Finally found a topping setup with great sensation, feeling gay af about it
I (ftm, 2.5 yrs on t, pre-bottom surgery) have been dating my (cis m, gay) partner for about 6 months now and have mostly been the dom/top, some dom bottoming as well. I’ve been tinkering with my strap setup to try to increase sensation/pleasure and YOU GUYS, I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT. I topped my partner last night and came while fucking him!! Words cannot describe how euphoric this was, like, a whole new way of experiencing the world. And, like, the way I should have been experiencing things the whole time and thought I’d never be able to. Like a part of my brain that’s been there but unused finally woke up. Wild.
What’s ended up working for me is using an axolom hyperon mini pack & play, with a silicone grinder inserted into the cup area. Like a lot of guys, the sensation pocket does nothing for me because it’s not very deep, and because of my anatomy. But the grinder gives me good contact. I use the axolom harness to hold everything close to my junk, wear a pair of boxer briefs with the strap pulled through the fly for aesthetics, and then also put on an adjustable leather harness when it’s time for anal, because the axolom harness by itself has too much give for me when going to town. So it’s definitely a lot—it’s sort of like suiting up to go skydiving—but it gets me the security to strap aggressively, and the contact to feel what I’m doing, and to finish from it. As a dom I just make him wait for me to get set up and I don’t bother rushing, and that feels good for both of us.
Honestly I almost cried afterward. Since I started transitioning, like most guys I’ve had moments of feeling discouraged about my body or my lovability or desirability, or worrying I won’t belong in gay spaces like bathhouses etc. Being loved and wanted by a cis gay guy without reservation, and having incredible mutually satisfying sex has been so healing, but being able to top and come from it just pulled it all together. Not that anybody needs to do ANY of this for themselves, and I’m not endorsing our value being dictated by whether cis men give it to us. BUT, for me, just feeling in the moment, and getting to forget myself a little, and feeling like—I can do anything anyone else can do—oh man. So much joy. Just wanted to add another little anecdote here that great and hot and validating experiences, gay experiences, topping/domming and feeling good while doing it, are also waiting for us.