best and worse exposure month of my life
hey reddit ! it's been over 100 days since my last post & overall i haven't been having that many incidents. i've actually been improving significantly with my emetophobia. a couple of panics here and there, but nothing so bad i've gone back to old habits.
and then this month happened.
easter, it went well. good, actually. i got an easter lily ( NOTE THIS DOWN. ) & i ate a fear food of mine and a whole bunch of chocolate which. but towards the end of the day, the dreaded. my aunt invited me out to watch a movie. ( the super mario galaxy movie . ) i've been wanting to watch it since i found out rosalina would be in it. now, one of my biggest emetophobia triggers are movie theatres simply because i cannot leave. ( can you tell my emetophobia comes from ocd? ) but, for some reason, i decided to go.
day of, i feel nauseous as fuck. looking back, it was most likely nerves. i had a little something to eat, packed some lemon essential oil, and went on my merry way. this was actually the first movie i've sat through since i was eight ( angry birds ) . we tried to sit through maleficent 2 and bad guys , but alas, both times i flipped my shit which also ended up getting me my diagnosis for social anxiety (yay) .
( time travelling for a bit, a few months back we were set to go to a nearby city for my grandmas appointment. said city had a mall so we had a deal if i went i could pick out a couple of things for my aunt to purchase . it ended up snowing very badly in that city so we couldn't go .) come just last week, my aunt so generously offered to take me once more. this time, she would take me thrifting while my grandmother got her mouth poked with needles. and then she'd take me to the mall. i was so very excited. is this a good time to mention i have anxiety induced ibs? yes? my life is so fun.
woke up and immediately started the day off with the toilet being my best friend. contemplated not going for about an hour before deciding just this once i'd suck it up. i took some gravol and some pepto and went on my way. had a lot of fun and bought the new baked by victoria's secret collection, and also some scents and lotions for my mom. and also a lipgloss i had been scratching at the walls for from sephora. and then, we took a detour on the way home to waste the rest of my money at winners. what a great day! i did get a little bit motion sick from the elevators in the doctors office and the escalator ( but not the car, for whatever reason ..) but that was nothing some fresh air and a little bit of food couldn't fix. we arrived home and i thought that was it.
and then yesterday happened. in my half - stressed, weary mind, i had decided it was time to pick up the easter lily from my aunts. i collect it, set it up on the living room table before sitting down and admiring it. i want to note that in this moment, i had forgotten just how poisonous easter lilies ( and lilies in general ! ) were to cats. and just as i remembered, it was far too late. my cat had taken a huge bite from a leaf.
i was home alone. i'm eighteen and i don't have a car nor do i have money. ( emetophobia keeps me from getting a job. great work, emetophobia !) panic called my dad, received a " keep an eye on her " answer, called my mom and got her to drive me to the nearest vet that could do anything which was 15 minutes away. we get there within 45 minutes of ingestion and the vets were quite happy with that.
anyway, my cat was then given a pill and violently spun around to induce vomiting. didn't bring up any leaves. they do it again, no leaves. it is around this time my cat attacks the vet so they swaddle her, clip her nails, and then give her charcoal and anti nausea meds.
and since i am eighteen, and technically the owner of the feline, i am left with a choice : 1, risk it and go home, or 2, DRIVE TO THAT SAME CITY I AM IN YESTERDAY while nauseous, wearing pants ( which is ALSO an emetophobia trigger for me ) , without my anti nausea meds , all while having to pay 2700 dollars to put her on an iv to keep her kidneys flushed for 48 hours.
i picked the second one. it was extremely hard. because either way there was a likely chance i would be leaving without my cat. we then drive to the city, drop her off, and it's now the next day.
anyway. yeah. a lot of emetophobia challenges this month. we're travelling again TOMORROW and i am a bit less worried. i've been so tired i didn't even care about my ibs today which is a little wild because normally when something happens that's digestion related i go down a spiral. i haven't today. anyway, thats how my april has been. i think everything weird is just happening this month so i have a good summer . yay .