r/cptsd_bipoc

They are worse racists than the overt and vocal ones. Most of what they do is fake and conditional. If you act in a way they do not like, their "support" vanishes and is replaced by open hatred. They see us as pets and tools, not people with free will.

One of their biggest problems is thinking they are not racist. Savior complex is the neighbor of abuse. No one has tone checked or scolded me more than white leftists. They get so angry when they assume they have been criticized by those they want to lord over (us).

"Are you implying...?" or "I think what you mean to say..." or feeling the need to argue or "dominate" POC instead of...listening.

So much gaslighting.

Too many times, they try to speak for me or put words in my mouth.

No, class is not more important than race.

That is all.

I've never fit the Black beauty standards for my face. I've never had a face that would be praised, go viral for being beautiful, or be used as inspo for other Black women. It will never be that. I will never be that person.

I know my face is unattractive. I've known since I was a kid.

I've been called "ugly" by healthcare staff, people of the same race as myself, teachers, old friends, school peers, and strangers online.

The "move to a predominantly Black environment" and "find other women who look like you" advice never helped me. I've always lived in majority Black neighborhoods, counties, and environments. Blackness has been the center of my life in most cases.

I've also never seen another Black woman who looks somewhat similar to me. Trust me, I've looked for a long time, but couldn't find anyone in the algorithm. After a while, that tells me something, and it hurts a lot.

I'm so tired of dealing with the downsides of being facially unattractive.

Whenever a Black woman is considered conventionally attractive, the world will let them know at some point. Yet, in my case, the world has told me I'm not enough, and I've learned to shrink myself because of it.

No one understands how much trauma is tied to my face. I can hardly stare at my face in the mirror without imagining it being ripped off. It kinda reminds me of that one scene from the movie "Belle" when Dido looks at her reflection.

I do all of the things people suggest to improve one's appearance (besides cosmetic surgery) and things that jeopardize my health. It didn't change the disharmony of my face. The additions and consistency helped me with a couple of things over the years health wise, but my face is still garbage. Apparently, I've gotten "uglier" in adulthood according to previous peers. 💀

It's hard to build confidence when a lot of people have put you down for years.

I am honestly baffled that gay white men can surprisingly find a way to treat me far worse than the straights. And this isn't me saying that the white straights are nice to me, it's just that the white gays are far worse.

Event though I am gay myself, I absolutely avoid them like the plague. I really can't deal with the amount of hate they have towards everyone who doesn't fit their narrow perception of the world, which is basically everyone.

The worst part to me is how they absolutely hate it when we don't suffer the way they expect us to. I live in a very white city, so making gay friends is completely out of the equation. I usually go out with straight guys, who for whatever reason feel comfortable around me. I'm unfortunately always the only Black person and only queer person as well in those groups. Occasionally, we do go places where others are also queer.

My straight male friends are quite comfortable with themselves and enjoy fake flirting with me, to the extent of even touching and cuddling with me. I've noticed that this absolutely bothers the white gays, the same gays who don't even give me the time of day and act like I don't exist. I guess I only exist when I get attention from the men they desire.

This absolutely pisses me off because I don't even want that kind of attention from straight men, specially white men, but I take it because it's the only kind of attention I get. It's really like I am just supposed to die

What are your takes about the white gays?

I used to think I had this problem with all teen boys but I'm realizing it's only white ones. I'm 18, I've already graduated from school but whenever I see a group of white guys from ages, like, 13-20, at a store or something, I straight up walk out. I'm a brown girl who grew up in Europe and is living in Europe, I suffered a lot of bullying from them and am still afraid they're going to mock me or make fun of me. I have never heard of a 18-year old man making fun of a 17-year old girl but I guess it's what I get... Have had "monkey" said to me, a racist word said by a group of them, had pens and paper balls thrown at me by guys trying to impress white girls, have been asked out as a joke, etc... So I automatically believe they want make fun of me.

Dont read if you don't wanna be annoyed alongside me.

​Seeing them say things like "we fought to end slavery " and say "but black people owned slaves too​! " annoys me because you can feel their guilt and they trying anything BUT unpacking racism and their white privilege to cope with it. Like shit y'all colonized a lot and did a lot of shitty things, if I were y'all ​I would feel shitty too. Which I have for other privileges I have (Cisgender and fully abled) but guess what, I didn't take it out on trans people or disabled people. I reflected and began unpacking any trans phobia or ableism I found within myself.

Y'all got no excuses, it's honestly why so many people don't bother differentiating y'all from y'all ancestors. Cause y'all be pulling the same shit and excusing, downplaying, etc, the shit they did! ​​​

Hello, this is kind of a journal entry and I'm a bit at my wits ends.

I'm living in a place in Germany with high rates of voting far right.

what I'm dealing with: • aftermath of a legal conflict where a woman manipulated me into taking care.

• A neighbor lying to the apartment management about me and accused me of things I didn't do. She unfortuntely now has became my downstairs neighbor and probably surveilles everything. (around 70) In the whole apartment there are letters from her telling the people what to do and not. When I use the shared garden, she yells at me and behaves very aggressive.

• Another white woman, I was working with in a voluntary work accused me of not doing enough, when in fact I contributed a lot into this project and IMO did far more than most, but at the same time was the scapegoat for everything what went wrong, even when I wasn't even involved.

All of this woman have been highly abusive also to their white partners / children / ... for example: The woman of the project gossiped about everyone. The woman in her 40es yelled so much at her children, blamed them and shamed them that I was seriously considering involving authorities, which I unfortunately didn't.

There were times when those women were "nice" to me. But as soon as I said "no" or didn't do what they expected from me , they flipped.

I'm just trying to make sense of all.

Where I live there is also a group of older men who watch everyone who passes the street. They also are connected to the other women.

When I drive pass them on my bicycle, they sometimes will turn their head and stare at me laughing.

Yesterday it happened again.

I do not any longer want to catch men and karens staring at me. And I also have become hyper vigiliant .I never saw myself as different, but I know that they do.

Of course, the medical field hasn't been helpful too and nearly all coachs and therapists are white in Germany. How should they be able to relate?

I 'm also starting not to be able to relate to white woman my age anymore because they do not suffer from this shit and I cannot talk about it without asking myself if they believe me or think it's my fault.

edit: I've read other posts about expats living in Germany and one that stuck with me was a guy saying that, you often times will need a lawyer / attorney in Germany to get your right. It seems like people walk all over you and try to use you as their doormat, until an attorney steps in.

Honestly I've forgot to mention the abuse of a white woman working in a federal office. Her action later was declared as "wrong" and what she did had to be removed, but how can it happen every time that they will act friendly , but behind their back have an agenda to screw you over.

I wonder if things would be easier if I wasn't single and clearly an "outsider" or would spend money on attoeneys.

edit2: typo, grammar,

edit 3:

If I analyse it, those women always had something in common:

* they are older than me (10+ yrs)

* they are good in communicating

* they befriend authorities or people with higher status

* their SOs said something positive about me

* they were the first ones to make contact w me.

* they dye their hair

* they have no problem with lying to eliminate people they choose to dislike

* I trusted them, despite seeing the red flags in their behaviout with others.

Does anyone else cringe when white women say they “love your complexion”? like you want the asethetic but not the struggles that comes with being brown 🙄

I dont mean to spam this sub by posting, but while looking for resources on slavery i keep finding excuses made by white historians. "It wasnt THAT bad!!! We didnt dehumanize you at all! All you did was pick cotton and get whipped if you didnt!", y'all did WAY more than that. WAY worse than that.

And i HATE when they treat it as a one-off incident. "yeaaaah buck breaking was real but it only happened a teeny itty bit!!"

This shit is why i dont trust or like them, they always be saying shit to justify it and then you look into it yourself and it was way worse. Just because not every black male slave experienced buck breaking doesnt mean it barely happened. Its one thing to be factual but it still rubs me the wrong way, it sounds like they are trying to downplay it by putting emphasize on how "little" it happened. For example, them bombing black towns. They'll be like "okaayy but it was only a few..." SO? Idc if it was a few, y'all still did it proudly! They have the education and still finding ways to cope with they white guilt. Education is elevation, but clearly doesnt mean people will be acting like it all the time.

I had one of the most unproductive and frustrating experiences I’ve had in therapy today. I couldn’t imagine having this conversation in person by the way it ended so I’m glad it was virtual this time.

I was feeling pretty good during beginning of the session. I didn’t have much to talk about initially but as we talked more things popped up in my mind about things I been meaning to discuss with her. I loved my therapist for my ptsd, depression and anxiety. She’s good for that but when it comes to racial issues? Terrible. When I first started seeing her about few years ago I was in need to talk to someone about parts of my non-racial trauma.

Recently, I’ve been experiencing more racism from my mother. I didn’t go into therapy thinking my therapist would understand my experiences but maybe offer some sort of introspection? Maybe I was too hopeful.

All she kept reiterating was that “People who have experienced a lot of trauma that you had, have a hard time finding community. Keep putting yourself out there and meeting more people.” WOW. Thanks. So helpful. Not I wonder what racial trauma that your mother has impacted on you. Can you tell me more about that.

What started to make me feel even more invalided that she was like so your mom is racist but dates black men? Looking at me confused. YES BITCH. You can be fucking racist and still date poc. Racial fetishist exist and my mother is one of them. Just because she’s not throwing out racial slurs doesn’t mean she’s not racist. It didn’t seem plausible to her.

We also discussed about me making friends. I’ve been actively trying to make more friends and put myself out there consistently. We talked about queer people and “allies”. I flat out told her tbh with you I don’t want any straight friends. I want to surround myself with other queer, poc. She asked me why and I said honestly a lot of “allies” are not really allies. They’re just ok with queer people kissing and thats fine, but I don’t want them in my life. That’s not an ally to me.

I brung up an example of a straight couple having a wedding and they invited their trans mtf “friend” to be there groomsman….they wanted to have her wear a men’s suit, not a dress, not even a women’s suit but a men’s suit. Not even a bridesmaid too mind you. They didn’t want her to stand out.

Then we got into politics and she was yapping to me about how things are not so black and white. I was out of it. Visibly irritated, arms crossed and not even looking at the screen.

Anyway, rant over 🙃

Right now it’s getting pretty bad, the worst in my life. I keep thinking of fair skin and blonde hair and how if I had it, I would feel more feminine, and life would generally be better. People would treat me better. I would look prettier. My beauty would be recognised. I would fit in. How if I bleached my hair, I could pass. Maybe look a little “spicy”, but still be seen as feminine, soft, moral, believable and trustworthy. I’m really, really, trying to fight it. Fighting my insecurities and everything horrible and dehumanising that I’ve been labelled as. I know that I have feminine features, I know that I look like a woman, and I know that I am pretty. But this little voice in my head is getting louder each minute. It makes me feel hopeless. Thankfully I don’t project my internalised racism onto other women of colour. It seems to be just on myself. I’m so used to being labelled as masculine to the point where I find myself uncomfortable and unfamiliar with being feminine. Doing things like wearing makeup, heels, perfume, trendy clothes. I love all of those things, but I always feel guilty when I indulge in them. That how I’ve been made to feel, that claiming the right to feel and be beautiful is me “indulging”, while for white girls, they’re allowed to, encouraged and supported to, do all of those things.

Hopefully this will all go away soon, like I said, it comes in waves.

Not just the bad ones, but the neutral or good ones. Im dominican for context, spanish is our main language and i want to learn more of it to be able to communicate with other dominicans better but i also dont want to at the same time. Why? Because i know we likely would have had a different language if it werent for them spainiards. Im feeling so conflicted, i need some words of advice or comfort. It is my culture, but i feel isolated from other dominicans since im anti-thiest and also embrace my blackness. Im anti-thiest because i dislike religion for many reasons, one of them being that it was forced upon my people.

I cant tell other dominicans this for obvious reasons, i'll get told im "being too woke". Despite the way i feel, i also am proud of being a black dominican because of what we endured. But colonization did its damage on my country and still has its poison stuck in my country. I would prefer to stick to just journaling this thought, but i need some advice and/or support.

Yeah, not doing that shit again.

I made a post in, what I thought was an inclusive space for women, about my trauma (briefly), and it involved me being abused by women. I already knew this topic was a controversial one because of the subject matter, but I thought a feminist subreddit would be safest for me.

I expressed annoyance at sometimes being met with people assuming my abusers were men. Also being accused of having a "hidden agenda" or negative bias for sharing my prolonged abuse story. I wanted to share—briefly—how that made ME feel.

A lot of people were supportive, sharing their stories, and felt comfortable opening up. Yet, there were also individuals claiming I'd been lying, spreading misinformation, trying to silence women who talk about being abused by men, and that I was AI or generating some kind of propaganda. I wasn't. I really fucking wasn't.

My abuse is deeply complex, layered, and something I'm aiming to make sense of. Being abused for over a decade, by different people you expected to trust, all while navigating through a white supremacist society, that objectifies young girls of color and tries to justify the harm we go through was incredibly isolating.

I grew up knowing I wouldn't be believed. Still, in the "progressive" year of 2026, there are some people who want to shut me down and claim I'm speaking out with ulterior motives or rage-bait.

Once again, my trauma doesn't matter. Great!

sometimes i think im horribly ugly, sometimes i feel like im mid, sometimes i feel like im pretty, i don't know what i feel about myself. i must say i only feel pretty when i center my expectations around my own race and do not compare myself to white women, but i feel like maybe im hyping myself up too much. like ive even been compared to a monkey, been fake asked out, etc typical racist bullying experiences. so id like to know whether im ugly regardless of how i look at it or if im only undesirable according to eurocentric beauty standards. i feel like this really messes with the perception one has of oneself. is anybody going through anything similar 😞

I saw a post on another sub but it was too white-centric. Thought it would be better to ask a question here.

How do you deal with the automatic assumption that you are wrong/dangerous/guilty/incompetent/suspicious? (Usually by the same people who are those things.)

Even if you have all the receipts, people will choose not to believe you because you are from a different background than them. If it comes out of white mouths...suddenly it becomes "believable".

To hear you means to humanize you and they do not want to do that.

I hate whenever I'm complaining about work, and someone suggests that I just find another job. The reason I have the problem is because I'm black and we live in a racist society. All of these people within these jobs are the same. This is essentially why so many black people job hop now. It's not as simple as just finding another job because it's a systemic issue.

Not to mention wage stagnation and inflation.

If I go to another company the same attitudes will just manifest within another way. My personal solution is to at least do something I'm passionate about, that way it makes things feel a little more worthwhile. But I just get tired of the bs advice and the lack of empathy sometimes.

That's why I say slavery was the curse, and reparations is the only way we'll get out of this cyclical hellhole.

Because it's doing something to my mental having whites and white Latinos talk down to me, and treat me second class on the job. Except for when they're ready to throw me a bone.

I noticed that whenever I'm making a purchase. When it's a non-black cashier person they never wait until I put my money away before they start ringing the next person up. Heck, I bet they wish they could start ringing the other person up behind me as they simultaneously ring me up at the same time just because I'm a black woman, and for nothing else.

College should be free and accessible to everyone. I know its not everyone's path. But going to college forced me to grow and consider people's perspectives I don't agree with.

Everyone I know is still stuck in survival mode because they haven't challenged themselves in anyway. Buddhism says all life is suffering but it gets to a point like aren't you sick of suffering in the same way?

I did drugs to cope with my abusive parents as a child. It was never the life I wanted to live. Some of my friends did outgrow drugs but still have extremely low self esteem. I overcame addiction and did a lot of work in therapy because I didn't want to continue to suffer in the same way I grew up (breaking generational trauma if you want to label it).

I don't relate to people with "generational" wealth because I am still in a lot of student loan debt and we just don't have the same values. Im a conscious consumer. I can't travel or have elaborate hobbies yet. I'm in my late 20s so I'm still young. I don't necessarily feel behind. I just feel alone. I don't have anyone I can relate to. People say it's an lonely path being first gen college but I didn't realize how long it continued. I guess I should've tried to make more friends in college with all the ethnic clubs.

I tried being friends with my older coworkers and they all excuse racism and bigotry. Civil Rights Act wasn't implemented too long ago so I imagine the curriculum for college has changed significantly. They accept that this is how the world is suppose to be.

Nobody wants liberation. Family and friends try to bring me down for having "high" standards of living. They expect you to suffer the way they suffer because they think its a right of passage. They can't accept that we all suffer differently. They just want trauma olympics. They dont want community because that would mean they would have to change and do better for themselves and others. They get angry at me when I try to reason with their fears and ignorance. They don't want to be challenged which is fine but living life driven by fear, ignorance and hedonism sounds miserable. But misery loves company i guess.

Growing up in Canada & now living in UK, having been to USA a lot too & other parts of EU….
I can confidently say I cannot stand white women.

If I think of ALL the racist experiences in my life… HALF of those experiences have been white women.

Maybe it’s because my bosses in Canada were white women, & socialization at school was around white girls.

They pretend like they’re an oppressed group because they’re women, when they are NOT oppressed.

Then they turn around & are racist AF to actual oppressed minorities & WOC.

I’ve seen it too many times with myself & other women. So called “liberals” are racist af too.

& the way I saw a white woman talk to an indigenous woman in Alberta when I visited Calgary. Yiiiikes.
You would think she was yelling at a dog.

White women are NOT allies to WOC let alone BIPOC from what I’ve seen in real life in different countries.

Toronto is just as bad though they pretend to be liberal but they’re just as racist with their beliefs, condescending tone & holier than thou attitude.

UK is the same with the white women here.

Something that I’m struggling to come to terms with is that because of my identity, the world doesn’t really view me as a full human being. Obviously we’re all navigating living in a society that isn’t built for us. But it’s really hitting me just how much racism is ingrained into our society. To the point that people that aren’t even bad people or even subscribe to hardcore racist ideologies still hold some biases whether they realize it or not. It lowkey makes me paranoid to even interact with others that aren’t Black and I hate that. It even makes me feel undesirable. I thought I’d just vent abt that here bc this space is dedicated to being a haven for poc. I could use some hope and support y’all.