tw sexual assault / breach of consent / stealthing (removal of condom without consent)
>!i’m posting this here because i’m not totally sure where else to post it. i’m a very anxious person so i don’t have hookups very often. counting this one, I’ve had two hookups and I’ve had sex with three people total. so forgive me for being an ignorant idiot.!<
>!about a week ago i was in a weird mental space and feeling spontaneous so i decided to meet up with someone on grindr. i didn’t chat with them too much beforehand (this person was nonbinary t4t not that it really matters). i did ask if they’d been tested recently and they said they had, that they’d gotten tested with their partner a few months ago and hadn’t been with anyone else since, but they weren’t on PrEP.!<
>!(now that i think about it, i didn’t ask what their results were but i just assumed they were negative?)!<
>!i’m not on PrEP either but haven’t been sexually active since before my last tests. i agreed to meet up.!<
>!things felt a little weird at first, they lived in a basement and slept on an air mattress but who was i to judge? anyway we chatted and cuddled for a while and they seemed cool. eventually things got hot and heavy. i was nervous the whole time but kinda forced myself through it because i figure im never gonna get laid if i don’t take some risks, right?!<
>!(here’s the tw part) so they start giving me oral which is fine but not really doing it for me, and then suddenly they’re trying to push their penis inside me. i pause for a second and say “hey can we use a condom?” and they agreed and put one on (it was a dark purple or black one) so we kept going. it was kinda good even though it got a little uncomfortable for me at times. we took a break after like an hour and i think they put on a new condom. we went at it again but then at the next break i noticed they weren’t wearing a condom. i wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or if they had switched from a dark colored one to a clear one, so i didn’t say anything.!<
>!i should have said something. i feel like such a coward and an idiot.!<
>!anyways, at this point i’m feeling weird but we keep going. i reason with myself that im just going to jack them off and leave. but one thing leads to another and they’re inside me again, this time definitely without a condom. i don’t know why i let this happen. i put up with it for a while, since it doesn’t feel bad exactly, but then they start playing with my ass without asking and try to put their penis inside my ass and at that point i say “no, too much.” thankfully they stopped.!<
>!eventually i start getting ready to leave. i rinse myself off on the bathroom, not really feeling anything, and they walk me out. i thanked them for entertaining me (what the fuck is wrong with me genuinely).!<
>!not until i got home and showered did i realize that the missing condom was still inside me. i’m not sure how to feel about that. i just threw it away.!<
>!the tldr of it all is that i had consensual sex with someone who did not ask before deciding to take off the condom (or maybe it slipped off and they didn’t do anything about it?). i have no idea risk for STIs is. when should i go get testing? is it too soon to go a week later?!<
>!am i overreacting? is this just my fault for not speaking up and establishing clearer boundaries? and why has everyone i’ve been with been resistant to using condoms? ugh.!<