is recovery even worth it?
i’m sitting here, wrapped in a blanket, essentially mid-relapse/setback, unsure how to cope or continue. i think i have some mild food poisoning that’s triggered this but i caved and took zofran
for context i’ve been in general therapy for about 18 months consistently, and am in discussions with my therapist and other specialists about starting up some ERP targeting this phobia. did a couple of sessions a while back practicing using words like puke n vomit etc. so i thought it sounded like a good idea.
right now, i’m having thoughts that have popped up for as long as i can remember, but i’m unable to find any way out.
i don’t want to be alive when there is ANY risk of vomiting. it doesn’t seem like a fair or worthy trade off for me, like the risk of vomit outweighs literally any potential benefit.
i don’t really know what to say bc im a bit of a mess right now but i just don’t think there’s any possible thing that could make this horrible experience worth it? pls help ):
ps i have no active suicide plans, my partner is home and knows i feel this way and i have a session w my therapist on tuesday. so i’m safe i promise, just wish there was an opt out button