r/UKrelationshipadvice

I bought a house last year which has wiped out the monthly spending money I have, and my employer is giving very little in the way of salary increase opportunities. Bill increases have already overtaken this year's minimal raise. I have children from a previous marriage as well.

Is it even worth putting myself out there on apps if I have to disclaim that 'times are tight'? I can't go out for meals, I can't go on holidays, I can't spend my money on fun stuff for a long time. Is there any point in me trying? Or should I just wait until I have money to spend on that fun first part of a relationship?

Bit of content: we've been sleeping together (Me F27 him M26) since Jan but met last year in April while I was visiting my hometown (I've since moved back in September) and we've slept together a few times then. I'm currently living with my mum and him - his parents. So we only hang out when either of us has a free house.

We don't see eachother often. About once a month. So this week I've had a free house and we've hung out a couple times including last night when we discussed seeing eachother again tonight.

I messaged him this afternoon saying to come over after X time and that I got and interview for this job I was telling him about. And... Well I've just heard nothing. He's completely aired me all day.

Last night things got a bit deep when we were chatting in bed but not to the point of tears just opening up to each other more.

I can help but feel since I showed my vulnerable side it's just "scared him off"?

I'm big on communication and I'm disappointed that he's been disrespectful of my time. It's annoyed because if I knew he wasn't coming then I'd have just made other plans to see my friends..

What I'm asking is if it'd be a good idea to send a message to say how it's made me feel or just to leave it and not bother and move along..?

To be clear I'm at peace with the situation we have ending just not sure whether messaging to say how it's impacted me is worth it or to quietly move along.

It's not my first fwb situation. Most in the past I've had just fizzled out due to distance or one by someone getting into a relationship.

I went on a Breeze date last night with a gorgeous lady who said I looked exactly like my photos, even said at one point that I was an attractive guy. I cannot remember the context, but she let me hold her hand at one point before asking for the time and then saying she needed to wrap things up soon (the date ended up two hours). Before we parted I was expecting a hug but my face ended up pecking her on the lips, I said I'd like to see her again and she said let me know on the app. For context she only goes on one date a month.

Anyway she didn't end up giving me her number on the app and lef me a message saying she felt more of a friendly vibe.

Should have I asserted myself even more romantically, or was she just not interested?

TLDR; Partner and I have different attitudes and experience of sex and relationships. Concerned about impact on our daughter as she grows up.

Me (36M) and my fiancé (33F) have been together for 9 years and had a surprise little girl a few years ago. I think because we’d never really considered having kids we’d rarely really chatted about deep “how would you bring them up” stuff and now we do we occasionally find ourselves at opposite ends of the spectrum. It doesn’t cause too much friction really but sometimes it makes me uneasy and i struggle to see her perspective.

I’m very much of the opinion that I want my daughter to be whatever she wants to be but i see it as my role to both protect her and also expose her to as many new or challenging things as possible. Whereas my partner is more of a “i’ll support whatever she wants to do” kind of thing.

No biggy there in general- as long as she’s being supported then i’m happy.

My issue is that this attitude seems to extend to absolutely everything. My partners mum has this attitude and it led to my partner having a pretty turbulent time in her teens and early twenties. She dated much older men (like a 35 year old when she was 17), was taken advantage of on a couple of occasions and generally struggled with being left behind by her peers who all had more extra curricular activities going on outside of school and established hobbies that weren’t just meeting guys off Myspace. She still maintains that she was “mature for her age” and doesn’t frame any of it as a problem (i don’t push this but as a 36 year old man I cant help but feel its incredibly weird to be sleeping with 17 year olds). I should point out that i’m in the UK so this isn’t illegal, although societally it is still seen as pretty questionable in general. Aside from that, neither of us were angels, we slept around and did all the other stuff that comes with being slightly chaotic young people but for me that was part of my life, not my entire social experience or validation system, as it was for her.

We’ve had conversations recently where she’s basically said “if our daughter wanted to do onlyfans then i’d support her as long as she had all the right info” or “it doesn’t matter how old someone is, she can date who she wants”.

As a dad I find myself sitting there thinking, well yeah - i’m never going to disown my daughter for anything but do you not think we should try and make sure she has enough going on and enough self belief that she knows her worth and has enough about her to identify some of the more predatory things you went through? It’s like she is blind to the link between how she see’s her own value and the decisions she’ll make as she grows up.

There’s obviously deeper stuff going on here but I do worry that she’s essentially saying “do what you want” and washing her hands of trying to shape a solid moral compass.

From her side she see’s my opinion as slightly reductive and actually views things like OF or casual sex as quite empowering. Almost like, taking advantage of men who are trying to take advantage you kind of thing.

As a man, i fully support anyones right to do what they want with their own body but I would find it quite sad if my daughter was brought up to believe that this was intrinsically linked to her value or place in the world. I’m a man and grew up around men so I fully understand the complete lack of respect some have for girls who they will happily sleep with and never think about again.

So basically, am I being too “old fashioned” here or is there something i’m missing? Is this idea of just radically supporting all her choices really the best way for a young girl to meet her potential?

This may seem like a strange insecurity...but it's nonetheless one that I have. I've worked hard on myself up until now. I have a good paying job, I think I'm reasonably good looking and I'm a pretty chill kinda guy who can have a laugh. However, I can't help but feel like every time I meet a girl that I'm interested in, they feel the need to get to know me really REALLY well before getting intimate from a physical standpoint. I didn't mind this at first, but then when the inevitable conversation of ex partners, situantionships etc comes up I quickly learn that the guys before me were able to essentially sleep with said girl way sooner then me...I guess the advice I want is, why is this? I'm not necessarily desperate for sex but I'm bothered that girls always consider me a long term option which is flattering but they seem to want to make me wait and have me take them out and invest a whole bunch of time when the men before me got physical intimacy with half the effort.

Disclaimer: I'm not a women hater and the red pill community is something I do not associate with nor do I feel like I'm entitled to sex. Internet community...please be nice 😅

How do I feel excited by dating again?

I used to meet people in real life and it was exciting, we met at a regular group or club or event, then you feel giddy seeing them for the first time, you chat, you hope to see them again, you see them, you spend time alone together, and something very natural blossoms from it.

It doesn’t feel like that anymore. Now it feels like I don’t have the excitement or energy for dating. I want to be excited like genuinely want to feel that again. But I can’t I feel like I’m now geared towards being guarded and having to think everything over. For context I’ve been using a lot of online dating over the last year. My ex was from hinge, and my latest fling was from hinge too.

29m living in Wembley. I consider myself reasonably attractive but socially I am stupid af lol. I thought I'd give it a try and get myself out there. Dont have any friends to go out with but I'm OK with starting conversation and meeting people. As the title says, I'm looking for somewhere close to my area to find someone. I don't want to be creepy or anything but I just feel my chances will be higher if it's a place with a lot of pretty women trying to meet someone. I was thinking nightclub but from my experience, its not really my vibe and most of the girls just want to have fun with their friends rather than be harrassed constantly. Specific places to try out would be much appreciated. Have a nice weekend everyone!!!

I met a guy on an app. We connected and exchanged phone numbers. We shared a lot about ourselves including his own family situation as his father abandoned their family. We spoke to eachother everyday at the start but in total we spoke for around a month and the past week he became distant.

When I questioned him on it he told me he had something in his life he couldn't forget. He told me he wanted to marry a girl over a year ago and couldn't forget her.

He said all of these things:

* he called her 'his first girl' and he cannot forget her

* he didn't speak to me to try and get over her

* he didn't think about her when he first started talking to me but now his mind is relapsing and he cannot get her out of his mind.

* he thought he was over her and that's why he began speaking to me

* he was serious about me but when he started thinking about her, he realised he hasn't moved on

* he claims he's met her only once (I think this is a lie as they live 20 mins away)

* He discussed everything with her including how many kids they will have

* He spoke to her for 4 months and it took 6 months for him to get over her (clearly not)

* He said he's never been physically intimate with her

* He said he likes me and want to be with me but cannot. He said he feels like there's a blockage in his life

* His conscience isn't allowing him to be with me and he doesn't want to tell me when it's too late and ruin my life

* He's not going back to her because her family won't accept him

* He said he doesn't want to be with anyone because he's not ready, he realised he's toxic, he is not emotionally ready

* He was distant with me (not texting) for the past week because he felt guilty

* He doesn't have any pictures of her

* He deleted her number and social media (not confirmed, could be lying ofc)

* He spoke to her over a year ago

* He said the way I am attached to him is the same way he is attached to her eventhough he is not with her (that one HURT). When I asked why he's attached he said I'll never understand

* this one shocked me - he said his friends that he's known for his whole life do not know the details of this - why is this the case?

He also let me know that he is struggling financially but this wasn't the case when we first spoke and everything was smooth-sailing in that aspect. He said he remembered her when he started struggling in the past week because that was another difficult time but then he realised he's not over her - it made me think of a trauma bond?

He told me he doesn't want to be with anyone right now but if was anyone, it'd be me. He said he cannot communicate and he doesn't know why this is happening but he didn't want it to be this way. He said it was ruined with her and now it's ruined with me? He

I wanted to see a picture of her but he told me he didn't have one. I was thinking it's maybe to do with looks. Maybe I am not his type or she is prettier than me. He told me I am much prettier than her but ofc he will say that to make me feel better.

He told me all this and the next step was for us to meet in person. My friend told me he told me all this to get me away. He did say to me 'why can't you hate me?' which makes me think he never rlly liked me that much anyway - maybe just used me to pass the time or see if he could get over her

what do you think? Ik he didn't like me but it makes me feel completely worthless like I'm not worth it. I feel completely played with. I have blocked him but that's more for my own self, it's not like he cares enough to message me

I don't mean to sound like a baby but joined dating app for first time in life. Selected one man to have a date with. First date good--he was everything on my tick list-- but, by the second date, I could not be bothered to even go, zero excitement, I had to order in cookies to stuff my face while getting ready. Second date good, but had to stop off for cookies on the way home to blunt my ambivalence. Third date, cookies to get ready. he asks me to be his girlfriend. I get cookies on way home to blunt ambivalence. Fourth date, we disagreed on something and he broke up with me.

I seriously cannot do this a second time, let alone the next 10. I now understand why my ex just went back to his previous partner after we broke up. We used to be told, in order to find a partner you should be happy alone. I am so happy/fulfilled alone. Adding a man into my life would come at the cost of various other things I value. Why do we do it?

EDIT: Guyzzzz, the date was not mediocre. Please see that I said it was an "everything on my tick list" date. The point of my post was to ask for advice on dealing with dating fatigue.

EDIT2: Problem solved. I now realise I was using cookies to make up for the lack of high/motivation. He might have been right on paper but, if I am honest, my body was saying no and I was trying to trick it into saying yes. When the guy dumped me, high was restored, and zero desire for cookies once again.

I have been going on lots of dates since the start of the year but I think I’m getting a little exhausted by dating especially app dating. I just think turning up to see someone who looks nice and you are attracted to isn’t playing out on paper into the way I think it is.

Like I’ll see them in person it’s nice we’ve got chemistry, we kiss, we go to messages and it feels flat, like even I don’t feel excited. I sometimes will find that one person who just lights me up but then I get more nervous than usual and I fumble it. I think about and I feel like if I had met this person outside of a dating app then we would have gotten along and something would have come of this.

Does anyone else feel this? If so how do you deal with it?

I’ve had a massive crush on this girl (f21) since I (m21) was 17/18 and ended up getting friend-zoned but became really good friends with her

She had a bf for a year and a half and didn’t speak to me for most of that relationship because apparently he wouldn’t let her

We’ve become friends again but them feelings have all come back

Should I just tell her I really like her?

Context: I don’t think she likes me back but i think I’m better off just telling her the truth and say i don’t want to be friends with her anymore unless she sees something happening between us. Would that be harsh thing to do?

This does sound melodramatic and I’m aware, so apologies 💀 I’m also in therapy, but won’t see her for a few weeks and I’ve got SO much studying to do in the meantime that I’m struggling to focus on while my head’s swirling 😭

Essentially, I have a thing around abandonment? I’ve not had great luck with relationships, I’m in my mid 20s and so far there’s been

- abusive dude #1, ended just after we got engaged because I found out about his OTHER girlfriend (3 years, ended at 22)

- …another abusive one (9 months, ended at 24)

- short but with MANY boundaries crossed by him (3 months, ended at Christmas)

- short again, ended with him asking to be my boyfriend, asking for a 3 month break a week later to “be alone and find himself”, has since rejoined every dating app (3ish months, ended mid-March)

There’ve been a couple of brief casual things in between, but that’s it. The last one is hitting me hard because it’s the first time someone I’ve dated has respected my “no” and it’s the first relationship my friends (and therapist) have classed as healthy. He seemed all in until he wasn’t, even promised not to suddenly pull away when he asked for the label, but now obviously here we are.

I’m not judging him, he was fresh out of a longer abusive relationship and neither of us planned on dating when we met each other. I can’t even judge his dating app activity, I’ve done the same after past relationships and also now because being alone sucks.

I can’t face actually going on dates though. I went on 2, ran into him while I was on the first and the 2nd talked about his live-in ex the whole time.

I’ve been told by a few people (mum’s a bit of a dick, also been unlucky enough to get physically attacked by a guy friend once and he threw in some harsh words) that I’ll never be loved and that I’m worthless etc, so this recent loss is hitting that core wound quite a bit.

It feels like he’s gone “eh, you’re great, but I believe I can find this again easily in the future so I’m going to go have my fun and look again later”. It was really special/significant to me, so that’s stinging a bit 😅

How do people get over themselves and believe that they’re worth choosing? Or interesting enough for someone to choose you and want to stay?

Me and my girlfriend just realized we’re both off work from tomorrow till Monday, and now apparently I’m responsible for “planning something nice” instead of just existing at home.
I have been living in London for about 2.5 years, and somehow I still don’t know where to go for a short stay (which feels slightly embarrassing at this point). I’m more of a stay-at-home person, but she wants a proper trip.
Looking for places outside London where we can stay 2–3 days, relax, maybe do some sightseeing, walk around, eat decent food, and not feel like we travelled across the planet. So ideally somewhere not too close but also not a full mission to reach.
We don’t have a car, so train-friendly places would be ideal.
Any suggestions for good weekend spots in England (or nearby) that are actually worth it?
Appreciate any ideas before I get blamed for “not planning anything” 😭

I find it very difficult, sometimes impossible, to ignore it when my partner makes stupid statements or behaves in an annoying way. When I say something, it angers/upsets them. I don't want to anger / upset them, but it is so difficult to bite my tongue. Can you offer some advice on how to ignore them without it being detrimental to my own peace / mental health. Thank you.

Unfortunately due to my career I’m not allowed to date Chinese women born in China or who have family there. I’m Asian myself so the majority of white women in this country have no interest in dating me.

In my experience only Asian women are interested and most of those in this country are Chinese.

Does anybody else have this dilemma?

I’m told I’m a fairly attractive woman. I’m smart, empathetic and caring, I believed I had something going for me.

But every man I’ve ever dated, has been hot and cold and not pursued me. I’ve tried dating apps, hobbies, and dating events, yet I just feel invisible. I thought by 30 I would have at least been liked by one guy. I dated a guy last year, he even bought me flowers and called me every night, and it seemed like maybe someone did like me. But then he got tempted on a stag do by some Skantily dressed woman and basically chose her over me

I’ve tried to put myself out there endlessly. I even met a bloke end of last year, and had a nice date but didn’t hear from him again.

People say that if a guy wants you he will pursue you, but I genuinely believe I have something about me that means I will never be pursued and I don’t know what it is

When I do get dating app matches, they turn the convo sexual instantly and it makes me feel sad

24M, never had a girlfriend and will never get one. I don't know what to do as someone living in London who has a degree and working full-time.

I (34m) came out of the most serious long term relationship- with someone I believed I would marry at the time, a few years ago. It absolutely destroyed me mentally and took a good year to recover from.

Once I got my sh*t together and found peace again.... I tried hinge at the recommendation of a friend. It started off well, I seem to get a lot of likes (reasonably handsome and successful) had some good dates and some pretty bad ones- but it was great to meet new people and I enjoyed spending the time I had with those I met.

After a while I matched with someone who seemed just right and we began talking all the time, by this point I had become accustomed to modern dating (as per) and once we had a arranged to meet, I had realistic expectations and saw it as another opportunity to sit and have a good meal and conversation with someone who seemed nice- if that was the only outcome I was fully prepared for it.

The first date we went one was incredible- we liked eachother instantly and went on another 4 dates within a week of meeting. For me she felt very special and I was instantly drawn to her as soon as I saw her. We had a great time together and we both clicked like I had never experienced with anyone before.

Around 10 days after meeting we found a kitten in the street on the way home from a date, we both shared custody (that sounds ridiculous typing it out!) while she attempted to track the owners....

After a week with nobody coming forward to claim the kitten, my mother decided to adopt her. Things were going incredibly well by this point and we had become very close through it.

Then around a week later whilst hiking in the local forest we found a young lady trying to hang herself, the girl I was dating was a nurse and she was very quick to perform urgent care while I called and ambulance and helped navigate them to us. This was unlike any experience I had ever had with someone and the respect and admiration I had for her was insane for handling it so well!

After this things were went back to normal (excellent) dating for a while, we found ourselves in a relationship a month or so in and I was starting to get serious feelings.

Intimately I would say it was the most passionate sex I have ever had with anyone in my life.

All of a suddenly she became incredibly ill with stomach pain and had to take extended time off from work. By now we were spending most of our time together and I would stay over most nights to hold cuddle her to sleep while she was in pain.

It turned out her appendix had burst some time ago and become septic. She was admitted to the hospital she worked and and had urgent surgery. I visited nearly every day for two weeks while she was there, often holding her in my arms until she fell asleep each night.

About a week after she came home, everything was slowly starting to get back to normal and she told me so much had happened that she needed a few days to get back her rhythm and clear her head.

I gave her she space she needed until she invited me over for a chat. She didn't say much, only that she had a feeling in her gut that we weren't meant to be together- like life was warning us. She gave me a strange letter, mainly ramblings about herself and finished it with- PS, that was the best sex I have ever had.

It hit me particularly hard, I cried and left without saying anything and we haven't seen or spoken to eachother since. A few days later one of my friends found her back on hinge. Now it took me about a year to let go of her, I struggled immensely with trying to understand her reasoning. But eventually somehow I managed to let it go- I spent some time working on myself and building up my confidence again and gave myself the closure for the relationship that I never received from her.

After a good break from dating I felt good again and decided to try again just before Christmas. My profile got hundreds of likes within days and I had to pause it just to try and talk to people. I went on a few dates, nothing really groundbreaking but it felt nice to get back out and meet people.

After around 4 dates, I had arranged to meet with a young lady (25) who seemed incredibly chatty and eager to meet me. At first I was apprehensive due to the age gap but I considered it an opportunity to meet someone new and again- worst case scenario just have a nice meal with someone.

We arranged to go for a coffee and a walk at 9am on a Saturday, it was like love at first sight. We spent 11 hours walking around talking all day until it got dark and I felt like it was time to send her home. After a good few dates and a few weeks we both agreed that this was something special.

We would talk nearly every day on the phone for an hour (minimal) she stayed over at mine most weekends and over the last 5 months we have been away 7 times to stay in various places around the country. We spent the whole of valentines weekend together in a cottage (cotswolds) and both of our birthdays. It was like every romantic novel I have ever read! I felt like I had won the lottery, she was everything I had ever dreamed of.

Cut to two weeks ago, she gets sick and spends nearly a week in bed. We still talk all day but I can feel her pulling away slightly.... I don't bring this up but she openly apologises for not being so affectionate towards me and says she becomes very insular when she is ill.

All of a sudden everything changes and she tells me we need to talk, I can see it coming a mile away.

She tells me she won't come to my place and we have to see each other somewhere else. I meet her around the corner and she hands me a bag of my belongings (clothes she had gone home with to sleep in) and tells me she has soo much going on mentally and with work that she is so unbelievably stressed in life that she doesn't have the fight in her to fight for us or maintain a relationship. We both sat and cried in a carpark for about an hour and I wish her all the best in life before she walked away. I figured it was a classic case of right person wrong time maybe and I respected her wishes.

This hurts, I can't make any sense of the hot and cold but I know I must accept it deep down. At this point you could say I am kind of getting used to it!

After the previous experience with dating someone from Hinge I felt like I needed to check to see if she was back on the app again (terrible idea but I felt like it would help me to understand) one week later there she is back on hinge......

It is like a horrible taste in my mouth that never goes away,I would like some input....... why do people jump say one thing/ lie and jump straight back on dating apps? I feel very disrespected and insignificant, like the whole thing was a lie perhaps.

Right now I know it will take some time to let it go (again) but I feel like dating is not really for me anymore! Do I just turn my experiences into a novel?

Hello, haway, howdy, hi!

I'm a guy who has worked on themselves a lot as I didn't want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one, especially when I knew I wasn't emotionally mature enough for a relationship.

However, after lots of self improvement, counselling, and positive steps, I'm trying to put myself out there. I've never had much luck on the old apps so I'm trying to find people in person.

Which ... feels very difficult! I don't want to make people uncomfortable by just approaching them out of nowhere, and I'm staying sober so I can't just find myself the Dutch Courage to go over and say "yoohoo". And with the UK having such a huge drinking culture, it feels very tricky to get out there.

If I could get advice for how a shy fella might go about meeting people, and especially in a way that makes women as comfortable as possible, I'd very much appreciate it! :) Especially if there are alternative spots in the Newcastle area, as I myself am definitely a bit of an alternative at heart!

Many thanks :)