aware and brave soul. I’m so grateful he journaled so thoroughly. Perhaps that was what helped him connect the dots sooner than many of us do.