r/emetophobiarecovery

TLDR; toddler caught stomach bug. Freaked out but handled it with as much grace as possible. Everything is okay!!

My almost 2 year old got hit with something awful. The past three days I’ve been living my worst nightmare.

Wednesday night he had some really watery diarrhea, blew out of his diaper. We brushed it off as a fluke and probably due to something he ate. Next day Thursday, we go to my elderly grandparents house (my grandma has lung cancer and is currently undergoing immunotherapy infusions) and this kid is just super grumpy the whole time, acting sleepy. Hang out there for about 2 hours and have lunch (little dude has no appetite but chalked it up to him being distracted in a different space) and head home because he’s being such a grump.

The second we walk in the door I’m hanging up my purse and look over at him and he just has the *look*. I freeze and he proceeded to spew all over the side of the couch and again on the floor. I’m still frozen in shock, my partner scoops him up and tries to rush him to the bathroom, fumbles with the door, he pukes again down the door and the floor there, partner opens the door then also fumbles with the closed toilet lid, kid pukes down the side of the toilet and in front of it. Lol all that fuss for him to make exactly 0% of the vomit in the toilet.

Partner tells me to go to my bedroom and calm down and he will clean up but ofc I don’t trust him to clean it well enough so while he gets kiddo cleaned up and in the bath I started wiping everything down and prepping the mop with floor sanitizer, spraying bleach, what have you. Finally make it to the bathroom to clean up that mess, this man is in the bath WITH baby. I’m like bro you’re effectively bathing in a vat of vomit particles?!? Whatever, I continue on cleaning, thoroughly wash my hands and change my clothes.

Feeling very proud of myself for handling that, I prep a dose of zofran for little dude then go sit in my room to decompress and inevitably start spiraling. Did I clean enough? Did we share food or drink the past few days? Should I have worn gloves and mask? Are my grandparents going to be okay? Where could he have gotten this? How long until it hits my partner? How long until it hits me? Which bathroom should I use now?

And here we are, Sunday morning, kiddo is back to his normal self (for the most part), my partner and I aren’t sick, and it wasn’t the end of the world. Don’t get me wrong this has been EXTREMELY anxiety inducing but something about coming out the other end of this mostly unscathed and knowing I’ve been taking care of my son regardless of the vomit makes me feel proud.

I’m still on edge but collecting data and the data says, we’re OKAY.

so for context, i usually take zofran or ativan to combat nausea and the anxiety associated with the possibility of throwing up. WELL !! i was nauseous for a whole hour and really wanted to take one of those medications, but then i remembered what my therapist told me in my exposure therapy. the more i engage in my safety seeking behaviors, the more i’m just reinforcing my fear. so this time when i was nauseous, i didn’t take any meds at all and just tried to distract myself by talking to my bf about literally anything until the nausea episode passed. and you know what ?? it honestly wasn’t too terrible. i felt so proud of myself tbh :) and my therapist was especially proud of me. i guess the exposure therapy is working :))))

I just had this thought. Vomiting is the only thing I am scared of. I am not scared of pain. I am not scared of heights. My anxiety is ONLY centered around vomiting. I am claustrophobic bc I am afraid of vomiting. I am agoraphobic bc I am afraid of vomiting. If tomorrow I would wake up with a brain injury that would make it impossible for me to feel fear. I would hope on a plane to go see my family and my childhood cat who is growing older and older… I would finally tell my boyfriend that we can experience the world together because I know he is craving it so bad. I would just do all the things I haven’t done since I was 8.

Whenever I feel okay, I feel positive to try new things, I tell myself “if it were to happen, it’d all be okay! But as soon as I start feeling sick, I panic so badly it feels as if my entire body is lifting out of itself, everything feels distant and it’s just so weird. experiences like those only reinforces my fear. If that happens just due to anxiety, imagine when it does actually happen.

I can’t even imagine the fact it will happen one day, sorry to be TMI, but the feeling, the anxiety, the sensations, taste, smell, all of it, I can’t.

I just find it crazy that people will just never think about throwing up when it’s all I think about all day long. I’m seeing my friend soon and we want to cut our hair, eat out together... and I just can’t but I know if it put it off it’ll get worse, but then if I do it, I risk the possibility of throwing up which is unlikely but anxiety mimics it so well. It’s such an irrational fear but It’s dictating my whole life, there are so many places or things I can’t do anymore. I have to be in a certain distance to my house, within a time limit otherwise I panic and feel like I can’t escape & home in my safety ofc.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, just how do I be okay with it? I wish my brain just knew it was okay like other people, I’m juggling so much anxiety and we only live once.. I don’t want to regret living because I was scared to be sick, a normal bodily response :(

i’m sitting here, wrapped in a blanket, essentially mid-relapse/setback, unsure how to cope or continue. i think i have some mild food poisoning that’s triggered this but i caved and took zofran

for context i’ve been in general therapy for about 18 months consistently, and am in discussions with my therapist and other specialists about starting up some ERP targeting this phobia. did a couple of sessions a while back practicing using words like puke n vomit etc. so i thought it sounded like a good idea.

right now, i’m having thoughts that have popped up for as long as i can remember, but i’m unable to find any way out.

i don’t want to be alive when there is ANY risk of vomiting. it doesn’t seem like a fair or worthy trade off for me, like the risk of vomit outweighs literally any potential benefit.

i don’t really know what to say bc im a bit of a mess right now but i just don’t think there’s any possible thing that could make this horrible experience worth it? pls help ):

ps i have no active suicide plans, my partner is home and knows i feel this way and i have a session w my therapist on tuesday. so i’m safe i promise, just wish there was an opt out button

I’ve had issues with emetophobia since I was a child because of hearing my mother (heavy smoke) gag every morning and cough, along side the discomfort and almost choking aspect of the action of vomiting. I’m now 23, married and have a child (pregnancy was not fun) but tonight I got sick. Super sick I’m talking I couldn’t leave the toilet for more than 3 mins tops. My stomach cramped so horribly. I took many showers, heating pad, took pepto, etc etc. finally when I was talking to my husband otp while he drove home from work I couldn’t stop it.

I just let it happen. It hurt, and it scared me. The fear of choking set in when I couldn’t control it. BUT I DID IT

I was so shaken and my husband just got in the door when finally could speak and yell help. But I finally let myself do it for the first time in - I wanna say - 12 years? And now I feel better. I will not lie I called my mom (after texting to make sure she’s up it’s 11pm est for me) but I DID IT!!!

In a weird way I’m very proud of myself but I’m still in pain from shitting my guts out.

Edit - I don’t like typing the word vomit or vomiting. My OCD makes me believe it will happen if I say the word. I added it back to the post since from a previous comment it seems to be an issue :(

What are the best shows or movies for exposure therapy? I’m looking to increase my intensity. Btw, I feel like the exposure therapy is working. It’s slow but it’s there.

I’ve never seen anyone talk else about this. Basically, I feel like I only have emetophobia at night. During the day I eat whatever I want, don’t wash my hands more than the average people, hell I even skydived. And I never worry about “oh is this going to make me throw up?”. But at night? It hits me all at once, and I get this impending sense of doom. I truly do not understand why during the day I never think about throwing up unless I actively feel like throwing up, but at night everything feels like it’s me about to throw up. I think maybe my brain associates nighttime with throwing up because as a kid I only vomited at night?

Soooo, I was salvaging furniture and stepped on a board with rusty nails. Two of them went through my foot. I went to urgent care after increased pain and redness and left with my very own tetanus shot and antibiotic Rx. I still have 3.5 more days of treatment and I'm so miserable. My stomach is already a mess all the time due to gastroparesis, but the antibiotic is adding a whole new level of hell.

Any coping advice? Do I keep just trying to pass the time and keep my mind off of it? I'm trying to just sit with the discomfort when possible, but all day every day it gets exhausting and I burn out and lose patience and then get anxious and it's hard to get out of the doomsayer mindset.

hi all, been a lurker here for a while but not posted before. i just wondered if anyone else struggles with a severe fear of having an upset stomach/ diarrhoea along side the fear of throwing up. i’ve struggled with emetophobia for a good few years now (i’m 21) but never really had an issue with pooping- i always thought ‘well at least i’m not puking’.

but about a year ago i went through really bad autistic burnout (my burnouts tend to come out as panic attacks and high anxiety) and had a bout of diarrhoea.

it only lasted a few hours, but i did panic the whole time & since then i am deathly afraid of poop. which is so stupid and annoying because, i mean, it’s poop.

i have a nasty habit of taking Imodium when i definitely don’t need it, and i feel like it’s also made my fear of vomiting worse, so now i’m just scared of any bodily function apparently.

what’s next, sneezing?

i feel like nobody ever talks about this fear, though it’s quite similar and obviously linked to emetophobia, so i’m wondering if anyone else feels this way.

no matter what i tell myself about it being normal and just a part of life, whenever i feel like i might have an upset stomach i go full doom mode, today i had 2 panic attacks after a minor stomach upset! obviously the anxiety around it then provokes more stomach upset and so on… (thanku brain-gut connection).

it’s not to do with being in public either, i feel this way at home as well and it’s rlly affecting my daily life.

any tips would be v appreciated, or just anyone else who feels this way too because i feel INSANE.

anyways, lots of love xox

Hi! Long time lurker here and today I felt like sharing.

For the past week I've been watching "Love life" and just finished it.

A few times throughout the show some people get sick, but it's like sick off camera and I can handle that.

Most of the time when it is shown on screen, I quickly look away (if I didn't see it coming) and I feel nauseous for a bit.

For about 3 times I think (?), it was off screen and you just heard someone cough or like throw up a little, nothing over the top.

So I was feeling "safe" to watch it!

Now until the very last episode.

I saw it coming that the person was going to be sick, but I didn't look away because I was thinking ; They don't show it so it's okay!

And just as the title of this post spoiled, surprisingly the camera zoomed out and showed it.

She was hanging out of the car window and it wasn't really much or over the top, but it was unexpected for me.

But I didn't react! I kept calm! I was just a little surprised.

And I quickly thought to myself ; See! I didn't die! I didn't get hurt!

Now that I'm thinking back to it, I'm so proud of myself! This is one step closer to recovery! Which I didn't really have in a long time.

So I thought to myself, let's share this with Reddit people who understand.

Now, maybe next time I will react, idk for sure. But that's okay! I'll just keep on practicing with shows for now.

Iknow that there is a site where you can look for triggers. But I don't want to do that. I feel like, for me, it would just get in the way of recovery and I don't want to take steps back.

I'll still watch my safety and comfort shows when I eat though haha.

Thank you for reading!

I hope you have a great day / night / weekend and week!

Sending love 🩷

This is strange, I avoid different things when I feel sick. But what I don't avoid is alcohol. I threw up from alcohol once and I still drink, I don't avoid it and I've had a LOT of hard times. It's strange, I don't understand how it works, that I'm afraid to go somewhere because of what if, but these thoughts don't bother me with alcohol where everything is 50/50. Yesterday I had a brutal hangover, a normal person would throw up, but I just didn't throw up even though I was pretty sick. The main thing is that when I feel better, I immediately forget how much I suffered from nausea and I'll do it again.

Hi, so after a dozen horrible months full of setbacks and nauseousness pretty much 24/7 (due to anxiety) I'm looking to get into ssri's again.

Which one is most likely to NOT give me nausea as side effect? I don't really mind headaches, or dizzines or anything beside the nausea.

My first ssri was lexapro drops (cipralex in EU), which gave me bit of headache, but could have been caused by my stiff neck as it sometimes does, then i've tried zoloft with basically no sideeffects. And for the next 8 months it was wonderfull. Loads of CBT a exposure therapy, i felt like recovered, back in the real life full of happiness. Until the zombie effect came and for the next 6 months, i was slowly drifting back to full on emetophobia mode.

Next on was Trintellix / Vortioxetine (Brintellix in EU), which made me SUPER nauseous, like it was so bad i was 3 days in bed waiting for the vommiting to come, horrible experience. So right after the 3 days period i went on Mirtazapine (Mirzaten), 30mg. It's been 2.5 months and i just dont feel any ease of my anxiety. Only thing it makes me eat more and fell asleep in few minutes. Making little to no exposure progress and having troubles with day to day life constantly.

Should i try lexapro again? Or is there any "safer" alternative? I'm really trying hard to push through the cbt and exposures, but i find it pretty much impossible in this state.

Thanks for help 🫶

I believe I always had this phobia, but didn’t know it existed until I was a senior in HS going through health issues.

When I threw up in 6th grade from food poisoning, I remember it being several months after saying to myself, “it’s been 3 months” I’m okay. I also remember that it wasn’t pleasant, but I was okay the next day. Completely fine. I also couldn’t wear the clothes I got sick in, because to me they were connected to throwing up.

During my most extreme parts of having this phobia, I was physically washing myself with bleach and throwing out clothes of someone said they felt sick - not even if they were sick.

I have made tremendous strides, all on my own. I eat more food that used to scare me, but there are times I still struggle. I go out to eat even during flu season. I don’t wash my hands as often. I can watch scenes of people throwing up. I get nervous taking new medication, but continue to do so, even if I’m scared. I’m not seeking reassurance that my boyfriend cooked the food right, because I know he wouldn’t put me in danger & if I were to ever get sick, it’s because the food was bad, not that he cooked it wrong.

The biggest problem I face, while still trying to recover is that I don’t think about it 24/7, but I hyper fixate on it if I’m around someone who was sick or I’m in a situation where I feel physically ill. That’s very difficult because there’s no way to get my brain to not think about it. Anyone have tips for this?

I do have very hard time with sensory issues, so think that plays a huge part, but I’m working on it.

I do have to admit though, I am not thinking about it 24/7 and that is never where I thought I would be.

Recovery is weird, hard, but exciting when you see yourself making strides.

But please keep going. I have to believe throwing up isn’t worse than getting an arm or leg cut off.

It’s a pretty well known and well loved place in my city, my best friend went there a couple of times. It’s my first time here. I had an amazing drink and ordered a carrot cake. When it came, it came with some cream and blueberries and I noticed one blueberry was moldy. My boyfriend went to the waitress to change it and I asked him to ask for just the cake without the cream and blueberries. The waitress was super embarrassed and choked and she apologise to him and then to me, and she was very nice.

I still ate the new carrot cake she brought me. I am still very scared lol but hey… I know that blueberries can get moldy in a blink of an eye and it’s not really their fault/doesn’t say much about the hygiene or the establishment but still I am scared and still I will be brave I think…

my girlfriend was recently really sick with some type of virus that made her throat really sore with lots of coughing. she was at my apartment when she initially started getting sick and i took her back to her house because of how bad it was getting. she ended up having to go to the ER and everything and i’ve been seeing her almost everyday and bringing her anything she needed to try and support her through her sickness. yesterday night she told me that she threw up the night i took her back to her house. i was really shocked when she told me this and froze and didn’t really say anything. she knows about my phobia and said that she thought it would be better if she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want to freak me out. i got really anxious after this because i’d been seeing her daily and had no clue she threw up. i honestly was really hurt that she didn’t tell me but i also felt bad that she felt she couldn’t tell me about it or find comfort in me when i know she really hates vomiting.

i’m just really confused on how to handle and process this especially with my phobia in mind and trying to not hinder my recovery. i was able to still stay with her for an hour or so after she told me before i had to leave but i was still very anxious during that time and mainly had shut down. i saw her again today and was able to stay for a while and try to not think about it. any advice or suggestions on what i should do in this situation would be greatly appreciated.

i just chewed the most moldy bread I've ever seen x-x

for context, my dad prepares toasts for me and my mother every day. today was no exception, but after taking my first bite, i've noticed some weird white coloration around it, so i asked him for the package he used and it was FULL of mold.

thankfully i didn't swallow it so i just spit it out, threw my piece away and brushed my teeth. now i'm just trying not to freak out while having cheese lol

i don't think mold would survive the 180°C he used to toast the bread. plus, i didn't even swallow it. but you guys know how our brains works 🥲 so now i'm just trying to be brave and hope i'll be fine

definitely not something i wish would happen to me today but it is what it is lol what doesn't kill us make us stronger ig

Soo…I’ve been feeling a little bit weird all day. I always have anxiety because of this phobia and it manifests into stomach problems or tightening my throat unintentionally. But today felt different, I was have slight cramps here and there and even felt nauseous. I had plans to go to Texas Roadhouse with my boyfriend and his parents for his birthday. I didn’t wanna not go and reinforce my fear, however, I went and it was horrible. The food was good but I was nauseous and anxious the whole time I thought I was gonna vomit and even on the way home I was miserable and thinking that if it happens it will be incredibly embarassing. I got back to his house and still feel nauseous. I get anxious when it comes to going out because I always fear I’m gonna vomit in front of everyone.

hey reddit ! it's been over 100 days since my last post & overall i haven't been having that many incidents. i've actually been improving significantly with my emetophobia. a couple of panics here and there, but nothing so bad i've gone back to old habits.

and then this month happened.

easter, it went well. good, actually. i got an easter lily ( NOTE THIS DOWN. ) & i ate a fear food of mine and a whole bunch of chocolate which. but towards the end of the day, the dreaded. my aunt invited me out to watch a movie. ( the super mario galaxy movie . ) i've been wanting to watch it since i found out rosalina would be in it. now, one of my biggest emetophobia triggers are movie theatres simply because i cannot leave. ( can you tell my emetophobia comes from ocd? ) but, for some reason, i decided to go.

day of, i feel nauseous as fuck. looking back, it was most likely nerves. i had a little something to eat, packed some lemon essential oil, and went on my merry way. this was actually the first movie i've sat through since i was eight ( angry birds ) . we tried to sit through maleficent 2 and bad guys , but alas, both times i flipped my shit which also ended up getting me my diagnosis for social anxiety (yay) .

( time travelling for a bit, a few months back we were set to go to a nearby city for my grandmas appointment. said city had a mall so we had a deal if i went i could pick out a couple of things for my aunt to purchase . it ended up snowing very badly in that city so we couldn't go .) come just last week, my aunt so generously offered to take me once more. this time, she would take me thrifting while my grandmother got her mouth poked with needles. and then she'd take me to the mall. i was so very excited. is this a good time to mention i have anxiety induced ibs? yes? my life is so fun.

woke up and immediately started the day off with the toilet being my best friend. contemplated not going for about an hour before deciding just this once i'd suck it up. i took some gravol and some pepto and went on my way. had a lot of fun and bought the new baked by victoria's secret collection, and also some scents and lotions for my mom. and also a lipgloss i had been scratching at the walls for from sephora. and then, we took a detour on the way home to waste the rest of my money at winners. what a great day! i did get a little bit motion sick from the elevators in the doctors office and the escalator ( but not the car, for whatever reason ..) but that was nothing some fresh air and a little bit of food couldn't fix. we arrived home and i thought that was it.

and then yesterday happened. in my half - stressed, weary mind, i had decided it was time to pick up the easter lily from my aunts. i collect it, set it up on the living room table before sitting down and admiring it. i want to note that in this moment, i had forgotten just how poisonous easter lilies ( and lilies in general ! ) were to cats. and just as i remembered, it was far too late. my cat had taken a huge bite from a leaf.

i was home alone. i'm eighteen and i don't have a car nor do i have money. ( emetophobia keeps me from getting a job. great work, emetophobia !) panic called my dad, received a " keep an eye on her " answer, called my mom and got her to drive me to the nearest vet that could do anything which was 15 minutes away. we get there within 45 minutes of ingestion and the vets were quite happy with that.

anyway, my cat was then given a pill and violently spun around to induce vomiting. didn't bring up any leaves. they do it again, no leaves. it is around this time my cat attacks the vet so they swaddle her, clip her nails, and then give her charcoal and anti nausea meds.

and since i am eighteen, and technically the owner of the feline, i am left with a choice : 1, risk it and go home, or 2, DRIVE TO THAT SAME CITY I AM IN YESTERDAY while nauseous, wearing pants ( which is ALSO an emetophobia trigger for me ) , without my anti nausea meds , all while having to pay 2700 dollars to put her on an iv to keep her kidneys flushed for 48 hours.

i picked the second one. it was extremely hard. because either way there was a likely chance i would be leaving without my cat. we then drive to the city, drop her off, and it's now the next day.

anyway. yeah. a lot of emetophobia challenges this month. we're travelling again TOMORROW and i am a bit less worried. i've been so tired i didn't even care about my ibs today which is a little wild because normally when something happens that's digestion related i go down a spiral. i haven't today. anyway, thats how my april has been. i think everything weird is just happening this month so i have a good summer . yay .