So a lot has changed in the last 3 years unrelated to passing, such as moving to a smaller town, mental health recovery, sobriety, and being more selective but overall, it feels like since I started passing (I am a hairy bear and am masc presenting) the attention I receive has become much less. I have also asserted my boundaries which prevents chasers from being interested - I no longer have any front hole penetration and don't want the focus to be on there. I am vers bottom if that matters.
Whenever I used to go on grindr, fetlife, or other apps/sites for casual sex or dates, I received a lot of attention. My self-esteem has been pretty low since the last year of trying to find a decent fwb has gone nowhere (mainly due to my location and living situation) but also because it feels like I am experiencing unrequited attraction.
I have another account where I post nudes and even there it feels like compared to the past when I did sex work and OF when I was more androgynous and had less body hair, I do not get the same attention as then. I don't want to reduce my body hair and like how I look now. A lot of it I think it also because I don't use my front hole anymore. That makes me feel very dysphoric knowing that I was just basically seen as a walking vagina... and now that I actually honour what I want, I am not granted the grace to be respected for my desires, instead I'm seen as a more "difficult" option or "pointless" because I don't give men what they want. Please note that I do tend to sleep with cis men due to compatibility, but honestly I've had this issue with both cis and trans men who seem to want to use that part of me.
Even when I was not passing and pre top surgery, there were more gay guys who pursued me to my surprise... maybe its because I was young (late teens/early 20s) and naive which appealed to unsavory men with questionable intentions. Now I'm in my late 20s, more secure in myself and know what I want, but I can't help but feel down about this because I feel I have limited options and for some reason whenever I flirt it just ends up being awkward... how was I so promiscuous in the past and how did I have so many hookups? It boggles my brain.
It's hard to tell if I am simply rejecting guys now more or if they're rejecting me. I try be direct (in the past I was unhinged and I look back wondering how I had the confidence to always initiate), and occasionally I send the first message. But often when I do it tends to be unsuccessful; ghosting, lack of interest, rejection, ignoring, etc.
I hope it will change because it's been 3 years since I've had sex...